Megan Meier/Poetry

<Megan Meier

Newsvine Takedown

The author of this poetry was mistakenly identified as the MySpace suicide girl Megan Meier in a badly-researched newsvine.com article. In fact, the only information sourced by the reporter happened to be the #1 Google search result for 'Megan Meier' at the time. His {shit} article was deleted within hours of ED trolling the article comments, generating several quiet lulz behind the scenes here.

Obsession(poetry on eating disorders)

by Megan Meier
NOW ANNOTATED FOR RAPE

These poems are my reflections on being a teen with a deadly disease

[[tl;dr|Long Dead
From the pit of my stomach
I throw up a diversion
I make my excuses
As I tip toe to my execution
Begging for the shock
Screaming for you to turn it up
Its just not enough
For these memories to be blocked (raep)
You cant comprehend
Being pinned at the hands (raep)
With no way to defend (raep)
So, you close your eyes and pretend
Float from your body and transcend
You reach a place where you can remain
Until he's done being entertained (raep)
Spend the rest of your years in fear (raep)
Reliving each moment till you can no longer feel (raep)
I've got a soul full of secrets (raep)
And head full of memories (raep)
Nightly replaying (raep)
Continuing to invade me (raep)
Until I'm down to nothing
So, I'm chained to my innocence
Hell bound to keep it
Despite that it cant be resurrected (raep)
From the child who was never protected (raep)
And with my head in the toilet
I purge till I can forget
The jaded life I've lived (raep)

Who I Need to Be
I beg for clarity
but food is all you bring me
Behind your screen of calories
I can see you laughing as you spoon feed
Remove anything that's sharp
To combat my peculiar need to self harm
Ignore deep etchings of Hieroglyphics up and down my arms
And cradle me like a little girl
Till I no longer wish to open myself
Rope me down like your cattle on a ranch
Fingers carelessly flip the switch
Increase the lightning and watch me twitch
Body rises as the mind fries
Erase my pain and memories of my early life
If I say your prayers you'll let me free
Bow to your God and never disagree
Following your commandments is my only guarantee
To ever be let out on my own two feet
I swear its been defeated
That I've moved on and fully compleated
How I'm interested in eating
And accept that a body is worth feeding
Honest, I'm no longer obsessed with bleeding
Your genius plan has succeeded
And set me on a path to fulfilling my dreams
Its all so wonderful, who wouldn't want to believe
I keep my pain silent
And my tendencies less violent
Hide cuts with bracelets
and layer clothes over ribs
I've gotten so good at hiding it

Reality
Forgetting my name and the pains of life
Take what they hand me, and don't ask why
Drowning my day in the bottom of a bottle
Making out with oh-whats-his-name in the corner
Fighting my friends with blood shot eyes
Turn my head as they painfully cry
Straw to nose, I slowly die
But it feels so good to be flying this high
Cant bring me down from this place
I've got a dime to cure and a life to erase
Bury my past
And say a prayer
But threre's more to be done than your words can repair
Just a wandering girl
Who got thrust into the real world
Try and break free
But its so hard to stay clean
When the earth becomes real at just fifteen

Doubt
Self doubt swallows me whole
Life set on spin cycle
Wash me up in waves
Nightly digging my own grave
Screaming to be saved
Psych ward walls are padded
I'm not comfortable in your delusions
Jumbled lies only fuel my confusion
Keep me close to your heart
A token
A favor of my dire sanity
I could scream all night
But I doubt you'd hear me

Die
Hold my chest
Close my eyes
Wonder if I'm going to die
Call out in the dark of night
I try and suppress it, but I cannot help but cry
I've wasted my life
So many pills I've misused
A horror that even I cannot excuse
My body has been broken and bruised
I enjoyed the pain from my own abuse
I'm a fucking fool...
Live fast and die young
I hate the girl I've become
But this is the price I must pay
For constantly obsessing on my weight
My sick and tragic fate

Family
I was never a very good child
I had devilish ideas behind my innocent smile
Was much to arrogant and wise
I grew up beyond my time
My mother never really wanted me
I was the last thing she needed
Pregnancy her fucking disease
The horror that made the anorexic eat
What held her back from succeeding
Daddy was to drunk to notice
Beat my Mom to rid the stress
Chugged his liquor to forget
A wasted person with nothing left
but a life full of regrets
Their product of destruction
That was raised by dysfunction
Never got to be young
but what's done is done
and this is the chaos I've become..

