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[[Image:Tagteamdp.gif|right|300px]]
[[File:Romanticsex.gif|thumb|True romance]]
'''Buttsecks''' (German: ''der Arschfick'') is the best kind of secks because it provides free chocolate and no stupid kids. It does not kill people but instead turns them [[gay]]. [[Homosexual|Faggots]] regularly engage in buttsecks with each other, but straight men must remain vigilant for the ever-present threat of '''surprise buttsecks.''' You can try to [[y helo thar|pressure]] your [[16 year old girls|girlfriend]] into having anal, too, but then you'll turn her gay which will result in definite [[anti-lulz]].
 
'''Buttsecks''' ([[Nazi|German]]: ''der Arschfick'') is the best kind of secks because it provides free chocolate and no stupid kids. It does not kill people but instead turns them [[gay]]. [[Homosexual|Faggots]] regularly engage in buttsecks with each other, but straight men must remain vigilant for the ever-present threat of [[surprise buttsecks]]. You can try to [[Y helo thar|pressure]] your [[16 year old girls|girlfriend]] into having anal, too, but then you'll turn her [[Feminism|gay]] which will result in definite [[anti-lulz]].


Most guys who say they like to fuck girls in the ass are actually hiding the fact that they are faggots.
Most guys who say they like to fuck girls in the ass are actually hiding the fact that they are faggots.


== History of the Phrase ==
== History of the Phrase ==
=== Anal ===
=== Anal ===
[[Image:AnalsexBS.gif|frame|right|They <s>don't</s> always smile]]
Pertaining to or relating to the anus.
Pertaining to or relating to the anus.


In the general sense, it refers to sex wherein the anus is penetrated repeatedly to bring pleasure and/or [[orgasm]].
In the general sense, it refers to sex wherein the anus is penetrated repeatedly to bring pleasure and/or [[orgasm]].


[[TL;DR|In other usage, it can also be a pejorative meaning excessively strict or by the book. This is a foreshortening of ''anal retentive'', one of the two anal-stage forms of Freudian psychosexual functional fixedness. According to Freud, anal retentives derive their primary physical pleasure from holding back bowel movements and are commonly associated with overly neat, organized, controlling, or rigidly structured personalities. What's ironic about the use of "anal" in the pejorative sense is that it could just as easily apply to the other functional fixedness, anal expulsive. Anal expulsives are said to derive pleasure from the act of defecating and are characterized by disorganized, haphazard, messy, and intuitive personalities. When a girl puts out, remember to always aim for the anus first, if she refuses to get jailfucked, just say that it was an accident.
[[TL;DR|In other usage, it can also be a pejorative meaning excessively strict or by the book. This is a foreshortening of ''anal retentive'', one of the two anal-stage forms of Freudian psychosexual functional fixedness. According to Freud, anal retentives derive their primary physical pleasure from holding back bowel movements and are commonly associated with overly neat, organized, controlling, or rigidly structured personalities. What's ironic about the use of "anal" in the pejorative sense is that it could just as easily apply to the other functional fixedness, anal expulsive. Anal expulsives are said to derive pleasure from the act of defecating and are characterized by disorganized, haphazard, messy, and intuitive personalities]].
 
When a girl puts out, remember to always aim for the anus first, if she refuses to get jailfucked, just say that it was an accident.


Example of the sexual sense: ''Last night, we had anal sex'', meaning, ''Last night, he put his penis into my anus.''
Example of the sexual sense: ''Last night, we had anal sex'', meaning, ''Last night, he put his penis into my anus.''


Example of the pejorative sense: ''He was incredibly anal about making sure we used condoms'', meaning, ''He was incredibly insistent that we use condoms.'']]
Example of the pejorative sense: ''He was incredibly anal about making sure we used condoms'', meaning, ''He was incredibly insistent that we use condoms.''


=== Sex ===
=== Sex ===
What two people do when they are actually in the same room as each other. Please note this very rarely happens on the [[internets]], as most of us are afraid to venture out into the [[real world]]. (For more information, see '''[[sex]]'''.)
 
