Sollog

Son of light, light of god, ball of lard

A typical Hayah ceremony

Sollog is a world-renowned psychic who famously predicted 9/11, the London bombings, the collapse of Enron, and GNU/Linux.

He started his own religion, the Temple of Hayah, which claims that the Jews and Christians have got it wrong for the past few thousand years and God's name is actually "Hayah". Those who disagree with this theory are known as Hayah-haters and are advised to still love god even if they disagree with the teachings of Sollog. This gave rise to the phrase "hate The Name, not the Hayah".

Followers are expected to be "obedient to the 10 Commandments in the Torah and no other laws of man or God," which means they can go around raping children so long as they remember to be good to their own parents.

Wikipedia has been on a racist offensive against Sollog and his prophecies ever since he revealed the sordid history of Jimbo Wales. Mentions of his prophecies have been viciously reverted, and his slave-name, "John Ennis", substituted in place of his God-given name.

BRBFBI

Sollog has had numerous brushes with the law for a diverse array of crimes. It is worth noting that 100 years ago society wouldn't put up with shit like this and any constant trouble maker who claimed to be God would have been burned at the stake. Who says progress is always for the best?

Sollog was party van'd in 1996 for making death threats to the President Of The United States of America - luckily for him the Pres at the time was Bill Clinton who was too stoned to care about nutjobs, unlike his successor who would probably have had Sollog incarcerated at the Guantanamo Retirement Camp For Thought Criminals and Sand Niggers. So no charges were bought against him.

But the Secret Service did find that Sollog, or Johnathon Patrick Ellis, as he is known to law enforcement officers, had two outstanding warrants against him.

The first one was from 1987 when he was put on Probation in Maricopa County, Arizona for selling obscene materials - a charge to which he admitted, despite constantly claiming ever since that he has never had any involvement with pornography (PROTIP: Google and Whois starting with his company name Adoni Publishing and check out the network of sites that fall under the Adoni banner. Hmm - not much porn there). While on probation he committed an aggravated assault and fled Arizona, the state promptly issued a warrant for him.

And in February 1988 he was arrested for fleeing the scene of an accident that he caused while driving drunk - apparently he managed to hit the same car twice and then took off at 100 miles an hour pursued by officer Sam D'Urso.

Officer D'Urso alleged that when he finally pulled Sollog over the great prophet then reversed into him and dragged him down the road under his car.

Unfortunately for Officer D'Urso when he sued the rental company who provided Sollog with the vehicle used in the accident, he claimed that he was in the opposite lane to the one stated by the Prosecution and that his injuries were caused by God driving into him from behind.

Sollog's prosecution would have used this conflict in official stories, and the fact that D'urso lied in order to make $100,000 in an out of court settlement, to have the charges against Sollog dropped. So of course Sollog fired his defense lawyer and presented himself.

In a four day hearing that came to be known as the God Trial, Sollog - who claimed he was God for the duration of the trial - made prophesies and religious rantings. He accused D'Urso, the Judge, the Jury and his former prosecution lawyer of being involved in a conspiracy to restrict his free movement across the planet he had created. The judge who by most accounts was red in the face for the entire four days, continually upheld objections that the Prosecution had not made in an effort to get Sollog to STFU. The Jury found him guilty on all four of the charges against him and he was sentenced to Buttsecks with Bubba.

He then tried to get the court to wait half an hour while his wife went to get him some sneakers, telling the judge that; "I have high arches, your honour, and the last time I was in prison my feet were killing me".

Trolling

Sollog is a great trolling tool. On IRC, one must only adopt Sollog's name and go into a random channel on Freenode and start spouting prophecy. The unwashed, unbelieving masses quickly react in disgust, anger, and fear.

Please note that it is impossible to join #wikipedia with a Sollog-related nick unless it is seriously munged. The following lulz occurs if you fail:

10:07 -!- SOLLOG_PREDICTED [[email protected]] has joined #wikipedia
10:07 -!- mode/#wikipedia [+b *S?LL?G*!*@*] by ChanServ
10:07 -!- SOLLOG_PREDICTED [[email protected]] has left #wikipedia [requested by ChanServ: 
"Sollog,*we*prefer*some*semblance*of*sanity*in*#Wikipedia*
(banned*in*channel*on*12*Aug*05*by*NicholasT*and*on*24*Aug*05*by*jeronim)"]

Lollerskates.

