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That Guy With The Glasses/Blistered Thumbs
Bar Fiesta
Supposedly a Channel Awesome site that was going to cover the nightlife in Chicago; it has only two posts, and supposedly its launch date was going to be at 9/1/2010:
—Modesty doesn't come easy to them. | ||
However, as is predictable with anybody with their heads this far up their asses, the site failed abysmally, and it has been cast into the shadows of obscurity. See, having a manchild "cewebrity" isn't cause for expecting every single website made and managed by the TGWTG crew to be an instant success. Speaking of other websites opened by the TGWTG crew...
Inked Reality
Inked Reality is Channel Awesome's latest foray into whoring out another site, but after learning their lesson with Bar Fiesta and Blistered Thumbs, that their viewers are too Autistic to click on a site that isn't splattered with Doug's face, decided to keep them on TGWTG.
Inked Reality is to it's subject as Blistered Thumbs to vidya games, a bunch of overweight perma-virgins bleeting on about shit noone cares about. But this time them bitching about either comics, animu or reuploads of animations from newgrounds.
With the exception of their second poster boy, Linkara and Happy Harry, Inked Reality is populated by contributors no one watches, hence the rather sparse amount of names below...
Inked Reality Contributors
Linkara
Moar info: Linkara.
DO IT FAGGOT!
Lewis Jew is Channel Awesome's resident comic book reviewer, mainly because he's the only person willing to make weekly videos about shitty comic books exclusively for TGWTG.com. His "reviews" are essentially Doug Walker's patented "Summarize the entire plot and spoil everything while complaining about irrelevant bullshit" reviewing style adapted to an artistic medium that nobody gives a shit about. It is a well known fact that none of Linkara's fans have any interest in comic books i.e they can't read. and only watch him because his humor appeals to the same demographic the Nostalgia Critic does. Linkara's reviews are also lined with right-wing bias and psuedofeministic rants which are even more retarded than his usual ramblings about Batman.
Worst of all is the massive amount of irony he creates whenever he decides to tell one of his insanely bad stories, be it in a poorly-drawn comic or right in the middle of one of his fucking reviews. He also made a 6 minute rant bitching about people asking when his next History of Power Rangers video would come out, even though he decided to do it on his own free will. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't put it at the VERY BEGINNING OF HIS FUCKING VIDEO SO THAT EVERYBODY HAD TO SIT THROUGH THAT FUCKING SHIT!
ThatDudeInTheSuede
ThatDudeInTheSuede is a Mormon weeaboo that knows how to troll. While this may sound awesome, it's about as fun as a prostate exam. The only lulz this guy has ever produced is when he trolled the Final Fantasy fanbase in a epic 30 minute-long video. As soon as he made this video, he left the site to go to Iraq to convert Muslims because it was the right thing to do, marking his legacy with being the first one to leave. This literally made him the Kurt Cobain of the site, making him some kind of legendary messiah on the site despite making only one good decent video.
However, his two years of missionary work are almost up and it seems unlikely that he will return to the site once he's done. This is probably the smartest decision he's made so far. His appearance in Suburban Knights has signaled his return to the website and he posted a video shortly after Suburban Knights making his return official. Let the fucktarded crossovers commence.
Happy Harry
Harry Partridge is one of the most popular Newgrounds contributors. So why give Tom Fulp ad revenue when you can see it on TGWTG? Unfortunately, Harry suffers from "That Chick With The Goggles" disease which debilitates several TGWTG members, where he manages only to upload only one new video every ten-twelve months, and even then it's old shit that's already been on Newgrounds and YouTube.
We get it Harry, your Watchmen video was funny at first IT WAS NEVER FUNNY. But for fucks sake stop showing us it over and over and over!!!!! You're turning into Game Dude with your constant re-uploads!
Blistered Thumbs
Blistered Thumbs (previously named: Bored Shitless) was created when TGWTG decided they weren't ripping off AVGN enough. So realizing that the Internets really didn't give a shit about a review site unless the subject matter was video games, they desperately whored up a bunch of random video game reviewers from all over the Internet, the majority being ScrewAttack rejects.
Since Doug has received far too many complaints from his cock worshippers, the admins have finally decided to give this pile of shit its own site. Ironically, however, more and more people are visiting TGWTG in order to watch this shit (probably because nobody cares about movies, just video games). So one can now notice Nostalgia Critic updates being rammed up the ass of visitors to the site because nobody gives a shit about Channel Awesome's precious leading manchild anymore. Angry Joe posted a video begging kids to copy/paste existing articles from better websites and rewrite them. They're not compensated for their work and they won't get any real credit for college or the actual journalistic field, but hey!, at least you could get know the staff from Channel Awesome and participate on their podcasts and crossover movies (a.k.a Shitassia 2: Electric Boogaloo).
Honest Reviewing?
As Blistered Thumbs own site has been launched it appear that nothing has change from the typical bullshit content we've seen time and time again. In response to this a thread was created on their forums asking for answers. In place of that we get mouth breathing tards who suckle the teats of their fellow creators. Even some of their staff gets involved in this mess. The OP tears open every asshole of fellow staff members in their home territory and much lulz ensues.
Blistered Thumbs Contributors
Angry Joe
about to prolapse.
Get it? He's angry. DURR HURR HURR HURR. Angry Joe (IRL name Joe Vargas Dirty Sanchez) is a spiked crewcut homo beaner that essentially serves as TGWTG's answer to the AVGN, or as a placemarker until they can nab someone more popular NO WAIT, They have Dr. Ashens now!!!
