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Alex Jones
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>AlGore at 08:03, 23 June 2017. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT turns out alex jones himself is a false flag!!!1
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Testimony from Jones' March 4 deposition revealed that he was unable to recall the names of his children's teachers after eating a big bowl of chili. He admitted to occasionally smoking marijuana — nearly yearly — “to monitor its strength, which is how law enforcement does it.” And in typical Jonesian fashion, he told the court he tested the drug because he believes it is now too strong, thanks to billionaire and political donor George Soros, who he claimed in court has “brain-damaged a lot of people.”
False Flags Everywhere!!!!Why so batshit?Typical day in the studio for Mr. JonesSo many false flags it makes Alex cross his eyes.
Alex Jones is a millionaire Zionist kike lover and CIA agent who believes his taxes are too high and greenhouse gasses don't warm the planet. Also known as the fatter David Icke, and the antimatter to Rush Limbaugh, he describes himself as a "paleoconservative" (read: paranoid conspiracy theorist) and libertarian intellectual from Texas. He can prove all his theories are true; he merely chooses not to.
"If you don't believe 9/11 was an inside job, it is because you consumed fluoride." OR "If you disagree with me, it is merely because you have consumed fluoride. Everybody that disagrees with me is a brainwashed sheeple." -These few quotes are commonly used by Alex Jones and his FOLLOWERS and exemplify the sublime logic and points of argumentation they implement. If the government had put out end of the world survival tips in response to the 2012 doomsday prophecy, and Jones saw them, he would have painted his entire office in semen, instead of his current I <3 Obama posters and blood of innocent people who he killed with his private drone, funded by your donations.
After a spending a number of years in an FEMA Concentration Camp, Meat Loaf took to political activism to expose the lies of the New World Order.Alex Jones being taken captive by FEMAAlex Jones dislikes the Federal government because they're always messing with his biz-naz.
The most notable portion of Jones' longstanding career is the absurd number of documentaries he's made over the years exposing the lies of the government. The first big epic title in these exposés was America: Wake Up or Waco, about the FBI raid on the Branch Davidians in 1993.
Average plot summary of an Alex Jones documentary:
All of these documentaries are on sale on one of Jones' various websites. All of them cost a small
fortune for the DVD versions, but since people rip them and put them on Google video no one buys them anyway.
Radio Show
Alex Jones gives us an idea of what debating on his radio show is like.
Some argue that the Muse song "Time is Running Out" is about the blowjob Jones gave Matthew Bellamy to get him to appear on the show.
The Internet
Well?Typical Alex Jones fan.
Jones runs a number of websites devoted to his war against the elite, the most notable of which are Prison Planet and Infowars. Both sites appeal to freethinkers of the eclectic variety. Subscribers to Infowars self-identify as Infowarriors. Being an Infowarrior is an important task that entails dismantling the NWO by uncritically accepting all Infowars' output, commenting on their videos, and purchasing Infowars' take on homeopathy. Basically it's a way of LARPing a secret agent, rebel, holy warrior and renegade badass all in one role. Though conservatards love to cite Jones as a champion of truth and freedom in the wake of George Bush's rampant faggotry, any moron who actually bothers to read his articles would know that he's just as bad, if not worse than the people he so heroically stands against, because he's actually a conservative. He's supposedly what's called a "paleoconservative", which is supposed to be the opposite of a neoconservative. This makes Jones roughly the political equivalent of a televangelist.
Flash ads for the above that eat up your computer's memory until it dies.
News about the amero AKA crazy tokens that do not exist
Typical Alex Jones Radio Shows
Alex Jones reaches out to conservative intellectuals
Alex Jones talking about starting a revolution
Alex will not have the globalist Bieber destroy his future children's lives.
Alex denying evolution.
A pimp and a whore? Say it ain't so Alex!
Previous Video | Next Video
Associative Thinking: How Alex Jones Fools Large Amounts of Internetz-Foolz
In 2012 some Britfag on Alex Jones' show revealed how the show brainwashes its viewers.
Associative Thinking Key to Brainwashing Alex Jones Fans
Dr. Death, 2006
This man wants to kill everyone in your family using AIDS.
The drama began when a well-known scientist, Dr. Pianka, gave a lecture at the Texas Academy of Science and made some off-hand remarks about how humans were destroying the planet and how likely it is a pandemic will wipe out a large portion of the population in the future. "Investigative journalist" lol and general fucktard Forrest Mims decided that these were the words of a mad scientist bent on wiping out the human population with an airborne virus, and Jones quickly caught on, calling Pianka "Dr. Death", the frontman for the elite's New World Order agenda of genocide.
In the time since, Dr. Pianka's received a number of death threats from various crusaders for justice.