[[Image:Buttsexlove.gif|right|frame|All women love anal. They love it even more when you do it without asking. Try it next time you're <s>having sex with your girlfriend</s> [[Rape|raping]] your [[Pedophile|neighbor's kid]]]]
 
What two people do when they are actually in the same room as each other. Please note this very rarely happens on the [[internets]], as most of us are afraid to venture out into the [[real world]]. (For more information, see '''[[sex]]'''.)


== Timeline of Anal Sex ==
== Timeline of Anal Sex ==
: '''2039 BC''' - The [[Sparta|Greeks]] discover anal sex. General consensus relegates it to the province of cheating husbands and impressionable young boys. (Note: "relegate" might not be the correct word, as these two demographic groups held most of the political power in ancient Greece.)


: '''50 AD''' - The [[priest|catholic church]] discovers how to [[rape|avoid]] [[God_Hates_Fags|God's wrath]]
: '''2039 BC''' &ndash; The [[Sparta|Greeks]] discover anal sex. General consensus relegates it to the province of cheating husbands and impressionable young boys. (Note: "relegate" might not be the correct word, as these two demographic groups held most of the political power in ancient Greece.)
 
: '''50 AD''' &ndash; The [[Priest|catholic church]] discovers how to [[Rape|avoid]] [[God Hates Fags|God's wrath]].
 
: '''1809''' &ndash; Humphry Davy, an English fag, performs modern anal sex for the first time. Davy connected two wires to a battery and attached a charcoal strip between his butt cheeks. The charged carbon glowed, creating the first illuminated prostate.


: '''1809''' -  Humphry Davy, an English fag, performs modern anal sex for the first time. Davy connected two wires to a battery and attached a charcoal strip between his butt cheeks. The charged carbon glowed, creating the first illuminated prostate.
: '''1820''' &ndash; Warren De la Rue enclosed a platinum coil in an evacuated sphincter and passed an electric current through it. His dildo design worked but the cost of the precious metal platinum made this an impossible invention for [[Pun|wide-spread]] use.


: '''1820''' - Warren De la Rue enclosed a platinum coil in an evacuated sphincter and passed an electric current through it. His dildo design worked but the cost of the precious metal platinum made this an impossible invention for [[Pun|wide-spread]] use.
: '''1835''' &ndash; James Bowman Lindsay demonstrated constant insertion of dicks to anuses using a prototype lightbulb.


: '''1835''' - James Bowman Lindsay demonstrated constant insertion of dicks to anuses using a prototype lightbulb.
: '''1850''' &ndash; Edward Shepard invented a way to get fucked in the ass using a charcoal filament. Joseph Wilson Swan started working with carbonized paper filaments the same year.


: '''1850''' - Edward Shepard invented a way to get fucked in the ass using a charcoal filament. Joseph Wilson Swan started working with carbonized paper filaments the same year.
: '''1854''' &ndash; Henricg Globel, a German watchmaker, loses his watch in some guy's ass.


: '''1854''' - Henricg Globel, a German watchmaker, loses his watch in some guy's ass.
: '''1875''' &ndash; Herman Sprengel invented the mercury vacuum pump, making it possible maintain an erection inside an ass for long periods of time.


: '''1875''' - Herman Sprengel invented the mercury vacuum pump, making it possible maintain an erection inside an ass for long periods of time.
: '''1875''' &ndash; Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans are the first people to simultaneously penetrate a third man's ass.


: '''1875''' - Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans are the first people to simultaneously penetrate a third man's ass.
: '''1878''' &ndash; Sir Joseph Wilson Swan (1828-1914), an English physicist, was the first person to convince his girlfriend to take it in the pooper. All prior men resorted to the oops technique.


: '''1878''' - Sir Joseph Wilson Swan (1828-1914), an English physicist, was the first person to convince his girlfriend to take it in the pooper. All prior men resorted to the oops technique.
: '''1879''' &ndash; Thomas Alva Edison invented a carbon filament that burned in his anal wall for forty hours. He continued to improved his invention until it could last for over 1,200 hours using a bamboo-derived ointment.


: '''1879''' - Thomas Alva Edison invented a carbon filament that burned in his anal wall for forty hours. He continued to improved his invention until it could last for over 1,200 hours using a bamboo-derived ointment.
: '''1899''' &ndash; [[Nikola Tesla]] manned up in Colorado Springs, where he proved his theory of wireless putting it in the butt. By transmitting exremely low dickquencies through the ground with his Penis Transmitter, his [[Penisbird|peter]] could travel over 100 miles and slide on up into any unsuspecting ass whenever he willed it.