He is the not-recognized son of Germán Valdez "Tin Tan" and likes to portray himself as a brave and righteous hero that fights the good fight against the big evil gaming corporations, and believes he is the voice of all gamers on the internet. He is aided in his crusade by his loyal fanbase, the so-called "Angry Joe Army", who will buy anything he tells them to buy, gloating about their combined purchasing power. However, he has proven himself more than willing to screw his fanbase over by stealing their ideas and begging them for various kinds of services. Not to mention the fact that he thinks "fighting The Man" means jizzing over the hottest 1st party property out on any given week and ignoring the Indie Gaming scene entirely. Naturally, as original as video game reviewers can be, his trademarks consists of the same Superman shirt and a theme song shamelessly ripping off G.I. Joe.
In Mr Vargas' defence, he is quite possibly the hardest working Mexican on the face of the planet. Joe manages to spew out at least ten videos a day for TGWTG, all of which will be viewed by no one due to them all being the same fucking thing. If you've seen one Angry Joe video, you've seen them all... and they're all shit!!!
Joe's usual video consists of him pretending to become enraged over some insignificant segment of a video game/recently released movie... for ten minutes (all encased in a slew of shitty green screening and after effects). When it is quite apparent (either from his lack of acting ability or true opinion) that he clearly doesn't give a fuck IRL and is only making this pretend emotion to make moar monies on Blip. Sadly, the only people to call him out on his pretend emo faggotry were the members of Spoony's forums who've presumably been banned for saying anything but blind praise to Spoony's friends. Still, for the rest of the Internets, Angry Joe fails harder than the very retard he imitates.
Recently, Joe went from having the most effects-laden show of the entire TGWTG crew to actually upgrading his show. Much more impressively however, he brought on a sidekick: a busty blonde chick. Despite the obvious fact that she was acquired in the course of human trafficking from Tijuana, Joe has on his show a chick who is light-years out of the league of any other TGWTG fan or contributor. Sidekick Lisa Foiles has her own upstart video game review show on The Escapist, and predictably enough it is shit.
Unfortunately, due to a total lapse in US border control, he sadly wasn't thrown back over the border to Mexico during his recent trip to Nevada to film the 2nd Anniversary video.
Also, his moustache makes him look like a faggot, but you already knew that. How else do you think he got put in charge of Blistered Thumbs?
Angry Joe vs. Geoff Keighley
For years like most stupid gamers Angry Joe made a huge deal about the Spike TV VGAs being awful and a misrepresentation of gaming culture. Yes this show is indeed shitty, but neither the industry or the actual audience watching cares to throw a tantrum like Joe does. Nobody cares if they win an award and don't promote it as much as an actual award like the Game Developers Choice Awards. Life goes on and more games are made without any alterations from the show. Joe doesn't feel that they fucking care about your petty concerns as a gamer and wants to be your voice, which is apparently the voice of an annoying douche bag spic with a faggy mustache who's the son of your cleaning lady and wants you to keep him entertained until she's done fucking your dad in the next room. So all you hear is stupid ranting and dumb nitpicks in front of a green screen about something he has zero control over.
Since there wasn't enough evidence to prove that Joe is incapable of being a reviewer or having any outside contact with normal people, Joe was invited to the 2010 Spike TV VGAs. Instead of being grateful as being recognized from his 5th rate site as an actual journalist, he decides to make a video where he pisses on his host's face. Geoff Keighley all around nice guy and professional journalist thought it would be funny to fuck with Joe. So instead of deleting his email and ignoring him forever, he grants him his invite. In another video update Joe considers this a huge blow against him. Joe now asks of his fans to write questions to ask Geoff in a 15 minute interview he was promised. After all being a professional journalist Joe couldn't come up with his own questions and do his own research before walking into the lion's den known as the Spike TV VGAs.♠
So Joe sets out for the show without any preparation to spit hot fire about his retarded agenda. When Joe and his gay camera man arrives we see that he is put in the dead last spot for the press and Geoff doesn't want to even talk with him. After all Geoff is a busy man and he's got to make sure this entire show runs smoothly and could wait until after to talk with Joe. Joe is so frustrated that he can no longer wait. Eventually he convinces some girl to make Geoff talk with him where Geoff tells him he's got a few minutes which Joe claims it was two. From this moment on we see the worst gaming journalist interview put on film as Geoff tears this rookie's asshole in half like a phone book, all while Joe seems to be constantly on the edge of crying like a little girl. Joe then bitches how he let everyone down and is a complete failure, but it was not his fault.
The outcome of this weighs in with the drooling dipshit fans who think Joe was absolutely right and Geoff was an asshole. Joe is apparently considered a misunderstood hero who's rights have been trampled upon. Anyone who's not part of TGWTG, knows about journalism, likes videos games, or is considered a normal human being think Joe is the biggest retard in the world. Not only did Joe burn any bridges with getting future invites to the show, but anyone in the video game industry that sees this will forever pan their site from being considered as journalists. So all outside sources from TGWTG start to throw their opinions about Joe back at him without the risk of being instabanned from Blistered Thumbs. Joe starts to pick a fight with one called imagesfromapoet no less than a half hour after the video was uploaded. She later blocked her comments, but we've saved them all for you.
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Ashens
Ashens (Real Name Stuart Ashen) is a popular UK Youtube star who loves to review bootleg consoles and cheap knock offs from China. Ashens went the typical Youtube star route and sold out by making DVD's of the same videos you can view for free online. He also has unfunny gimmick characters that he likes to insert into the middle of his unscripted rambling. Mike Michaud apparently was flat broke and needed Ashens to help fill in another spot on his site. So he suckered in Ashens to we hope raise some money for a homeless shelter.
Awesome Video Games
Awesome Video Games (also known as "FarFromSubtle" or "Fraser" on TGWTG) are another bunch of fuck head video makers from the third world country that is Canada. AVG created a one-off unfunny sketch about two GamePro/Bill and Ted-esque 80's teens making a show about 8-bit video games, BACK IN 2006!!!. They saw that this sketch was popular and just kept making it over and over and over to the point they've been flogging this dead horse of a series for so long that you'd be able to drink the remains.
Awesome Video Games are also the Littlest Hobo of the internets, as in they've been pummelling this one gag-piece of shit show back and forth to any website retarded enough to host them. They started out on ScrewAttack, before setting sail for YouTube, then Newgrounds, then Machinima.com and are now currently residing on TGWTG. Why the fuck Channel Awesome picked up these whores is beyond anyone's comprehension. Though they'll soon fuck off to The Escapist or Destructoid when it suits them (normally when they're not being paid enough, or just don't like their current audience).
As with most video game "E-celebs" on the internet, they've noticed that making an episode actually takes effort, so they've now fallen back to "Let's Plays" which consist of them sitting on a couch and staring at a TV screen while the viewer sees it at an awkward 45 degree angle. Which as strange as it even sounds is even more painful to endure. Where the fuck is Retsuprae when you need them?
Bennett the Sage
Bennett White is a lardassed, egocentric, degrading, condescending, and severely autistic game reviewer that reviews RPGs, recently released games, and shitty 80's and 90's animu in an extremely monotonic, repetitive voice. He currently sports a neckbeard that resembles that of a pubic bush. His videos offer zero entertainment and have absolutely no redeemable factors whatsoever, though popular, banned g1 daegranos says he has managed to improve in quality from his earlier reviews. Unfortunately, he also represents the critics that have standards so high, that he won't give them a thumbs up unless it sucks his microdong off of his expectations like the fat ass comic book fan take on video game fandom he is.
As banal as they come, Bennett stands as a classic example of Blistered Thumbs' fail.
Recently, Bennett decided it was going to be very funny to read Fan Fiction for the internet, and decided to read the overrated monstrosity of the internet "My Immortal" because he wants to be on the "good side" of ED in case shit gets real. Unfortunately, after reading about where Hermione is a half werewolf bitch in a fanfiction of lulzy proportions, he said that he would have no more time for it. It's okay fatass, you're a fucking bore anyway.
As of lately, he's been also revealed himself as a Reject Weeaboo, praising only animu made in the 1980's, and adding in his banal as fuck voicing and unwitty to review Japanese entertainment like the douchebag he is to other unlikable animu hating gothfags, Halo worshipping fucks, and other reject weebs like himself to feel better about themselves.
Because of this and his banal douchey ethnocentric nerd ramblings, accurate experts say this will never happen as long as he's a part of the Channel Awesome circle jerk, but some of us out and about in the internets see and have a feeling that slowly but surely this unlikable, bland as fuck douchebag weeb's popularity will soon go down the ranks, and will proceed to slowly disappear into obscurity because of his terrible personality as a person and entertainer in general like Spoony.
Benzaie
A gay French man (is there any other kind?) who talks about video games no one cares about in an accent that no one can understand. And like most of the other videos on TGWTG, ripping off a show Guru Larry did several years before with "Games Yanks Can't Wank" for ScrewAttack (who has also since fucked off to TGWTG). The title of his segment also contains a huge, glaring grammatical error that he's never bothered to fix, most likely because his viewers don't know proper English either and have never pointed it out. Most people know him as having once upon a time produced a mildly amusing video about a rape-oriented videogame -- and never having produced anything remotely worthwhile before or since. Obviously he grabbed That Chick With The Goggles's position as the company's affirmative action hire, once she went off and got a real job, and so in spite of uploading videos only once in a blue moon he is framed as a mid-to-high-echelon contributor. All said, he produces fail after fail, so yes, he fits perfectly to the site.
He also lieks Metal, performing strip teases, and giving blowjobs to Spoony.
Clan of the Gray Wolf
Hosted by Roo, Clan of the Gray Wolf is yet another gaming review site with a Youtube partnership. However it may surprise you that the content here is a step up from the basic TGWTG shit. Roo ignores the trend of shitty angry reviewers and does very in depth researched discussions about different video games and movies (in other words, he's actually good). His friend Boomer talks in depth about tabletop games without having to do hour long unboxing videos like Spoony. Still Roo has been known in the past to always jerk off to TGWTG and go as far as supporting dog shit like Kickassia. Roo even managed to raise over $1,500 for Child's Play, but never got honored as a sponsor unlike TGWTG butt buddy, Pat the NES Punk. Sorry, but you're gonna have to try harder than that. At least he didn't shit talk his fans over Skype and hang up on them. He is rumored to be the only member of this circle jerk that, is married to what appears to be, an actual attractive female.
Yet for some strange reason this is not good enough for Doug and crew. FINALLY!!! he's been picked up for Blistered Thumbs. Angry Joe, now milking Roo's older videos for BT ad revenue, dumped on his lap bitch errands such as cover worthless events while everyone else dicks around with their press passes to not get any real work done. Roo views this as an opportunity to spread his integrity across the fail (i.e., Blistered Thumbs), but Angry Joe has already stomped out any honor their site had left. We're expecting a Brad Jones-esque decline into absolutely mediocre content punctuated with pointless crossovers.
Coldguy
Coldguy AKA Patrick Burden was one of the reviewers at TGWTG who was better known for writing more articles than posting pointless videos. You might remember him from his cameo in Spoony's Warrior #1 review. Most of the time he would tell aspie stories of being a Game Stop employee. The three videos he made consist of foreign films that aren't the least bit nostalgic to the sites actual demographic. The only thing this guy could ever bring to the table is a circle jerk podcast about the site in general. Coldguy has been considered inactive from TGWTG since April 2010 (outside his shitty podcast) until he was appointed as a review editor on Blistered Thumbs new website.
The Game Heroes
Handsome Tom (Real Name Thomas Hanley Jr.) use to be part of the famous duo with Stuttering Craig that was ScrewAttack.com. Tom and his friend Craig were both very passionate about the video game industry and wanted to make a site where they could get their messages out to the people. However Craig was very stingy about money with his cash cow the AVGN along with the brand name of his site (which he stole from Nintendo). After many disagreements both parted ways and Tom decided to create his own site called The Game Heroes. Along with his pal 8-Bit Mickey (Real Name Mickey Paradis) they have mustered together a ScrewAttack Lite that nobody honestly cares about.
(The following section is presumably written by Handsome Tom himself, but this is purely speculation... although it would make him epic if it was:) With Blistered Thumbs having their own site Handsome Tom wasn't even considered to lead the charge in order to not constantly pander their retarded audience and earn some actual respect amongst gamers. Tom was after all the brains behind ScrewAttack before getting royally fucked over by Craig. In the past fans have seen how Tom puts more effort and research into his actual job than his giggling group of pussy repellent. Doug and Mike ignored this to award Angry Joe as the head of command. This is the equivalent of getting raped by a boxcar full of circus freaks, having the special education freak boxcar get sloppy seconds, and then an angry spic shits on your worn out carcass as he talks about the Kinect in front of a green screen. Handsome Tom was last seen on the set of Kickassia questioning his very existence on Earth to be stuck with absolute losers while he gave no fucks about his entire performance.
So how/why did Tom leave ScrewAttack? Short answer: He was cowardly knifed in the back by Stuttering Craig. Tom in his infinite wisdom, decided to take a vacation one spring morning in 2007 and whilst he was away Craig registered the company in his name only. Of course, Tom being a reasonable man decided, "well, I'll be a sport to Craig and become a paid employee." Unfortunately, paying people is Stuttering Craig's personal Kyrptonite and he told Tom to Fuck off. Tom then went on to create The Game Heroes, and then moved onto TGWTG.
8-Bit Mickey also shoehorned his way onto Season 2 for the Sony reality show called The Tester. This show consists of retards with no actual art, programing, design, writing, sound or video editing, and producing experience while giving them challenges that would not even be suitable for a real tester job. Thanks to the number of TGWTG supporters 8-Bit Mickey managed to easily claim a spot on the show. We'd like to give thanks to you guys for giving us something to point and laugh at for all of the wrong reasons. He was eliminated in the 4th episode for being a stupid retard and making his team get lost during their challenge. Now you'll live forever in shame that you couldn't get farther to earning a terrible job than an obese retard or a gay gamer.
Guru Larry
Guru Larry (Real Name Larry Bundy Jr., Known aliases of TheCuriousOrange, UncleBastard, and more) was a failed artist and TV presenter in the video game industry and also a shitty fat fuck of a contributor for ScrewAttack. Larry was fired from UK Television in 2008, and fired from ScrewAttack by Stuttering "Popped Collar" Craig, who finally gave him the official boot after Larry bitched about not being paid there. Presently, Guru Larry lives a double life. By day, he works for TGWTG.com, posting videos where he poorly informs people of such facts as, "Super Mario Brothers 2 was actually Doki Doki Panic!" By night for most of the last two years, Larry had secretly made the majority of the contributions to the That Guy With The Glasses ED article, as well as Video Game Reviewers and any sections pertaining to him on ScrewAttack.
ScrewAttackEurope then began to slowly disappear off ScrewAttack's website, first the SAE section of their forums, then eventually off their main page. This was all done without ever informing Wez or Larry that they had been fired. But come August of 2010, Craig was informed that they were making money on YouTube as they had recently become partners. Seeing red, Craig threw a bitch fit, and went Spax3 on their asses, demanding Wez and Larry close their account because of bogus "copyright infringement" claims, followed by wild accusations of them only becoming partners in the first place as they were illegitimately using ScrewAttack's name. Craig then BAWWWED to YouTube and demanded that they remove their partnership status.
Of course, he threw such a massive eTantrum this time, it caught the attention of fans, who saw this as "Stuttering Craig Vs. Handsome Tom" all over again. In response Craig released a lulzworthy video explaining what mean and nasty persons Larry and Wez were for leaving their website (note: never explaining "why" they left), whilst Destin completely ruined any discernible respect they could have ascertained from said video by acting like a total Child.
For three years Guru Larry contributed for ScrewAttack using the name ScrewAttackEurope, since he self-proclaimed himself the official Eurofag spokesman for the site. However, Craig thought otherwise, seeing as how he sort of owned the site and Larry owned a blow-up doll, thus Craig made him drop it (and the blow-up doll) to stop further dragging down the already tarnished ScrewAttack name. Craig and his cast of forgettable McJobbing teenage employees decided to host a butthurt powwow and talk about this situation along with the haters. Craig later posted a second video apologising after his man-servant, Destin decided to Dox Larry's conversations with them in a blog. Thankfully for Larry and unfortunately for ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, he has found a home with the other failure battered ex-ScrewAttack retards at TGWTG along with his friend Ashens, all of which he used to insult on a daily basis on Encyclopedia Dramatica under his well-hidden pseudonyms. And he would've gotten away with it, too, if he didn't gloat on his favorite forums about the ED articles on Chris-Chan, the article ex-fat fuck specializes in.
The vast majority of Larry's video game collection was destroyed due to his stupid negligence. To make some spare room in his house, Larry thought it would be a good idea to put his collection inside an old rusty, leaking shed. Larry made a video for the aftermath of a rainstorm that ruined his collection while e-begging people for donations while doing his best to pretend he didn't want anyone sending him anything, because that was a level he did not want to stoop to. Like his fellow countryman above, Larry is also a notable CWCfag but far more problematic than Harry. His vast expansion of the Chris-Chan articles with personal data about family members and places the retard visits, combined with Larry going as far as to interview him in several videos in 2009, are the classic features of a stalker. A stalker that probably also wants to have gay sex with Chris-Chan. It is hard to deny his physical attraction to Chris-Chan, as Larry is also a certifiable furfag as seen by his short lived webcomic Natural Born Kittens.
