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Blackmage9
Common sense dictates that throwing anything with tits onto a flock of cosplayers and gamers, popularity is instantly achieved. Feed them something actually pretty with tits, what is achieved, you may ask. A GODDESS, that's what! Meet 
blackmage9, a.k.a. Alodia Gosiengfiao, the Philippines' most famous cosplaying tartlet. Shining beacon to tartlets everywhere, she is everything her fans aim to be a successful faux-model someday.
The Birth of Alodia-sama
Before partaking ambrosia, Alodia was just your average weeaboo. She was a relative nobody in the forums she frequented, chillin' with other weeaboos. She even rped as a goth nurse in forums, like your average, normal girl. That soon changed when she produced her picture though. Mods who have never seen pre-pubescent tits collectively shat bricks at the sight and threw a party for their new baby. After the celebration subsided, she ascended to the throne of Modhood she so rightfully deserves.
Every Cosplayer's Dream Come True
Circa 2003, Alodia broke beyond the interbutts and filled the world with the gloriousness that is her being by cosplaying some cumbucket from an obscure video game. Commoners gushed at the sight, a female was dressed as a female character and vaguely resembles a woman. Since she was the only tit-bearing tramp without a mustache in the event, she was given the People's Choice Award. Realizing that this was far better than getting attention over the internet, Alodia never looked back and decided to build her own cult of KAWAII and milk the zombie members for all they're worth.
Choosing her target audience
Alodia's fans are the same as your run-of-the-mill fan, except that they 9,001x more insane. They truly and honestly believe that Alodia is the Messiah for cosplayers and the faithful shall receive their deity's kindness and blessings. And just as any other faithful believer, nay-sayers who have the gall to slander Alodia shall be swiftly fed to the lions. Majority of her flock are found in DA, so kindly praise them of their faith in the Goddess.
Self-appointed Alodia Knights
Her most lifeless fans have made it their mission to protect their goddess from any perceived threat there is. Any internets drama brewing drama relating to Alodia has been immediately extinguished by this marauding horde of masculine e-protectors. That's an irony in itself, since their greatest fantasy is to violate their dear Alodia the moment an opportunity presents itself.
Her less popular sister, orangeish is one of her staunchest white knights. Like her fanboy counterparts, she is quick to douse drama and criticisms of her sister.
| — orangeish, expressing her love for her Oneesama. |
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Typical gift art. -
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I'm tellin' customer support! -
A ritual? A cult indeed! At least they got that part about 4chan right.
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Not trying to solicit secks. RLY! -
A fantard's attempt at using logic. -
T'was done before she said the word. -
Using ALL CAPS makes you look TOUGHER. -
Rabid overprotective sister, right out of a hentai plot. -
Being a camwhore runs in the family.
Modelling first, Cosplay later
For cosplaying tartlets, it is a must that they frolic in their own handmade masterpieces. Though the clothes may be shitty, that's fine and well, as long as they poured their hearts into it and made them with their own grimy sausage hands. To do otherwise is the cosplayer equivalent of sodomy in the Bible and is penalized severely.
So when their deity admitted to have been donning purchased crap all along, one would have thought that it was only a matter of time before Alodia's tartlet fans transform into a lynch mob and burn her shit-stained corpse in true Guy Fawkes fashion.
Instead, the tartlets ripped out their eyes and popped their eardrums and promptly ignored all the criticism. Her fanbase, are special after all. Again, in true tartlet fan fashion, they recite as their mantra:
| — tartlet, describing herself. |
| — Fantard's psyche is revealed. |
Alodia, in a true display of benelovence, promised to give her award to Mang Poli, her couturier. So to all you cosplayfags, it's OK to buy your frock from now on. In the event you win, just give the trophy to the maker, mmkay?
And Alodia still hasn't learned her lesson after the first incident.
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Truly a luminary. -
She doesn't even have the tits for I-no!! -
Wanna bet she and her sister did this? Dollah Bet Ya!!
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Doubtful she made this.
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Or her sister did this. -
Ya owe me dollah!!
Genius Artz
Truly, our glorious Alodia-sama is the complete package. Not only is she beautiful, she is blessed with talent and also a great artist. Just check out her DA gallery for her amazing works. Be careful though, the unworthy who gaze upon her art have been known to go blind from the sheer beauty in her work.
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ARGH MY EYES! -
Trying to be funny but fails. -
A good grasp of anatomy.
For sale: Fapping AIDS
Contrary to popular belief, Alodia just cannot have enough monies. Not only does she make a shitload of cash from the modeling jobs she's receiving, her fantards' constant need for her cosplay pictures keep both her and DA happy with the luxuries of life. She even made a love handmade doll of herself and proceeded to auction it off in her DA account. Her divine self doesn't even need eBay to sell stuff. From a mere $12 or so, the price immediately went up and finally sold for $297.33 to this lonely tartlet. Some speculate that a limited edition Alodia fleshlight is in the works.
The Merchandise
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She wants to eat you. -
Brilliant entrepreneur. -
Personalizing the merchandise. -
WTF? No holes? What a rip.
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An official Alodia wallpaper. You're an infidel if you make your own Alodia wallpaper. -
Fan dive. -
Notice how her fans have to do dives to have pictures with her. -
Logo of long dead club that produced the tartlet. -
"Guaranteed to tighten your vagina"
Spotting lolcow behavior
Unfortunately for you, this tartlet seldom engages in lulz-worthy behavior. As soon as she is called on the fakeness of her boobs and attitude, her fantards intervene and leave little to be said from their Goddess. In fact, her fanboys keep a closer eye on her DA account than Alodia herself. But fear not, dear EDiot, here are chronicles of lulz from Alodia herself! Indeed, her true self cannot be concealed.
