MAGA Youth

- Nathan Phillips harasses Nick Sandmann.
- Nick Sandmann doesn't give a fuck.

	“	He's just standing there,menacingly!.	„
	—Spongebob, on Spongebob Squarepants

	“	There's something aggressive about standing there. Standing your ground.	„
	—Savannah Guthrie, on The Today Show

MAGA Youth' refers to an incident that occurred on January 18, 2019, when some young men from Covington Catholic High School in Park Hills, Kentucky, visited Washington, D.C. to attend the annual March for Life and encountered a posse of Black Hebrew Israelite cultists who were complaining about how the Jewnited States of Americunts actually gives rights to homosexuals and faggots. Naturally, the kids' reaction to hearing this kind of homophobic rhetoric from a bunch of hip-hop gangstas who actually believe themselves to be the true People of Israel was to smile and laugh their arses off at them.

Unfortunately, the annual Indigenous Peoples March was also taking place on that same day and Nathan Phillips, an elderly Native American douchebag and Government-Sanctioned Gook-Slayer from the Omaha tribe decided that he would attempt to diffuse this lulzy situation by getting in one of the kids' faces and begin beating on his drum in an attempt to summon his spirit animal to maul the fuck out of the innocent children and retake America back from the evil white man.

Naturally, the kids' reaction to the bastard child of Tommy Chong and the Crypt Keeper getting in their faces and beating on a drum was a combination of disbelief and sheer amusement that was, conveniently, all caught on video for the world to see and for the media to grossly misrepresent as an organized racist attack on an elderly Native Americunt.

What Actually Happened

But you give faggots rights.

	“	But you give faggots rights.	„
	—DJ Niggerjew

Doxing Kids is Kewl

	“	His name is Michael Hodge and he is a senior at #covcathcolonels	„
	—amuzen1, doxing a kid who literally DINDU NUFFIN (archive)

Enter Sandmann's Lawyer

	“	Los Angeles-based trial lawyer Robert Barnes offered to represent the Covington families for free should they decide to sue the New York Times. Barnes told PJ Media that he was working with the families to sue the media outlets that defamed them. He said that “anyone who doesn’t correct and retract” their false smears would be subject to a lawsuit and that updated stories merely indicating “a more complex picture has emerged” would not necessarily be enough.	„
	—PJ Media, Lawyer for Covington Catholic HS Families Threatens Lawsuits Against Media Unless They Retract False Stories

Fortunately for the media, they will be exonerated after being sued by well known attorney L Lin Wood, known for taking such cases as JonBenet Ramsey's parents, Herman Cain, and Richard Jewell, who was accused by the media of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics bombing.

Last Thursday, attorneys for Sandmann sued 52 entities and individuals, including Nathan Phillips.

The Reason for this Faggotry

On an obscure old media hagshow called The View, a talking leather purse named Joy Behar was heard to exclaim the true reason for trashing this kid's life:

	“	Because we’re desperate to get Trump out of office. That’s why.	„
	—Joy Behar

	“	why did they have those hats on, then?	„
	—Behar, implying the kid was asking for it

EDiots theorize that the fully competent and fair American justice system will end up imprisoning the kid, and replacing the Lincoln Monument with one to Nathan Phillips, who is totally a Vietnam vet that hasn't been arrested for drunken assaults and related faggotry, and whose people totally deserve the endless self-flagellation of the descendants of their conquerors.

Watch Them All Fall Down

The first "journalist" to fall was Erik Abriss^✡, formerly of Internet rag the Vulture. His friend over at VICE, a "journalist" named Justin Caffier, successfully raised $5 for his friend at Vulture via a now deleted GoFundMe. Coincidentally, just over 1000 journalists were fired over the week following the March for Life on Washington DC. In the meantime, young Nick has been offered a position as a congressional intern.