r/IAmA

Ask Me Anything' is in theory an interesting idea; a forum for interesting or unusual people to make themselves available for questioning from the public at large. r/IAMA is proof positive that there is no high concept cannot be ruined by the drooling flock of half ape mouth breathers of reddit.

Ask Me Anything

R/IAmA is a forum where anyone can make themselves available for questions from redditors. The fact that reddit is reddit precludes any rational or meaningful questions from being asked. What the reader gets is a torrent of the same three questions being asked over and over. The fun of the subreddit is observing the slow realization of the person answering questions that each and every person asking questions is so profoundly retarded that the fact they posted on reddit counts as a minor miracle. The cruel charade goes on as long as the answerer is willing to debase themselves for attention, or unemployed stoned atheists are willing to keep asking the same question over and over.

I Am A

If you spend more than a few minutes on r/IAmA, you will quickly realize that there are only a few types of threads, each of a type are exactly the same in content:

I am a menial worker making slave wages

The vast majority of reddit users are wage slaves, and about half of AMA is these sacks of shit deluding themselves into thinking that anyone at all gives the tiniest of fucks about their meaningless lives. They do this so readers can get all sorts of insights from a man who can't be trusted to make a hamburger without supervision. These threads chug along with endless rewording of “What's the weirdest thing you've seen?” before fading into the darkness of page 500.

I am a has-been celebrity looking to feel important again

Upon encountering one of these threads, the reader will at first be puzzled. Then after about thirty seconds of hard thought, they will vaguely remember an evening news story mentioning the person. These poor souls never move on from the five minutes someone cared they existed, and live vicariously through hazy recognition of complete strangers.

I am hocking my latest piece of shit project. Ask me about my piece of shit project

Some publicists are actually so bad at their jobs, they seem to think redditors have disposable income. They actually send their wards into IAmA, like a sheep amongst really, really stupid sheep. It is admittedly amusing to watch these successful, intelligent people struggle to mask their contempt for these subhuman Cretans as they plug their instantly forgettable entries into the cultural realm.

Woody Harrelson started just such a thread to promote his new film "Rampart", but was not made aware that "fucking and never calling a high school girl at her afterprom" fell under the heading of "Anything". When he was asked about just such an occurrence, he immediately lost his shit, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge any question not about his movie. Given a choice whether to ask Woody about a boring movie or deflowering high schoolers, not too many people asked about the movie.

I am dying of an obscure medical condition

These people like to pretend that being sick makes them special. They are often slowly dying, and experiencing an understandable existential crisis. The only logical thing to do is immortalize their legend by posting an attention whore thread on a subreddit full of attention whores.

I am an interesting and articulate person with a story to tell

Coverage forthcoming as soon as such a thread appears.

AMA PLOX

AMA also includes requests made by redditors for celebrates to do AMA's. Here, perhaps more than anywhere is evidence of reddit's delusions of grandeur. These people actually expect famous and talented people whose time is worth thousands of dollars for an hour to sit down and answer pointless questions from an online daycare for the hopelessly retarded. Shockingly, this almost never happens. Even more reasonable requests for reality show stars or public intellectuals are left unanswered, because in spite of the unwarranted self importance it's users may possess, reddit is an uninhabitable cesspit reviled by all but the most abhorrent societal rejects.

Almost Anything

There are some times when you can't even pretend to be open to answering questions about anything other than the shit tv show you write for. This is when a poster appends their offer to bear their soul to anyone with a keyboard and a cognative deficit with a tiny, little “almost”. This tiny “almost” is actually a giant “FUCK YOU” to anyone hoping to ask a question inconvenient to the answerer. These are the threads that tend to go especially badly, as the unanswered questions betray the intent of the answerer to focus solely upon their shit product.

See Also

• Attention Whore
• Bukkake

External Links

Be sure to ask them why they waste their time. They love that.
Woody Harrelson devoured by a roving pack of retards.
Sim City 5 Devs got their shit ripped even before their awful abomination was released upon the public.