Attention

Look at me! Look at me!

A drama-hungry troll loose in an unmoderated forum only wins the internet if he meets his attention quota. People cannot see him but they can see his sixty-three messages in their inbox. They may not thank him for this but he will have their full attention.

He may not want the attention for himself. He may be seeking to make one of his sock puppets famous, instead. In that case, it is acceptable for him to gather extra attention by posting a thread in praise of his alter ego, rather than waiting for the stunned community members to do so.

Creating dramatic attention

1. Resurrect old posts which the regular community members would rather forget. Threads which have flogged old memes to death or which contain chapters worth of a juicy flame wars are particularly attention-generating.
2. Confess something. Anything at all, though it helps if it is out of context for the forum. Express remorse and ask for help and advice. Then tell each person who replies why his advice won't work.
3. Freshen up the forum by starting new threads, each on an unrelated topic. MaKe sur to mizspel, so you have the special attention of Grammar Nazis and Obsessives.
4. Mention that you think you are being stalked or were almost raped in a forum for feminists. Extra attention points if you are male.
5. Post links to your wishlist in every forum you can find. You may be surprised when people are gullible enough to send you presents and you will certainly gather attention.
6. Out-of-the-blue and without prior introduction, attack the most respected member of a community. Imply that you have been lurking for years, so your poor opinion of his character, family, education and face can be taken as informed fact. Have only sock puppets join in the discussion from this point, as the topic author should be too aloof and superior to speak further on the subject.
7. ????
8. PROFIT!!

See also

• Attention Whore
• Bi-curious
• Girlmecha
• Lesbian
• Shameless self promotion
• Self-esteem
• Attention Deficit Disorder
• Tammyslut
• Dorian Thorn
• Onigojirakaiju