SigurdHosenfeld

Oh lawdy - the full stop means he's serious business.

Sigurd Hosenfeld (also known as HosenFAILED, Peachsnogger, and ~~Peachfucker~~ Peachmongler), is a Danish TARTlet who enjoys pretending he's a different, more talented artist and has a raging hard-on for Nintendo's very own Princess Peach, a vapid pixelated blond who can't seem to stop getting kidnapped and raped by a mutant spiky turtle. That, and people see fit to lavish him with praise and fanart for this, ensuring his place as a "Popular Ass" on deviantART.

Modus Operandi

Sigurd proudly proclaims on his deviantART page (and any other chance he gets) that he is "Princess Peach's Lover", and has replaced the lardass, hairy and smelly Italian plumber who rescues the dumb bimbo's ass all the time with himself as her love interest in every single pic he uploads to deviantART. It's also the subject of every single art trade he participates in and every single piece of art he commissions. If he isn't asking someone to draw a picture of himself with a video game character, other TARTlets (some who are better artists than he is) also willingly draw fanart of him and Peach making out or getting married, for free, not seeming to realize the obvious batshit crazy that he is in love with a VIDEO GAME CHARACTER.

Of course, this is probably completely normal and socially acceptable behavior to most TARTlets. Just look at sephirothslave and Snapesnogger.

Sigurd has never uploaded a single photo of himself to deviantART, instead opting to always draw himself as a tall, waifish, blond supah Aryan man. We can only assume this is because he is in fact ugly irl, yet his behavior most of the time is deceptively normal, which means he's probably a dangerous psycho. Luckily though, his powers of TARTlet manipulation don't go beyond getting people to draw him fucking a video game character.

When he's not drawing his Mary Sue self raping Peach, he's drawing almost every other female Nintendo character in the nude like the sex-crazed Nintendo maniac that he is. This is why he doesn't draw Nintendo characters like black person Kong, Wario, and Meta Knight, to name a few. On occasion, he'll also draw himself raping anime characters as he also happens to be a weeaboo, as if that wasn't obvious already.

Not surprisingly, Sigurd was a forum admin at a place called Peach Paradise, where other otaku who like Princess Peach a little too much fully accept his status as Princess Peach's self-proclaimed boyfriend. He even lists being her boyfriend as one of his occupations on his profile there, and proclaims himself her lover in his forum signature.

As unbearable as his fanboy obsession might be, we can actually be thankful for it as this means that out of the love he has for a fictional character, he will never have offspring. He can only dream.

Art

Despite claiming to have a "pure love" for the princess whose only claim to fame is getting kidnapped and raped and being able to float (possibly because she's so damn air-headed), he most commonly draws her with big, noticeable, rock hard nipples poking through her dress and in many suspicious looking poses. This must mean he has porn (and he does) somewhere on the internets, and moar MUST be found for great justice.

He also does commissions for other losers who are in love with video game characters and want themselves drawn as young, unblemished metrosexuals.

Most TARTlets seem to assume that Sigurd just does shiny Peach fanart, and somehow manage to turn a blind eye to the fact that more than half of his deviantART gallery is full of drawings of himself as Peach's boyfriend, which only proves the fact that he needs to get a real life.

Website

Ever since God pwned the abomination that was Peach Paradise and it keeled over and died, Sigurd was in desperate need of a haven for his Peach faggotry, and so he made his own. It includes things such as all of the same lala-kun ripoff art you've seen before, plus creepy extras like a biography of Princess Peach:

“	Love is another very complicated and sensitive area for the Princess, both for being received and given to others. Peach often discusses her personal feelings towards Mario through conversations with others, albeit in an implied manner, but appears reluctant to reveal them to him personally. Unfortunately, this has left the relationship's development completely stagnant, as neither party shows any signs of making a first move. It has also opened the window for speculation, especially considering the frequency of others in the Marioverse developing or possessing some form of affection or crush towards her.	„
—Peachsnogger, reading way too far into children's video games.

Quotes

“	Obviously being the game that I was expecting for so long, not to mention that my girlfriend (Peach) is the main character my opinion is expected to be a bit biased.	„
—Peachsnogger, on Super Princess Peach the game where Peach gets her powers from her raging mood swings. Typical woman.

“	My Princess Peach collection currently has 91 different items, from plushies and figures to soda cans and shampoo bottles.	„
—Peachmongler, [1]

“

Capslock: ACTIVATED

OH GOD, THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER!!1

*faints*.