: '''1899''' - [[Nikola Tesla|Nikola Tesla]] manned up in Colorado Springs, where he proved his theory of wireless putting it in the butt. By transmitting exremely low dickquencies through the ground with his Penis Transmitter, his [[penisbird|peter]] could travel over 100 miles and slide on up into any unsuspecting ass whenever he willed it.
: '''1906''' &ndash; The General Electric Company were the first to patent a method of having anal sex.  


: '''1906''' - The General Electric Company were the first to patent a method of having anal sex.  
: '''1922''' &ndash; In Soviet Russia, Anal sex discovers you.


: '''1922''' - In Soviet Russia, Anal sex discovers you.
: '''1925''' &ndash; Anal sex discovered to lower pregnancy rates.


: '''1925''' - Anal sex discovered to lower pregnancy rates.
: '''1945''' &ndash; [[Adolf Hitler]] discovers that chugging cyanide and shooting himself in the ass is quite invigorating, even if you die later. This is considered the beginning of comedic anal sex.


: '''1945''' - [[Adolf Hitler]] discovers that chugging cyanide and shooting himself in the ass is quite invigorating, even if you die later.  This is considered the beginning of comedic anal sex.
: '''1984''' &ndash; Doctor Emmett Brown discovers "Space-age" anal sex by vigorously rubbing a flux capacitor between his butt cheeks at 88mph while Marty McFly masturbates near his face and whips him.


: '''1984''' - Doctor Emmett Brown discovers "Space-age" anal sex by vigorously rubbing a flux capacitor between his butt cheeks at 88mph while Marty McFly masturbates near his face and whips him.
: '''1991''' &ndash; Philips invented a way to ram one's ass for 60,000 hours. This is the anal sex we know today.


: '''1991''' - Philips invented a way to ram one's ass for 60,000 hours. This is the anal sex we know today.
: '''1991''' &ndash; also in this year, {{ytlink|w7qte0Xi0oo|Mario invents the tossed salad}}.


: '''1994''' - Richard Simmons discovers "the hamster technique" and then is rushed to the hospital.
: '''1994''' &ndash; Richard Simmons discovers "the hamster technique" and then is rushed to the hospital.


: '''1996''' [[Spacemoose]] declared, "It doesn't hurt, it's just like taking a big dump"
: '''1996''' &ndash; [[Spacemoose]] declared, "It doesn't hurt, it's just like taking a big dump"


: '''2001''' Anal bombs are inserted resulting in the [[JEWS DID WTC|buttrape of WTC]] and major butthurt for both bible bashers and filthy sand dwelling a-rags.  
: '''2001''' &ndash; Anal bombs are inserted resulting in the [[JEWS DID WTC|buttrape of WTC]] and major butthurt for both bible bashers and filthy sand dwelling a-rags.  


: '''2003''' [[Tony Eveready]] accomplishes "nuts in da ass, dick in da pussy," and then proclaims "BOOYA"
: '''2003''' &ndash; [[Tony Eveready]] accomplishes "nuts in da ass, dick in da pussy," and then proclaims "BOOYA"


: '''[[2005]]''' Erica engages in anal sex and loves it! She then follows this with some Ass to Mouth.
: '''[[2005]]''' &ndash; Erica engages in anal sex and loves it! She then follows this with some Ass to Mouth.


== After-effects ==
== After-effects ==
[[Image:961.jpg|right|thumb|The Aftermath. This anus has been permanently loosened out, and would be worth $3 to $5 in a whorehouse.]]
 
[[Image:961.jpg|right|thumb|The Aftermath. This anus has been permanently loosened out, and would be worth $3 to $5 in a whorehouse.]]
[[Image:Cumfart-cocktails.jpg|right|thumb|It is also a refreshing alternative to other beverages]]
[[Image:Cumfart-cocktails.jpg|right|thumb|It is also a refreshing alternative to other beverages]]
There are many after-effects to anal sex, most of which are pleasurable. It is sex, you know. Sex is good.


