Edward Snowden

Edward Snowden is a high school dropout and Ron Paul follower who committed treason under the guise of protecting freedom. He ruined his life by leak docs about PRISM, a program that anyone who cares already knew about two years ago.

Background

Edward Snowden is a gentleman who led a distinguished career, dropped out of high school, community college, the Army and eventually the CIA. He was clearly cut out to be a government employee. Recognizing his ability to fuck everything up, he was hired by the government and was given a top secret security clearance. Unfortunately, his employer didn't know just how badly he could fuck things up. Edward gathered all the top secret information he could get his hands on and ran off under the pretense that he was getting treatment for his .

Obama Gets Doxed

Once he got to Hong Kong, he went completely drama llama. He started snitching on all the hijinks Obama Augustus had been up to, bugging things, and stealing stuff, and a whole bunch of other unimportant shit. He failed to grasp that no one except drug dealers and terrorists care if everyone in the world read their emails, and that a dead nigger is far more important. Strangely, Europe seems to be taking the revelation that Obama had bugged their offices, stolen their state secrets, and defiled their grandmothers' virtue rather badly. So bad, in fact, they are threatening to launch a new Cold War against the US. This is perhaps the single most empty threat in the history of international politics, as Obama has his finger on the big red "Fuck Everything Up" nuke button, while most of Europe is trying their hardest to stave off revolution.

Reaction

For a grand total of twenty seconds, the world stood still. NORPs everywhere paused to think about all the child pornography they had emailed throughout the years, and how bad it would look if they were outed. Then the weather report came on, and Snowden was forgotten. Once he became Old meme, China kicked his ass to the curb, and he ran off to Russia, in hopes of escaping to somewhere warm. Ecuador looked promising, until Obama dispatched his lap dog Biden to give the country a stern talking to, at which point Ecuador shaped right up. That left Snowden, hero of libratardians everywhere, shitting in an airport toilet and stealing Starbucks Wi-fi indefinitely. Obama now says he doesn't give two shits about Snowden, indicating he knows there is no punishment worse than being stuck in a Russian airport terminal indefinitely.

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Gallery

Edward and his insane conspiracy ramblings
Edward Snowden is a racist white male who just wants to undermine our black president!
Edward,a typical cisgendered,privileged white male.
Edward Snowden believed he could use his girlish figure to attract lolis.
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Animu version
Teen Snowden

Teen Snowden