Links

• Sollog's own religion, The Temple of Doom

• The talk page on Sollog's article has more warning banners than possibly any other page on Wikipedia. Most of the conversation is Sollog himself, heroically trying to debunk Jimbo's lies.

• Sollog's sock puppets have their very own template. So far the Wikipedo's have identified over 40 individual sock puppets.

• Sollog is waging a one-man jihad against Wikipedia from jail.

• The actual Sollog article is boring and unfunny. It was much better when written by Sollog himself.

Trolling example

11:22 -!- SOLLOG_KNEW [n=fdaasdfa@tor/session/x-05a5069b265b890d] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:22 < aeronadix> online is better, real life woman all bending over all over the place beggin for it
11:22 * SOLLOG_KNEW ABOUT LEVEE WEAKNESS
11:22 < Loganscomputer> dangit why wait to send them your money. There is really nothing that interesting in the french market anyways
11:22 -!- douglewis [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:22 * SOLLOG_KNEW ABOUT NEW ORLEANS VULNERABILITY
11:22 < Blackrobe> I used to go down to NO for some quiet time near grand couteau
11:22 < Seuss> sen. boasso said it
11:22 < acidstars> but apparently, SOLLOG_KNEW nothing about caps lock
11:22 -!- SOLLOG_KNEW is now known as SOLLOG_PREDICTED
11:22 < element37> last time i visited i was like > < this close to signing a lease on an apartment so that we could visit without staying in a hotel/give the keys to friends who were planning to visit
11:22 < vs> rofl acid
11:22 * SOLLOG_PREDICTED NEW ORLEANS FLOODING
11:22 -!- jadedragon [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:22 < pussfeller> pow!
11:22 * SOLLOG_PREDICTED KATRINA
11:22 < Seuss> SOLLOG... since 1995 we knew
11:22 * SOLLOG_PREDICTED DISASTER
11:22 -!- Diablo-D3 [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:22 * sheepbat PREDICTS A BAN
11:22 * SOLLOG_PREDICTED THOUSANDS TRAPPED IN SUPERDOME
11:22 < element37> uhm, but, i guess i'm glad we waited...?
11:22 < Britepink_> is that sylvia brown?
11:22 < Blackrobe> SOLLOG NEEDS TO GET THE HECK OF HIS CAPS KEY
11:22 -!- stopmaking|gfs_p [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:23 -!- SOLLOG_PREDICTED is now known as SOLLOG_WASAWARE
11:23 * acidstars predicts a kick
11:23 * SOLLOG_WASAWARE OF ISSUES FACING LA
11:23 * colin_ lost ops again.
11:23 <+krystal`> its actually pretty quiet in here right now
11:23 < vs> get stuffed SOILEG
11:23 < Loganscomputer> Predicts SOLLOG is annoying
11:23 -!- SOLLOG_WASAWARE is now known as SOLLOG_WARNED
11:23 <+krystal`> wow
11:23 < Grider> Banination! PUNT
11:23 -!- erich^^ [i=user@debian/developer/erich] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:23 * SOLLOG_WARNED ABOUT UPCOMING DISASTER
11:23 < Diablo-D3> amazing, 720 people
11:23 -!- acidstars is now known as SOLLOG_TASTES
11:23 < clint0jay> who are those people
11:23 -!- ekul [[email protected]] has quit: Client Quit
11:23 * SOLLOG_TASTES like chicken!
11:23 < Britepink_> Donny: kick this ass
11:23 < Loganscomputer> lol acid
11:23 < vs> this looks like a job for The_Tick
11:23 < Diablo-D3> someone ban sollog please
11:23 < Blackrobe> acid: hehehehe
11:24 < Seuss> no caps on that last one
11:24 < element37> ahahahhaha sollog is real? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sollog
11:24 < oyster> please ban
11:24 <@sharpi1> is everything ok in here?
11:24 < clint0jay> at the intersection, i wonder
11:24 * colonelPyat_ would like to kick SOLLOG in the nether regions
11:24 < SOLLOG_TASTES> no sharpi, it's not
11:24 < element37> check out the miugshoto of the prophet sollog
11:24 < pussfeller> hes funny, i vote let him stay
11:24 < Seuss> did anyone catch meet the press today?
11:24 < SOLLOG_TASTES> no. im funny. he? is annoying.
11:24 -!- erich^^ is now known as erich