However, [[some argue]] that anal sex is much like spinach, in that if it's [[ohbutyouwillpet|forced on you as a small child]] you will have a hard time enjoying it later in life. Also, if a young girl lets too many men with big cocks fuck out her anus, she can get permanently loosened out back there. This can be used to positive [[mammi|effect]] for [[Swap.avi|scat porn]], as [[shit]] will invariably just slip out. When she is forced to purchase Depends for her affliction, she will be widely regarded as a cheap slut, while the men who are responsible for her anal stretchery will be considered studs.  
There are many after-effects to anal sex, most of which are pleasurable, yet some horrific, such as [[Wikipedia:Anal fissure|anal fissures]][https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_fissure].
 
However, [[some argue]] that anal sex is much like spinach, in that if it's [[Ohbutyouwillpet|forced on you as a small child]] you will have a hard time enjoying it later in life. Also, if a young girl lets too many men with big cocks fuck out her anus, she can get permanently loosened out back there. This can be used to positive [[Mammi|effect]] for [[Swap.avi|scat porn]], as [[shit]] will invariably just slip out. She will be widely regarded as a cheap slut, while the men who are responsible for her anal stretchery will be considered studs.


=== '''[[Butthurt]]''' ===
=== '''[[Butthurt]]''' ===
How you feel after a nice long session of dry anal rape. Your ass is [[pwned]]. On-line, the term is used metaphorically as a complete mockery to someone whining. It's also a preemptive put down when delivering harsh comments to someone you expect will lash back.
How you feel after a nice long session of dry anal rape. Your ass is [[pwned]]. On-line, the term is used metaphorically as a complete mockery to someone whining. It's also a preemptive put down when delivering harsh comments to someone you expect will lash back.


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=== Felching ===
=== Felching ===
When the woman's partner busts a nut in her ass then sucks it back out.
When the woman's partner busts a nut in her ass then sucks it back out.


=== Cumfart ===
=== Cumfart ===
After one cums in their partners ass, their partner proceeds to fart. This usually ends up causing a bit of a splatter, and sometimes a neat sound effect. Sometimes Smoothie companies will gather the cum spillage and add it to their smoothies. It is known that the combination of the bodies gas and cum yields a very potent liquid with many health benefits.
After one cums in their partners ass, their partner proceeds to fart. This usually ends up causing a bit of a splatter, and sometimes a neat sound effect. Sometimes Smoothie companies will gather the cum spillage and add it to their smoothies. It is known that the combination of the bodies gas and cum yields a very potent liquid with many health benefits.


