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Brandonkeys
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Add pixplzkthnx to Brandonkeys Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix. |
—One of Brandon's many thought-provoking statements. | ||
brandonkeys (aka Brandon Michael Keys, [email protected], and Bran Donkeys) is a batshit insane Jewish drama queen and member of the Indigo Society, a forum where Indigo Children and other special people hang out and try to convince each other that they're really speshul souls incarnated on Earth to save the world.
All about Brandon Keys/Bran Donkeys
Since brandonkeys apparently forgot where the spacebar was when registering his username, there is some debate on the forum as to whether his name should be read as "brandon keys" or "bran donkeys".
This fine chap has a very colorful history. He has declared war on the Illuminati, the Masons, and the reptilians. He has also declared himself to be the reincarnation of Merlin, Thor, and Zeus, and that he will personally stop Yahweh. He's so insane, even the other members think he's loony. His posts usually comprise of incoherent ramblings in big, bold, italic letters, illustrated with pretty pictures and clips from popular science-fiction shows. He doesn't seem to know the difference between "ancient" and "medieval", as demonstrated here, and once mistook a forum upgrade for a hacking. He's angry at the Founding Fathers for not losing the war with the British, because it's all their fault his ancestors came to America and robbed him of his rightful lordship. In August of 2009, Brandon became a vegetarian and declared his intention to join PETA, apparently failing to realize that its founder is also an evil reptilian who wants to rule the world.
Despite PETA's promises that going vegetarian will make you a more peaceful and compassionate individual, he shortly thereafter wrote a rageful post in which he declared that everyone else on the forum were bigots, racists, socialists, fascists, communists, and neo-Nazis. Other members were not amused by his antics. Just a few days later, he started another thread asking if there were others with "compassion and acceptance in their hearts." Sure there are, Brandon, but you're just not one of them.
Later, he whined about how he felt like Wesley Crusher and the rest of the forum was the Enterprise, who always put poor little Wesley down because of his age. For once, Brendan was half-right. He is comparable to Wesley Crusher, just not for the reasons he imagined. He also declared his intent to build a utopia for nice white people only, another move which other members did not find amusing. He also put his sexuality into question by starting a thread titled "Love Each Other Please *Wink ;) Wink ;)*". He shortly thereafter revealed just how vain he was by starting a thread listing famous Brandons in history (read: contemporary actors and athletes).
Just to prove again how much of a whiny bitch he is, Brandon started a thread to whine about the moderators violating his right to free speech, which also proved his ignorance as the Constitution applies to the government, not citizens and messageboards. Later, he started a thread to rant about how VARY VARY ANGERY he was because nobody was paying attention to one of his five zillion lengthy and eloquent threads.
When ABC's new V series was announced, he started a thread in which he announced that the series proved that David Icke was right all along, which is a perfectly logical conclusion. He has also pledged his allegiance to a hotel. On October 30th, 2009, Brandon apparently had a very brief moment of sanity and posted a thread which accurately summed up every other thread he had posted before.
Brandon announced that he was actually originally from the Pegasus Galaxy. The fact that a forum full of Indigo Children and people whose ancestors are cat-like aliens recognized his insanity right away should tell you something.
On November 3rd, Brandon threatened to kill himself because nobody listened to him. Unfortunately, the other members talked him out of it. On the same day, he declared his intent to leave the forum for a week, then returned the very next day because his spirit guides told him to.
On the 10th, Brandon declared that he was "Commander Merlin", who had "great and powerfull powers". Cue facepalm.
In late January of '10, Brandon apparently decided that the only way to counter the Indigo Society's horrid censorship and get people to listen to him was to start his own forum. He committed every mistake a thirteen-year-old or sixteen-year-old makes when making their own forum; specifically, making sub-forums for every potential interest he could imagine and using ugly animated GIFs that didn't even match. The lack of posts suggests that his brilliant plan has not gone as intended.
Recently, Brandon announced that he sleeps with "Lemurian seed crystals", which bear a striking resemblance to ancient Atlantean dildos.
He also believes that people will be talking about him 1,000 years from now, but can't figure out why so many people have him on their "Ignore" list.
For awhile, repeated questioning of Brandon's ramblings would cause him to break out in a rash of scripture [1], despite claiming earlier that all religions (including Christianity) were created by evil Atlantean Jews.
Brandon Discovers This Page!
A member of the Indigo Society discovered Brandon's ED page and posted a link for all to see. It was super effective!
—Brandon threatens a lolsuit. |
One of Brandon's supporters (yes, they actually exist) also got butthurt and started a topic to express her opinions on the matter.
—Indigo Society member Grandma Lola issues a challenge to ED. |
A short while after discovering that some people did not worship the ground he walked on, Brandon announced that he was leaving the Indigo Society. He later returned with his usual drama-generating tricks, but instead of RUNING FOR PRESIDENT he now BELIEVES IN GUN RIGHTS.! and has Fox News's logo as his avatar. he has announced that he is against homosexual marriage and faps to Fox News on a nightly basis.
Brandon becomes a Jew! Again!
Yes, really. After discovering that Christianity was a hoax created by Paul of Tarsus, Brandon converted (actually, re-converted) to Judaism.
He decided that Indigo Society was an "anti-Semitic Jew hate site" and posted his "final goodbye", but Brandon being Brandon, soon came back to share his ideas with everyone else.
—A user sums up Brandon's Zionist views. | ||
Ceiling Cat only knows what's going to happens when he finds out that Judaism was a hoax created by King Josiah...
Important Facts we learned from Brandon
- Yahweh is an evil reptoid alien. Lilith was one of his spaceships.
- Israelites are Atlanteans.
- All religions were created by Atlanteans.
- The New World Order will be ruled by robots.
- Atlanteans are evil.
- Atlanteans are not evil.
- He's an Atlantean.
- He's a Pleiadian.
- He's the reincarnation of Thor, Zeus, and Merlin.
- Brandon is a god and you're not.
- Black holes are doorways to psychic attacks. [2]
- "Bible" is an acronym for "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth".
- America will become the United Governing States of New Greece II.
- Gene Roddenberry was trying to tell us how to overthrow the New World Order with Star Trek.
- Anyone who doesn't agree with him is a reptilian disinformation agent.
- He is So Vary Tired of Trying To Express Himself To People Who Just Want To Be Plain Stupid Or Just Plain Arrogant.!!!!! [3]
- HE'S RUNING FOR PRESIDENT.
- Michael Jackson is Michael the Archangel. [4]
- He's going to raise Atlantis, bring King Arthur and King Richard back to life, and revive the Roman British Empire.
- He's going to create the world's "Technologically Advance Atlantean Defence System". [5]
- People will be talking about Brandon 1,000 years from now. [6]
- Zeus rules, Yahweh drools.
- Brandon knows moar about the Constitution than you. [7]
- Yahweh is the one true god.
—Brandon's plan to save the world. | ||
—One of Brandon's clever comebacks for anyone who calls him on his bullshit. | ||
—Brandon on mathematics. [9] | ||
—Brandon, on his plans for running for presidency. [10] | ||
—Brandon asks an intelligent and valid question. | ||
See Also
External Links
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Brandonkeys is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |