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Pwnest Peters
Ernest Peters was a lazy, viola playing 18-year-old student at Chantilly High School in Fairfax, Virginia who was set to flunk English 12 and be expelled from school in 2007. This in itself isn't very surprising considering the area is full of spoiled elitist rich brats who are dumb as fuck. Seriously, It's like Myspace IRL in that area.
The story of Ernest Peters begins on /b/ on Tuesday, October 30th, 2007, when Ernest posted a screenshot of an email exchange he'd supposedly had with his English teacher regarding his homework assignment. Because his teacher had refused to accept his homework via email, he planned to have Anonymous spam the fuck out of her school email address.
However, being a newfag of epic proportion, Ernest forgot - or was ignorant of - the cardinal rule of all chan boards: that "Anonymous is not your personal army!".
After a few initial posts reminding Ernest that /b/ was not his personal army, a backraid was called for where /b/ formed a personal army to launch an all-out attack on the unfortunately named Ernest.
The Backraid
—Ernest |
—Ernest |
The initial salvoes in the backraid were in the form of Anonymous missives to the English teacher in question -one Ms Michelle Harris- snitching on Ernie's attempted shenanigans on 4chan. The first, primitive rounds were in the form of /b/tards sending Ms. Harris OP's post to expose his whiny faggotry. These were later followed up by full-blown endorsements for disciplinary action to be taken for said faggotry.
The trouble with backraids however, is that one never knows if OP is actually a third party who's dividing the backraid by zero and is instigating an attack on an innocent. In this case, /b/ jumped on the backraid bandwagon before thinking things through.
As the post continued and the backraid unfolded, someone logically pointed out that maybe the OP wasn't Ernest but another student who had successfully enlisted /b/ to be 'his' personal army to troll Ms. Harris in order to pwn Ernest.
Ernest jumped on this chink in /b/'s armour and attempted to spin it thusly, however, thanks to the awesome powers of social networking, he was busted and his IP was found.
OMFG
Ernest threatens to be an hero, but that plan failed too.
Session Start (Tellackh:mofuggin ernest): Tue Oct 30 23:48:17 2007
[23:48] mofuggin ernest: what's up
[23:48] lol backraid.
[23:48] mofuggin ernest: indeed sir
[23:48] hehe
[23:48] You are quite famous now on teh interwebz
[23:48] mofuggin ernest: not nearly as famous as I want to be
[23:49] mofuggin ernest: and will be, when I get out of it completely
[23:49] lol don't be an hero
[23:49] mofuggin ernest: oh that plan's foiled already
[23:49] mofuggin ernest: I was going to write desu all over my bod
[23:49] mofuggin ernest: and jump off of a building
[23:49] mofuggin ernest: but then I started takin medication that makes me feel worth something so forget that
MySpace & Facebook
It wasn't long before Anonymous had fired up the INTERNET HATE MACHINE and traced which school in the Fairfax County school system he was from.
Ernest's MySpace was soon located as was his Facebook.
Vitals
- Age :: Eighteen
- Body :: Five Seven, One fourty-five
- Status :: In a great relationship
- Orientation :: Straight
- Hometown - Virginia
- Music - Demanding instrumental parts with hard rock roots, minor key tonality, and a "dirty" electric guitar sound.
- Books - Freakonomics
- Movies - The Nightmare Before Christmas
His Girlfriend Sarah
Ernest was deeply in love with Sarah who he loved "majorly". She, howevar, loevd /b/ moar majorly and spent the day IMing with over 42 /b/tards in the first hour of the 'backraid.
moar phun than ernest
10/30/07(Tue)19:23:01 No.43963260
gais, i'm seriously in love with her
she's so smart, and funny, she played along with me, <3
(7:10:54 PM): i love you
spedxchild14 (7:10:58 PM):
spedxchild14 (7:11:00 PM): i love you too
spedxchild14 (7:11:07 PM): why didn't you tell me you got a new screenname?
(7:11:21 PM): lol wut?
spedxchild14 (7:11:34 PM): ernest?
