Family Guy

Typical reaction to watching Family Guy.

Family Guy bingo, where everyone's a winner!

There is show broadcasted by Fox that doesn't deserve the euphemistic labels of 'Austistic' or 'Retarded'. rather the shorthand title aptly explains in acronym form it's true description, you see Family Guy or FG actually stands for Fake and Gay. Nothing further is to be expected from this "show" and should (as advised pre airing) be viewed with extreme discretion as watching this show has more severe mind numbing properties than alcohol, meth, the rest of T.V., 4Chan or worst of all, weed.

The haphazard plot lines when broadcasted through the airwaves are so awful they literally cause a scent to belch from the speakers of any receiving television, thus explaining the sulfuric diarrhea stench of all FG fans. This however only explains only about twelve percent of the demographic the remaining eighty eight percent are comprised of neglected infants who already smell of shit, and of course neglected youth from about age five and above who are too busy emitting pubescent, berry scented hormones which attract pedophiles which masks the shit smell still to come when they reach the respective FG fan drinking age of <16.

Family Guy irrelevant social commentary, toilet humor and anything else foul or esoteric, one will find that the plot, though pockmarked at every turn with cutaways has the overall simplicity and streamlining one would come to expect from shows such as Johnny Test, Regular Show or Adventure Time, all of which airs on the same channel as Family Guy: Cartoon Netwerk proving once and for all televised animation is targeted towards children and olchi.

Like 96% of all shows on Faux Family guy has a cast of one dimensional, unoriginal characters, the main characters being a family whose main selling point is the sped father, a whore wife, two or so damaged kids, an English speaking pet/alien/something else and a hideously deformed, extraneous homosexual. All of whom are concocted in the cyclical thinking mind of Seth McFarlane, creator of even less entertaining deviations such as American Dad and the White Nigger Variety Show. All of which have a range of five to seven main characters at any given time all of whom persistently undergo completely unrealistic uncyclopedic adventures and no matter what they do, such as bomb a children's hospitals, nject themselves with diseases and have eleven way orgies, kill hundreds upon thousands of people while fighting humanoid fowl or summon the Kool-Aid Man in a courthouse, everything returns to normal by the next week and no consequences occur, which all though unfunny in itself indirectly creates some lulz when impressionable children try all of this and wind up killing themselves or others.

The show was cancelled twice with good reason, but after the Great Retard Revolt of '04 F(a)G gave itself the James Woods revitalization routine and was reborn into even worse crap than it was originally, like James Woods. It now often crosses lines that ED crossed far before FG even dared to even consider hinting at, and is still the epitome of plagiarism of such long standing shows as The Simpsons, which has only remained popular due to the yellow skinned majority of it's cast, easing unwarranted racial guilt felt by the white man and thus discretely displacing it upon those god awful Chinks.

Characters

The Griffins

• Peter Griffin Peter is perhaps the wittiest allegory ever devised and broadcasted on television, although this isn't very hard as all of television has been terrible since the dawn of time when the Andy Griffith Show first came into primordial existence. He is the main character, humor point and sex appeal of the show and is, as described in show, just under the line of retardation and far above creationists. This is the only fact ever stated in the years the show has eeled by. He was an attempted abortion and an illegal immigrant, but this still does not change the fact he is the everyman of the show.
• Lois Griffin The role model of the show whose had bouts with anorexia, bulimia, petty theft, celebrity phallic molding, meth, having birth defected children, having sex with whales (see above) and who could forget sending another character to rape a sixteen year old, Lois is an almost disowned heiress of her parent's fortune who has a sister only loved by batman and an estranged whaler for a brother. She rarely is seen doing any work around the house, and in only sparsely is womanhood respected by her persona, she is basically the shit heap representation of girls, women and sub human feminists and accurately describes the female gender as a whole.
• Chris Griffin Chris is a butterball, elephant child Sped much like his father and has a sack chin and a penis hidden under a mile of blubber. He has never had sex with a human, only with the evil monkey that at one time lived in his closet.
• Meg Griffin Meg is the spittoon, garbage can, port-o-john, punching bag and date rape of FG. Her heart is located on her head and she wears a pink condom on her head, which she has never washed. She has dated prisoners, dead bodies, black market organ harvesters and a few other one time characters. That being said, she has still gone on more dates than you.
• Stewie Griffin Stewie is a subliminal ploy by Seth McFarlane to create a new age of homosexuals that one day in his eyes, will take over the earth. Stewie is a closet case baby who has a head elongated into the shape of a football due to the massive size of Lois's vagina and very frequently tries to solicit sex from every male character, including Brian, who is a dog.
• Brian Griffin Brian Griffian is, in human years a teenage, liberal thinking atheist (sound familiar) who is constantly tries to push and plug his dreadful furry fan fiction and abominable novel. He is the embodiment of the show's creator in that Seth McFarlane has a penis that retracts into him when he stands up. Strangely, women are drawn into his pseudo-intellectualism and though he can only nail dumb GOTIS broads with his dog dick, and knows it, he still continues to be a pompous asshole who drives a Prius, he is yet to confess his gay love for his butt buddy, Stewie.

