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Friends
Friends are something that you don't want, don't have, and probably never will have.
Friends: You Have None
According to experts in the subject, a Friend is a non-existent mystical well wisher from the realms of the imagination, a lot like God. On LiveJournal, it is someone on your Friends list that has no real friends. This version of the term "friend" can be used as both a noun and a verb. For example:
- Noun
- "He is my friend, so he can see the n00ds I post."
- Verb
- "Great user picture, can I friend you?"
IRL Friends
Rumor has it these people exist, and many users of the Internets claim to have many, but this is probably not true IRL. It would appear to the untrained eye that many IRL people enjoy friendship but they're secretly rapists and just want to see you nude.
OL Friends
Even OL most people will claim to be someone's "friend" just so they can see their goods. When people camwhore, this is an excellent way to increase one's list of so-called friends. Direct communication is not a must for OL friends; only reading is. Although IRL if a friend asked you "what's up?" you'd probably just talk to them, OL you would probably say "rml".
TV Show
Friends was an unfunny TV show centered around the idea of watching a group of people who are supposedly friends. Nobody was captivated by this show except for 16-year-old girls, and there was truly a feeling in every American's heart when it finished.
Its target audience was teenagers, but it soon spread to the rest of the population like a viral video does in our days. In other words, you can liken it to the spread of swine flu.
This American sitcom became astoundingly popular despite a flimsy pretense and a seeming lack of any acting talent. Intrinsic to the appalling nature of the show are the appalling people in it. Case in point: Joey, a character who, if he had really been as stupid as is made out, would have had trouble standing unaided, let alone speaking or indeed "seeing how you where doing".
After 10 seasons in which the actors were paid more than the combined GDP of several African countries, somebody out there mercifully decided to end it. Not a moment too soon, either, given that the characters had become sickening stereotypes of personalities completely unfunny to start with, demonstrated in the "zany" character of Phoebe. It's astounding that she made it through 10 seasons without someone beating her to death with half a cinderblock.
Potentially the most annoying type of person in the world is the type who wonders: "Why isn't my life like an episode of Friends, and why don't I have wacky friends who come around to instigate crazy adventures?" The answer is simple: Assuming you have any friends left after the divorce/prison/horrendous sexual misadventure, then they are likely as boring and sedentary as you. The reason you never have "wacky" adventures is because you and all your friends are boring fucks who spend the vast majority of your time wearing jogging bottoms, eating Wotsits and masturbating so aggressively that everyone is surprised your cock/snatch is still attached, let alone functioning.
Unbelievably, the characters spend the vast amount of their time in a coffee house. Hard to believe, given that if any normal person had to spend that amount of time with people that terrible, they would undoubtedly want to be somewhere, anywhere that sells alcohol. It's suspected that the show played no part in Matthew Perry's crippling drug addiction, but you would certainly want to be ripped out of your skull if you had to listen to David Schwimmer talk for any longer than 2 minutes. You can almost see small pieces of his soul slipping away as he makes another "hilarious" Chandler sarcastic comment "joke", his place as the funny one hopefully being an ironic in-joke.
The Annoying Friend
Advice for the Sexes
▀For men: You clearly don't have any friends and even if you had them, it would be because of your explicitly sexual intentions with them, proving again that you're nothing more than a sick fuck.
▀For women: The only friends you have dangle in between your legs. If there's nothing, you have none. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. They only are your friends because your current fling is attractive to them, or you have a habit of hot people (to them) hanging around you. THEY WILL SELL YOUR SOUL FOR A NICKEL if given the chance.
Reasons why you don't have friends:
- You're a little bitch
- everyone's too busy being friends with Obama
- Heath Ledger is ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
- So is OJ Simpson
- and 911