(7:11:51 PM): yeah
(7:11:55 PM): send me tits
spedxchild14 (7:12:09 PM): anything you want, baby
(7:12:24 PM): lol, you're smarter then that babe
spedxchild14 (7:13:02 PM): ...
spedxchild14 (7:13:05 PM): uh
spedxchild14 (7:13:08 PM): well
spedxchild14 (7:13:20 PM): i know you wanted me to wear that shirt you love
spedxchild14 (7:13:28 PM): but i was in my pool last night and thought of you
ATTENTION (7:13:40 PM): Transfer complete: tits.jpg.
(7:13:58 PM): who names their tits tits.jpg
spedxchild14 (7:14:06 PM): i just uploaded it
(7:14:14 PM): random tits are random
spedxchild14 (7:14:12 PM): and it was easier than finding 1046035695642035.jpg
spedxchild14 (7:14:24 PM): uh
spedxchild14 (7:14:27 PM): sorry..
(7:14:58 PM): lol
(7:15:08 PM): so how many /b/tards im'd you in the past hour?
spedxchild14 (7:15:11 PM): about 42
spedxchild14 (7:15:16 PM): approximately
(7:15:33 PM): and where you this receptive to all of them?
spedxchild14 (7:15:36 PM): no, i talked more
spedxchild14 (7:15:39 PM): lulz are over though
(7:16:15 PM): you're truely an amazing person
(7:16:18 PM): lol
(7:16:25 PM): i'm really in love with you
spedxchild14 (7:16:28 PM): :3
(7:16:58 PM): you must be a /b/tard yourself
spedxchild14 (7:17:01 PM): nein
spedxchild14 (7:17:05 PM): semi-female
spedxchild14 (7:17:08 PM): semi-/b/
(7:17:19 PM): a trap?
spedxchild14 (7:20:10 PM): stop
spedxchild14 (7:20:19 PM): before i divide by zero just to get rid of the headache
ED IRC
After some 1337 sleuthing, an ED Sysop realised that Ernest was -in fact- an ED user and invited him to get on IRC fgt to thank him for playing the game and donating such EPIC LULZ for the cause.
[6:46pm] Ernest joined the chat room. [6:46pm] Ernest: haha [6:46pm] Ernest: Sup [6:48pm] ChairmanMeow: hmmm [6:48pm] ChairmanMeow: are you THE Ernest? [6:48pm] Ernest: indeed [6:48pm] Ernest: ernest peters at chantilly high school [6:48pm] ChairmanMeow: wow [6:49pm] ChairmanMeow: That's a bold assertion [6:49pm] • Ernest flexes [6:49pm] ChairmanMeow: send naked picks of your English teacher or it didn't happen [6:49pm] Ernest: uh, she's like 50 [6:49pm] Ernest: i keep those to myself [6:50pm] OldDirtyBtard: i just go b& from 4chan for posting the gravel link [6:50pm] OldDirtyBtard: ERNEST! [6:50pm] Ernest: i got banned for invasion [6:51pm] OldDirtyBtard: lol [6:51pm] Ernest: hallo sir [6:51pm] OldDirtyBtard: epic lulz my friend [6:51pm] Ernest: i think i'm going to talk to my english teacher tomorrow morning [6:51pm] Ernest: and apologize profusely [6:51pm] OldDirtyBtard: ernest: write an essay about it [6:51pm] Ernest: and tell her to delete all her e-mails before she barfs [6:51pm] Ernest: dude it was fuckin quality [6:51pm] OldDirtyBtard: blame ebaums [6:51pm] Ernest: okay [6:52pm] Ernest: good idea [6:52pm] OldDirtyBtard: you should prolly try and call her tonight [6:52pm] OldDirtyBtard: lol [6:52pm] Ernest: lol, i sent her an email on my real email address [6:52pm] Ernest: [[Douglas L Payne Jr|and told her i got hacked]] [6:52pm] OldDirtyBtard: i can't imagine what awaits her [6:52pm] Ernest: lol... [6:52pm] Ernest: >:3 [6:53pm] OldDirtyBtard: if she has grey hair when you see her you'll know [6:53pm] ChairmanMeow: I don't seem to have banned for doing it [6:53pm] Thundercunt: Looks like I need to catch up on this shite. [6:53pm] Ernest: basically i'm an idiot [6:53pm] OldDirtyBtard: yes [6:53pm] OldDirtyBtard: you are [6:54pm] OldDirtyBtard: but it was lol [6:54pm] Ernest: long story: i posted my teachers email address and a screenshot of the conversation i had with her, and instead of raiding her, /b/ sent her the shots of the thread asking you to help me [6:54pm] OldDirtyBtard: THINK THINGS THRU! [6:54pm] OldDirtyBtard: and a bomb threat [6:54pm] OldDirtyBtard: hahaha [6:54pm] Ernest: Okay i didn't do the bomb threat [6:54pm] Thundercunt: Ohnothx, I'm reading the article. [6:55pm] Thundercunt: I never want the short version. I like it long. [6:55pm] OldDirtyBtard: and hard [6:55pm] OldDirtyBtard: so what did your gf say ernest? [6:55pm] Ernest: she's a /b/tard too [6:55pm] Ernest: she was playing along the whole time... [6:55pm] Thundercunt: Wow. Don't have kids. [6:55pm] Ernest: hahaha [6:56pm] OldDirtyBtard: the irony is ernest [6:56pm] OldDirtyBtard: you actually made /b/ the teachers personal army [6:57pm] Thundercunt: I never thought anyone had the physical ability to buttraep themselves with their own hard cock [6:57pm] Thundercunt: but Ernest, you've changed that. [6:57pm] Ernest: lol
Ernest promised to return to #ed and end our tale with a final act -if he survived the brutal assræp he was sure to be on the receiving end of when he'd be done with the school principal the next day.
The aftermath
Session Start (Tellackh:mofuggin ernest): Wed Oct 31 13:12:40 2007 [13:12] Tellackh: so, any school today or what? [13:12] mofuggin ernest: I went [13:12] Tellackh: What happened? [13:12] mofuggin ernest: and got cuffed [13:13] mofuggin ernest: and then I explained it all [13:13] mofuggin ernest: my english teacher had to go home before school started [13:13] Tellackh: LOL [13:13] mofuggin ernest: because she was bawwing so hard [13:13] mofuggin ernest: at "penises and maggots" [13:13] Tellackh: That's what made her cry? [13:13] Tellackh: Not Rule 34s? [13:13] mofuggin ernest: lol apparently... [13:13] Tellackh: What about the bomb threats? [13:13] mofuggin ernest: that was why I got handcuffed [13:14] mofuggin ernest: OH YEAH then they were lke "we were in contact with the sites administrator" [13:14] mofuggin ernest: "he handed over every post you made, and gave us the IP address" [13:14] mofuggin ernest: and I was like "bull shit" [13:14] mofuggin ernest: they ended up reading the ED page [13:14] Tellackh: lol [13:14] mofuggin ernest: which says I got hacked [13:15] Tellackh: Hopefully they found some other cool things on there... [13:15] mofuggin ernest: hahhaa [13:15] mofuggin ernest: when I came in, the cop was browsing 4chan and I saw a pic of foxes having sex [13:15] Tellackh: LOL [13:15] Tellackh: Yiffing - he likes it [13:15] mofuggin ernest: lol [13:16] mofuggin ernest: oh also she's pressing charges for harassment [13:16] Tellackh: Against the internet? lol [13:16] mofuggin ernest: hahaha [13:16] Tellackh: LEGAL ACTION OMGZ [13:17] mofuggin ernest: lol against me [13:17] mofuggin ernest: apparently the part where I called her a "bitch" upset her the most [13:17] Tellackh: Oh no, the bitch def was worse than the yiffing [13:17] mofuggin ernest: lol [13:18] mofuggin ernest: and the were like "what does it mean that anonymous is not your personal army" [13:18] Tellackh: lol [13:18] mofuggin ernest: and I was like "lurk more" [13:18] mofuggin ernest: and he was like "WHAT" [13:18] Tellackh: I did it for the lulz [13:18] mofuggin ernest: yeah I said that too [13:18] mofuggin ernest: why'd you do it [13:18] mofuggin ernest: for the lulz [13:18] mofuggin ernest: which is a corruption of lol
Moar!!!