Secondary characters

• Glenn Quagmire
  • Originally: 'hilarious' pervert who gets boring quickly
  • Now: Unfunny rapist

• Cleveland Brown
  • Originally: Token black character, the most boring of Peter's clique
  • Now: Somehow managed to escape the show to star in his own spin-off Suprise, Motherfucker!, it got cancelled!

• Joe Swanson
  • Originally: Self-sufficient, crippled cop who's a total hard ass
  • Now: Helpless cripple and the butt of all jokes not directed at Meg. Also has uncontrollable fits of rage. Which are still unfunny.

The real Herbert and you'll never guess what he's doing time for. lulz.

• Herbert
  • Originally: A one-episode character of no importance
  • Now: Easy go-to when a writer wants to pad out the episode with cheap pedophile jokes.

• Bruce
  • Originally: Some random guy with a mustache and that calm voice.
  • Now: Gay faggot with that unfunny catchphrase "Oh no!" that is used by 13 year old fanboys of the show over and over again in a desperate attempt to be funny.

Criticisms

"...like that time we made a 34."

It should be noted that, while Simpsons fans accuse Family Guy of unoriginality (in which they are absolutely right), The Simpsons itself has merely employed the same formulaic cartoon-like jokes as shown in hundreds of animated series, but with utter disregard for any facet of popular or modern culture (which is why The Simpsons remains popular with nerds and virgin Slashdot fanboys who have no relation with the outside world, although it can't touch Family Guy in that regard).

This awful show has no continuity at all. In an episode of South Park Matt Stone and Trey Parker attempt to "reveal" how exactly all the retarded, unfunny flashbacks were created: manatees and balls. Of course this was already apparent to anyone with an IQ over 85 but it took South Park to point this out to South Park fans and this was accepted as gospel.

Family Guy fans, of course, were filled with disbelief. This led to them being silent for an entire minute as they digested this fact, in what has come to be known as, "the greatest minute ever spent with Family Guy fans, ever".

Openly pedophiliac creator Seth MacFarlane has also come under criticism for pushing his politics on the show and other faggotry like his love of adding pointless musical numbers to inflict his 'singing', which only he considers special. Like the dog on the show, Seth MacFarlane is a liberal with a gay cousin. The dog went from an unfunny background character to having entire episodes built around him being a pretentious asshole and banging hot chicks. Which means MacFarlane is living out his fantasies through a fucking animal and is goddamn furry queer.

Family Guy may as well be created by Eric Bauman by padding all of its new content with stolen memes from the Internets so newfags can giggle and ask their middle school friends if they saw that one episode over AIM.

Since all the series writers and producers are self-hating jews, the show has sparked major lolage with it's anti-semitic content.

Writing

The secret to writing a good Family Guy episode is this simple formula.

• Step 1: Start every joke with "You think THAT'S bad, remember the time I..."
• Step 2: Mix two pop culture references that were popular before 1990 "...hung out with Michael J. Fox in the Mushroom Kingdom?"
• Step 3: Your punchline should involve a sex joke or an attack on Bush that was rejected from The Daily Show.
  • Michael J. Fox: Oh, hi Peter! Is it just me or are these shrooms making you shake?
  • Peter Griffin: I think you have Parkinsons.
  • Michael J. Fox: Phew, I thought we contracted AIDS.
  • Peter Griffin (Grabs Fox): NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW!!!
• Step 4: Fill up remaining 15 minutes with an entire shitty 80s music video, use cheap cinematic effects if necessary.

The Fucking Chicken

In the show's great tradition of jokes that go for way, way, way too long, in an early episode there was a several-minute-long extremely unfunny scene where Peter fought a man in a chicken suit. For some reason Seth thought people liked this "joke" and so he bought it back several times and it is now about 40% of the show's content. It is so popular, in fact, that it has an entire DVD commited only to showcasing the battles. Don't believe me?

Fandom

The fandom consists of autistic 13 year old boys, Chris-chan, and stoned college kids who chant quotes from the show like mantras. Some of them will excuse the fact that the show is 80 percent fart jokes by prattling on about post-modernism. It was once thought that any fan of Family Guy was probably also a fantard of Dane Cook, another unfunny retard. Like Cook fans, Family Guy fans tend to be loud, obnoxious, and pretentious due to them emulating the material. This myth was busted in a recent episode, where it makes fun of Dane Cook and his followers.

Ironically, you are guaranteed to get laid by fat chicks who never get laid, if you act like you're a Family Guy fan on any college campus. Being (or even pretending to be) a fan will negate any antisocial traits you may exhibit from being an anime fan.

If one were to insult Family Guy to a fan, said fan would likely rant on how much you "have no sense of humor" and will continue on for hours about how much "you suck", while telling you that "you should like Family Guy because it is your type of humor." However, anyone that actually has a sense of humor doesn't find anything funny in such utter faggotry. People who like Family Guy should do the world a favor and become an hero.

American Dad!

Same shit, different show

When Family Guy was canceled for the 9,0001st time, creator Seth MacFarlane decided to recast the show and call it American Dad. The reincarnation is exactly the same show, only Peter is replaced by Joe who HAS HIS FUCKING LEGS AND CAN WALK and is also a CIA agent, Lois has blonde hair and is even moar of a bitch and instead Chris is a girl and Meg is a boy and instead of an evil baby and a talking dog there's an evil talking fish and a faggot alien. The Faggot alien and both Family Guy and American Dad are an expression of Seth MacFarlane penchant for weird gender bending fetishes. The alien's obsession for wigs and make-up are an expression of Seth's ghey hair and make-up fetishes.

American Dad is one tiny iota better than Family Guy because it lacks remember when... flashback jokes.

Disregard that previous statement. Unlike the "chicken man" in family guy who is an actually bipedal and sentient chicken, it turns out there is a full-on fursuit wearing furfag in American Dad, "Stans" boss(revealed in a fairly recent episode). It even has a gay ass song about fetish's and pulls the stereotypical bullshit trying to claim that furries are normal and that it shouldn't be discriminated against... because you definitely see piles of inhuman crime-against-nature porn flooding the internet in incomprehensibly huge amounts every day that isn't furry, right MacFailin? So either MacFailin is a furry, or a furry sympathizer. Fuck it, he's both. This particular furry is a legitimate person(unlike every other previous furry hes shown), albeit a drug addict, sex addict, mentally unstable and ultimately an old lonely social disease carrier, he is shown to wear a fursuit and take part in furpiles. AKA a big disgusting pile of sweaty men in jizz stained animal costumes, sometimes pretending to be women, if not if not outright flaming homoesxuals.

It should be noted that the episode in question, "The Missing Kink" isn't the first time Stan's co-workers have been depicted as furries.

The Cleveland Show

Even the most rabid Family Guy fanboy has a tough time defending this steaming pile of shit

But wait, there's MORE! Back in 2009, King of the Hill was replaced with another Family Guy spinoff starring the show's token nigra character, Cleveland! DISREGARD THAT! As of May 19th, 2013, The Cleveland Show ended it's fourth season and was not renewed for a fifth. The show had 88 episodes in total (Which just so happens to be the exact number of episodes needed these days for a show to be eligible for syndication) meaning that FOX knew it was shit and destined to fail from the start and just kept renewing it to keep Seth happy and try and make there money back through syndication deals (Seriously, they renewed it for a second season before the pilot even aired for Christ's sake).

It was obvious that even Seth didn't give a shit about The Cleveland Show when he stopped voicing the characters of Tim the Bear and Dr. Fist sometime around Season 3. Not to mention the amount of cancellation jokes throughout the whole series should tell you that just about everyone involved knew it was doomed from the start.

To make matters more lulzworthy as to how much of a fucking failure this show was, ratings for the 3rd season were so bad that FOX couldn't afford to give it a proper DVD release, leaving it to Amazon to take a bullet for them and produce a bare bones set with no special features on a shitty DVD-R format.

It is expected that Cleveland and the rest of his AIDS infested Stoolbend buddies will be moving to Quahog in the 12th season of Family Guy in an episode titled "He's Bla-ack!" (Feel free to throw some BS info onto that page as Buckimion will throw a lulzy shit-fit at you for tampering with his precious wiki). One can only hope that injecting Seth's most popular show with the cast of his least popular show will kill Family Guy once and for all.

Just who is MacFarlane blowing to keep getting these shows greenlit?

Hurricane crossover

In all fairness, they weren't lying when they said it was going to blow

In 2011 there was this sorry ass excuse for a crossover event involving all 3 of Seth's shows in which a hurricane sweeps through the towns of each show, bringing the main casts together. This of course could barely be considered a crossover due to the fact that in addition to the event taking place over 3 episodes (One of each show) as opposed to some sort of TV movie, the characters don't meet each other until the very end for about 30 seconds. The episodes were initially postponed due to a series of tornadoes that killed over 300 people. This was far funnier than any Seth show could ever hope to be.

People waited for months on end and sat through the whole thing for this Family Guy: The Game The Family Guy fanbase cried, whined and went into their hugboxes until their demands of a Family Guy video game were met. Suddenly, one day.. It came to life. Featuring lame one liners from old episodes you've seen a million times, broken stealth missions, nonsensical brawling stages, and platform levels with shitty cameras. Let's not forget all your favorite characters! Deemed unworthy of even a landfill. The game was taken down due to the players being too retarded to figure out how to even play the game. There's was also another game called "Back To The Multiverse" but like the first game, it sucked but even moar! Jewtube Seth Macfarlane was infuriated when he realized that most of Family Guy's fan base was just watching all of his shows on Youtube and decided to call bullshit and posted all of his videos on Hulu.com which will not allow anybody who isn't an American to watch any of their videos Very few videos remain on Youtube except ones supporting Hulu.com showing clips of the baby acting like a twelve year old Pete Burns. Of the few remaining videos these fake videos remain. Some claim that they are actually better than Seth Macfarlane's product, and others claim that this was all some gay creation by a 13-year-old boy (coincidence?). Upon realizing the potential of this "youtube". Seth's Jew kicked in, as he decided to bring his fail to youtube under the name "Sethcomedy", in an attempt to bring in even more money to himself with his so called "sense of humor". On this channel, he makes comedy skits, in which some argue are hilarious. Of course, anyone with a fucking brain knows that these comedy skits are as unfunny as Family Guy and American Dad combined. Don't believe anything could fail that much? Watch for yourself. Well said Nostalgia Critic, well said. Star Wars spin off While star wars is already a piece of overrated shit, Seth, being a star wars fantard, decided to squeeze out jew golds from starwars fanboy. This special episode follows the exact plot of star wars, but with more family guy jokes, references from old movies, and absolutely waste of fucking time. Gallery About missing Pics The result of watching Family Guy. Even the cast isn't safe from its effects. Family Guy's pathetic attempt to be edgy. And another one Peter does us all a favor. A young Glen Quagmire. [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery] An older Glen Quagmire IRL. Actual scene from the show. Rumors have it Seth MacFarlane is a pedophile that is also into bestiality. Stewie is a sex symbol among 12 year olds, which is understandable as that is the target demographic of the show. The perfect gift for your kids! Lois IRL Stewie is a furfag His chin looks like balls. He's watching you masturbate. Family Guy, like furries, ruins everything. See Also Unfunny The Simpsons The Fairly Oddparents Shit Keith Olbermann, close friend of MacFarlane and fellow leftard Seth MacFarlane External Links It was bound to happen. Family Guy's take on Dane Cook Family Guy is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.