I got married last weekend

"I got married last night [pics]" is a thread that appeared on the Sherdog Mixed Martial Arts Forums, it's basically a rerun of Got my girlfriend to model for my car, but over 9,000 pounds heavier. On November 11, 2008 a /b/tard called CrumBum decided that he would show off the following John Candy lookalike bride to community of oiled up martial arts knobshiners in an effort in order to troll what he perceived as the largest group of internet tough guys within close reach.

Though many members of the Sherdog forum themselves are registered members of NAMBLA, most were outraged at learning of CrumBum’s nuptials to the man/hippo hybrid. Though, some demanded the wife's nudes. Since its posting, the thread has received several thousand pages views and continues to serve as a warning to those interested in genetic engineering.

The pics were rumored to have been posted somewhere else a year before it was on the martial arts forums. None of the juicers picked up on Crumbum's location being listed as "Chevrolet Movie Theater".

Quotes

	“	How dare you talk about my wife like that, you are lucky I am in the military and am considered a deadly weapon or I would fight you in her honor. As for children we have one on the way now, which is why I married her. She is upset about losing her figure but I still think she looks great.	„
	—Baby whale expected soon, man the harpoons.

	“	Jew I waited until marriage to lose my virginity.	„
	—Thx to Silver Ring Thing for the lulz.

	“	Well, after the wedding we went to the Motel 6 (we live in a small town, thats all there was) and it was on. We quickly undressed and got right down to business. I had to be careful, as she was a virgin and it was quite painful for her. I managed to get in there after a few minutes of trying. I only lasted about 2 minutes, but it was amazing. The best part was when we both orgasmed at the same time. I cried for a little while afterward, it was just so beautiful.	„
	—CrumBum commenting on his altered beast of a wife.

	“	...a girl like this only comes along once a lifetime at best (beast?) and I'm glad I didn't let her get away.	„

Possibility of Epic Troll?

One wonders how the newlyweds could have been married because they had a baby on the way and then have painful, two-minute long, weepy virginal sex on their wedding night, and sadly it could be the crack in the foundation of an epic troll's magnum opus. Honestly, the logic doesn't add up. There are three explanations for this conundrum of epic proportions. Explanation one is that it is a troll, in which case, we were had by a master. Explanation two is that it is a time paradox where she got pregnant, went back in time, and forced him to marry her because she date raped him (because honestly who would willingly fuck that hambeast?) once she found out she was pregnant. The final explanation is that she wasn't a virgin and the baby belongs to someone else, which is highly improbable because Jesus fucking Christ, look at her. She's the poster child for marital rape, abortion, child abuse, why you should commit suicide, why you shouldn't get married, and why ugly people should be removed from the gene pool via legal human hunting seasons.

Gallery

The Family Album About missing Pics

Scientists are almost certain that their union counts as bestiality; however; no-one is willing to perform the anatomical exam necessary to prove it.
Note the sheer amount of misery and fail in the poor child's face. "This is what my genes have in store for me in 20 years? Oh, fuck you, science. Fuck you."
Note the suicidal expressions on most of the groom's side.
The groom supports his bride's massive frame, whilst the rest of the family wonder who's hairline is receding faster. (hint-hers)

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Guess what role he had in his platoon during those lonely months in the desert.
That's right. It's a fucking Twinkie cake. And it's the only sexy and/or beautiful thing of this page.
"What's for desert?" "YOU!"
The lucky groom holds back tears as he witnesses his bride split into 2 separate flesh-mountains- similar to bacteria; only colossal and disturbingly pale.
OM NOM NOM
Get to the harpoons boys. The white whale has been spotted at sea.
"He looka like a man." - Ms. Swan
The groom resigns to being dragged into the forest and devoured.
Lady Obesia and her Victim drive into the sunset, to honeymoon at the local caramel factory.
The groom pretending he is not fearing for his life. I am filled with deepest sympathy for the swingset.
The bride puts on a brave face, despite the fact that her face does not appear to be connected to her skull.
Jeez, Elmer Fudd really let himself go.
The hambeast's hair grew back,but she still looks like a piggy.
Next 20 years...
Her favorite hobby
The first night of their honeymoon...
The Hambeast cometh.