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Heisanevilgenius
Heisanevilgenius an ex-Super Mario ROM hacker, was yet another worthless blogger nobody cared for. He would make multiple sites for his bullshit that nobody would post in. Even while he does stuff for Ebolaworld.com nobody seemed to give a shit. Thankfully for this prick Angry Joe was looking to fill in that gap of more worthless content. So he brought to this site his series called Weird Video Games. Here he discusses games that are far too weird and go beyond the norm compared to most video games out there. Yet for some reason extremely popular and inspired titles like Altered Beast, Puyo Puyo, and Captain Commando made this list as apposed to Cho Aniki, Boong Ga Boong Ga, Toilet Kids, or Gekisha Boy. Clearly his taste in games has no actual reflection on the medium itself and shows his basic knowledge is very limited.
HopeWithinChaos
|
E-Begger Alert!
Jabba need donations for moar cake!Will e-beg ad nauseam with shitty Justin.TV streams. |
resembling a thumb.
Note: Friends may be Photoshopped® in to make him look more popular.
They say that the camera adds ten pounds to you, so fuck knows how many HopeWithinChaos has on him when he films. Sean Fausz is a beached whale of a man, with more rolls of fat than Bennett could ever hope to have. Of course this led to an early heart attack at the young age of 20 in March, 2010. Doug, worried that another slave might stop working, has been worried ever since. HopeWithinChaos fails so hard, even howdoishotweb blushes in embarrassment. Like his chunky compatriots, Sean is insufferably unfunny. His main claim to fame, Epic Fail, is a show based on collecting stale memes from a million years ago, mixing them with commentary that is so unfunny even furries would facepalm in disgust, and regurgitates them onto the site much to the glee of his few fans. It's essentially like America's Funniest Home Videos, only if Bob Saget had a full frontal lobotomy, became a target for Japanese fisherman, and showed clips of videos that have been seen by everyone and their grandparents.
HopeWithinChaos seems to be in some denial about his weight problems. He has made statements such as "I'm not into sports much", as if that would surprise anyone. In this video's placeholder, see if you can guess which of the normal-looking individuals represents Sean's blubbery ass. Protip: None of them do.
When he isn't sitting on his ass streaming his video games, he's sitting on his ass chatting on his comparatively tiny friend, LordKaT's stream. He's also proven you don't need a vagina to get donations, there are plenty of people willing to give him any games or consoles for free. More fuel for the second heart attack.
A collection of Sean's Tweets.
Unfortunately, like his British compatriot above, he also has admin status at the forums, giving this fat-ass unlimited power over the herd. Breaking News: Even though neither spoony nor hopewithinchaos had made a wrestling video in months, they both did one at the beginning of January, probably so they could be at the wrestling roundtable at MagFest with Maffew. There are surely lulz to be had here.
JewWario
AKA Justin Carmical.
Why JewWario, when Jewigi would have been a much better name?
Wait... HE WILLINGLY CHOOSE TO BECOME A JEW?!
JewWario is a typical weeaboo asstard straight from the bowels of Jewtube who only does reviews of games too shitty to be released outside Japan. Though some people would originally want to give him a pass considering he wasn't trying too hard to be funny at first, and he did not seem to suffer from a chronic case of Unwarranted Self-Importance like so many of his co-workers. However, like a good contributor he has managed to fit in with the rest of the flock by introducing zany sketches into many his reviews, cameos of fellow contributors whenever possible, and sucking copious amounts of dick to let everyone know how tight he is with the group. You can tell how much of a faggot he is just by looking at the titles of the games he reviews. He is on the site because Doug figured one soul-degrading weeaboo on the site wasn't enough, and wants him to get up in MarzGurl's chunky ass. If his Japanophile status wasn't creepy enough JewWario is also the oldest member on TGWTG pushing age 40, which is masked well with his mannerisms and fashion sense allowing him to seem far, far younger than he actually is, though sadly not in a way that is flattering.
Lee Is Still Gaming
Lee Davidge, better known as SashaNein, (Also known as "Still Gaming" (pronounced "Still gay, man")) initially appears to to a sensible, rational human being, with well thought out video game reviews and agreeable points on mid-80's to early-90's technology, but instead turns out to be a complete and utter fucking nut-job wacko.
He suffers from a severe case of hypochondria, in his case a crippling stomach pain which makes him incapable of making reviews for months at a time, but bizarrely also allows him to make countless "vlogs" describing his symptoms constantly to gain sympathy votes.
When Lee is not making videos about his stomach illness, he enjoys taking it up the ass from PBC Productions, Classic Game Room and That Guy With The Glasses as he can never get through one fucking video or paragraph without sucking up to them at least twice. (though being their bitch may actually explain his constant stomach pains).
Lee also is the only person on YouTube to suffer from pretend Lou Gehrig's disease, as he has never appeared moving on screen, he's only seen in a collection of awkward poses to slightly lessen the monotony of his rants. Lee has, on rare occasions, shown the potential to be a good source of e-drama as he becomes agitated and defensive quite easily. Whether it's fending off criticism of his derivative and mediocre work, or standing up for his whale of a fiance Dena after revealing herself to be a furry. These events did not nearly create as much lulz as they could have due to his show being of such little noteworthiness at the time they simply flew under the radar.