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Showing obvious otherkin behavior -
Alodia loves to engage herself in gangbangs -
Just like her attitude. -
OH EXPLOITABLE
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Not camwhorish at all. Nosiree! -
Granny panties fan service! -
She's delighted with her fans. -
Coz monies isn't enough. -
Being attractive only to lusers has its downs too. -
Though her actions indicate she's a narcissistic fgt. -
pwned -
She was promptly hired as a Burger King mascot. -
On her brilliant resume. -
Said someone who cosplayed Rikku at the height of FFX hoopla -
4chan jumps at Alodia. -
HALP ME -
Should've shown tits. -
Study moar, attention whore less. -
Substitute currency. -
Rule 34's! -
MOAR -
Failodia doing what she does best. -
How Alodia gets her Deviantart Subscription -
Take a hint. -
Alodia in the future.
The Cake Incident
It's Alodia's birthday!! As she gracefully ages, a cake is presented to her in front of her millions (and millions) of fans. But in her self-absorbed mind, she nor her legions of fantards notice something is totally amiss with the cake...
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Now you don't see it... -
...now you do. -
Ready to mount!! -
Obligatory motivator.
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Alodia approves!!
You stole her picture? HOW DARE YOU!
You'd think camwhores would be flattered if someone actually had enough sense to use their picture in a media campaign. Again, Alodia surprises us. Though it appears her concern is that her sublime head was removed and replaced by a globe. Be sure to spot those internet lawyers!
PROTIP: If Alodia cries "help" to her fantard-tartlets, she actually means EAT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ALIVE.
ALODIA DOESN'T CARE ABOUT FILIPINOS!!
On September 26th, 2009, Typhoon Ondoy decided to make some lulz and wreck havoc on those Mexicans on an Island. While the storm didn't manage to off Alodia, the storm inspired our tartlet into some "creativity", all the while her fellow countrymen were frantically bailing out their homes, trying to save possessions, and dying horrible watery deaths. Obviously, the wrath of Mother Nature and the deaths of peons is no matter for the Goddess herself. Even more amazing? Her fans don't give a shit about people dying, rather just worship their false god. Of course, with disaster, there is the inevitable Charity mode, where people will whore themselves out to seem like they want to do something to help those in need, when in reality, it's more to stroke egos and appear to be caring for people you don't wanna know or meet. Ever.
In this case, for every 10 pesos the print garners, 7.90 pesos will go to "production costs." I hear theirs a new Angel Blade Statue in the works that Alodia wants to add to her collection of sex toys. A 4channer tries to help in the effort, but the way most bad MySpace pages are coded, he is redirected not to a charity site where his US$1 will buy some poor flooded out kid 14.7 years of food, but to Kid Nemo, an online toystore that utilizes Alodia as their spokesperson via a navigation bar to the side.
| —Alodia, showing a complete lack of common sense. |
Translation:
| —Babelfish's impeccable translation of Bitchinese to Engrish |
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Wearing a mask. -
Unlike the Postal Service Motto, this task doesn't have any merit when it comes to rain. -
Maybe this is a ruse to get Alodia moar Toys!! -
4channer tries to give, ends up bitching on 4chan.
Commemorative Kanye West Imma Let You Finish
| —Kanye West |
Furries rejoice!
Alodia-sama is casted as leading character in shitty remake of Korean show "My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. Furries shall furiously fap as her fursona unfolds on national TV.
FOUL PLAY HALP PLZ
On April 4, 2009, Alodia's first fans day was finally held. This event was held simultaneously with a PR event for some MMORPG, but on to the point. She was granted the honor of being among the judges for the cosplay competition, coz, you know, she's the BEST COSPLAYER EVAR! Much to her dismay, however, she was left to judge only a mere 10 out of 100%, despite being allegedly promised to be given equal judging weight with the other godkings of cosplay. The nerve! She should be given at least 100% judging weight! She is THE god-queen of cosplay, after all.
This spurned another a cry for halp in her DA and her plurk, the latter have since been edited to conceal her butthurt. Said plurk is the current capital of Alodia-drama. Needless to say, it attracted symphathy and disdain alike.
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Plurk before edits came. -
Notice how one fantard objects to the use of English but cannot speak the language himself. -
My brain blew a fuse translating this shit.
Lesbian Goddess?
Straight from the girl herself, ladies and gentlemen.
| — blackmage9, on wanting some virtual poosay. |
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Suddenly, the number of her female fantards increased. -
You want some of those. -
Fap away, fgts -
A mistress at subtlety.
Coupled with the disturbing number of hentai anime female pvc figurines she possesses, such theory is plausible. Gender dysphoria ? Or is she simply a bona fide lesbian? This theory just gives her fantards moar reason to suck up to her, in hopes of being invited to a lesbian threesome.
BREAKING NEWS; Going to the USA
This coming July '09, Americunts have a chance at meeting Alodia-sama. Don't miss it! Didn't appear due to being nicked by Customs and Border Protection for using a Tourist Visa to do Business-Related travel and deported back to the motherland.
Related Links
External Links/A.K.A. Trolling targets
- blackmage9 on DeviantArt
blackmage9 on Youtube
blackmage9 on Twitter
blackmage9 on Failbook- Her Friendster account
Alodia Fanatics. Presumably dead- Her Multiply account
- Her Plurk account
- Vanity TOW Article, note the lulzy caption in the pic.
- Alodia's Official Private army You know what to do
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Blackmage9 is part of a series on Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage. |
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Blackmage9 is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |