Fitlads

Fitlads is a shoddily-made website worth only a measly £100k, (UPDATE proof that Fitlads.net has gone downhill: it's worth ~~56,940.00 as of June 11th, 2010~~ $40,201.83 as of January 2nd, 2011) and ~~is the epitome of faggotry~~ isn't really all that important in real terms. It is an interweb community website which is designed to accommodate the infectious, camp, homosexual fairies of the U.K. and beyond to practice trolling and perving over the pictures of other dirty old men and children - viz: Shotacon.

The Owners

This ostensible disease pit, infected with more AIDS than the Habbo Hotel Africa pool on a summer's day, is dependent on the following imbeciles:

David - An over-weight, acne-stained, middle-aged man who has long since gone past his sell-by date; it is rumored that he uses the website only to solicit younger men - preferably under 18, and hairless - for sex. Indeed, he once hired a particularly unhinged rent-boy as a P.A. who subsequently went on to lock Joe and David out of Fitlads and ruled it (albeit briefly) with an iron fist. David has chosen not to update his display pic for over five years although he can be found snorting ketamine in Essential, a two-bit concrete bunker of exceptional faggotry. Essential is David's preferred venue thanks to the dark lighting and copious amounts of smoke machines helping to obscure his pockmarks and deep wrinkles that a WWI soldier would feel at home in.

Joe/Joseph - An incredibly perverse and unhinged crybaby, he is his family's biggest disappointment. The subhuman founder of Fitlads, Joseph is riddled with ass burgers. In his best Stephen Hawking voice, he proudly announces at any given opportunity that he's on the Autistic Spectrum, a mental condition that illuminates his biggest reason for having a gay sex website; his sole motivation for creating Fitlads was, quite simply, for revenge on the gay world. At the tender age of 15, young Joseph was banned from the gay IRC channel for being jailbait (although why anyone would want a piece of his pockmarked arse or bent penis remains a mystery). Joseph never recovered from his epic butthurt and has since waged a trolling war upon anyone remotely better looking than him (ie you and most of humanity). He is to David what AIDS is to cancer. Joseph, had he been born in Roman times, would have been left to die on a mountaintop because in evolutionary terms he is the equivalent of monkey flatulence. Proof that he is a deficient foundling include poor vision, looks to be in his mid 30s, has a fat boyfriend (who he uses as an occasional spunk pail) and is incapable of attaining orgasm through normal means.

Having been educated at a prominent Catholic school in Norfolk, England it's little surprise that Joseph would be compelled to create a fetishist site for scally lads and their admirers.

Meanwhile, ten years on, poor Joseph still feels mighty butthurt from his IRC experience (as illustrated below).

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Butthurt Joe

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still sore

The Members

Subscribers of the uberfags David and Joe come in many shapes, colors, and sizes. All, however, have one thing in common: not only are these fag recruits looked down upon by the entire universe of normal people, but they're also the repressed, withdrawn recluses of homosexual society, sneered at and disregarded by the proper queers of the world. The primary location of interaction on Fitlads is the "forums", a listed chatroom in which members may exchange remarks under their own titles and photographs.

These socially retarded losers, clutching perilously to their last ounce of dignity, constantly troll the forums day in and day out, week after week, in a desperate struggle for some self-gratification and satisfaction with their dreadful little lives. They, somewhat like a parasite, feed off the other member's insecurities, passionately squashing those weaker than themselves, extinguishing their will to live and ultimately culminating in the psychologically devastated faggot's suicide: go:delete.

The hierarchy of the membership is determined firstly by Joseph, in that any members he would like to get to know better have immunity from any form of suspension or deletion. Secondly David confers protection on to anyone who happens to be smooth and who looks fifteen.

The next level down consists of the old timers. These members are mostly shown respect and allegiance by other, more lowly members no matter how dull, moronic and crusty they usually are. These people take great pleasure in troll hunting, while missing the blindingly obvious fact that they themselves are indeed trolls (evinced by their propensity to call up thread numbers from a long time ago and unerring ability to wind up anybody who disagrees with their viewpoint), albeit not particularly good ones. Anyone who fails to respect their elders and wisers will instantly be labeled a troll, and eventually cornered into deletion.