== Gallery==
== Media ==
 
=== Gallery ===
 
{{Collapsegallery||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{Collapsegallery||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Assfire.gif
File:Assfire.gif
Image:Sasha_Grey_Headlock_Anal.gif
File:Sasha_Grey_Headlock_Anal.gif
Image:Anal_Penetration.gif
File:Anal_Penetration.gif
Image:Teebag.gif
File:Teebag.gif
File:Openass.gif
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Anusface.jpg|Anus face- the ultimate anal fuck toy
File:Hentai anal.jpg
File:Hentai anal.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:didsomesaybs.jpg|'''IT HURTS SO FUCKING GOOD!'''
Image:didsomesaybs.jpg|'''IT HURTS SO FUCKING GOOD!'''
File:Holeinone.gif
Image:Fag_pounding.gif|The loudest son of a bitch taking it up the ass
File:Fag_pounding.gif|The loudest son of a bitch taking it up the ass
Image:Dumpspermhere.jpg
File:Eyeroll.gif
Image:Anal_demotivator.jpg|Scientists have found that once a woman willingly submits to [[stick it in her pooper|pooper lovin']], it's all downhill from there. I said "downhill" because that's the proper English. I mean, how is going uphill easy? Geez people learn fking English. Once the '''Wild On''' switch is '''on''' there's no going back.
File:paco_fucked.gif
Image:Pj12 Lady J ED.jpg
File:Bearsraw.gif
Image:Prepare your anus.jpg|Prepare it.
File:Goodolfashionfuck.gif
Image:sbs.png|basketball for real.
File:Dumpspermhere.jpg
Image:AnalProbability.png|The probability of a girl taking it in the ass in the first date, explained in a nice graph.
File:Anal_demotivator.jpg|Scientists have found that once a woman willingly submits to [[Stick it in her pooper|pooper lovin']], it's all downhill from there. I said "downhill" because that's the proper English. I mean, how is going uphill easy? Geez people learn fking English. Once the '''Wild On''' switch is '''on''' there's no going back.
Image:Pull_Them_Down.jpg|Some girls [[asking for it|beg for buttsecks.]]
File:Pj12 Lady J ED.jpg
Image:Analsexisfun.gif
File:Prepare your anus.jpg|Prepare it.
Image:Analsexisstripes.gif
File:sbs.png|basketball for real.
Image:Tonsoanal.gif|High speed net connection
File:AnalProbability.png|The probability of a girl taking it in the ass in the first date, explained in a nice graph.
Image:Tagteamdp.gif
File:Pull_Them_Down.jpg|Some girls [[Asking for it|beg for buttsecks.]]
Image:Cropyourphotos.jpg
File:Analsexisfun.gif
Image:Analpissing.gif
File:Analsexisstripes.gif
Image:Assfire.gif
File:Tonsoanal.gif|High speed net connection
Image:More_Secks.gif
File:Tagteamdp.gif
Image:Buttsecks lol.JPG |[[o rly|o rly?]]
File:Cropyourphotos.jpg
Image:Buttsex.jpg|Lol wut?
File:Analpissing.gif
Image:Coaster.jpg
File:Assfire.gif
Image:Anal.gif
File:More_Secks.gif
Image:Buttsecks2.gif
File:Buttsecks lol.JPG |[[o rly]]?
Image:The_arse_well_and_truly_up.jpg|Getting to first base. [[goatse|Preparation]] is the key
File:Buttsex.jpg|Lol wut?
Image:Analcum.jpg|Cumming in the ass might result in an egg yolk effect.
File:Coaster.jpg
Image:Surprisebuttsecks.gif|from which movie is this picture? send your answer to: [email protected] for the lulz.
File:Anal.gif
Image:Dowantanal.gif
File:Buttsecks2.gif
Image:4chan_sex.jpg|[[4chan]] buttsecks
File:The_arse_well_and_truly_up.jpg|Getting to first base. [[Goatse|Preparation]] is the key
Image:09-02-10951239.jpg|
File:Analcum.jpg|Cumming in the ass might result in an egg yolk effect.
Image:Moaranal.jpg|[[moar|MOAR!]]
File:Surprisebuttsecks.gif|from which movie is this picture? send your answer to: [email protected] for the lulz.
Image:Claudia-thorn-ass-fuck.jpg|Claudia Thorn getting assfucked by a guy whose name she doesn't know because she's a [[whore]].
File:Dowantanal.gif