10:28 Wednesday, October 31, 2007 Patrick Bateman 10:28 yo ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:28 hey Patrick Bateman 10:28 how'd it go at school ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:29 I showed up and they put handcuffs on me almost immediately Patrick Bateman 10:29 lol you lie like a rug ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:29 claiming that their IT guys had figured out it was my IP address that posted everything obviously untrue proceeded to threaten me with legal crap then read the ED page on me and realized I got "hacked" and I was given a one-day suspension.... until they broughtin mrs harris and she fuckin flipped she was in tears "there were pictures of penises and maggots" Patrick Bateman 10:30 is she a /b/tard now? ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:30 lol not yet there were "literally hundreds of emails" she has to change her address now Patrick Bateman 10:40 so you go a one day b&? ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:40 I actually ended up getting four days after they brought in a picture of a muddy dick Patrick Bateman 10:40 you lie like a rug ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:40 and mrs harris said I have to transfer to another class Patrick Bateman 10:41 hahaha that i believe pix or it dint happen ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:41 I don't know hwo to prove it, for some reason they sent me home without anything at about 9:30 I assume there will be some form of paperwork Patrick Bateman 10:41 they have to supply dox ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:41 that's what I thought they asked me what "anonymous is not your personal army" meant Patrick Bateman 10:41 delicious dox you must post them ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:41 I will Patrick Bateman 10:42 well... i think anon will love you for it and ED of course Patrick Bateman 10:43 so....can you write me a full account of how your day went and how you felt? and i'll write it up for ED unlike you i WIN at English Lit and Lang ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:49 hahah Patrick Bateman 10:49 hahaha dude...don't flunk english ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:49 oh I won't now that I have mr. kelly Patrick Bateman 10:56 have you googled your name today? ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:57 lol no Patrick Bateman 10:57 do it fgt ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:57 Oh jesus Patrick Bateman 10:58 were you the guy who said your name was max? ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:59 no lol Patrick Bateman 10:59 it was part of the original thread ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:59 yeah, I didn't say it Patrick Bateman 10:59 and some /b/tard said: thank you /b/ ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:59 hahaha Patrick Bateman 10:59 i am OP and i wanted you to troll ernest ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 10:59 not me Patrick Bateman 11:00 just another nice twist in the game ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 11:00 lol Patrick Bateman 11:00 that's when /b/ started questioning itself "did we just become 'maxs' personal army?" Patrick Bateman 11:04 so...is this gonna effect your college status? ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 11:04 my gpa is only 2.2 I was going to community college anyway Patrick Bateman 11:06 oh...what did your parents say? ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 11:07 strangely, my mom laughed as we left the building she said I'm going to take you home, play guitar or something, and please don't do that again Patrick Bateman 11:07 good for her if i was a parent i'd be moar worried about you getting found nekkid outside 7/11 trippin on acid ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 11:08 hahaha oh also they're making me talk with a learning deficiency person to see if I'm retarded... because when they asked why I did it, I said for the laughs which "is not a normal response" Patrick Bateman 11:09 clearly, the GROWN UPS have a lot to learn about todays youth lol ALL HAIL /b/ ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 11:09 yeah she was like "what I don't get is how you posted on that site. I couldn't even figure it out, so there's something wrong with your story" Patrick Bateman 11:09 derp ERNESTO! (mofuggin ernest) 11:10 apparently 50 year old women are now experts of the internet
Epilogue
| Thirteen years later... |
The next time Ernest would edify about the Michelle Harris incident would be on February 9, 2021, when he discussed it privately over Last.fm.
—31-year-old Ernest Peters, living with regret. | ||
The whimsy was drained from Ernest's spirit, his trolling was spent and the LULZ were evacuated.
43950951: ernest gets counter raided
|
Pwnest Peters is part of a series on Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage. |