Further down the food-chain come the bitches. Equipped with "your momma" comebacks, nigra wannabe slang, and grouping together in herds, they like to feed on the easy prey of the site: the amoebae who are fatter, camper and even more ugly than their predators. Admin are an exception to this evolutionary bloodbath, as they are incredibly witty and not at all boring, unattractive or petty.

Then, apparently, there are some other people who are never really noticed. They don't matter, and nobody cares.

Fitlads Admins Delete Evidence of Men Cheating on their Partners

Andrea has tried to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING about men using fitlads en masse to cheat on their boyfriends but google search and posting it here always wins.

Randomer posts this from private message onto the forums:

“	"Straight lad I'm up for. A meet my bf is bein a right cunt were u mate I'm Albert rd southsea check me on fb Callum Finnegan got my top off I just wana fuck off out get laid suck a nice cock Up for it?" "My bf is ere :( could meet u somewhere? Local? 07854376007	„
—id:Tommyboy85, fitlads

Andrea baleeted and says:

“	It's not your job to out his cheating. You're not the Fitlads police. And I guarantee that more than 50% of the guys on here are cheating on someone, many of them are cheating on wives and girlfriends. If you have issues take them elsewhere.	„
—Andrea, Admin, fitlads

In the process failing to realise that she is enabling cheating on a massive scale, and in the process mentioning wives and girlfriends, as heterosexual relationships with women are always more important.

Jade Goody on Fitlads

How to Win Lulz and Alienate Trolls

	“	[Jade Goody] is a fat media whore cow	„
	—Joe Hill - it's OK, he has ass burgers.

Jade GoodyGate: In early 2009, as our Essex Princess was fighting off terminal fanny rot, part owner of Fitlads, Joseph, suffered another of his extreme mood swings, which resulted in him posting a video on JewTube in which he called Jade a "fat media whore cow and pig". He also commented that if any "vegetarian, fairtrade coffee drinking, Labour Party voting, politically correct" people were upset by his video, then "fuck you". This resulted in mucho lulz, and a literally red-faced Joseph removed the video the next morning, on strict instructions from David, who was a little concerned that the publicity may not be all good. This was a high point for Joe, but sadly any attempts to re-post the video are often thwarted by David & Joe Ltd, as they try to lay a copyright claim on Joseph's un-medicated outbursts.

Since this occasion, Joseph has managed to show more consistency regarding hypocrisy:

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Other Recent Notable Events

If you are thinking of entering the world of Fitlads.net be warned that your chances of dying an early and gruesome death will increase exponentially. Be further warned that if you post any comments, pictures, videos or private pictures or private videos, these will automatically and permanently become the property of Joe and David which they can publish to a third party without your consent. Not only is the site crawling with riddled rent bois more emaciated than a Dachau Jew on the Atkins diet and malicious psycho-trannies there also lurks cannibalism, shit eaters, murderers, arsonists, sex offenders and waspish teenagers. Approximately thirty members meet a suspicious end every year. Just ask Mr Gay 1993, Anthony Morley, he'll tell you.

The site nearly exploded, and the admin finally had to shell out for a new server (pictured on right), when a delightful, donkey-dicked, male escort, transvestite, and soon to be staggeringly beautiful female facsimile, Manneka adopted an underage son, then proceeded to make sweet muskrat lovin' to him on a not-so-regular basis, while he desperately tried to find some slightly less screwed up shemale for some real manlove, resulting in the birth of Fitlads' sage, a Nordic saga of threads and threats. Jeremy Kyle would have been green with envy, if he had known about the broken promises, the broken windows and the penis in a jar by the door. All forum contributors acted with the utmost decorum and complete dignity until the show was over, and some suitable deletions had taken place.