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Michelle Phan
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Michelle Phan = infected with GOTIS You can help by not giving her any attention.
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Michelle Phan (also known as RiceBunny) is an azn Vietnamese makeup guru on YouTube who came to mainstream fame after posting a Lady Gaga tutorial showing off her Phan love of wanting to look like a hermaphrodite. Since then, she has started working for Lancome, but we all know it's a lie to cover up the fact that she does blowjobs regularly to keep up with the bills. Aside from that, she owns her own makeup line, but only dumb sluts buy that shit. Sucks for you if you contracted herpes from using them, because Michelle's already got your money.
Her Beautiful Story
The beautiful story of Michelle's success started with Blogger where she made ridiculously lulzy blog posts about her being a Wiccan and evil and how she ~can't stand life like this~ and other shit like that. Then she realized that Blogger didn't offer enough enough potential for e-fame so she deleted her account and made a Xanga page in 2004. On Xanga, she posted about other stupid crap, especially makeup. It wasn't long before she uploaded a makeup tutorial to YouTube. It quickly became popular, for obvious reasons. These days, Michelle doesn't use her Xanga much anymore, although she is active on Facebook and Twitter. Both are full of lulzy posts and contradictions.
The Poor Girl... and Her Shitty Lying Family
Michelle claims to have come from a poor background to the point where her family survived on food stamps, but of course you really have to wonder if that's true when you see her running around with expensive shit like La Mer creams, $12000 jackets, and new cars. Furthermore, Michelle says she had Apple products at the age of eight. Regardless of whether she was poor or not, everyone knows that people who own Apple shit are assholes anyway.
Michelle talks about her family occasionally, and they seem to be full of as much as fail as herself. In one of her "blooper" videos, she mentions her brother, who "gives her advice" about editing her videos. [1] Michelle has also discussed her mother and how she encouraged Michelle to become a doctor so she could support the "poor" family. Supposedly, Michelle's father left the family when Michelle was only a wee Azn child, probably because he discovered early on what a whore Michelle would turn out to be someday.
It is also known that she has a sugar daddy boyfriend named Carl Choi, who is rich (and fugly) enough to have his own page on Wikipedia! According to that shitty article, he works on "Asian American representation in the media." In other words, he is a pimp who advocates for equal rights for Azn hookers in the prostitution industry. Michelle would have been part of his advocacy if it weren't for the fact that Carl wanted to keep her to himself. He'll eventually trade up soon.
Her Education and Talents
Michelle attended Tampa Bay Technical High School. She repeatedly claims that she majored in dermatology there, which is utter bullshit, considering the fact that Tampa Bay Technical High School doesn't even have a dermatology program.
Phail went on to an expensive ass art school, Ringling College of Art and Design. Noone really knows what exactly she was studying, but it probably had nothing to do with maekupz or business. The only evidence we have of her artwork is Michelle's shitty Final Fantasy fanart on her DeviantART.
Since becoming a YouTube celebrity, Michelle Phail dropped out of college to dedicate all her time to her YouTube career. Occasionally she releases some new artwork claiming she came up with the concept all in her head even though she obviously traces photos of landscapes and celebrities.
Luv 4 Jesus
Michelle Phail likes to project herself as a perfect and pure woman, continually reminding everyone that she is a devout Christian (though she once claimed to be Wiccan on her Blogger page).
Michelle also likes to remind her viewers that she believes inner beauty is the most important thing, which is clearly a load of shit, since even Michelle herself can recognize that she's fucking ugly without any makeup on.
Regarding her religion, Michelle has made some pretty fucked up observations that even the Westboro Baptist Church would find weird.
—Michelle Phail, thinking rice and chicken could prove the existence of God | ||
Original, Generous Nerd
In her videos, Michelle displays her artistic ability via a penchant for rubbing weirdass shit on her face to make millions from her viewers, all of which consist of 16 year olds, sick fucks, and you; most of them either complain about not seeing enough boobs or not being able to afford the crap she's using. In November 2010, Phail became the No. 1 most subscribed female on YouTube and the first one to reach 1 million subscribers, but it's obvious she paid her way through with her hard-earned money.
Again, like every internet celebrity, she copies complete nobodies, like Arissa Cheo (some boring bitch from Singapore) and the Japanese slut MANWOMANFILM [2]. When confronted, Michelle denied copying Arissa, and said she was inspired by the "rocker chic" of Lindsay Lohan and women in China. Yeah, right.