„

—Peachfucker

“	However, since I joined dA some girls (and even a couple of guys) admitted to have a crush on me. And one of these times things turned very stressfull.	„

Galleries

Peachsnogger Lulz

Sigurd fans derail threads and cause shitstorms if you point out his art style is a copy of Mystery Jap's. They also hate us and believe we're pot smoking, high schoolers.
Sigurd's fans have gotten to the point where they will drop their shit even if you just say you dislike him.
A geek tries to justify liking Peachmongler's art in light of his claims of being Peach's boyfriend.
Sigurd has acquired a Baby Peach plushie, and considering his interests you have to wonder what he intends to do with it...It's AWWWWWRIGHTTT!
He actually does list his occupation as being "Peach's Boyfriend".
He's actually gone out of his way to collect every Peach-related avatar on deviantART.
Sigurd has found that he can get all the fanart of he and Peach making out he could ever want by tricking TARTlets into drawing it for him with contests.
Here, he orgasms to the news of Peach being confirmed in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Can he EVER get her penis out of his mouth for five fucking minutes?
A guy who commissioned Sigurd has some comments...
Wait what? There's a girl out there calling herself "Peach"? And Sigurd is internet dating her? Does he know she's not the actual character? Does she know?
He's most likely fapped violently to this screenshot of SSBM.

Wall of Shame

Sigurd is well known in sick fuck circles for his hentai of Nintendo characters (especially Peach, of course). Even though geeks who like to fap to Peach and Daisy's tits worship the ground he walks on, his hentai is elusive and doesn't appear to be stowed away in a gallery anywhere. Luckily, anonymous can always count on Google and forums full of perverts.

Sigurd probably covered his keyboard in pure love after finishing this pic...
He's 23 and this is what he spends all his time drawing.
Must be some of his earlier shit, because really, who else would draw this?

Must be some of his earlier shit, because really, who else would draw this?
Moar half assed shit.
i think sigurd is a pretty cool guy. eh fucks peach and doesn't afraid of anything.
Some moar shitty fanart for some fanfic Sigurd made but never released to the public to read.
Moar of Sigurd's unsettling artwork. Note how the body is never properly shaped right and the Xbox hueg ghetto booty.
This is how Sigurd thinks lesbians have sex.

Inexplicable Fanart

A collection of fan art commissioned of far superior artists than Sigurd. This is stuff he has PAID people to draw:

An example of creppy fanart.
Dear Lord! Kick his fruity ass, Mario!

Sigurd's Unique Art Style

Once upon a time Sigurd looked at his artwork and thought "This is some fugly shit", so he decided to improve his drawing style. This "improvement" consisted of finding a more talented but less known artist, stealing his art-style, and then his identity. The artist in question was someone called "**" from a Japanese Oekaki board. Their artwork can be found here. Sigurd fans have been known to cause mild drama whenever anyone makes the distinction between the Jap's art and Sigurd's, as Sigurd would have the world believe that he and the Jap are one and the same.

By following the guide even your mom can tell that this wasn't drawn by Sigurd.
Neither was this, if the fact that it isn't Peach didn't tip you off.
Pixellated penises = Mystery Jap.

Hate Art

Sigurd sure loves to fap!

Got moar hate art? Submit for great justice!

Reaction to this article

Not as planned.

You can help by coordinating a multiple person interaction with this tartlet and call Peach a slut or bimbo as he doesn't take kindly to people speaking poorly of his imaginary girlfriend. Alternatively, you can just tell him he's a shitty artist or how pathetic he is to be jerking it to some old Jap's doodles. Be advised that on dA he will report you instantly and block you from commenting. He also lurks the chans in search of people talking about him (mostly the hentai and various Rule 34 boards), and prides himself in the fact that there have never been any real lulz coming from his butthurt. There's even a very good chance that he's been editing this article! He’s so confident, he’s gone as far as to give up his anonymity to respond in threads talking about him. He secretly hates other fanboys as obsessed as him and feels his love for Peach is threatened, but likes to pretend he's a gentleman and would never be caught admitting it.

External Links

SigurdHosenfeld is part of a series on

DeviantART

Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article October 8, 2009
Preceded by Trailer Park Boys	SigurdHosenfeld	Succeeded by The Comprehensive Guide To Life

SigurdHosenfeld

Contents

Modus Operandi

Art

Website

Quotes