Although in fairness, it should be noted that (a) Dr Pianka made sure the cameras were off before he gave his speech; (b) No-one in the audience laughed at any point; (c) In fact, after he'd finished giving his address, Pianka received a standing ovation and was mobbed at the podium by enthusiastic audience members; (d) Dr Pianka's demand that people stop threatening his family repeats exactly the same message as his speech and doesn't apologise; and (e) The FBI and Homeland Security took it seriously enough to launch an investigation (lol, no prosecution because Pinka made sure the cameras were off).
For every action, there is a reaction. That is the way the world works. For every fat, loathsome Libertarian lurking in his trailer-park "fallout shelter," rabidly ordering "survival seeds" from Jones' sponsors, there is an equally fat, community-college grad fag "ironically" listening to the radio show, incredulously gushing in pained exasperation at every single one of Alex's insane assertions.
As such, the only people who actually care enough to vocally and publicly oppose the bellicose Fuck, are knee-jerk Olbermannfans: the same people who thought it "progressive" to elect a nigger president, put a Jew in charge of the banks - and who are more than likely responsible for this very article.
Obviously Alex Jones and his fans are a herd of lol-cows, but some are surprised to know that Jones actually thinks he can make people laugh INTENTIONALLY! He does this through the use of what he calls "satire", but which is obviously not satire and is just really weird and shows how fucked up in the head Jones really is. His "satire" consists of putting a towel on his head, putting on a high-pitched voice, sitting on a throne next to his butt boy and shrieking about the New World Order while he "interviews" himself. (Srsly, see video below).
While it is generally recognized that watching the Alex Jones show is one of the most lulzy things to do with your spare time, watching Jones attempt satire is weird and alienating. Jones' "satire" generates major degrees of fail and leaves the viewer feeling empty and devoid of vital force.
CAUTION: Viewing Alex Jones "Satire" May Result in Listlessness, Depression and Shriveled Libido
The "Joker" Incident
The "Joker" incident is a well-known internets happening when Alex Jones finally lost his mind, put on make-up to look like the Joker from the second film in the Batman Dark Knight trilogy, and started raving like a maniac. This incident was so weird, even for Jones, that many people who regularly watch him for the lulz finally shook their head and turned off his Youtube channel permanently as they knew that Jones could never truly top this incident in terms of pure, in-your-face retardation.
Some Claim that the "Joker" Incident is Proof that Jones is Just Doing It All for the Lulz
Others Say That Jones Was Doing It to Get Off Sexually
Others, however, just claim that the "Joker" incident is simply proof that Alex Jones suffers from chronic brain disease and should be locked in a monkey cage with a bullhorn and hung up in Times Square for everyone who pleases to take a gander. Actually, this wouldn't be much different to the current freak-show that he airs on Youtube six days a week.
Alex Jones on the Pier Morgan
When Britfag Piers Morgan tried to have the US government take Jones' guns so that he could personally break into Jones' house and rape his wife and kids, Jones got mighty pissed off. So, he started an online petition to troll the fuck out of Morgan and get him deported. Some said that this was ironic because Jones claims to want smaller government and constitutional rights, but also seems to have wanted the US government to prevent Morgan from exercising free speech. Some even went so far as saying that this shows that Jones and his stupid cult are actually a bunch of fascist creeps in disguise. Nevertheless, Jones soon went on the Piers Morgan show to clear up the confusions. Lulz ensued.
Alex Jones Sits Down to Calmly Debate Piers Morgan
TL;DW: 2014 Bilderberg conference held in Watford, Britain; Alex Jones turns up and shouts in his annoying gravelly voice; gets invited on crappy politics show; totally loses his shit on live TV and rants about how he has "blown wide open" the fact that the EU is a Nazi plot; is dismissed in one line delivered by UK's shittiest commentator ("We have an idiot on the programme!").
Although it should be noted that Jones's debating opponent on the show was David Aaronovitch, a broadsheetcolumnist who was the major cheerleader in Britain for the UK/US motive for invading Iraq until it became totally obvious that it was lies, at which point he started claiming it was old news and we should all move on. Which makes him a prominent anti-conspiracist who failed to notice one of the biggest IRL conspiracies in recent years and then tried to cover up his failure.
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These WMD claims cannot be wished away in the light of a successful war. If nothing is eventually found, I - as a supporter of the war - will never believe another thing that I am told by our government, or that of the US ever again. And, more to the point, neither will anyone else. Those weapons had better be there somewhere.
Tell them that the world as it is kind of sucks and a New World Order sounds dandy!
Inform them that Alex Jones is actually a member of the Illuminati misdirecting them with fear into leading the lives of basement dwellers.
Tell them you voted for Barack Hussein Obama because of his charming smile. Be sure to be wearing some sort of helmet.