ReviewTechUSA
Yet another nobody Youtube asshole Blistered Thumbs picked up, ReviewTechUSA provides his worthless opinions on the gaming medium. His actual reviews and discussions are utterly forgettable and just flat out boring. Most of the time he likes to make shitty vLogs as he's playing a random video game about personal events or future videos. He considers this informative to the public while others find it to be a complete waste of time. In fact it's the type of shit Slowbeef mocks people for. This asshole also has caught the bug of E-Begging from Sean Fausz asking people for donations and getting free shit for nothing. What this stupid asshole is best known for is his Everdrive Cartridge review where he's advocating piracy and whoring out a 3rd party for a paycheck. Here he gives his first impressions to the TGWTG community and starts shit with fellow fans. Most of them rebel against his video and chalk him up with AmazingAtheist trying to get him kicked from the site. Since then, he's not been well received as he's tried to forget this incident ever existed.
The Spoony Experiment
Moar info: The Spoony Experiment.
Noah Antwiler (AKA TheSpoonyOne) is Video Game/Movie reviewer who was (huge emphasis on was) at one point known for creating above average reviews, but is now a colossal lolcow who is known for losing his shit at the sight of even the slightest hint of criticism towards himself or his co-contrbutors and banning all but his most devout fans from his website when he's not making needlessly long vlogs which consist of him ranting about movies and wrestling or extremely lazy reviews that can't even be considered above average by TGWTG standards. His career has virtually destroyed his life, having suffered from a massive decline in his physical health and becoming irredeemable in the eyes of a significant chunk of his former fanbase. But at least he still has the mindless drones that haven't been banned from his website yet and his fugly girlfriend! disregard this, as the fat ginger whore broke up with him. The foundation of Spoony's psyche has proven that it has started to crumble since Scarlett has left him to wither and wallow in his own unbathed hair grease and cheesy animal crackers. Spoony's videos have further declined in quality and lulz (both genuine funny and potential mockery). In the wake of his losing the joy of motorboating Scarlett's manatee tits, Spoony has turned his dickfaced shinanigans typically used against fans on even his TGWTG co-workers.
This video demonstrates just how much Spoony takes a game of Dungeons and Dragons srsly, mistaking LordKatt's use of Magic Bee Offense as a genius tactical deployment. Clearly Spoony's brain is regenerating from Scarlett's gotis lechery; or Spoony has just been this kind of total batshit insane this entire time and Scarlett got the fuck out while she still could.
Zeitgeist Game Review
With BT's new website starting up, they've managed to pull in a popular Youtube reviewer to do their dirty work. Correction, he's one of Angry Joe's fuck buddies from the YouTube Partner "holier than thou" circle-Jerk that is The Game Station.
Zeitgeist (Real Name: Daniel Williams) loves to portray himself as a "lovable nice guy", but as you can see in this interview, he comes across as an arrogant, self-centered prick, who has the same level of video game knowledge as the Irate Gamer, often simply phoning in his reviews with obvious comments with little research nor effort. In other words Zeitgeist is a dime-a-dozen reviewer, whose bland, forgetful, uninspiring (and some what unappealing) videos bring absolutely zero to the table, and if it wasn't for his enjoyment of tasting male Spic cooch and sucking the cocks of YouTube partner communities, he wouldn't even appear as a blip on the radar. But kudos to Angry Joe for instantly degrading his new website by pulling in such a talentless fucktard as Daniel.
It should also be noted, that Mr.Williams is a complete sellout and seems to give almost nothing but highly positive reviews, even if the game is bugfested or shitty as hell. Any negativity from him will usually only be brief mentions of things he just "personally didn't like" about the game. Whether this is intentional or due to him doing little to no research on the game he praises is anyone's guess. The bigger the company behind the game, the more praise the game receives, and considering there have been several videos where he has mentioned the company themselves sending a copy of the game for him to review then it's no wonder as to why he sugarcoats nearly every game he "reviews".
Ex TGWTG Contributors
By god, When you're bad enough to be dropped by both ScrewAttack AND That Guy With The Glasses, you know that your videos fucking suck! Just like these ex contributors...
ThatAussieGuy
Professional liar and all-round cunt.
That does explain why all of ScrewAttack's talent have fucked off to TGWTG then.
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Fired for being a lying nut job wacko.
Dan Rizzo, a former game reviewer from Australia that reviewed crappy games and crappy movies about his homeland, who can't keep his mouth shut for five seconds unless he's spewing some sort of total bullshit from his fat wallaby fucking ass. After hearing about his feud with Spoony, TGWTG admins eventually decided to permaban him from the site, which caused an uproar with fans curious about their Aussie's sudden departure. Thus far, TGWTG's staff has not spoken out, leading to wild rumors and extended drama. It is speculated ThatAussieGuy got fired because of his lack of updates and just being a preening faggot, but seeing TGWTG fanboys have about as much rationality as a schizophrenic, this probably holds about as much weight as a starving Ethiopian.
When TGWTG was in their early stages Rizzo was a control monger on the site. Any content he didn't personally approve of no matter what Doug and crew liked was deleted. He went as far as deleting videos by his fellow contributors that were posted on the site and any record of their existence. He would even delete posts by said contributors when they would ask where the videos went. Mike Michaud tracked these actions back to Rizzo from his ip address. When cornered by Mike about said acts he made up a story where his neighbor hacked into his internet account to delete the same contributors videos/posts constantly. For a period of time he also hosted a shitty website about an Australian variety program, which was made of his tears and fail. However, when certain individuals started trolling him, in an attempt to be an internet tough guy he threatened to an hero and deleted said website in a fit of fat-boy rage. On his back-up site he proclaims that he has many sponsors and posts fail-inducing videos of himself ranting and raving like a 12 year old boy. Same goes for his Youtube account. He bawwws when he loses a subscriber, and posts videos to express his anger.
You can keep up with the frothy psychotic ramblings of this insane kangaroo-fucker at his Twitter account where he holds frequent arguments with himself, and talks shit about his former "co-workers" without addressing them directly. After a certain doppleganger spawned from Riz's constant bullshit and became self aware, Riz was forced into hiding by blocking his tweets from his non-approved followers, so that he may continue his constant shit-talking without his intended target being able to read what he said. Lucky for you, the dumb attention-whoring fucker will approve almost ANYONE. Riz has roughly 128 followers, nearly 20 of them being versions of himself or his endless parade of failed websites.
And nothing of value was lost.
Little Miss Gamer/PBC Productions
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Dried up the eBegging well, wouldn't fuck Doug, Bennett, or any of the other fat slobs on Blistered Thumbs.
A butter-faced troll-like creature stolen from abandoned by ScrewAttack who looks like she is at least 80 years old (despite being only about 30-- Wait, she's 30? Ha ha ha!) who reviewed shitty old games in the style of a retarded, homely Betty Boop rip-off. Despite the fact that her reviews could cure the worst cases of insomnia, she somehow commanded a small, cult following on the website. And of course, being the respectable reviewer she is, she literally begged this small group following for a DS towards the end of her review of the Simon, despite the fact that she could afford a Wii and Wii Fit.
Of course, the fans couldn't contain themselves, and not only sent her a DS, but a Gameboy Color too! To this day, she has no shame in begging her audience for such a cheap toy.
Ha ha, what a whore!
Addendum: Since receiving the DS she only managed to do 2 DS game reviews before quitting the internet forever at the very end of 2009. She has only done 3 videos in 2010 before PBC finally called it quits and none of them include reviews for the DS or GB Color.
Also, a little bird tells us that even though she asked for donations all the time, she made plenty of money from ad revenue on her Blip and Youtube partner account. Ultimately, her entire review show was a gigantic scam. A poorly executed one at that.
It must suck to be the person who actually sent her that DS.
That Chick With The Goggles
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Stopped contributing after TGWTG stopped paying Krissy with Watermelon and Fried Chicken for her videos, and was sick of being TGWTG fap material. The Goggles did nothing.
Krissy Diggs, a black person who, true to her stereotype, was the most useless contributor, making a plodding video once a year that was about a minute long. Apparently, her lack of contributions were due to a computer virus which compromised her security and, in the process, deleted fucking everything. Looks like someone should have taken Computer Science III. Her last appearance was a very small bit in Kickassia, but who can blame her for wanting out after that?
LordKaT
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Tired of getting fucked over by fellow producers and staff.
AKA Jason Pullera.
—LordKaT, when looking at his fat-ass in the mirror. | ||
Jason Pullera, better known as LordKaT (moar liek LordFAT amirite?) was yet another addition to the talentless hacks that are the Blistered Thumbs circle-jerk.
TGWTGtards praised him for his superior gaming skills on hard NES and Genesis games when all he did was play on emulators and used save states ad-nauseum to beat them. As if that wasn't easy enough, he also resorted to cheating, as seen for example here (notice the health stopping at 1 HP later in the video). This is something a blind thalidomide chimpanzee with downs syndrome could achieve given enough time and persistence.
When not pretending to be good at difficult vidya games, Jason moderates 711chan and enjoys playing up to the stereotypes of either being a WOP or a fatass by eating any old piece of shit within the vicinity of his chubby arms, whether it be duck foetuses or bull cocks (no, we didn't miss a "LordKat loves eating cock" joke, we're above such infantile humor). Jason has also officially jumped on the cliché bandwagon that everyone else on the site has of consuming any old shit "for teh lulz" (read: to make moar monies on Blip). His sister is just Jason in drag.
Unlike some of his other butthurt TGWTG brethren, however, Jason couldn't give a fuck about any negativity or criticism given towards him on the internets, thus making him a pretty hard target for EDing. (Though it'll be fun trying!) It's all caught up with him: [1]
Previously embroiled in some faggy drama with Escapist Magazine about Madden 11.Where he insulted some reviewer on the magazine for saying how good Madden 11 or some bullshit like that .You can find this drama on his Twitter page , he's up early floggin' this one. LordKat seems to be taking the SpoonyOne's approach to this situation by acting like a complete spaz. He had some sort of blood boil on his inner thigh burst due to constrictive undies. Y'know, 'cause he's such an athletic fellow.
Is finally realizing that he needs to get a real fucking job.
—LordKaT, talking about himself. | ||
Goodnight, Sweet prince!
As time went on Jason actually grew something resembling balls, and went out of his way to criticize "some producers" on Channel Awesome *Cough*his fellow fatass Sean*Cough* for pathetically begging for donations, by saying that he "didn't approve of it" and "don't want to be associated with it". Despite only putting out some very washed out criticism and flimsily trying to avoid mentioning any names in the video, and making further attempts to sugarcoat it by saying that he "is cool with Channel Awesome" as a whole, expect Sean to throw a temper tantrum (and (hopefully) get another heart attack), and Mr. Baldie to either brutally whip Jason into following the party line and issuing an official apology, or outright excommunicate him from the site.
It seems as after that episode Sean used crocodile tears for his fans on his Twitter account and is back to his old ways, but nobody on TGWTG is wanting to kick Jason out. So Jason decides to venture out into the lion's den of the TGWTG critics and revealed even more awful things about his co-workers. Jason won't take any more shit from a bunch of Cubs fans back at home base and will fuck them over if necessary. Jason even announced to his fans that he's done with doing shit for Channel Awesome yet still frequently appears as a bit part in their videos.
LordKat 2.0
In early-mid 2010 Jason decided that the whole world should be privy to his laziness 24/7 and thus started a live stream of the Cheeto dust and shame encrusted area around his computer chair. Some time after that he suffered from the above mentioned "stress" which caused him to stop livestreaming his own fat ass and then turned it to capture video from his desktop. It was around that time he quit creating Until We Win, since that required actual effort, and focused purely on streaming his desktop which usually features nothing of interest or him bitching at his chatroom for trying to help him not suck at whatever he's playing.
On the occasions there is actual activity on his stream, it features him performing poorly at video games often with co-commentary of:
Skitch: A stuttering pseudo intellectual who makes long, almost incomprehensible explanations to simple questions that no one asked. He believes he knows everything about everything but in actuality knows little if anything. He covers up his ignorance by rambling incessantly until someone tells him to shut up and then properly responds or he's bought enough time to Google what he needs so he can pretend he knew what he was talking about the whole time. He is also the primary "musician" for many of Channel Awesome's contributors. Now you know who to blame. Lastly, he is a professor at some sort of online college.
Horror: A crippled furfag who got Jason onto Justin TV under the impression that he could actually make money off this venture. Horror is wheelchair bound, lives with his mom, and uses his disability checks to buy games for people who don't want them so he can then guilt them into playing with him. Your tax dollars at work people. When actually playing games, he bitches and whines constantly and further bullies his unfortunate victims into playing the game the way he wants.
RolloT: A failed stand-up comedian turned office worker/contributor to Blistered Thumbs and That Guy With the Glasses. Sadly, RolloT is the only individual with an honest job and any redeeming human characteristics who frequently appears on LordKat.live. RolloT has become increasingly absent from the stream, thus making it intolerable for human viewing. This is likely to him reaching his limit of being able to put of with LordKat, Horror, and Skitch, being whiny assholes on a constant basis.
Y Ruler of Time: Participates in LordKat's D&D game. He rarely appears on the stream with the exception of a weekly manga review show which he hosts with RolloT then quickly flees from the stream for fear of it reaching the ears of potential employers. The man barely speaks so it is difficult to find anything lulzy here.
The Great Troll Day
Jason, who aspires to be as famous as all his former co-workers without being as entertaining and putting in even less effort, has recently graduated from the Noah Antwiller School of Community Building and has decided the most efficient way to gain the respect and admiration of his fans and the internet at large is to make long, profanity filled rants. Jason firmly believes his Let's Play videos and Vlogs are better than yours and that you are retarded for not knowing the pointless details of a bill that only affects basement-dwelling nerds who do Let's Plays and stream copyrighted material, such as himself. Upon realizing he is too fat to get a job if he acts like a douchebag and all his fans stop watching his shitty videos, he later recanted his rant via twitter by saying "just trolling":
"@LordKaT LordKaT Welp It's almost midnight. I think it's time to end mah first
official LK Troll Day :3 T'was a success! 40+ angry comments :D 1 Jul via web"
His diehard fans quickly leaped to his defense when he was called out for falling back on old habits by saying a douchebag who trolls is better than a douchebag who rants.
- Lordkat aspires to be a respectable internet personality and believes he is better than angry internet reviewers
TheDistressedWatcher / TheAmazingAtheist
Moar info: TheAmazingAtheist.
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Who really gives a flying fuck?
Finally, in the middle of September 2011, The Amazing Atheist had parted company with TGWTG. Leaving in a hissy-fit and bitching he left because TGWTG kept placing his videos at the bottom of their schedules and that they "only looked after their own".
So therefore, there's no need to give him anymore attention than he deserves. Go on to his article, if you (for some reason) want to know more about him.
TGWTG Butt Buddies
These individuals are close freinds with the contributors of TGWTG and have helped them in small ways like redirect traffic or pointless crossover cameos. Yet they are not part of TGWTG. Maybe one day they will join the ranks of TGWTG despite some being successful without their help. Until then these brown nosers get a special nod for trying to spread the disease known as TGWTG.
Angry Video Game Nerd
Moar info: The Angry Video Game Nerd.
James Rolfe is the man that Doug Walker owes his entire existence to for ripping off his Angry Reviewing style. From a stupid crossover rivalry fight scene to a 30 second cameo in the biggest internet travesty possible James has really shown how far off the deep end he's gone for self whoring. Still James one day hopes to make a movie that is similar to Kickassia. On another note I wonder how awkward it is when Guru Larry and The Game Heroes run into him whenever the folks at TGWTG invite James to a get together.
The Game Station
Hey another group of non professional easily forgettable slackers who wish to break into the world of gaming journalism. Like Roo we see far better quality and work flow than TGWTG, but nothing they have any personal interest with. Better take some tips from Angry Joe as he mugs their camera and acts as douchie as always. After playing spin the bottle TGWTG chose Zeitgeist to join the crew while putting the rest on reserve in case their 1,000 guest articles don't provide enough content. Now get back out there and do a better job than Blistered Thumbs while ignoring how much you've wasted your entire life.
LittleKuriboh
Moar info: Littlekuriboh.
LittleKuriboh is the man responsible for Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series. He's also a big TGWTG fan boy and thought it would be great to do crossover videos with Spoony in order to get into the TGWTG family. In the end it backfired, but he still hopes to acquire another shot and a new flat chested waffu.
Maffew
Maffew runs a site called Botchamania! where he showcases how big of a wrestling fag he is. After introducing himself with TGWTG he started a false face off between Spoony to gain internet attention similar to AVGN vs. NC. It failed horribly and decided to suck him off instead. Later they publicly displayed their wide knowledge of the kama sutra on top of Sean Fausz bloated body at MAGFest.
Pat The NES Punk
Another blip.tv whore, Pat the NES Punk is a symbiotic parasite that leaches off more famous eCelebs (jumping from one to another, each increasing in popularity) in order to gain more popularity himself.
Pat runs his own site called The Punk Effect where gloats about his obsessive hoarding of video games. In order to gain more views and money he summons the jackasses of TGWTG to make stupid interviews and pointless crossovers. Pat was last seen digging through a garbage bin looking for a used Kid Icarus manual.
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That Guy With The Glasses/Blistered Thumbs is part of the TGWTG Circle-jerk
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