Livy

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LOL FIRED

Livy's idol Jim-Bob Duggar.

Livy is the self-proclaimed Ghengis Khan of the Citadel BBS world. His sole aim is to produce as many mini-Livies and Livettes as possible and become famous while doing so. He accomplished this goal by teaching undergrad history classes at University of Charleston until he was fired for fucking students. As a result of Livy's escapades dipping into the coed well, at least one undergrad was left knocked up and gave birth to a child.

A proud 39 year old Southerner and quiverfull adherent named after famed cult leader cum mass murderer Jim Jones, it is unclear whether Livy's plans include the subsequent buttsecksing and kool-aid feeding of his own spawn in order to become an hero. He is planning a lawsuit against the UC for wrongful termination. LOL.

	“	Children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.	„
	—Psalms 127:3, quoted from The whole truth, the entire truth according to Livy

	“	I did have (a) relationship(s) with (a) student(s).	„
	—Livy, August 8, 2007, The Story: Introduction

	“	It's unfortunate. It shouldn't happen, but it happens all the time.... They told me I was fired because they had concluded I was having relationships with multiple students.	„
	—Livy, August 9, 2007, from The Charleston Gazette

The Sordid Tale

At least 100 years ago Livy is rumored to have displayed inappropriate interest in several younger BBS women while married and making his wives (#1 and #2) do their best clowncar impression. He also declared that he was polyamorous for years, but whether or not his wives knew about that fact remains a mystery.

During Spring 2007 Livy allegedly chaperoned a university trip to Europe, including Poland and Germany. Apparently with his daughters, but not his sons. Hmmm.

May 17, 2007 12:34 from Livy

Greetings from Warsaw. Leave me a note if you want a postcard. I love Poland.
Hated Germany. Never let anyone tell you that Poland can't be cold in May.
[Announcements> msg #2295

On June 8, 2007 Livy returned from the trip to find that his wife has taken the other kids and left, leaving nothing but empty bank accounts and divorce papers. He made his first post begging for money for legal fees (not to feed his kids) on eSchwa BBS:

Jun 8, 2007 14:01 from Livy

Folks. I came back from Europe to find that Kim had moved out and carried the
boys off to Oregon. I got the divorce papers yesterday. I saw a lawyer this
morning and it's going to cost me a $4,000 retainer fee. I'm going to have a
hard time coming up with that in 20 days, since she cleaned out my bank account
before she left.

If anyone can part with any cash, of any amount, I would appreciate a
contribution mailed to the following. I regard all these as loans, to be paid
back by the end of the year.

Jimmy


Jimmy W. Jones
108 Westview Drive
Charleston, WV 25311

Paypal: [email protected]

[Announcements> msg #2319

By June 24, 2007 Livy had raised $4000 in 16 days, over $500 of it from suckers on the BBS:

Jun 24, 2007 20:47 from Livy

I really want to thank everyone for their help. I raised the 4,000 in ten days.
More than $500 of it came from eschwa, and others helped by using their special
powers, in very unique ways. I owe all of you for the rest of my life, so don't
hesitate to ask for favors as you need them.

The girls and I are doing okay. Trying to survive at this point. We're going to
be eating in for a couple of weeks until I get another paycheck, but we have
everything licked from here on out.

I hated to ask for help in this way, but this is one group that I felt
comfortable with. I've known many of you for more than 10 years and you're as
much my family as my real one.

Thank you.

--Jimmy
[Announcements> msg #2328

On July 2, 2007 Livy posted an announcement that he had recruited a new user, Chiquitita, to eSchwa, who is "AIM-My Space generation".

Jul 2, 2007 13:06 from Livy

New user, Chiquitita. Friend of mine. AIM-My Space generation. So go easy on
her.
[Announcements> msg #2334

On July 5, 2007 Livy promised to repay what he borrowed and claimed to have gotten the divorce petition dismissed "on the basis that it was groundless":

Jul 5, 2007 12:04 from Livy

Dear All,

For those of you who have been following along, I got the divorce petition
dismissed (on the basis that it was groundless). The lawyers have drawn up a
separation agreement that will leave me with full custody of the boys. I'll be
going out there to pick them up at the end of the month. The terms of the
agreement require that any divorce from this point would honor the custody
arrangements outlined in the sep. order.

Thanks for all your help. For those who sent money, I'll return it by the end
of the year, at the latest. I appreciate all of you, more than you'll ever
know.
[Announcements> msg #2337

On July 17, 2007 Livy posts a second message begging for money, revealing that he's been fired from his job as a tenured professor "in part due to the court trial." Not a single mention of boinking TAs or students or knocking up girls not old enough to share his beer:

Jul 17, 2007 17:58 from Livy

*sigh* Back begging again. In part due to the court trial, I have been fired
from my current place of employment. I'm relocating to Boston, or to Seattle,
or somewhere in between. I am in shit luck financially, and have two daughters
to take care of, if you have anything to spare, please paypal it to
[email protected]

Thank you, friends. :(
[Announcements> msg #2349

E-detectives Descend

Livy's sekrit spawn with a coed

At this point the quiet heat lightning flickering in the distance began to rumble into a full-fledged drama cloud. Incredibly, the fallout of the second round of Mary Moon drama (in which Livy was an original participant who said he wanted people "to be decent human beings") was largely ignored as furious e-detectivery commenced in the sekrit!!1 Neutron Star> forum on the old media cesspool known as Utopia Dammit BBS.