Image:Meatspin.gif|[[A cat is fine too|A tranny is fine too.]]
File:4chan_sex.jpg|[[4chan]] buttsecks
Image:Lol.jpg|"If you stare into the abyss, the abyss will stare back into you"-[[Emo|Friedrich Nietzsche]]
File:09-02-10951239.jpg|
Image:LLsurprise.jpg|It is a well-know fact that Lindsay Lohan loves sodomy.
File:Moaranal.jpg|[[Moar|MOAR!]]
Image:Butthurttwitch.gif|Uncontrollable rectal spasming may occur.
File:Claudia-thorn-ass-fuck.jpg|[[User:BekahQ|Claudia Thorn]] getting assfucked by a guy whose name she doesn't know because she's a [[whore]].
Image:SuhprizeBUGGSex.jpg|Lol. Bugsex buttsex!
File:Meatspin.gif|[[A cat is fine too|A tranny is fine too]].
Image:Bbp0039_59.jpg|Zangief from Street Fighter II performing anal sex.
File:Lol.jpg|"If you stare into the abyss, the abyss will stare back into you" &mdash;[[Emo|Friedrich Nietzsche]]
Image:IM IN UR ASSES.jpg|lol [[bubba]] has been penetrated
File:LLsurprise.jpg|It is a well-know fact that Lindsay Lohan loves sodomy.
Image:bigdump.jpg|[[Space Moose]] declares the buttsecks is "like taking a big dump"
File:Butthurttwitch.gif|Uncontrollable rectal spasming may occur.
Image:Analrapist.jpg|[http://sonicgivesadviceonrape.ytmnsfw.com/ Anal rape] is a growing industry
File:SuhprizeBUGGSex.jpg|Lol. Bugsex buttsex!
Image:Calvin_and_Hobbes_Buttsecks.jpg|Buttsecks is only gay if you cuddle afterward.
File:Bbp0039_59.jpg|Zangief from Street Fighter II performing anal sex.
Image:buttsecks_lol.JPG|HE WANTS MOAR!
File:IM IN UR ASSES.jpg|lol [[bubba]] has been penetrated
Image:Dlthorn13-cucumber-ass.jpg|[[Dorian Thorn]] enjoys buttsecks with cucumbers...
File:bigdump.jpg|[[Space Moose]] declares the buttsecks is "like taking a big dump"
Image:Dlthorn13-faggot3.jpg|...and bananas...
File:Analrapist.jpg|[http://sonicgivesadviceonrape.ytmnsfw.com/ Anal rape] is a growing industry
Image:Dorian thorn buttsecks.jpg|...and cocks, because he is a [[faggot]] with [[aids]].
File:Ohmygod.gif
Image:Gaybuttfuck.jpg
File:Calvin_and_Hobbes_Buttsecks.jpg|Buttsecks is only gay if you cuddle afterward.
Image:Cumdump.jpg|[[You]], after your birthday party.
File:buttsecks_lol.JPG|HE WANTS MOAR!
Image:Have anal sex.jpg|Damn straight
File:Dlthorn13-cucumber-ass.jpg|[[Dorian Thorn]] enjoys buttsecks with cucumbers...
Image:Surprise_bunnsex.jpg|Even animals do it. Also counts as [[bestiality]]
File:Dlthorn13-faggot3.jpg|...and bananas...
Image:Beavis buttsecks.jpg|
File:Dorian thorn buttsecks.jpg|...and cocks, because he is a [[faggot]] with [[aids]].
Image:Giraffe_fucking_ass.jpg|Epic wordplay [[ftw]]
File:Gaybuttfuck.jpg
Image:Surprise-buttsecks.jpg|It is a little known fact that kittens love sodomy
File:Cumdump.jpg|[[You]], after your birthday party.
Image:girl_on_girl.gif|Some footage of lesbian buttsecks.
File:Have anal sex.jpg|Damn straight
Image:Anal apology.jpg|So
File:Surprise_bunnsex.jpg|Even animals do it; also, counts as [[bestiality]].
Image:Legend-of-the-Prostate.jpg|So2
File:Beavis buttsecks.jpg
File:Imminent Buttsecks.png
File:Giraffe_fucking_ass.jpg|Epic wordplay [[ftw]]
File:Surprise-buttsecks.jpg|It is a little known fact that kittens love sodomy
File:girl_on_girl.gif|Some footage of lesbian buttsecks.
File:Anal apology.jpg|So
File:Legend-of-the-Prostate.jpg|So2
File:Right in the ass.jpg
File:Battle of 5 buttsecks.jpg|Even Turiel is into it!
Image:Shitting guts out.jpg|What happens when one has too much butt sex.
File:Buttsex.gif
File:Anal Secret.png
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}
=== Video ===
<!--
Reupload: Gb54xKq4kPM
Official: 1xc_BJxdDgg
-->
<center>[[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Video of the Now/November 14, 2014]]:
<br /><youtube>1xc_BJxdDgg</youtube></center>


== See also ==
== See also ==
[[File:Crashthatass.png|thumb|right|100px]]
* [[Ass Rape]]
* [[Ass Rape]]
* [[Meek Mill]]
* [[Rimjob]]
* [[Stick it in her pooper]]
* [[Stick it in her pooper]]
* [[Technical virgin]]
* [[Technical virgin]]
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== External links ==
== External links ==
* [http://TNS.BBSSM.com/ Anal Accommodation Guide] - If you didn't know, well now you do]  
 
* [http://TNS.BBSSM.com/ Anal Accommodation Guide] &ndash; If you didn't know, well now you do]  
* [http://www.sexinchrist.com Buttsex? In my Bible? It's moar likely than you think!]
* [http://www.sexinchrist.com Buttsex? In my Bible? It's moar likely than you think!]
* [http://www.minou.com/aboutsex/analsex.htm Anal Sex Q&A]
* [http://www.minou.com/aboutsex/analsex.htm Anal Sex Q&A]
* [http://sexuality.about.com/cs/sexualtechnique/ht/analmasturb.htm How To Have Anal Sex]  
* [http://sexuality.about.com/cs/sexualtechnique/ht/analmasturb.htm How To Have Anal Sex]  
* [http://www.livejournal.com/users/jameth Jameth's LiveJournal]
* [http://www.livejournal.com/users/jameth Jameth's LiveJournal]
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* [http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=268772 How to train for first time buttsecks]
* [http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=268772 How to train for first time buttsecks]
* [http://galleries.brutaldildos.com/m/kream2j/4.mpg Video from brutaldildos.com...]
* [http://galleries.brutaldildos.com/m/kream2j/4.mpg Video from brutaldildos.com...]
* [http://lolraep.ytmnd.com/ Surprise Buttsecks!!!] @[[YTMND]]
* [http://lolraep.ytmnd.com/ Surprise Buttsecks!!!] @ [[YTMND]]
 


{{lezz}}
{{lezz}}

Latest revision as of 14:53, 21 October 2024

File:Romanticsex.gif

Buttsecks (German: der Arschfick) is the best kind of secks because it provides free chocolate and no stupid kids. It does not kill people but instead turns them gay. Faggots regularly engage in buttsecks with each other, but straight men must remain vigilant for the ever-present threat of surprise buttsecks. You can try to pressure your girlfriend into having anal, too, but then you'll turn her gay which will result in definite anti-lulz.

Most guys who say they like to fuck girls in the ass are actually hiding the fact that they are faggots.

History of the Phrase

Anal

They don't always smile

Pertaining to or relating to the anus.

In the general sense, it refers to sex wherein the anus is penetrated repeatedly to bring pleasure and/or orgasm.

In other usage, it can also be a pejorative meaning excessively strict or by the book. This is a foreshortening of anal retentive, one of the two anal-stage forms of Freudian psychosexual functional fixedness. According to Freud, anal retentives derive their primary physical pleasure from holding back bowel movements and are commonly associated with overly neat, organized, controlling, or rigidly structured personalities. What's ironic about the use of "anal" in the pejorative sense is that it could just as easily apply to the other functional fixedness, anal expulsive. Anal expulsives are said to derive pleasure from the act of defecating and are characterized by disorganized, haphazard, messy, and intuitive personalities.

When a girl puts out, remember to always aim for the anus first, if she refuses to get jailfucked, just say that it was an accident.

Example of the sexual sense: Last night, we had anal sex, meaning, Last night, he put his penis into my anus.

Example of the pejorative sense: He was incredibly anal about making sure we used condoms, meaning, He was incredibly insistent that we use condoms.

Sex

All women love anal. They love it even more when you do it without asking. Try it next time you're having sex with your girlfriend raping your neighbor's kid

What two people do when they are actually in the same room as each other. Please note this very rarely happens on the internets, as most of us are afraid to venture out into the real world. (For more information, see sex.)

Timeline of Anal Sex

2039 BC – The Greeks discover anal sex. General consensus relegates it to the province of cheating husbands and impressionable young boys. (Note: "relegate" might not be the correct word, as these two demographic groups held most of the political power in ancient Greece.)
50 AD – The catholic church discovers how to avoid God's wrath.
1809 – Humphry Davy, an English fag, performs modern anal sex for the first time. Davy connected two wires to a battery and attached a charcoal strip between his butt cheeks. The charged carbon glowed, creating the first illuminated prostate.
1820 – Warren De la Rue enclosed a platinum coil in an evacuated sphincter and passed an electric current through it. His dildo design worked but the cost of the precious metal platinum made this an impossible invention for wide-spread use.
1835 – James Bowman Lindsay demonstrated constant insertion of dicks to anuses using a prototype lightbulb.
1850 – Edward Shepard invented a way to get fucked in the ass using a charcoal filament. Joseph Wilson Swan started working with carbonized paper filaments the same year.
1854 – Henricg Globel, a German watchmaker, loses his watch in some guy's ass.
1875 – Herman Sprengel invented the mercury vacuum pump, making it possible maintain an erection inside an ass for long periods of time.
1875 – Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans are the first people to simultaneously penetrate a third man's ass.
1878 – Sir Joseph Wilson Swan (1828-1914), an English physicist, was the first person to convince his girlfriend to take it in the pooper. All prior men resorted to the oops technique.
1879 – Thomas Alva Edison invented a carbon filament that burned in his anal wall for forty hours. He continued to improved his invention until it could last for over 1,200 hours using a bamboo-derived ointment.
1899 – Nikola Tesla manned up in Colorado Springs, where he proved his theory of wireless putting it in the butt. By transmitting exremely low dickquencies through the ground with his Penis Transmitter, his peter could travel over 100 miles and slide on up into any unsuspecting ass whenever he willed it.
1906 – The General Electric Company were the first to patent a method of having anal sex.
1922 – In Soviet Russia, Anal sex discovers you.
1925 – Anal sex discovered to lower pregnancy rates.
1945 – Adolf Hitler discovers that chugging cyanide and shooting himself in the ass is quite invigorating, even if you die later. This is considered the beginning of comedic anal sex.
1984 – Doctor Emmett Brown discovers "Space-age" anal sex by vigorously rubbing a flux capacitor between his butt cheeks at 88mph while Marty McFly masturbates near his face and whips him.
1991 – Philips invented a way to ram one's ass for 60,000 hours. This is the anal sex we know today.
1991 – also in this year, Mario invents the tossed salad.
1994 – Richard Simmons discovers "the hamster technique" and then is rushed to the hospital.
1996 – Spacemoose declared, "It doesn't hurt, it's just like taking a big dump"
2001 – Anal bombs are inserted resulting in the buttrape of WTC and major butthurt for both bible bashers and filthy sand dwelling a-rags.
2003 – Tony Eveready accomplishes "nuts in da ass, dick in da pussy," and then proclaims "BOOYA"
2005 – Erica engages in anal sex and loves it! She then follows this with some Ass to Mouth.

After-effects

The Aftermath. This anus has been permanently loosened out, and would be worth $3 to $5 in a whorehouse.
It is also a refreshing alternative to other beverages

There are many after-effects to anal sex, most of which are pleasurable, yet some horrific, such as anal fissures[1].

However, some argue that anal sex is much like spinach, in that if it's forced on you as a small child you will have a hard time enjoying it later in life. Also, if a young girl lets too many men with big cocks fuck out her anus, she can get permanently loosened out back there. This can be used to positive effect for scat porn, as shit will invariably just slip out. She will be widely regarded as a cheap slut, while the men who are responsible for her anal stretchery will be considered studs.

Butthurt

How you feel after a nice long session of dry anal rape. Your ass is pwned. On-line, the term is used metaphorically as a complete mockery to someone whining. It's also a preemptive put down when delivering harsh comments to someone you expect will lash back.

 
“ 		 
I had met a girl who let me put it in her ass.

This was about the second time I did so - the first time, I didn't get into it, because I felt bad. This second time: it was going to be ultimate.

After some fucking in her said-ass, after going deeper, I felt a terrible grating pain in my cock. It felt like blunt pins-and-needles; hard to pull out, too - like a barbed fish hook...

When I looked down at my dick, I noticed mud on the helmet (which I had anticipated), but also there were little bits of peanuts; shards of them, in the "mud," around my dick; beneath my foreskin. Deep inside that chick's carnivorous ass, was a cheese-grater, pain-tunnel of busted peanut chunks -- and I had just crammed my dick deep into it.

"Why couldn't it have been corn, or marshmallows - or, better, cotton candy?" I thought, months later.
 

„
 

—your big brother, theflu

Felching

When the woman's partner busts a nut in her ass then sucks it back out.

Cumfart

After one cums in their partners ass, their partner proceeds to fart. This usually ends up causing a bit of a splatter, and sometimes a neat sound effect. Sometimes Smoothie companies will gather the cum spillage and add it to their smoothies. It is known that the combination of the bodies gas and cum yields a very potent liquid with many health benefits.

Media

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Video

Encyclopedia Dramatica:Video of the Now/November 14, 2014:

See also

Variations

External links


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