Return
I took my steps upon the path to recovery
Vowing it a time of self discovery
But I was the fool
I cannot live without you
A little secret you always knew
Playing the part in meals
I thought with time, Ana's scars would heal
But it was another spell I had cast
Screaming in the face of my tortured past
A cheap trick to throw my friends off my starving path
A whirl wind of numbers spinning all to fast
I forgot how to breathe
Gasping for air between my horrific screams
Staring in the mirror at a girl who I could swear wasn't me
That reflection stole my self-esteem
I took back my voice for what seemed like an instant
Tossing away my drugs and substances
But I had no will for existence
and so she fed off my resistance
I've returned to my obsessive modes
Locking my soul, dying alone
Obsessing on bones
Ana......I'm home

Withered Idol
Please don't idolize me
No matter how many bones you can or cannot see
Malnutrition consumes my frail body
Caught in a whirl wind of tragedy
Obsessing on each and every calorie
Perpetually hungry
Feeding off the pain
Lips dripping with disdain
A heap of tortured limbs, that the mind refuses to claim
Racing time in such a hellish game
Fading into a dimming light
Finding shelter in the cold of night
Soaking in my last lives sights
I've got nothing left to hide
Burn my flesh till it withers in a heap of black
Tears will flow, but don't look back
My faded smiles can bring your life's pain comfort no more
Hold onto the joys that we had before
A few stray roses for your baby girl

Desperate Change
Desperate
Swallow what's left
Choke on your guilt
Addicted to pills
Nothing but filth
Wash it down with tonic
Chased away with a puff of chronic
Forget your name
Its all a game
Till you become its slave
Die in your prison
Dripping with crimson
Body cannot save the mind
The only cure is time
Get off your addictions
Figure out how to fix it
You can't cure pain
Change

Fame
She's having a love affair with fame
Nightly, screaming out its name
Dancing in its flickering flame
She's got a flare for the dramatic
Just a tad eccentric
On trial for being to egocentric
Her moves are all to slick
She's such a cheap trick
Dim the lights and huge the crowd, tonight's her debut
Never avert your eyes, watch her every move
Taking a bow, without a sound her lucious eyes thank you
Treat the lady good and pay her what she's due
Many favors she's prepared to do
Seduction for your review
She's having a love affair with fame
Caught up in its entrancing game
Burning in its flame

Sleep
My body's grown increasingly weak
Falling into rhythms of a starving sleep
I woke it up
Only to choke
On the bones of hope
I fell back into these patterns
Sewn by models in pages of gloss
Urging me to keep up my psychotic weight loss
Their words are law
Echoing in my mind, ignoring my hunger withdrawals
Be stronger than that which commands you
Remember, its only food
In truth you don't need it to survive
It doesn't keep you alive
Don't stray from your maestro
Every time you consume, she knows
Cant hide your sins
You'll never be thin

No one knows
Desperate attempts to find who you are
Run hands over scars
Begging for tomorrow
Thick blood
You've had enough
Heave up yourself
Silent cries for help
Demented mind
Tortured by night
Muffled cries in the dawning light
Razor blades
Memories fade
Psychotic episodes
Life's a joke
Piercing bones
No one knows

Pure
I've become purifyed
See my bones from every side
Rip out my limbs
Play with my ribs
Sick and twisted little fuck
Your not skinny enough
Soon I'll evaportate
Selling myself in attempts to escape
Hold in your self hate
Let it eat you alive
Soon you'll die
To early to see
Bones are Free
Disgusting

Good-bye
My heart is pounding
Tears are streaming
My breath runs low
The beats count down and begin to slow
Pain is surging
Seconds to spare
Soft eyes let you know how much I care
You think I'm gone
But I'll never go
I'll be by your side, in way you'll never know

Life's a play
Cant help but wonder where the zipper to this costume lye's
Paints her face on so she can hide
Denies her body food so she'll look slim
Shame what a girl will do to be thin
Cant stand who she is
Applies her powder
Lips of rouge
This was never the life she wanted to choose
Cameras flash
While friends tell stories behind her back
And behind closed curtains
She claws at her skin
Knows she's a burdon
But never though to attempt and change herself from within
Strike the stage
Lets end the play
the time has come for this character to fade away
She's the best damn actress, but is disgustingly under paid
Lights dim
And the crowds cheer
The darkened stage, covers her desperate fears
After parties fade
And fame dies with age
No matter how hard she tries, she's going to have to be herself one day
I sense a lie
I've seen the papers and read their charts
About how I dissect my own body and mind apart
I'm just a simple little girl
Whose to small to be in such a big world
I've heard your whispers, your not as silent as you think
Like the rhythmic sounds of my fading heart beat
You speak of me
Claim to be worried
Your pathetic words are all a lie
I've felt your hands on me
Doctors smile and then weigh my filthy body
Claim they want to solve my inner issues
In truth, they just want their checks
In a few weeks, they'll all forget
I'll slip through the cracks
And back into old habits
I've tasted life
Its not something I want to live
No one ever saves you when you begin to fall
Happiness is the biggest facade of them all
Doctors, teachers, parents, and friends
Promised they'd be with me till the bitter end
Told me the words I so deeply wanted to hear
Lied to shut my mouth about what they could bare

