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Nintendo Entertainment System: Difference between revisions
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[[File:Mac mini nes.jpg|thumb|Nintendo's failed attempt at releasing a CD-based system before Sega and NEC.]] | [[File:Mac mini nes.jpg|thumb|Nintendo's failed attempt at releasing a CD-based system before Sega and NEC.]] | ||
[[File:NES Rape.png|thumb|right|A truly immersive gaming experience.]] | [[File:NES Rape.png|thumb|right|A truly immersive gaming experience.]] | ||
''''' | The '''''Nintendo Entertainment System''''' shortened as the '''''NES''''' is a system made by Nintendo [[at least 100 years ago|about 100 years ago]]. It is widely regarded as the best system ever by all except [[basement-dweller|Atari fatties]] because it made people realize that [[Atari]] is shit. It is advisable to use emulators because if you were to play an NES for real, you are required to [[Oral sex|blow into the game]] for hours until it actually works. Although the NES is the coolest system evar, [[hot topic]] [[fags]] like to pretend to like it by wearing cool shirts with NES characters and icons on them. Depending on how many games you played in a day, you could expect to spend half of your entire fucking day blowing on a speck of dust to get the cartridge to play. | ||
Because everyone and their mother had a "Nintendo," video games are called "Nintendo games" by old people even today. | Because everyone and their mother had a "Nintendo," video games are called "Nintendo games" by old people even today. | ||
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Active Enterprise held a <s>[http://cheetahmen.silius.net/contest.html contest]</s> (dead link) to see who could beat one of their shitty games for a grand prize of $104,000. Their greatest lulz is that the game was too badly programmed to beat without cheating because the game locks up after two or three stages.{{clear}} | Active Enterprise held a <s>[http://cheetahmen.silius.net/contest.html contest]</s> (dead link) to see who could beat one of their shitty games for a grand prize of $104,000. Their greatest lulz is that the game was too badly programmed to beat without cheating because the game locks up after two or three stages.{{clear}} | ||
==NES gaming is serious business== | ==NES gaming is serious business== | ||
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==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
*[http://www.virtualnes.com/ Play NES in your browser, faggot] | *[http://www.virtualnes.com/ Play NES in your browser, because you're too much of a poor faggot to buy an actual console...like you'd even want a physical NES] | ||
*[http://www.nespower.com/ AM I DOIN IT RITE?] | *[http://www.nespower.com/ AM I DOIN IT RITE?] | ||
{{Nintendo}} | |||
{{Gaming}} | {{Gaming}} | ||
Latest revision as of 00:47, 5 August 2021
The Nintendo Entertainment System shortened as the NES is a system made by Nintendo about 100 years ago. It is widely regarded as the best system ever by all except Atari fatties because it made people realize that Atari is shit. It is advisable to use emulators because if you were to play an NES for real, you are required to blow into the game for hours until it actually works. Although the NES is the coolest system evar, hot topic fags like to pretend to like it by wearing cool shirts with NES characters and icons on them. Depending on how many games you played in a day, you could expect to spend half of your entire fucking day blowing on a speck of dust to get the cartridge to play.
Because everyone and their mother had a "Nintendo," video games are called "Nintendo games" by old people even today.
Landmark Titles
Bokosuka Wars (1985)
Budd Dwyer (1987)
Budd Dwyer capitalized on the suicide fad of the late 1980s by allowing Middle Americans to experience the thrill of ventilating their skull without any of the messy and permanent drawbacks.
Metal Gear/Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake (1988)
Metal Gear and its sequel were the first "Stealth-Em-Up" games ever invented, the brainchild of Hideo Kojima and one of the few titles released for the MSX and the MSX2. Its gameplay featured running left right, up down, shooting megaman pellets from your guns, and... well, let's face it; unless you're a die-hard fan you wouldn't play this trash for longer than five-minutes if it came along today. The best part of the game is burning your own father who you're really a clone of alive. Twice.
Bionic Commando (1988)
Bionic Commando is a classic video game fondly remembered as the best game ever despite not having a jump button. This game features a historically accurate plot about Hitler (renamed Master D by censors) being resurrected to dominate the world. Despite removing all references to Nazis, it was still revolutionary for introducing the word "damn" to the NES' vocabulary and featuring Hitler's exploding head.
Mega Man 2 (1989)
More like Faga Man 2.
Bad Dudes (1989)
Bad Dudes is an action game created by Data East. While the game possesses shitty gameplay, this game is still a solid candidate for the best NES game ever due to its plot: rescue Ronald Reagan from ninjas, dogs, and Karnov, who Data East Mary Sues into every single one of their games.
Battletoads (1991)
Battletoads is a video game franchise by Rare Ltd. created to rival the Teenage Mutant Colin Barker Turtles games. And Battletoads is a better game, but hard as shit.
Action 52 (1991)
Action 52 is a very expensive video game ($200) created by Active Enterprises, who is nothing more than two basement dwellers. Nobody knew it was possible to cram 52 shitty games into one NES cart, which include an even worse rip-off of Jaws and a queer version of Bionic Commando in which touching money actually damages you. The most notable of the 52 games, The Cheetahmen, proves that furfags are responsible for the death of the NES.
Active Enterprise held a contest (dead link) to see who could beat one of their shitty games for a grand prize of $104,000. Their greatest lulz is that the game was too badly programmed to beat without cheating because the game locks up after two or three stages.
NES gaming is serious business
Just listen to this guy from boston Jew
Gallery
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The genesis of all badly drawn furry foot fetish art. -
IS DAT SUM BATTLETOADS?
External Links
- Play NES in your browser, because you're too much of a poor faggot to buy an actual console...like you'd even want a physical NES
- AM I DOIN IT RITE?
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Nintendo Entertainment System is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |