Kid Rock

Om_nom_nom

More coke plox

Cheap, yet understated.

Robert James Ritchie, known by his stage name Kid Rock, aka "HIV Cock", aka "Bob the Builder", is an Americunt rapper with no talent. Kid Rock is known for his eccentric personality and his music that fuses rap with heavy metal, southern rock, funk and country music into an unlistenable mess. Kid Rock released several studio albums that mostly went unnoticed before his 1998 record Devil Without a Cock, sold over 9000 albums behind the hits, "Bawitdaba","Cowboy," and "Only God Knows Why People Buy This Shit". As the undisputed number 1 embarrassment to white people, he should never be forgiven.

Early years

Kid Rock grew up on an apple orchard, in Romeo, Michigan and his father was a wealthy car dealer - very gangsta. His parents would entertain guests with Bobby singing covers of Jim Croce, Johnny Cash, John Denver and Bob Seger at their barn parties.

Albombs

In 2000, he released The History of Cock which was a compilation of remixed and remastered versions of shit songs from his previous shit albums as well as the single, "American Boy Ass". In 2001, he released the follow up, Cocky. After a slow start, his country-flavored hit "Picture" with Sheryl Crow resurrected the album and it went gold as a single and was followed by 2003's self-titled release, which failed to chart a major hit. In 2006 he released Live Trucker, a live album that no one gave a fuck about, wherein he sucked off truckers and recorded the gobbling noises.

Ruining Real Music

In 2003, Kid Rock returned with a cover of Bad Company's "Feel Like Makin' Love. He also ruined "Sad But True" by sampling it into "American Boy Ass". He would induct Lynyrd Skynyrd into the 2006 Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame and vomit "Sweet Home Alabama" with them. "All Summer Long" is a hellish abortion that would bring Kid Rock back to the forefront of music during 2008 and 2009. It utilized the mash up of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" and Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London", while talking about two men falling in love during summer camp in 1989. In early 2001, Rock inducted Aerosmith into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and performed "Sweet Emotion" at the induction ceremony.

Working Up A New Pile of Shit

Kid Rock's follow up to Rock N Roll Jesus is being produced by Rick Rubin. According to his official website, confirmed songs from the album include Mountain Song which is an Alabama cover (ZOMG A COVER?!), a mash up of Cowboy and Wanted Dead Or Alive featuring Bon Jovi, and a song which will sample Michael Jackson's Billie Jean. All very original.

Feuds

Tommy Lee

In 2001 Kid Rock began dating Playboy playmate and actress Pamela Anderson, after the two met at a VH1 tribute to Aretha Franklin. Tommy Lee, Anderson's ex-husband, was serving a jail sentence for spousal abuse of Anderson at the time. Kid Rock telephoned Lee to tell him he was dating Anderson. For a few years Tommy Lee threatened to "beat Kid Rock up" if they ever met in person. In 2004, while Kid Rock, Anderson, and Lee were coincidentally staying at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas, Kid Rock learned that Anderson had contracted Hepatitis C from Lee. He went through the hotel looking for Lee but a confrontation was avoided when Kid Rock barged into the wrong room. After Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were divorced in 2006, she resumed her relationship with Lee, briefly. Tommy Lee began sending text messages to Kid Rock, bragging that he and Anderson were back together and that he never satisfied her.

	“	Her Hep-C is all mine now, bitch!	„
	—Tommy Lee text message

tl;dr White trash fight over whore.

At the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards, Kid Rock went to the bathroom, and when he returned Tommy Lee had taken his seat to talk to a nigger. Kid Rock returned to his seat, and finding Lee there slapped and punched him before they were separated by security personnel. Kid Rock was later quoted as saying that he was "tired of the disrespect" from Tommy Lee.

Kid Rock was cited for assault on Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee on September 9, 2007 at MTV's Video Music Awards.

Superfag about Tommy Lee on MMA

Radiohead

Yes, Radiohead.

	“	You don't hear a lot of Radiohead at strip clubs.	„
	—Kid Rock, eating dinner at a strip club

	“	"I mean, I'm sure [they're] nice guys, and we could probably have a beer and have a great time hanging out, but I don't just don't like the music. I do not get it at all. I haven't given a lot of it a chance. It might be ignorant on my part, but for the most part I've seen a few live things and heard some records. If I'm having a party and I've got some chicks over hanging out, and all my boys are hanging out, I'm not grabbing for the Radiohead CD. Flat out, it's not gonna happen. If I'm in the office with all my computer buddies and we're trying to design a website, I might put on Radiohead."	„
	—Kid Rock designs websites?

	“	"If you're looking for Kid Rock, he's not here."	„
	—Thom Yorke, Confusing the shit out of the audience

• LOL
• WUT?

PETA

	“	I want to go to war with PETA. My biggest extravagance is fur coats -- I've got every kind of animal in my wardrobe. I'm just willing the animal rights protesters to chuck some red paint on me.	„
	—Kid Rock picking a hardcore hip-hop beef

	“	Hell hath no fury like a man scorned. Though his relationship with PETA pal Pam Anderson ended years ago, Kid Rock is clearly still wearing his heart on his fur sleeve. Maybe one day this kid will grow up and grow out of his cruel wardrobe.	„
	—PETA, not caring as much as he'd hoped.

Twitter

Twitter is gay.

	“	If one more person asks me if I have a Twitter, I’m going to tell them, ‘Twitter this sh**, mother ****er. I don’t have anything to say and what I do have to say is not that relevant.	„
	—Kid Rock, finally getting it and being a pretty cool guy.

Also, Twitter is gay.

Non-Celebrities

Waffle House scuffle

In October 2007, Kid Rock was involved in a brawl at a Waffle House (yes, that's the name, and no, you wouldn't eat there) in Atlanta (yes, it's in Georgia, and no, you wouldn't visit) and charged with simple battery.

LOL WAFFLE

	“	You recently pleaded no contest to simple battery after a fight at an Atlanta-area Waffle House. Do you plan to steer clear of Waffle Houses during your New Orleans adventures?	„
	—A lame reporter, asking a fair question

	“	(laughs) I embrace the Waffle House. In Atlanta, I went back and signed autographs at the Waffle House and we raised about $15,000 for a shelter that helps homeless families get back on their feet. So we flipped it around and turned it into something positive, because it was so dumb. Of course when you're Kid Rock and something dumb like that happens, you catch a lawsuit for $4 million.	„
	—Kid Rock, inflating his $1000 fine to $4,000,000

He pleaded nolo contendere to one count, was fined $1,000, required to perform 80 hours of community service, complete one 6-hour course on anger management as well as basic math lessons.

	“	$1000 < $4,000,000	„
	—Basic math

Student Newspaper

	“	Who does this [redacted] think he is??? Kid Rock’s album is unoriginal and not worth buying. Please tell me then who is original nowadays and who’s album is better today? I can’t name one. Kid Rock is influenced by Southern Rock and by Bob Seger, who is a Detroit native. The album surly shows his influences and is perfect. Would you say that about the Rolling Stones back in the sixties when they covered songs by Chuck Berry or Muddy Waters? Maybe this [redacted] should go take a listen to Kid Rock’s albums before he made it big with Devil Without a Cause, in his earlier stuff he did the same thing that he did on this album, he talked about Hank Williams, Jr., John Paul Jones and used an Ozzy Osbourne riff..exactly what he did on this album but with other influences. This [redacted] obviously does not know what or who he is talking about. He is probably one of them that only likes albums that are made popular by teenagers such as Britney Spears, Madonna, NSYNC, etc. I feel sorry for [redacted] that he can’t respect someone that makes*genuine***music of all genres. Kid Rock was 27 when Devil Without A Cause broke, he is around 36 now and I am sure he wants to make and perform music until he is 60 years old and he doesn’t want to be jumping around the stage at 60, sreaming.he is maturing and I am sorry that this [redacted] cannot see that and does not respect that. I have wasted enough time on [redacted], he is nothing.and nothing compared to Kid Rock and [redacted] never will be!	„
	—Rob, totally PWNing [redacted]

PR reps angry email to a student newspaper review.

Intranet Pirates

Don't steal, I need money for HIV medicine.

Ashley Simpson

On May 27 Kid Rock would ruin 15 minutes of Saturday Night Live. He did "American Boy Ass" and used the intro to trash the previous week's singer Ashley Simpson for lip syncing. The second song was an acoustic version of "Only God Knows Why" that featured Phish's Trey Anatasio. Kid Rock would join Phish later in the year in Las Vegas, Nevada for a set of cover songs (COVER SONGS?!), making dirty hippies and dirtier white trash everywhere coalesce in an epic orgy of bad taste and melanin fail.

Insane Clown Posse

In 1992 Kid Rock recorded the track "Is That You?" with the Insane Clown Posse on their 1992 album Carnival of Carnage. A payment altercation would lead to an ICP/Kid Rock feud for several years. Kid Rock showed up to record "Is That You?" intoxicated, but re-recorded his vocals and record scratching the following day. ICP would during an interview about the album diss Kid Rock and said they didn't even want him on the album. Kid Rock responded on his bootleg series tapes on "Ya Keep On" saying

	“	Don't call me Joe, cause the Joes I know can't even flow.	„
	—Kid Rock, showing off his skills

Two homosexual clowns would respond with "Posse On Vernor" with

	“	Junkie on the corner, needle about to shoot, with a rebel flag and some cowboy boots, the closer we got the more clear it became, it's Kid Rock yelling What's my name?	„

Kid Rock hasn't responded as he is a massive pussy who can't even PWN a juggalo, not that it matters, juggalos are too stupid to realize they've been pwnd and Kid Rock sucks, or have I said that already?

Ruining Women

Pam Anderson

By April 2002, he and Anderson were engaged, but the engagement was later called off. Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson resumed their on-again, off-again relationship, culminating in a surprise wedding in July 2006 after it was reported Anderson was pregnant. They divorced 5 months later after Kid Rock stated she lied about having a miscarriage.

A truly classy couple.

Sheryl Crow

She was hot, before Rock.

Together, they released "Picture", a country-influenced duet which introduced Kid Rock to a wider audience. "Picture" was ultimately the most successful single on the album, and the song remains his most successful pop song in the US to date. After accepting his disease-ridden penis, Sheryl was forced to seek medical attention.

Kellie Pickler

American Idol star, Kellie Pickler.

Careful, dear - that microphone of his looks a bit suspect. Pedobear approves the 15 year age gap between these star-crossed lovers.

Film Career

Sex Tape

Ol' Bob had the good idea to share a quartet of strippers with Scott Stapp, frontman of Christian-rock band Creed. As if one bad idea weren't enough, a video camera was set to roll.

Little buddy on aforementioned 'sex tapes'

Other Cameos

He made a cameo in the turd "Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector.

Miscellaneous horrors

	“	"I'm sure people aren't thinking about it as deep or as crafty as I'd like them to think I am."	„
	—Kid Rock - LOL WUT

Joe C

MC Midget

Joe C was a midget rapper with no talent whatsoever. He also thought himself as being a pro-wrestler. Aside from sounding like, looking like and talking like a 10 year old boy, he was in his 20s when performing. Kind of a twist huh? On November 16, 2000 Joseph "Joe Coeliac" Callejua would pass away in his sleep from embarrassment. The disease of being known as Kid Rock's sidekick stunted his growth and forced him to take 60 pills a day; it is thought he is Birdman's long lost brother.

Its funny cause he's dead.

You lost to WHOM?

• Bob was nominated as Best New Artist at the 2000 Grammy Award's losing out to Christina Aguilera.
• He was also nominated for "Bawitdaba" for Best Hard Rock Performance, though the award was won by Metallica for "Whiskey In The Jar."
• "American Bad Ass" was nominated for Best Hard Rock Performance at the 2001s Grammy Awards, losing out to Rage Against The Machine's "Guerilla Radio".

Schill

The Rock n Roll Jesus

Get your Members Only shirt!

	“	Some artists have their own clothing lines or fragrances, but KID ROCK doesn’t want to get that fancy. Billboard reports that Kid is looking into launching his own line of beer and cigars.	„
	—Kid Rock's website, just a click away from his 'clothing line'.

He has his "own" clothing line called Made In Detroit which he purchased from Detroit designer Robert Stanzler.

Membership has it's privileges!

Sexual Deviance

According groupie dirt, Bob likes to be fisted.

	“	Kid Rock is one of the "filthiest" rock stars around... He's into orgies, exhibitionism, and fisting. And like Bill Clinton, Kid Rock likes cigars...and not just for smoking!	„
	—Some ditch pig who fucked Kid Rock

Weekend Warrior

• In 2008, Kid Rock recorded "Warrior" for a National Guard advertising campaign. Just shy of a 'git er done', this white trash recruiting attempt will appear in more than 3,000 theaters and on over 27,000 screens around the country.
• Kid Rock was involved in the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show controversy in Houston, Texas on February 1, 2004. He was criticized by war veterans for his choice of wearing the American flag as a poncho. The veterans didn't really care but were just trolling IRL because they were still super pissed that he'd fucked off on a killer Skynyrd tune.

Dropping Dox On The Man

Instead of allowing Kid Rock to work off his sentence by 'entertaining' the troops, the judge told him to pay up and do real community service. Much BAWWWWWING ensued. The charming rogue posted Georgia State Court Judge Alvin T. Wong's personal phone number posted on the front page of his website in retaliation. When asked about Judge Wong, Bobby invokes the troops like he's performing a banishing ritual.

	“	that's admirable, dude...	„
	—TMZ trolling IRL

	“	it's not about admiral.	„
	—Kid Rock, showing his nautical side

Political Ramblings

The Republican, Bush-loving, patriot speaks his heart (and what's left of his tiny mind).

Fan Club Faggotry

One fan wrote a poem and was roundly mocked (for all the wrong reasons), proving once again that every forum houses at least one expert on the matter at hand.

	“	I remember being around during the so called good ole days,but I dont remeber you being there.	„
	—Rox, Kid Rock OG

	“	DONT you Fken DARE call me a STAN... It may explain to you why BOB just shook your hand...BE KINDER and less SINacle...	„
	—Stan, apparently

	“	DONT U FUKIN LEAVERE HEAR I LUV U U R SWEET YOU HAVE MADE ME SMILE SO MANY TIMES AND I USEALLY DONT SMILE AT STRANGERS UNLESS THEY IN MY FACE BEING SWEET... POINT IS U DO A LOT OF COOL STUFFH HERE ...AND EVERYONE IS DIFF AND NOT ALL LIKE ONE OTHER GOD LEAVES THOSE TO HELP YOU LEARN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF LUV BYE	„
	—angeliquelacrissa, in a wonderful display of ALL CAPS

Oh LAWDY! We've been found

It didn't take long for some lucky googler to come across this article. Follow the yellow-brick lulz lol deleted.[1]

	“	I was googln KID ROCK nd ths SHIT came up - http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Kid_Rock - >:( we shd tk it dwn, bt i dnt knw hw. any1 knw hw to hck tht site????	„
	—Srsly? Seaking l33t h4x0rs

	“	omg angel that just isnt right at alll you should go the fcc and and send a complaint for identiy teft or whatever that shit is you can do to find out who done this because its just wrong wrong wrong to do that	„
	—Eva, with some sound legal advice.

	“	Hope the security folks at Atlantic Records and Vector Management, and Bob's personal management look into this nonsense and shut it down.	„
	—Yet another lawyer,

See Also

• Scott Stapp
• White Trash
• Wigger

External Links

• His site
• His fanboi site.

Kid Rock is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.

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