It was quickly determined that Livy had a large number of undergraduate "friends," many of them female and hott, on Facebook. Sleuths also found a sekrit picture of a young woman in a hospital bed holding a newborn baby on Livy's website. On July 25th, Livy changed Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship" with a person named Shannon M. who lists her school affiliation as Charleston '08. Coed jailbait, with a baby! Livy's Facebook "status" was also updated to say "Jimmy Jones is going home to get the baby." His status changed to "Making Ms. S. happy" one day later. Now tasting blood, the pallid and eyeless denizens of Utopia sleuthed on with great relish and zeal.

The Chiquitita Connection

A juicy undergraduate snack for parasites

As mentioned above, Livy had previously invited someone of the "AIM-My Space generation" to eSchwa, whose BBS username was Chiquitita. It became clear from her public profile on eSchwa that this person was not Shannon but someone named Hannah W. who is no relation to Livy (INFORMATION REDACTED). From the profile, e-detectives followed a link to her blog at http://katamawaves.blogspot.com/, where she posted (now deleted) about spending all of her money on Livy despite being "broke and in debt" and "twenty years old". It was clear that Livy had a second coed groupie in love with him.

	“	Yelled at JJ last night over IM. I felt awful. I mean, better, you know, calmer, but still really bad -like, what, he doesn't have enough to worry about without his best friend sucking at life? Way to go, Chiquitita. But I am better now, and I solemnly resolve to once again be a best friend who actually deserves the title. I'm so needy that I don't know how well I'll do, but I am damn sure going to try.... Pay day is Monday. I cannot fucking wait. I am buying: Frozen dinners Slim Fast shakes Mints Chips Oil ...That's it; I'm fucking poor and in debt. I am so worried about money, you cannot even imagine. I know that nearly all my spending this summer has been for JJ and the girls. That doesn't bother me; I'm glad for every penny of it. But the 'rents would go psychotic if they knew, so I must make something up. Think, think, think. Maybe they won't ask. I am twenty fucking years old, and it's my damn money. I work 40 hours a week for it. I just don't have enough of it. If I don't go out anymore, I will be okay. But that also means not taking the girls out, and I like to go out with them. I adore them.	„
	—Chiquitita, "As long as there is life there is hope," blog entry July 12, 2007

	“	I am forced to sit by while one of my dearest friends suffers and I can do nothing. There is nothing worse than that. My Fourth of July was good. Helped said friend move. I know that sounds weird for a "good" Fourth of July, but at least I felt useful. He was grateful, and I know he needed the help. I just wish I could do more. This is killing me. The pain of my own uselessness is killing my soul.	„
	—Chiquitita "That's all she wrote," blog entry July 6, 2007

A fine case of Stockholm syndrome. These angst-riddled blog entries would make penis of any predator tingle in anticipation.

For a few days, Chiquitita had a secret blog at the brilliantly named katama-waves.blogspot.com, since deleted. She left it linked to her BlogSpot profile though. This post was found:

	“	It's not exactly a private blog, but if I don't give out the name, perhaps it will be private-ish. I don't mind the thought of other people reading this. I want them to; that's why it's here. But if people I know read it, the wrong people, anyway, we could have problems. There was almost a problem with the previous blog. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you this. I must be loyal to JJ and this seems like the best way to do it. I cannot delete the old one - that is suspicious, plus I want to be able to look at it. But I can have a new one whose name I don't give out.	„
	—Chiquitita in a secret blog entry, on or about July 25, 2007

Further Drama

One intrepid investigator named Joan Of Arc read Livy's Ph.D. dissertation and found that Livy had no daddy, instead the dissertation acknowledgements say Livy's daddy "got lost somewhere along the way." This same investigator dug up a blog entry mentioning him waiting outside Hooters until 12:30 waiting for a woman named Jo to get off work.

SalMonkey, long known for her creative and colorful rants, had something to say about Livy's daddy issues.

	“	Got lost? That sounds like if he'd checked the sock-catcher on the dryer, behind the sofa, and the passenger side of the car he might have found him. Poor little whaa whaa bitch boy who'll never grow up. I want to dress him up like Peter Pan and then smash his overactive testicles with a paving slab. And make him eat the remains in a nice soup.	„
	—SalMonkey

On July 18th and 28th, Livy had Xed accomplished BBS nerd, cyclist and cockmongler Ivor asking for assistance to delete fucking everything.