Spell of a disease
She's cast her eye upon me
And I, the fool, willingly accept her disease
Such an enchantress
With such a powerful spell
Her wicked cast has been putting my body through hell
I Fell her charms, in the bones that poke through skin
And now that she has me back in her power, I'll never stray from her again
Her voice so deep and low, warning me to post postpone a small taste
Repercussions of such a sin to the tongue
The fat will such at your beauty and youth
I hate her, for she speaks such truth
Ana, let me go of your cast
For I know your corrupted spells are bound to last
Untie me from these retched lies
I plead with you
Let my body be free
Nourishment is what I need
But she has me by the throat
I'd leave without permission, but she knows I wont
So, I'm bound to her
A slave to her
She's the which who's cast this disease
I've given her control over me
And I'll never leave her side
Ingest her horrors
Feeling my bones, I take pride
Ana, I'm yours
Ana, I'll never stray
Ana, I'm here
Ana, I'll never go away

Slave
Shrinking me down to an unshrinkable size
Ask me if I've eaten
I mumble out a lie
It doesn't help the hunger pain
And a thirst I'd have to drown first, to satisfy
Perfection is all I have to gain
I'd give up all my tastes
For a size zero jeans to slide effortlessly over my waist
Go weeks without a bite to eat
Just to run cold hands over pointed bones
Losing my mind for perfection
I've become isolated and alone
Grab my body
Try and shake her loose
She wont get out
This was my choice to choose
Sullen
Lonely
My innocence has been stolen
Bones are power
Fight the fight, starving feels so right
Exercise till your body gives from beneath you
This was more work than you ever knew
Your unworth to call yourself a child of Ana
Get thin or get out, if you cant stand it
Consuming your mind
She creeps through your body
Flows in and out of veins
You begin to enjoy the pain
Thoughts are jumbled
Days become unclear
My world has crumbled
Death comes closer with each missed meal
Starving feels so right
I'm going to be doing this all my life
There's no stopping me now
How I ever got start, I may never know
But now she's consumed me, I'm going to let her use me
I'm Ana's slave till the end of my days

Dirty Little Girl
I've got a dirty secret
It lies within my bones
Hidden in the media
It festers in our homes
I hold a dark problem
I keep it unseen
Starve myself for perfection
I must remain clean
I'm a bad little girl
Flowing through my veins
Inflicting so much pain
Perfection is all I have to gain
I'm dying
She slowly devours me
I hate her
Yet, she still empowers me
I've got a dirty secret
Hidden in my life
It lies in the back of my heart
And Festers in my mind

She's Always With Me
Tempt me with you lucious tastes
Draw me in with the scent of tea and cakes
I fight the urge, that lives deep within
It hurts not to eat, but I'll do anything to be thin
You call me dumb, You say I'm so Vain
But feeling my bones is worth this much pain
You Don't understand, you never will
I made a vow to her
I will starve, die, and pop pills
She's stood by me and kept me strong
She's given me control, when the rest of you have done me wrong
You Say I'm sick, you wanna lock me away
This is my life and I'm going to do this my way
Her loyalty compels me, Her possibilities Drive me
She's with me in ways no one else could be
I wont be tempted by your calories and sin
I feed off her strength and pull it within
I've closed my mind, I refuse to feel
Even though the pain she brings me is so real
The Pain Drives me, The Future Inspires me

Fear of Fat
I'm willingly her slave
And for my payment, my stomach caves
Ribs penetrate
Hunger subsides
Calories slowly erase from my life
Its becoming harder and harder to survive
But inside I know
If I don't feel the pain
Then I'm not losing the weight
Diet pills are my constant companion
Life's a continual feast or famine
Body shakes
From the stress of self hate
Give up your quest to save me, its too late
Stomach lurches
From such intense torture
Praying to my goddess Ana
Inspired by the feeling brought on by famine
Spend hours before the mirror
Feeling my bones
Just trying to shut out the voices I hear
They scream to me about the fat I consume
Remind me that its time to choose
Ana or Food
Slamming my fists upon the glass
Crying out in agony, waiting for the pain to pass
It happens each time I fast
But I forget my suffering, fueled by the need to not be fat]]