Add a link to Tin Foil Hat to the See Also section of his TOW article. When one of his fan boys reverts your edit, add it again. (The link isn't to the right place)
Tell them the Rothchilds are not the reason for their virginity
Tell them that Ron Paul spent years working for FEMA
Tell them that the "Paul twins" (Ron and Rand) are part of a NWO clone program and that both are half-lizard
Tell them that the Federal Reserve is a public body and then when they insist that its private ask them why they turn 100% of their profits over to the US Treasury/government every year -- after all, no private corporation would simply give 100% of their profits to the government!
If Alex Jones' documentaries and books are full of the vital critical information needed to stop the New World Order, why does he still charge money for them?
If fire can't melt steel, then why did this happen?
If heat can't make metal weaker, then why do blacksmiths put shit into fire before hitting it with a hammer?
Also, isn't steel made by melting stuff?
See if they can define Paleocon in their own words without using anything they learned from Alex Jones or Wikipedia, or see if they can use it in an accurate and non-sensationalistic manner.
Ask them if they can explain why Jones stated the firefighters were involved in 9/11 on his radio show and web site, but when he was questioned about it later he denied he ever said anything like that[2].
Does Alex Jones bathe in his mega-expensive filtered water as well as drink it, since fluoride can be absorbed through the skin?
Does Alex Jones even bathe, or is he hosed down by psychiatric staff once a week?
Genital Grabbing
One thing that Alex likes talking about a LOT is the idea of the TSA or the cops grabbing your genitals. We say he likes talking about it and he does -- like some weird fixation that he just cannot get away from -- but almost nothing makes him more angry than the idea of having his genitals grabbed, crushed, palpated or squeezed by an authority figure. What experience led to Jones' obsession with authority figures giving his widdle a fiddle, we may never know. But this much is clear: Jones HATES it when "THEY" grab his genitals, his wife's genitals or his children's genitals.
Of course, in order to counterattack the genital gropers of the "THEY" Jones has done quite a bit of research on genital groping techniques which we have compiled in this handy sixty second video compilation which you can use to ensure that your genitals are not squeezed. (Or, if you're a cop or a TSA agent in training you can use it as an instructional video or whatever).
Genital Squeezing Techniques
Prank Calls With Alex Jones
Some geniuses on Youtube have realized that using an Alex Jones soundboard to prank phone call people is one of the lulziest acts imaginable. If anyone else out there feels like doing this we'd encourage them to use moar conspiracy theory rants about fluoride in the water. One particularly funny prank would be to cherry-pick some of Jones' craziest bits and call a psychiatrist and then post it on Youtube and put it on this ED page for others to lol at.
Prank Phone Calls With Alex Emerick Jones
Alex Jones' Jewish Connections
Fema Camps ain't cheap America !!!!1
Alex Jones is married to a Jewish woman named Kelly Rebecca "Violet" Nichols, with whom he has three(3) Jewish children.
Alex Jones and his Jewish wife and children all qualify for Israeli citizenship under Israel’s “Law of Return”.
Alex Jones’ producer to whom he calls his "boss" is Jew Rob Jacobson. Alex once interviewed David Duke and thought Duke was going to bash blacks the whole episode and he no idea Duke only bashes Jews. Duke exposing Jews for over an hour on his show got Alex "Jew Wife" Jones upset and his Jew producer upset and so Jacobson even came on the air and argued with Duke and then lost. Then Jacobson first edited the 2 hour interview down to 17 minutes, and then later just removed it entirely. Alex now mentions David Duke from time to time with fear on his show calling him "the big bad wolf". David Duke Debates Alex Jones (8-18-15)
Alex Jones is funded by at least thirty-four(34) Jewish sponsors and advertisers who financially support his radio show and websites.
Alex Jones’ flagship radio station, KLBJ AM, in Austin, Texas, is owned by Emmis Communications, a media conglomerate based in Indianapolis, Indiana. The founder, chairman, president, and CEO of Emmis Communications is the Zionist Jew Jeffrey Smulyan.
Alex Jones’ radio show is broadcast on Sirius XM Radio. The chairman of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Eddy Hartenstein. The CEO of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Mel Karmazin. The President of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Scott Greenstein. Of the six(6) executive officers of Sirius XM Radio, five(5) are Jews.
Alex Jones is the client of a Jewish attorney named Elizabeth Morgan who is also the attorney for Holly Lev Bronfman, the sister of Edgar Bronfman, Jr. Thus there are only two degrees of separation between Alex Jones and the Bronfman family, one of the wealthiest and most influential Jewish Zionist families in North America.
Alex Jones’ employee Molly Maroney, the managing editor of Infowars Magazine, is a former intern of STRATFOR, a private intelligence agency based in Austin, Texas, which has been linked to the CIA and Mossad. The founder and CEO of STRATFOR is the Zionist Jew George Friedman. Thus there are only two degrees of separation between Alex Jones and STRATFOR.'
