Paulus

Paulus’ only IRL activity.

Paulus_thee_wood_gnome is undoubtly one of the most notorious attention whores on the IMDb shit hole that is The Soapbox. According to boards.com, Paulus contributes to 45 percent of all posts and 55 percent of all threads made on The Soapbox.

His threads are known to generate an obscene number of replies, not because of their interesting nature, but because Paulus happens to also be a troll king. Any staggering thread is immediately bumped by one of his many socks. According to actwon [1], at last count, Paulus had created over 200 socks, all of which are just as annoying, if not more so than his main account.

As if that didn’t occupy all of his non-masturbating time, his latest creation, another messageboard called “The Playhouse” is yet another internets whoring scheme to make people like him. Much like Pee Wee’s Playhouse, Paulus’ “Playhouse” is a trap for innocent and unsuspecting internets dwellers. It’s customary to find threads about fucking wild horses and making sacrificial voodoo dolls.

Life Goals

Born Paul Littlefoot, paulus_the_wood_gnome was found on the outskirts of a Middlesbrough landfill in 1987 by Tom and Wendy Littlefeet. Obviously abandoned because of his off-putting looks (still very much apparent today), Paulus made it his life ambition to brown nose his way into the hearts of gullible men and women across the world. With the help of The Soapbox, he is accomplishing that dream, one idiot at a time.

The woodgnome has also been known to talk incessantly about his future plans to become a teacher. Based on his A level test scores, it’s safe to say that those dreams will never be realized. The only thing he’ll be teaching is how not to get into University, something he accomplished only by brown nosing and performing sexual acts on the dean of the University of Sunderland.

Sex

Though his appearance confuses the general public in terms discerning his gender, Paul Littlefoot is in fact a ‘male'. His pictures have been known to send people into convulsions, leading to several charges of aggravated assault being brought against him. His IMDb profile is clearly marked up with warnings to prevent unknowing Soapboxers from falling victim to viewing his pictures.

Even more repulsive in real life, Paul has had much difficulty attaining and retaining partners. His first courtship ended after three years when his girlfriend left him for what can only be described as a missing link, making Paulus obviously even more repulsive than the missing link.

It’s been rumored that Paul pays his current girlfriend to stay with him though they’re both allowed to date other men at the same time. Beggars can’t be choosers. According to documents by his current girlfriend, attained by one Soapboxer, Paul must paper bag himself before all sexual acts.

Paul was so bad at teh secks that he turned saucer_magnolia into a raging attention whore slut.

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