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Toowoomba
Toowoomba is an old and forgotten outer suburb of Brisbane in Queensland, Australia. The name Toowoomba means swamp in some Aboriginal language. Unfortunately the irony of this is lost on most of its citizens.
History
Once upon a time at least 100 years ago there was once an old Brisbane suburb that began to attract the likes of white supremacists, rednecks and nazis. These pack of freaks began to scare all the shit eating yuppies, so they picked up the entire suburb and hid it in a hole in a mountain. They didn't notice the move took place, for they are all retarded.
Unfortunately this move turned out to be more costly as every convict and his dog is in denial about no longer being a part of Brisbane. So now they are required to constantly supply more highways linking the suburb to Brisbane seeing as each redneck has 3 utes for every testicle they lack.
The Toowoomba empire eventually expanded it's reign of terror when former Queensland Premier Peter Beattie rammed his iron fist of up the Goatsed assholes of everyone else in the state government, then ran off to follow his dreams. Everyone is now within its expanded borders is required to pay homage to this shithole of a city in a pagan ritual each Thursday.
Residents
Toowoomba is populated by old conservatives who have the retarded notion that life is serious business and anyone different from them deserves to die. This is rather well illustrated by the existence of the E.S. Nigger Brown Stand located prominently in town, despite the fact that the United Nations has asked for it to be renamed. They are famous for voting "No" to giving women and aboriginals suffrage, "No" to federation, and SURPRISE OH WOW, "No" to recycling their own shit.
White Straight Inbred Christians
The only people stupid enough to live in this dilapidated cesspool, everyone else either runs screaming from, or is killed by an angry mob toting torches and pitchforks.
Women
While women are welcome in Toowoomba, only to curb buggery, they are strongly advised to keep in line or face being put in their place. With Toowoomba being as it is there is a strict dress code for walking vagina's such as wearing full length jeans in the summer and NEVER under any circumstance sporting a short haircut. The punishment for disobedience is always rape, after all, she was asking for it.
Black People
GET THE FUCK OUT, 'aint no work 'round here for you boy. Toowoomba has an increasing number of black people due to the war in Sudan and accordingly an increase in white supremacy. Shitloads of letters have been dropped into mail boxes declaring white people an endangered species and since this is 100% true the panicked bogans beat up Sudos at every opportunity.
Last Thursday a group of IRL Trolls from the now deleted website fightback.org.au "The Voice of the White Pride Coalition of Australia" started an epic campaign to destroy the undesirables resulting in The Man shutting down their internets and sending them to inevitable ironic prison rape by a large black man.
For some retarded convolution of logic Abos hate the Sudos even more than whitie for "Stealing Government money that should be going to them, the people who really need it". In the process they have managed to piss off yet another racial group and made themselves even more oppressed.
Homos
Despite Toowoomba being the home of gardens, flowers, and all things faggotry, fags are ADVZD to gb2planet-they-came-from. For example, at the city's TAFEversity (the University of Southern Queersland), the Gay/Straight alliance constantly has to replace vandalized and completely destroyed posters advertising their group. Universities are supposed to be liberal places, but not one where being able to hold a pencil secures entry. All homosexuals are advised to become an hero before they are beaten to death.
Events
The Great Australian Inland Tsunami
On January 10th, 2011 one of the worst floods in Australian history took place in Toowoomba. After over a month of heavy rain, the city's previously near empty East Creek overflowed sending a 2 meter wall of gushing water crashing through the city destroying everything in it's path. It is assumed the flood was sent by God as punishment for Toowoomba's lack of homosexuality.
Suddenly this rural town became major international news as people, mostly children, were swept away and drowned on the main street. However, possibly the most tragic thing to happen in all the mayhem was when all the pet shops in town were flooded, killing all kittens inside.
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Australian Bridge Monster
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What used to be a coffee shop
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Demolition Derby/downtown
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The bustling city center
The Carnival of Flowers
Despite the city having no water (NOTE: it's a desert fucking wasteland) FLOODED LOL, the carnival of flowers has managed to live on long past it's used-by-date. Although it seems absolutely fucking insane to have this carnival with the current water crisis, it is the only reason anyone would ever have travel to Toowoomba.
At least 100 years ago, the Carnival was a shitty festival for Toowoomba citizens to proudly display their skills with orchids, roses and carnations. Now, in the middle of a drought, the Carnival of Flowers aims to get as many tourists as possible into Toowoomba to consume the remainders of the town's measly supply of water. Though this fucktarded shit still exists, it probably won't for long. Each year the parade degrades in condition like the aging crackwhore it is and appears set for a doomed, bleak future.
The Annualynch happens at the same time as the Carnival of Flowers, where citizens gather in Queen's Park to lynch, burn and/or torture abos and sudos. Many of the city's major parks and gardens are especially prepared for the Festival, which also includes a prominent Home Lynching Competition, with persons able to visit participating homes and gardens for inspection, and a Parade with lynch-themed floats.
The Australian Gospel Music Festival
The AGMF is an enormous EXTREMELY LOUD multi-million dollar festival of Christian rock held RIGHT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF TOWN. During the horrifying weekend this festival is on the town is overrun with even more conservatives than usual, making leaving the house a VERY BAD IDEA for anyone of a minority group. PLZ be ADVZD that these people do not want to save you; they want to kill you.
It's also technically illegal, it doesn't help the economy, and shit heads prance around town acting as if you have no right to be there, since you are a hateful homo. They're Christian, so they can basically kneecap you in the streets.
Prostitutes also flock to Toowoomba for the AGMF, as it's a well known fact that use of prostitutes skyrockets during this time. It also well known that all people that attend this circle jerk, are fans of Mel Gibson and therefore racist.
Although little is known what actually goes on in those little tents that make up tent city citizens of Toowoomba can frequently hear moaning and "oh god" being shouted, and a billowing cloud of sweet smelling smoke, obviously they are really into this christian thing.
Creationist Mag also make frequent visits due to the ever increasing need to tell people that god created the universe. The Buddhists and scientists disagree but who cares what those cocksuckers think anyway.
Things to do in Toowoomba
- Spit off the top of Grand Central carpark and try score yourself an emo in the hair
- Buy ice cream cones, put them on the railroad tracks, and wait for the train to SPLAZMO it all over itself
- Become an hero buy falling off the center plaza in Grand Central onto the hard, marble floor. BULLY!
- Dress up in Hogwarts robes and walk through Christian Outreach College preaching Witchcraft and Satan worship to all
- Walk through Harristown State High School and get beaten by some coons
- Ride down the Toowoomba Range in a shopping trolley and an hero on the completely safe sharp curves and trucks
- gb2/brisbane/
- Drink liquid shit (Hence, "Poowoomba")
- Commit Incest
- Flip to a random page in The Bible, pick a word from it and name your child whatever your finger lands on.
- Read creation mag and only use Creation Research's search engine because they've got the real info
- Complain that you have to learn about evolution, it's bullshit, everyone here knows it
- Defend the honor of christian rock, ALL GLORY TO CHRISTIAN ROCK!
- Lynch black cunts