A source of lulz for the last three years, the Alex Jones' Parking Lot Story is infamous amongst Jones' cult followers, independent free-press, and Alex's detractors, alike.
While the reality of the story is up for debate, it is not unreasonable to assume that Alex - a loudmouth fuck who picks fights with relative strangers - started the fight, and then lost it, accordingly. (An example of his reasoning skills can be heard daily on his radio program, where he debates with callers who disagree.)
The story goes: Alex and company, including his father, Bob, were having dinner at some restaurant. At another table was a RL troll named Steve. Alex recognized the man's voice (as Steve routinely called various radio shows in the Austin area to prank them; favouring Alex's show.) Approaching the man, Alex began to curse at and threaten Steve. Alex, acting big, stated he was going to whip the troll's ass. Steve stepped up and double dawg dared him to step outside...
At first, Alex wavered. But, having a huge ego and a tough guy image to keep up, (and realizing that even if he lost the fight, he could always lie later-on,) Alex went outside to confront Steve.
In the parking lot, Alex was hesitant to fight, but Steve kept at him.
In true nigger fashion, Alex threatened to pull his piece on Steve, who RL trolled Alex even more by calling him a "pussy;" stating, to the extent, that "only pussies bring a gun to a fist-fight, you jarhead pussy."
Alex, according to eye-witness reports, ran to his truck, fumbling for his gun, which he apparently slipped into some pocket. Then, with a hand in that pocket, advanced on Steve - who, after a few steps backwards, triple-dawg dared Alex to, "shoot me already, you jarhead bitch." Then popped Alex in the face, dropping him like a faggot.
Alex cried for dad, ordering one of his dinner guests to, "Get Bob!!"
While Alex's cohort ran indoors to fetch daddy, Alex got back up and spat blood in Steve's face. Steve reacted accordingly, and punched Alex again, dropping him.
Alex, remembering his revelation at dinner the night before, went on-air and claimed that he was jumped by 4-5 knife-wielding assailants (despite not receiving even one cut during his heroic struggle.) They hated freedom, loved to oppresses patriots, and wanted him dead. But, Alex told, he valiantly fought them off with only his bare fists, because he wasn't going to lay down - he wasn't afraid!
While Superstorm Sandy ripped through the East Coast of the U.S. in October 2012; Alex Jones took the time to fall for the trolling of the Sandy Loot Crew
Alex Jones' Goregasms
If you watch Alex Jones very closely you'll soon notice that his job is actually to lock himself in his studio, turn on his multiple cameras and spend the next sixty minutes getting his rocks off. You see, Jones doesn't actually get off on the stuff that most people get off on. And no, he doesn't get off on furrypr0n either. Instead he gets off on talking about really sick shit. So, in a way Jones is a bit like the good people on Encyclopedia Dramatica except the difference is that Jones is crazy enough to concoct conspiracies about how he thinks his sick death fantasies will manifest themselves on the streets of amerikkka.
The other difference is that while a good, half-socialized EDiot will log into Encyclopedia Dramatica and hide behind a username while they mind-spunk all the sick shit they repress in day-to-day life onto the screen, Jones sits inside a studio and gets paid to goregasm out his mouth day-in day-out. So, Jones is actually sort of like a paid version of one of those rogue masturbators that you "accidentally" stumble upon on Chatroulette. And like the masturbators some of the thrill for Jones is the idea of being watched squeeze every last drop of happy-syrup out of his mental love-wand. So, next time you hear Jones go into gory detail about sick shit or death or being groped by the TSA or whatever, take a close look at his pants and see if anyone pops up to say hello.
Jones Getting Major Jollies Out of the Idea of "THEY" Murdering Your Family
Straightforward Selection of Alex Jones Conspiracy Goregasms
Quotes
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THE GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
Listen to him for events going on, but never forget he is NWO...anyone got a bloodline on him??
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—Kimberly suspects Alex is part of the NWO.
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Anyone worth their mettle in the insider circles of alternative media KNOWS that AJ is a zionist shill. His wife is Jewish, he always rants about the Killuminati, he disrupts and stirs CONTROLLED opposition and he - from very early on - was exposed to be a fraud and fear mongerer by none other than William Cooper who was shot for speaking the truth about 9/11.
His bu$inse$$ is selling and creating fear and unrest by walking into protests and yelling through his stupid (not that he needs it) loud speaker. His handlers are BIG money (Adnan Kashoggi), and he's a crypto Jew covering IsraHELL's backside wherever possible. Jeff Rense who is A LOT more together and who does a better job at telling it like it is and has no need to scream his listeners' ears off, has posted an open letter re the infamous Alex Jone$.
(UNDENIABLE PROOF)
