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Dreamcast
The SEGA Dreamcast was SEGA's final foray into the hardware business. Released on Last Thursday and ultimately pwnt by SONY, the console is remembered as that one console that some people vaguely remembers, but forget seconds later. To give it some credit, though, it did live up to its name: it casted dreams as you would fall asleep playing it because of how fucking boring it was.
History
Realizing the deep shit they had gotten themselves into because of the SEGA SATURN (it's a long story), SEGA attempted to redeem themselves by releasing a nextgen console that kick the balls out of the Nintendo 64 and SONY PlayStation. After a faggy codename phase, the console was given the name Dreamcast (as well as a pointless Windows CE from Microsoft. Yes, this console could browse the internet. Shame nobody did that on it though) and upon release, it was financial success...
...for less than a year. SONY pulled out the PS2 and managed to sway most of the consumers away with its super advanced "DVD PLAYER", as well as the Sony of God's support from EA and Squaresoft. SEGA faced massive pwnage and would drop out of the hardware business, becoming third party developers. Isao Okawa (former SEGA chairman and infamously known as the dumbshit that made the bet that the Dreamcast would succeed) and many SEGA fans responded by having the final dream of their lives. According to some people, the dream will live on, even though everybody knows that they're all playing XBOX or some shit nowadays.
Memorable games
NOTE: Most of these games have been released on several, unrelated consoles.
- Dead or Alive 2 - Lonely perverts could now watch limber women molest each other without having to leave the comfort of their lounge with all the blinds pulled and the door securely locked. Plus the most realistic boobie jiggle since the dawn of time when the Japanese developed serious boobie-envy. Later ported to PS2, but this version is considered more awesome because the cotton panties have more detailed textures. (But not as detailed as the Xbox remake.)
- Crazy Taxi - This CRAAAAAAAAAZY game was known for making being a taxi driver more badass than it was IRL.
- Phantasy Star Online - It's an MMORPG ... ON A CONSOLE.
- Jet Grind (or Set) Radio - Ever wanted to spray gayffiti, while somehow dodging cops, armed paratroopers, crazy assassins, and tanks? Now you can!
- Samba De Amigo - A game with monkeys, maracas, and mexicans.
- SEGA
Bass Fishing - The world's first fishing game (mainly because nobody fishes IRL). - SEGA Sports Games - SEGA's answer to EA Sports (note: There is no difference between them).
- Semen - You talk to this fish guy through a microphone, you're an asshole. That's just about it.
- Shenmue - You play as this dude whose father was killed and won't move on with his life until he finds closure.
- Skies of Arcadia - An RPG ... WITH PIRATES!
- Sonic Adventure 1 & 2 - The last Sonic games anybody really liked, which is ironic, because they both suck.
- Sonic Shuffle - Some lame Mario Party ripoff that nobody cared about. It is impossible to win in this game.
- Space Channel 5 - Earth is being invaded by fat neckbeards and you must dance to stop them. There was also a Michael Jackson cameo somewhere.
- Half Life - It's HALF LIFE! WITH BETTER GRAPHICS! AND LOAD BREAKS EVERY TIME YOU TURN A CORNER! AND THEY'RE REALLY LONG LOAD BREAKS! AND DID WE MENTION THE LOAD BREAKS? (Never released because was a pile of suck, but some butthurt Gearbox employee leaked it.)
There was also a selection of thirdparty games such as SoulCalibur, Marvel vs. Capcom, and PowerStone, but most of those are on Xbox Live or some shit so nobody cares.
Fanbase
The Sega Dreamcast fanbase will have you believe that they are smart, sophisticated, and seasoned gamers, but really encompass some of the more retarded fanboys. Not quite as bad as the Xbox 360's fanbase mind you, but still pretty bad.
They constantly send Sega angry email letters asking them why they haven't made the Dreamcast 2 yet and also make bullshit statements on how the Dreamcast 2 would do well today, obviously forgetting that the gaming market has been overrun by casual gamers who play nothing but Call of Duty 4, Guitar Hero, Halo, Madden, and the Wii. They also love to brag that they bought their Dreamcast on 9/9/99 (day 1 in the USA) thinking that will give them penis cred. When Sega announces that they are remaking a classic Dreamcast game, they drink massive amounts of Red Bull and go on a destructive Internets rampage to celebrate. They then buy the game, realize it sucks in its new debased form, throw fits, and go on an angry rampage, stupid because this obviously wasn't the first time Sega has debased a good game.
IGN Trolls Dreamcast Fans
In A.D. 2006, war was beginning. IGN created a mysterious new blog called Dreamcast 2. On it, they made blog posts hinting that there would be a second Dreamcast. The blog eventually became popular near the end of the year due to news coverage, and the blog itself managed to be pretty humorous. The blog said it was going to make an announcement a couple of months before the Dreamcast's anniversary. There was even a post about a "mysterious" package that was sent to them by the president of IGN Japan. The president of IGN Japan even left a comment on that post. All of this led the moar fannish Dreamcast fans everywhere to believe that there was rilly going to be a new Dreamcast. It turned out to be a cheap as hell promotion for the official reopening of the Dreamcast section on IGN, but still possibly one of IGN's best trollings, pissing off countless fanboys, including the writer of the original version of this article this time around.
Three years later after everyone forgot about this, IGN made a top 25 Dreamcast games article on 9/9/2009, for the Dreamcast's 10th anniversary in North America. This list was perfectly reasonable, but for the sake of the lulz, they left out the Sonic Adventure and Shenmue games. Adding fuel to the fanboy-flames , they made a lame flamebait article where their staff dissed the games.
Dreamcast vs. Wii
—Some faggoty Dreamcast Fanboy | ||
This is a retarded arguement used by Dreamcast fanboys to try to justify their obsession with a shitty console.
The Wii was targeting casual gamer/old people, and succeeded, while the Dreamcast was targeting "hardcore" gamers, and got rejected and subsequently died. This means that the Wii, with it meager appeal to gamers, was still VASTLY more successful than the Dreamcast.
LOL
Some more points are demonstrated in this video, but unfortunately the guy who made it comes off as a combination of elitist faggot, ignorant moron, and Xbox fanboy.
Also, the game.
Videos
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Previous Video | Next Video |
Fun "Facts" About the Dreamcast
- The swirl represents nature and eternal life or some nazi religion in Hindu.
- That sound spinning means its being destroyed by cdrs.
- There are two versions of the Dreamcast: The old model, and the bandwagon model.
- Dreamcast is actually a system for gamers to play games that either suck really bad or terrible. Sega Dreamcast became good when games became bad, basically.
- Sega Dreamcast is what was before the end.
- Dreamcast is still a hit in Japan. Try finding one second-hand.
- Americunts hate the Dreamcast, preferring made-in-China crap with the label of a company listed on the US stock market so it can black person every now and then. BUT AT LEAST THE XBOX HAS GAMES NOW
- NO COPY PROTECTION makes this the best system evar. Games cost as much as a blank CD. seriously, burn every rom you have and stop using your box to catch pkmn.
- The Dreamcast was designed by Sega America. Make of it what you will, I can't be bothered.
- Malcolm McLaren was involved.
See also
External links
- Spiel Macht Frei: UK Resistance, probably the world's best site by Sega hardware tragics. Link is to a page from then, but you know how to navigate a site, right?
- The Dreamcast 2 petition that never could and never will!
- Amazing new dreamcast 2 details!
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Dreamcast is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |