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Gordon Ramsay
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Two risotto, two turbot, one spaghetti. Come the fuck on. |
Gordon Ramsay is a fat, goblin-headed British caveman cook and troll-wannabe who has made a name for himself by telling restaurant owners and other cooks how stupid they are. He has made a fortune with several hilarious TV shows, each on the identical theme of showing up each week at some filthy greasy-spoon, telling the cooks there that they should kill themselves, and telling the owner that he is a gutless sack of shit. He also repeatedly exclaims, "Fuck me!" After a week of such abuse, the restaurant owner usually surrenders to Gordon's demands, changes the restaurant name to "Maggie's," gets rid of all the delicious things he used to cook, and adopts Gordon's "new" menu consisting of lightly braised mackerel slices, locally-sourced baby sheep legs with lichen butter, and thumb-sized potatoes.
Tragedy Of Youth
Ramsay was born in Scotland which makes his vocation as a chef somewhat odd, since the Scots are not a people known for their refined eating habits, although following a proud Scottish tradition, Gordon's younger brother, Ronnie, is a skaghead.
As a child, Gordon played football. He was chosen to play for Warwickshire at age 12. He was injured many times, seriously tweaking his knee, smashing the cartilage during training. Gordon foolishly continued to train and play on the injured knee, until finally he was kicked off the team, and had to play for Scotland's best football team Glasgow rangers. A cripple, with the additional burden of grotesque facial deformities, Gordon had no choice but to beg for coins in front of Claridge's, a fancy London restaurant. The owner of Claridge's, Sir Elton John, took pity on the lad, and taught him everything he knew.
Gordon was later trained by and the made the prison bitch of the temperamental Michelin star chef, Marco Pierre White, who spent many an hour angrily pummelling Gordon's bloody and brutalized arsehole in the kitchens of his restaurant, Harvey's, and making him cry. The two gayed around like a pair of faggots for many a year - vacationing in France, going fishing and shooting together, camping out under the stars - before parting company acrimoniously when Marco decided that, actually, he liked girls and got married, leaving Gordon heartbroken.
Party Boy
In 1994, at the age of 28, Gordon accepted a police "caution" for gross indecency involving himself and two other dudes, both cooks, in the toilet of a London Underground station. Gordon insists now that it was only "hi-jinks" and not sexual. Gordon says that the three, who were discovered at around 4 o'clock in the morning, were celebrating and high on LSD. In a recent interview, Gordon remembers now that one of his friends was urinating in a sink, another friend was walking around with his trousers by his ankles, and that he himself was pissing on the floor with his head against the urinal, when the toilet attendant discovered them and dialed 999.
- Fact check: What does Her Sovereign Majesty's Most Britannic Government say about accepting a police caution?
Oh dear. But he was out of his tree on acid at the time, wasn't he?
Oh dear. And what of the offence to which he admitted his guilt?
Just so we're all clear on that point. Anyway, moving on...
A "hueg fan," Queen Elizabeth bestowed the Order of the British Empire (OBE) on Gordon in 2007. Not the first time he'd been on his knees in front of a queen.
Serious businessman
In an effort to seem more legit, Gordon made his millionaire father-in-law buy 7 or 8 restaurants in London, New York and Florida for him. In 2009 it was revealed that his restaurant, Foxtrot Oscar in Chelsea, West London, used Jew, and sold at high profits. This is exactly the sort of thing that Gordon forces other restaurant owners to stop doing.
An Enemy or An Hero?
There are constant arguments and flamewars that circulate around the interwebs questioning to whether Ramsay is a true chef who uses his abusive psychology to truly help people cook or just another reality-TV attention whore who's purpose is to gain fame and cash while humiliating Americunts for the lulz. The truth is undoubtedly the latter, but everybody knows that 99.0% of the citizens in the United States are brainwashed fucktards. The Britfags, being the insecure, shit-eating, trolling faggots they are, acknowledge that fact and play along to their advantage knowing that one of theirs is bullying the Americans; this more than likely is one of Great Britain's secret ploy for revenge on the Americunts for kicking their tea-pissing asses hundreds of years ago .
Ramsay the Romeo
Gordon Ramsay expresses his inner feelings and secrets on how to passionately make love to women. How heartfelt and romantic.
Hell's Gallery
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COPYWRITED DO
NOTS STEALZ -
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Is there nothing the ponytards won't fuck up?
See Also
- Bisexual
- Hookers and blow
- Dickgirls, and lots of 'em
- Transgender/sexual/vestite, you name it
- Ainsley Harriott
- Simply Sara
- Amy's Baking Company
Moar
| Featured article October 13 & October 14, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by Fat |
Gordon Ramsay | Succeeded by Krokodil |