Neon Genesis Evangelion/old

The truth.

Rei irl.ZOMG TEH REI!!1

File:Rebirthshotacon.jpg

Neon Genesis Evangelion Rebirth DVD Cover.

End of Evangelion climax.

A typical scene from the manga (No, srsly. Chapter 67. Google it, motherfucker.)

Commonly refered to as Neon Genesis Evangelion, Evangelion, Eva, "Ee-Van-Jelly-Un", or sometimes What the fuck did I just watch? The show is about an emo kid and named Shinji Ikari who is under the care of a drunken whore, Misato Katsuragi.

Plot (if there is one...)

Constant themes deal with him subconsciously wanting to fuck the shit out of his dead mom, his problems having a vital life affirming relationship with his father who is too busy fucking the underage clone of Shinji's dead mom to notice him, and his having to pilot an alien/robot life form (that's secretly his dead mom in disguise) in order to attempt to defeat nearly invincible, huge alien life forms (who are actually biblical angels) who are hellbent on awakening the final angel Lilith (who is Adam's slut on the side) so she can turn the planet's inhabitants into a huge ball of cherry Kool Aide for no readily apparent reason. WTF?

In Japanese, "Shinji" means "whiny Oedipus-complex bitch boy". Also the word "plot" doesn't mean anything in Japanese and hence this show just defined anime for the next generation. The highlight of Shinji's career as a pilot was fapping to an unconscious Nazi loli (which actually does happen during the first 10 minutes of the second film). Later, while still unconscious, Earth's defenses send her out to fight the giant alien whatevers and she gets eaten alive because Shinji was too busy curling up in a corner and BAWWWing. The show is also about a penguin who lives in a refrigerator and a blue haired dick named Rei Ayanami, who is a clone of his dead mom. Kinda like Star Wars really, except everything that goes unexplained just turns up to be Shinji's mom.

Evangelion is notable for having over 9,000 final episodes, not to mention the 2 new movies recently released with alternate, alternating endings after the three movies already released. The show was created by some 1337 azn who was put into a mental hospital because he would slam the door on his dick. Every fangirl and fanboy just hate him because of the shit endings he keeps on throwing at them like a monkey would throw scat in a zoo. One day, last Thursday, he heard the doctors talking about Latin/Greek medical terms and freudspeak. The bat shit insane director thought it was "deep" and "philosophical" so he added some shallow references to Jesus and agnosticism and he came up with this shit. Also see Xenoshit if you would like the copied yet makes more sense version of this non sequential bullshit.

By the end of the series, Shinji is so emo that he single-handedly causes his clonemom Rei to rape the world, causing every person on it to turn into a mysterious liquid. Good going. Also the movie End of Evangelion should be noted for having the biggest pair of tits that you will ever find anywhere. It should also be noted that in the last episode, we find out that Shinji's dad is, in fact, Shinji's mom. Go figure.

Cheer up, emo Shinji.

Horrible Spinoffs

Better than dying a virgin

Since the targeted audience of angsty teenage males was reached by the show, spin offs of the series were produced in game and manga form and sold for high prices. In one of the games though, Shinji stops being a pussy and gets laid. Too bad his first time is with the gay character. So in a sense, you COULD say Shinji IS being the pussy, since Kaworu most likely was the Butch in this relationship, giving him total pwnership of Shinji's mangina.

Disney provides a great example of this:

Dealing with Evangelion fantards

Evangelion is extremely popular with useless nerds who think that throwing random Christ imagery and flashing random Japanese text on the screen in a cartoon about giant robots is deep and meaningful and who think that it is perfectly acceptable for a director to get 50 hours of screentime and still not be able to tell a story. The best way to troll Evangelion fans is to refuse to see the movie. This makes them butthurt.

The only positive thing that has come out of Neon Genesis Evangelion is the classic Gendo pose. There is nothing good in Evangelion. The robots are kind of cool. DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.

Rating

• Action: 5
• Lulz: Over 9000 (For sheer lack of lulz)
• Furry Gayness: 1 (Pen-Pen once gave Shinji head)
• Gayness: Massive warning levels of teh ghey.

Evangelion Shtuff

• 
  Misato likes 'em young.
• 
  Yes it does. It sooo does.
• 
  You're boning your mom in the wrong hole Shinji.
• 
  Special sexual techniques for fans to emulate.
• 
  Rape.
• 
  Rei models official NERV underwear.
• 
  Orgy action.
• 
  Oh my boobs are so big, and round.
• 
  Asuka begs the viewer to ravish her.
• 
  Oh my rule 34.
• 
  Lol what? (in the background dipshit)
• 
  Enough rule 34 yet?
• 
  Never!!1
• 
  Yet moar rule 34
• 
  Angel Attack.
• 
  DO IT FAGOT!
• 
  Only on eBay.
• 
  Service! Service!
• 
  Only furries watch Evangelion.
• 
  Huge hips are huge.
• 
  SHINJI'S MOM
• 
  HAS GOT IT
• 
  GOIN
• 
  ON
• 
  Congratulations, Shinji.
• 
  Congratulations, Shinji.
• 
  An hero?
• 
  ehh..disturbing...

See also

• Beyblade - If Yu-Gi-Oh could turn some cards into a tv show, we can turn some fucking TOPS into one just as good!
• Cardcaptor Sakura - Fucked up girly anime about a "magical girl" loli and her yellow, winged furry companion gather cards and try to avoid being raped by pedophiles.
• Pokemon - The same fucked up bullshit as Yu-Gi-Oh. In the eyes of Pokemon fans, Yu-Gi-Oh is a terrorist supported cult full of nerds, molesters, and retarded little kids.
• Digimon - See above.
• Yu-Gi-Oh - If Beyblade could turn some TOPS into a TV show, we can turn some fucking cards into one just as good!
• Zoids - Giant fucking anime robots beating the shit out of each other.
• Pullip - An anatomically correct, poseable type of doll released in Rei, Asuka, and other anime versions so that otakus can make anime pron without drawing skills.

External links

It's real lol.

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