*** Message (old) from Livy at 10:57 on Jul 18, 2007 ***
>How do I format this laptop?

*** Message (old) from Livy at 14:53 on Jul 28, 2007 ***
>Gmail IM conversations. Would those be logged anywhere on my host machine?

Livy's Confession

On July 30, possibly aware the of dramacrat presence on his blog Livy made a post called "The Full Story," all of which is reproduced below.

	“	So everyone has been waiting for two weeks for me to post the whole truth, the entire truth, here on these pages. And at long last I am ready to do so. Remember, that this is long, complicated, and it's probably going to offend some of you. Tough. Here it is.	„
	—Livy, "The Full Story," July 30, 2007

The "full story" is a link to the King James Bible. It would have been funnier as a rickroll, but Livy is too serious a Southern Gentleman for that.

Continuing Saga

Letter from Judge Judy to Livy

In late September, producers from Judge Judy contacted Livy about arbitrating his case against U of Charleston because of them firing him for fucking undergrads. Trapped between glee at potential fame and his wily, rat-like understanding that Judge Judy would take one look at the particulars of the case and reduce him to quivering emasculated shreds on the stand, he posted a scan of the letter on his blog but ultimately declined to be pwned by the Honorable Judge.

Livy has continued seeking infamy in the following months, spawning and deleting several blogs and forums without notice. Often the new blogs were private at first but then made public when it becomes clear that noone is reading them and he is therefore destined to die alone like the penniless fraud that he is. After deleting and then recreating his blog at http://www.jimmyjones.org his most recent alias as of December 2007 is "Prometheus," clearly a reference to his messianic badboy God complex and self-appointed status as the cult leader of a harem of naive women. Prometheus was fired for stealing fire from Zeus and giving it to the helpless hot virgins of Greece.

The blog has toned down a lot since his is apparently, surprise surprise, having some legal troubles *** and problems with former cult members turning into internet stalkers. That tends to happen when a former cult member realizes you've taken some of the best years of their life. He reserves nothing but vitriol for those he has excommunicated:

	“	There's no need for you to obsessively read the blog five or ten times a day. I'm not going to post any of your dope smoking pictures. Nor reference our shared sexual history. Nor am I going to mention your name. I'm not even going to smack on that ugly, obnoxious penis-biting canine of yours. I have zero concern for you and hope, deep down, never, ever to see you again. As far as I am concerned, both of you are dead to me. Have a nice life.	„
	—Livy as "Prometheus", "Blister in the Sun" December 16, 2007

He has since moved to Oregon which is a strange choice considering the age of consent is 18 there but he is considering moving back to West Virginia where the age of consent is 16. He is apparently "writing a book" and planning to maybe get a job. He's also (literally) driving around in the countryside staking out locations for his fortified compound:

	“	I spent most of the day writing, and making lists. I'm an excellent list maker. High on my list is finding some sort of job for the spring. One of my plans is to bartend at night and work on my projects during the day. I have a few other ideas, but I won't make those public beyond my friends. The girls and I woke and went out and found something we called breakfast. Stopped at Wal-Mart for supplies. Drove around outside of town, looking for a more country setting. We're either moving back to WV, or to a more rural area here. That's undecided at the moment, and depends, considerably, on the events of the next few weeks.	„
	—Livy as "Prometheus", "X-Day" December 15, 2007

It's clear that his daughters are still with him and are being pressed into service for the siting and eventual construction of the compound. Anonymous is most concerned for their welfare. Their morale is failing, though:

	“	REDACTED1 and REDACTED2, especially REDACTED1, are upset. She opened the door a few minutes ago. Home from her walk. She sat on the floor beside me in the kitchen. She's depressed about the entire matter. "When have we ever had this small of a family," she asked. I don't know, sissy. I only hope God will sort it all out in the end. I keep putting my faith in people, and people keep letting me down. Now that I think about it, God doesn't have such a good track record for 2007, either.	„
	—Livy as "Prometheus," "Hard Day" December 12, 2007

The level of indoctrination here is mind-boggling.

"Lucy"

Also, since Livy rose from the ashes of his old blog as "Prometheus," another woman has entered the mix and has posting access to his blog. Her name is supposedly Lucy and she is the oddest case yet since she looks young and hot (which Livy likes) but has gray hair (which is a sign of maturity and wisdom, things Livy doesn't like). TIME PARADOX. BUT WAIT. In the blog post in which "Lucy" is referred to, using this picture, the filename is actually shannon74323-741200.jpg -- suggesting that "Lucy" may actually be the Shannon. The gray hair is still a mystery though, perhaps she has dyed it to evade detection or as some strange cult ritual. The twisted webs of Livy's cult harem are becoming impossible to untangle even to the dedicated e-journalist.

See Also

• Livy's blog/website lol, blanked since discovery of this article
• Livy's RateMyProfessors page

Livy is part of a series on Enemies of the Lulz

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