Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/July 1, 2025

Soviet Canuckistan

Canæda (also known as America's Fro, Diet America, America Junior, or America's Retarded Cousin) is a frozen wasteland where all the population crowd the southern border because they want nothing to do with the rest of it (see above). Canadians like to brag that they are the world’s largest nature preserve for resources, which are stripped bare and shipped straight to the US. Too bad it's the only thing it's good for. Because of severe brain trauma resulting from junior hockey and the near complete lack of culture in Canæda more than the as an eternal British colony, it's population is known to have an average IQ just slightly above that of South Carolina and a miserable requirement level in all areas of life.

Ironically however, Canædians haven't yet realized that nobody cares their British allies slightly stained the White House one million years ago. Every year, the tale of the "Great 1812 patriotic war against the imperialist Americans" is told and retold to small children until they cry. A small band of fat reenactors then "defend" sacred Canædian land until the first case of Angina sets in.

Canædia is exactly like the United States except without all of the entertainment, technology, culture, tolerable climates, guaranteed civil rights and because it was created by British, not Canadians (like Hong Kong), which makes it, understandably so, an extremely boring country to live in. However, notable differences are that Canædia is always big and juicy, it has a different currency and it even had it's own Frenchfags. Many LJ users are from Canædia. It is hated by the Westboro Baptist Church due to its high population of homosexuals. Of course, the average person doesn't know Canædia exists.

Canædians think their beer is better than American beer, simply because of the fact that it has more alcohol in it. What they don't realize is that the alcohol content difference between Labatt and Molson is about 1%; however, since typical American beer is 4% alcohol by volume, and the typical Canædians beer is 5% by volume, this means that Canadian beer has 25% more alcohol by volume than American beer. Because of the shithole wasteland Canædia is, it's important Canædian beer be more potent. The constant drunken state the average Canadian stays in, ensures they never realize the truth about their barren sheet of ice resulting in a minimal amount of Canadians immigrating and infecting their superiors to the South. The slight difference in average IQs between the two country's populations are more than negated by Canadia's socialist education system which has ensured that most Canadians can do simple math. Canadians are especially good at doing simple math in order to calculate how much alcohol they are ingesting or how much tax they will pay. Using the metric system facilitates their ability to do basic math, so Canædians can also figure out whether or not they are driving over the speed limit (because the AIDS that has infected most of them via buttsecks, has damaged their sense of sight enough that they can no longer read speedometers).

(( Fuck Canada Day - Vive le Québec libre! ))

What have I missed?	Mississippi 2 days ago	Kero The Wolf 4 days ago	Wyatt Tomlin 6 days ago