99chan

BREAKING NEWS!! 99chan.org is BAAAAAaaaack!

99chan

Foundation	July 14, 2008
Major Boards	/b/, /gent/
Epic Wins	being a shitty version of 7chan
Website	99chan.org 99chan.es

Rickb IRL, getting butthurt over Lopan

99chan is a recreated 78chan. They have some cool elitist mods and shitty boards. If it is win or not is up for debate but what is fact is that whatever this chan does it does at 1/4 the speed of all other chans leading some to believe it is being hosted on a mod's iphone. This place is slow as balls. A post about someone's birthday will literally be there in five years, with about 2 posts more. If you're used to the epic speed of 4chan's /b/, prepare to be disappoint.

(ALSO 99CHANNERS LIKE TO TRY AND DELETE EVERYTHING ON ED ABOUT 99CHAN WHILE 64CHANNERS LIKE TO TALK SHIT FOR NO FUCKING REASON WHILE guys I think we're having an edit war.

78chan

In June of 2008 Zimmy decided that he was going to abandon 78chan because he was a faggot. This lead to the users creating their own chan with most of the same staff. The name chosen was 99chan and the domain was purchased. The site was run by Sundevil and ATG, with the added help of other admins lolbifrons and regs who were promoted from moderators. Since Zimmy has left 99chan was in need of a coder, some faggot from ireland named ohgod stepped up and took the job. He then became a power hungry son of a bitch and shortened his name to just oh. Oh was pretty much Zimmy with a different name as far as anyone can tell.

78chan now lives inside 99chan. That means all their boards are in /78chan/. This is pretty cool though, since after you're b& from 99chan you can go and get b& on 78chan.
AND THEN GET UNB& FOR 30$!

This is all really fucking ancient history though. The current admins are rickb, regs, ntnix and wharrves, who like to touch themselves at night, while the mods can't even reach far enough inside their manginas to do so.

UPDATE: 99chan is coming back after 73 failed hard drives, 47 soft cocks and 310 illegal offenses.

Mother Fuckers B& Me

On 99chan, it is almost guaranteed you will receive a ban as soon as you make a post. This is because users at 99chan think they are better than the rest of the chan culture and pride themselves on being more articulate and mature SUPERIOR.

The users are neolithic troglodytes, with barely any grasp on the English language or any concept of grammar, spelling, or sentence structure. Reading through a thread is an exercise in patience, as you futilely try to decode the typos and sentence fragments into something readable.

The mods of 99chan are absolutely terrible, and the worst part of it is that there is a FUCKTON of them. For every Anonymous, there are over 9000 modfags waiting to unleash the banhammer. If you expect to post anything on any board without getting permabanned, good luck. Any post that isn't about sucking up to their tiny modcocks will earn you a one week ban, or worse.

Modfaggotry

Every single mod on 99chan is an enormous fag. Without any provocation, they will bullshit a reason to ban you. At least 3/4 of the userbase has been b& by them, which would explain why the site is so fucking slow.

Not to be outdone by the mods, the admins have proven time and time again that they are enormous cocksuckers. Rickb has locked /b/ over 9000 times, and is a self-proclaimed Scientologist. He and his team of faggots ensure that no self-respecting Anonymous can do shit.

Popular Boards

A typical thread found in 99chan

• /a/ - Animu
• /b/ - Gotta Go Fast
• /cccp/ - Commies
• /fubot/ - Talk To The Schizobot
• /gent/ - The Gentlemen's Club
• /tttm/ - Talk To The Mods
• also lots of porn boards Nothing YOU would like tho :<

The loss of Gentlebot

Rickb, under the spell of the GREAT NEW ORAL SUCKING IN the SKY (aka GNOSIS), decided to retire MR. FUCKING PEENUT as the mascot of his shit site, afraid it would make the overly-sensitive mods even more ashamed of their penis size. The new mascot is apparently a bird which looks like a toddler wiped its ass on your computer screen.

THE GREAT CLUSTERFUCK

This place, like all chans, is really nothing more than a steamy assdump of porn. Lopan, being a homosexual deviant, wrote a FUCKING HUGE section on the admin rickb and his wife Meow. He also started the page for 64chan, which is basically a gigantic tranny clusterfuck of former 99channers. Is he a butthurt 99channer? Probably. Is he butthurt from having too many horse dildoes up his ass? Absolutely. Honestly I don't think anyone gives a fuck. And thus, the GREAT CLUSTERFUCK came to an end, and all was well in the realm of 99chanus.

The loss of our lolicon brethren

Once upon a time, there were two boards of special importance to all the people of 99chan, and of course you. The underage cartoon porn, consisting of caek for teh little girl butts and cawk for teh little boy peepees. These boards, small yet still dwarfing the other miniscule boards in the chan in a vague similarity to the way the penii of the 99chan mods are dwarfed by the relatively massive schlong of kim jong un, were suddenly gone. Vanished.

The massive lolicon userbase, consisting of about 8 permavirgins, was outraged.RICKB HATES US FOR NO REASON WE AREN'T PEDOS CUZ ITS CARTOOOOOOOOONNNNNNZ!!!!!!1111!!!!1

These 8 permavirgins thus left 99chan to join in THE GREAT CLUSTERFUCK (see above). And nothing of value was lost.

Current Admins

The GREAT AND POWERFUL mods like to compensate for their micropenii by banning EVERY-FUCKING-ONE, making them feel gay SUPERIOR. If you wish to not be banned, please do the following:

• Do not shitpost

• Do not make typos

• Before you post, pray to whatever God or gods you believe in to smile upon the hearts of the mods and allow their penii to grow, making them less butthurt

• Be sure to avoid using the phrases "rickb is a faggot", "Meow is a faggot", "This site is gay", "I think this site could be improved by", etc...

• Be sure to avoid the no-no words of "faggot", "bitch", "cunt", "is", "do", and "what".

• Tell yourself "It's ok, it's ok" while rocking back and forth as you wait for them to inevitably ban you because the sky WAS OVERCAST DUN DUN DUN.

99chan NOW HAS A THEME SONG

Fittingly gay...

Peanut Phoenix Moment

The two heroes of olde known as Israeli_Jaguar & RickB have rebuilt 99chan, she has risen from the ashes and it is a beautiful moment in history.

• Two men of legend joined other men as legends to fight against mediocrity and spine bifida for the sake of all mankind.
  
  

Screencaps

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99chan Homepage (SUPERIOR)

External Links

• 99chan.org
• 99chan IRC (filled with stoners)

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Featured article April 25 & 26, 2014
Preceded by Gorgeous George	99chan	Succeeded by Kelly Kalogerakos