Penis Theft

There are many Motherfuckers out there who will steal your Wallet, your Bike, and your Dog, others will even steal your french Loli-Wife, but only the most vile creatures in existence will steal your Penis.

WUT?

Psychiatrists will try to tell you that your penis is not shrinking or vanishing, and that you are suffering from psychological Tension, and unresolved Psychosexual conflicts caused by cultural beliefs, and driven by occasional masshysteria. In no case should you believe what they tell you! They too are out to snatch away a few precious inches from your wiener.

FACTS

Theft in Progress

The horrible truth is, someone is stealing, or trying to steal your penis! If your Pecker is shrinking and dissapearing, you are wittnessing a genital-robbery in progress, and the police will not help you. If you dont believe ED, just read this frightening testimony:

	“	"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny."	„
	— Some Dude

	“	One man who had spent some time living in Cameroon said he had heard of a woman there who was nabbed by airport security while trying to smuggle several penises to the Continent inside a baguette.	„
	— the friend of a cousine

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WHO, WHY AND HOW?

Witches, Fox Spirits, Satan, the white Man, Shamans, Demons of Shlanesh, and Your Mom might all be suspects in the case of the vanishing Joystick, why they do it is still a mystery. Some say the stolen Dongs are used for black Magic, are turned into dildos, sold back for ransom or stapled to a rich customers short shlong. A Penis-theft is usually commited via Handshake, an evil gaze, Voodoo, TV-Shows, poisoned Food or Loren Bobbit.

HOW NOT TO BECOME A BONER DONOR

• Stay away from Africa, and Southeast Asia, Penis Theft is rampant there
• If you see someone who looks like a Penis Thief, strip him/her naked, douse them in petrol and set em on fire
• Tie your Wang to a heavy object (your Mom)
• Tattoo your Name and Adress on your Johnson, so it may be returned if found
• Take Meassurements on a daily basis
• Do not borow your penis to people you dont know
• Implant a GPS-Tracker into your willy
• Make photographs for easy identification, send mentioned photographs to your friends
• Keep a couple of fake cocks in your pants, the Thief may take one of them instead

Scientific cure

Lose some weight, fatass. Your dick isn't shrinking, it's being engulfed by your belly. No magic involved.

Sources Anyone?

• http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/04/23/us-witchcraft-idUSN2319603620080423
• http://www.alternet.org/world/penis-snatching-rise-africas-genital-stealing-crime-wave-hits-countryside
• http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/1678996.stm