Uckfield

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A sign next to the local river greets weary travellers

Fuckfield known by some locals as Uckfield is located in the deepest darkest parts of the Weald in East Sussex. The town itself is home to angry Conservatives and Liberals, they frequently engage in open warfare on the towns Facebook chat group Uckfield Talk. The town is notable for the disappearance of Lord Lucan who was reportedly buried in the cesspit of Grants Hill House. It's also know for a local bank branch holding an account of a local Nazi supporter and Holocaust denier Anthony Hancock].

The town itself is located approximately 8 miles north of Mordor aka Lewes, this is where the county council sits in ivory towers, staring evilly across the flat plains of East Sussex (see the Battle of Parish Poll). It's also located approximately 11 miles north west of Ankh Morpork aka Hailsham, this is where the district council stares slightly less evilly across the barren wilderness towards Uckfield (see the Battle of Ridgewood Farm).

History

The town was allegedly founded by Daffy Duck sometime in the 16th century, as he deeply wished for a place to come home. Struggling to come up with a name as the town of Duckfield already existed he settled on the equally terrible name of Uckfield. Within two years of founding the town of Uckfield it was widely derided by those who enjoyed toilet humour and so it was that it became known as Fuckfield. Daffy Duck's great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren frequently suffer abuse from local townsfolk in the form of trolleys been lobbed at them.

Trolleys in the river.

Moving into the early 80s the town was invaded by Conservative city folk with their lattes and cappuccinos. This increasingly cause tension in the town leading to the Battle of Libcons the almighty battle saw the loss of over 1000 lives and the town mascot Tibbles the Cat who'd recently finished filming the cat. After the battle the Conservatives retreated to Mordor & Ankh Morpork, whilst the Liberals stood triumphantly over the Town Hall. For a while there was peace across the burning ashes of the Weald until the Illuminati appeared within the walls of the town they took the form of Cllr Toy Galley & Cllr Blaire Howling, with their arrival the coming off the apocalypse was revealed to all.

Videos

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