11:24 < oyster> well, no caps
11:24 * Loganscomputer casts vote on the booting side, at least till he turns off the caps lock
11:24 < Blackrobe> Puss: yeah... every room needs a cap crapper
11:24 <@sharpi1> yah lose the caps
11:24 < Diablo-D3> I never thought interdictor would become this popular
11:25 < melange_fiesta> he's only one of the sole voices we get from new orleans!
11:25 <@sharpi1> this is ur warning then im gonna go all The_Tick on ya arse
11:25 < oyster> let him stay
11:25 -!- sledge__ [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:25 < Loganscomputer> He's an inspiration for IT everywhere
11:25 <@Donny> where is the cross guard when you need one.
11:25 < Blackrobe> Sollog predicted that Interdictor would become this popular
11:25 < colonelPyat_> Sollog also uses a method whereby cities in the United States are linked by imaginary lines, claiming a successfully predicted disaster for any hurricane which passes over these lines. For example, in 2002, he predicted that 17 particular hurricanes would hit 17 particular cities [7]. However, over half of these hurricanes had already passed without destroying any cities, and the names will not be reused until 2010 at the earliest. H
11:25 < colonelPyat_> urricane Katrina was notably absent from the list.
11:25 < Newtylicious> sharpi1: or joeldg
11:25 < Loganscomputer> we can see into the IT ninja stronghold in NO
11:25 < SOLLOG_TASTES> haha Blackrobe
11:25 -!- Tranz [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:25 <@sharpi1> hehe yah
11:25 -!- SOLLOG_WARNED is now known as SOLLOG_PREPARED
11:25 < erich> What is the current state of the levy breaks?
11:25 * SOLLOG_PREPARED INTERDICTOR FOR THE DISASTER
11:25 -!- SOLLOG_PREPARED is now known as SOLLOG_READIED
11:25 < Diablo-D3> sollog: fuck off.
11:25 < pussfeller> sollog is in the can
11:26 < sheepbat> time for a ban?
11:26 < Britepink_> come on knock it off
11:26 < Newtylicious> someone teh kickban him
11:26 -!- SOLLOG_READIED was kicked from #interdictor-chat by sharpi1 [sharpi1]
11:26 < Blackrobe> weich: they're still broken
11:26 <+krystal`> geeze
11:26 < sheepbat> thank you, sharpi1
11:26 < Diablo-D3> sharpi1: no ban?
11:26 < Alucard256> Seuss: this is the same vid feed.. in wmp standalone --> http://playlist.yahoo.com/makeplaylist.dll?id=1377931&segment=152389
11:26 < s2104ok> seems like this ain't the first time Blanco had hired Witt, after reading this why? http://www.ieminc.com/Whats_New/Press_Releases/pressrelease060304_Catastrophic.htm
11:26 <@sharpi1> np
11:26 -!- anfadh_ [[email protected]] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:26 < sledge__> who are these fellows on fot?
11:26 <+krystal`> what a baffoon
11:26 < vs> sollog predict that?
11:26 < Grider> wow, no autorejoin
11:26 < sledge__> *foot
11:26 -!- SOLLOG_HELPED [n=fdaasdfa@tor/session/x-05a5069b265b890d] has joined #interdictor-chat
11:26 * SOLLOG_TASTES like boxed wine.
11:26 * SOLLOG_HELPED TO SAVE THOUSANDS
11:26 < Newtylicious> ...
11:26 < Seuss> thanks Alucard256
11:26 -!- mode/#interdictor-chat [+b *!*@cpe-66-65-235-228.nycap.res.rr.com] by sharpi1
11:26 -!- SOLLOG_TASTES was kicked from #interdictor-chat by NOLAbackup [Banned]
11:26 < clint0jay> donny- there been the same steady traffic down there all morning?
11:26 -!- mode/#interdictor-chat [+b *!*@tor/session/x-05a5069b265b890d] by sharpi1
11:26 -!- SOLLOG_HELPED was kicked from #interdictor-chat by NOLAbackup [Banned]
11:26 <+krystal`> lololool
11:26 < Diablo-D3> Tor bastard.
11:26 < Alucard256> :)
11:26 < sheepbat> hahaha
11:26 < tehdely> oh dear

See Also

• Crystal ball
• Nosferatu
• Vampiricspektor
• Yahweh

Sollog is part of a series on Obscure Religions

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Featured article April 4, 2007
Preceded by Ray Jones	Sollog	Succeeded by ConceptArt