She's also particularly vocal about her being an otaku and hardcore video game nerd, but apparently she doesn't play video games frequently, just Final Fantasy like every other weeaboo. And she doesn't even play that often. It's pretty obvious since girls who do play video games are fat virgins. When people began to doubt these statements, she made a gaming channel with some friend of hers who nobody cares about. It is obvious that less than 0.1% of Michelle's subscribers actually give a shit about her gaming, and she only talks about it just to get some cock. Clever, innit?
Aside from her makeup and gaming channels, Michelle also has a third channel, Ricebunny [3], where she uploads videos of random shit and uses whatever measly proceeds she collects to donate to charity. At first, she barely uploaded videos to this channel at all. Recently, she's been adding a lot more videos to the Ricebunny channel, but they are, of course, fucking pointless.
Michelle also took part in a cause to donate to victims of malaria, which involved texting a word to a certain number. Michelle claimed to be donating "all day" despite the fact that the system only supported three donations per person. [4]
As you can see, she loves to donate to charities. She also RUUUUUVES eco-friendly stuffs! So what if she uses Lancome, who are notorious for testing on animals? She gets paid for it, so she can use all that money for eco-friendly causes!
IQQU
Michelle is the owner of the skincare line IQQU and whores it in her videos often. Noone knows where IQQU is actually headquartered, since Michelle had opened an office for it in Florida but the shit was manufactured in Thailand. Ooh, exported labor?
IQQU, in fact, is basically herpes gift-wrapped and you'd have to be really dumb to use that mess. In fact, Michelle only shows off IQQU in her videos, since even she's smart enough to know that shit is fucking dangerous, and uses La Mer and Lancome when no one is looking. Unfortunately, 12-year-old sluts who are not as smart are gulled into believing her skin care miracles and feed her money. Basically, if you bought IQQU, Michelle just trolled you.
In 2009, some 12 year old girl threatened Michelle with a lawsuit, but was too chickenshit to follow through when she realized she'd have to get her parents involved. In early February 2011, however, some no-lifers discovered IQQU wasn't FDA-approved and Michelle actually had no legal rights to market the products anymore unless she renews her already-expired LLC. Ohhh, dang! Michelle pressed the panic button, realizing that she's in a pile of deep shit if this ever reaches court, and now claims that she doesn't own IQQU anymore. Orly?
Legion of Phans and X-Phans
Michelle has a bunch of Phans who will attack you if you insult her faster than you'll ever get laid. Her Phans, which consist of mostly 12 year old girls, will not hesitate to spam with a vengeance, as their dear idol can do no wrong. The story is all the same: Michelle will make blog/Facebook/Twitter posts whining about how the h8rs hurt her feelings, which is then followed up by her cowering behind her shield of loser Phans as they defend their Guru Goddess. Michelle will sometimes fight back, but, after noticing how much she phails at being witty and that Stephenie Meyer can write a better response than her, will try to walk it off and tell her followers to "let the haters hate."
An example of such cattiness happened in September 2010 on Twitter. When Michelle was busy making yet another crappy make-up tutorial for Halloween, some 16-year-old girl named Emily told her animu tutorials were dumb. Michelle RAAAEGED because HOW DARE ANYONE MAKE FUN OF HER ANIMUS!!!1111 So, she sicced her army onto Emily, who went on to become an hero.
Despite her number of "supporters", both Michelle and her Phans are ridiculously easy to troll. Just say something like "your foundation is too orange" or "you pronounced kabuki incorrectly" and watch the RAAAAEG blossom for the next five days. Telling her to stop trying to be Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson also does the trick. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the lulz.
On the other side of the spectrum, Michelle's own h8 squad are just as stupid as she and the Phans are. They are collectively known as "critics" or "ex-Phans" and spend time writing "critical" posts about her, hoping to expose her for the true bitch she really is, which is clearly ineffective compared to just trolling her. While they see themselves as an heroes, they're just secretly jealous that they don't have the money nor influence to waste on bomber jackets like she does. To troll them, tell them that they're never going to be as rich, famous, and pretty as Michelle is.
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DO NOT STEAL I AM ORIGINAL!
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Oh but she never credits them and instead she says she is the original one...hmmm
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Iz dat sum fukken sarcasm
Useful Links
- Template:Youtube2 - The makeup vidz
ricebunny - Just reading her tweets are lulzy enough. A great way to troll her is to make her butthurt by saying "Michael Jackson/animu/video games/your make-up product sucks".- Template:Youtube2 - Her retarded charity channel
- Template:Youtube2 - Michelle Phail creates lots of accounts to make extra subbers.
- Her blog - Many people don't even know she has a blog and so that might be the reason why she never updates it?
- DeviantART account
- IQQU Beauty - Does she still own this shitty skincare line?
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Michelle Phan is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
