PlayStation 5

PlayStation 5 is an overpriced WiFi router you will never be able to buy, as some rich scalper dude has like a billion bots that have bought every single PlayStation 5 at your local store. Even if you did manage to buy one, it's likely the delivery man would just steal it for himself. You will be stuck with your lame PlayStation 4 for the rest of eternity.

History

The console was first mentioned publicly in May, 2019. None of this matters though as we knew nothing about the console. Sony skipped E3 thinking they're too good to fail on stage. Sony didn't tell us jack shit about the console, leading to many rumors and leaks. One was the ugly prototype of the console. Eventually, Sony held a presentation showing off the graphics of their system. Then, a showcase showing a shit-load of games and the console was officially revealed to look like a WiFi router.

Features

• The games are now in 4K for extra shiny new graphix.

• It can run 120fps so people play games at super high speeds.

• It supports 8K which basically means, upscale the games to look like 8K.

• You can play PlayStation 4 games, but not PlayStation 3, or PlayStation 2 or PlayStation games, because "who wants to play old games".

Duel Sense

For the first time in history Sony finally changed up their controller design. The new controller frickin' looks like everyone else's, after all, who wants to be unique?

This controller's "new feature" is Duel Sense, a ripo-ff of Nintendo Switch's "HD Rumble". It'll probably barely even be used, just like the PS4's touchpad.

Games

• Gran Turismo 7: Drive a car around in an enclosed circle. AGAIN.
• Spider-Man 2: LOL DISREGARD THAT SPIDER-MAN HASN'T BEEN GOOD IN YEARS!
• Concord: Sony's biggest flop; with at least $100M lost.

Buying a PS5

Buying a PS5 is an artificially difficult MMO RPG where you play the role of a desperate customer wanting to get your hands on another piece of plastic crap. To play you put an order in for the PS5, which you have a 1% chance of winning. It is basically a cleverly disguised scheme by the Jews at Sony to increase the value of the PS5 for moar jew-gold.

You should buy a PS5 as fast as you can, before someone else gets it first! This "game" is known to be overrun by scalpers who exploit the game by ordering a bunch of bots buy the system, to increase their own jew-gold. It is the most effective strategy at winning the game, as the game is biased towards profits of scalpers.

Sony said they were going through a stock storage of PS5. [[truth|However, it is obvious that the goal was making the most money from Sony-fanboys who eternally gobble Sony's dick]. The amount of PS5 systems being produced still hasn't increased a bit, and scalpers are still buying PS5s, while the average person is seething in anger.

How to buy a PlayStation 5

a PS5 buyer

Note: You aren't actually getting your PlayStation 5, but you can try to attempt this.

1. Look online on Amazon for a PlayStation 5, or Rob your local GameStop (Results may vary)

2. Try to click on it as fast as you can

3. If the last two steps didn't work, then repeat them until it works.

4. Wait for it to come

5. HAHA, you actually thought you were getting your precious PlayStation 5 you dumb fuck? You're a fucking idiot - you have no chance of ever getting one in your pathetic life.

PlayStation 5 restocks

Every week there's a re-stock so that people can actually buy a PlayStation 5. However, this has only made things worse. Scalpers can use bots to buy all PS5s listed at an online store, this means they can get all of it before actual people have a chance at getting one. The scalpers then post all PlayStation 5s on eBay for ridiculous-ass prices. This leads to the prices going up, and you know what Sony keeps on doing? Making more of them. The problem keeps getting worse and worse, and will stay down that path for who knows how long.

Despite fucking over everyone else, the scalpers get super butthurt, because they are also losing jew gold from bot-buying up the PlayStation 5s, which isn't enough to save their bank accounts as no one is buying PlayStation 5 from these sad fucks.

Price increase

After 2 years of nobody being able to buy a PS5, Sony has decided to finally do something it, buy giving a massive "fuck you" to the pathetic Sony-ponies drooling in their dry Sony water. Sony wasn't making enough profit due to the global economic environment going to absolute shit. Sony decided it wass best to join with the Jews (as Sony doesn't give a shit about you and only wants to see you go into poverty after stealing all the jew-gold they have in you) by increasing the price of the PS5, everywhere except the USA where they bank the most piggies. Sony's president, Jim Ryan gave some PR bullshit to keep Sony fans on the hook.

	“	The global economic environment is a challenge that many of you around the world are no doubt experiencing. We’re seeing high global inflation rates, as well as adverse currency trends, impacting consumers and creating pressure on many industries. Based on these challenging economic conditions, SIE has made the difficult decision to increase the recommended retail price (RRP) of PlayStation 5 in select markets across Europe, Middle East, and Africa (EMEA), Asia-Pacific (APAC), Latin America (LATAM), as well as Canada. There will be no price increase in the United States. While this price increase is a necessity given the current global economic environment and its impact on SIE’s business, our top priority continues to be improving the PS5 supply situation so that as many players as possible can experience everything that PS5 offers and what’s still to come. Thank you for your continued support.	„
	—Jew Ryan

People were pissed and immediately started boycotting Sony to little effect. The Japs who don't even give a shit about PC gaming petitioned to release Final Fantasy XVI on PC immediately, since Sony has a hostage on Final Fantasy and is keeping it in slavery on their platform for a year. Microsoft and Nintendo saw it as opportunity to kick Sony's ass, by keeping their systems at the same price.

PlayStation 5 Pro

On September 10, 2024, 4 days after Concord shut down after it crashed and burned (and 1 day before 9/11's 23rd anniversary), Sony announced the PlayStation 5 Pro. This announcement was met with much hate; hate rightly deserved for the reasons of d A) the console being $700 and B) it not coming with a disc drive.

The Return YouTube Dislike browser extension currently shows the PS5 Pro announcement video as having more dislikes than likes. Maybe the $700 price tag was due to how badly Concord bombed.

The announcement video; has 118.513 dislikes and 45.161 likes as of the time of writing.

See Also

• Xbox Series X

• PlayStation 4

• PlayStation 3

• PSP

• PlayStation 2

• PlayStation

PlayStation 5 is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Featured Article for November 29 & November 30, 2023
Preceded by Thanksgiving	PlayStation 5	Succeeded by TBA