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Cum

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Cum is a slang term indicating either the act of ejaculating or the slippery by-products of said act. Recent scientific breakthroughs have uncovered that cumming is twice as good when it is the end product of rape. Especially if the 'rape victim' gets pregnant and bonus if the offspring looks like you so it can remind the rapee of that wonderful night.

In persons with cock, the verb (To Cum/Ejaculate) refers to the overtly obvious twitch n' spurt. For people who don't want to become pregnant and hate having to use condoms, pulling out before you cum is a reliable method of birth control, and there is a 100% chance that you have avoided becoming a parent. For you, this occurs about ten seconds before you close your browser window and cry yourself to sleep. Or, get all butthurt because you blew your load right when the camera panned to a dude's face.

Semen

Cum is an excellent source of nutrients.

Semen is a white-ish liquid that ejaculates from a male penis when stimulated, following this a man is generally exhausted and fulfilled making him easily malleable to the manipulative will of his partner. Often an excellent time for a woman to ask for money.

The nutritional value of semen largely equates to that of egg whites, therefore it is a high-protein and low-carb food ideal for the woman on-the-go. The average ejaculation, or serving size, is about a tablespoon which equals about fifteen calories. This can vary by man, and ejaculatory conditions.

A Woman's Best Friend

Guess how the "icing" was made.

It often believed that women don't like semen. This is a gross misconception as the adjoining photo shows. Any woman who refuses to swallow is most likely a whiny, shallow, money-grubbing ice princess, self-empowered feminist who has a Tumblr, or if you're lucky simply a Succubus out to drag your mortal body into the bowels of hell to burn for all eternity.

  • Ladies take note! It is an established fact that there is no greater sign of love than a woman who gulps down her man's hot, creamy load.
  • On a diet? Semen is 15 calories per average "serving"! Now, if you chose to burn off those calories with a bit of effort at the time, I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem.
  • Need extra oomph? Klara Wagner enjoys several healthy helpings of semen every day and swears by its energizing powers.
  • Can't get enough of the good stuff? Ask a man if you can suck his sausage and chances are he'll happily oblige.

Female Ejaculation

Moar info: Squirting.

Women can have orgasms too, but they are much less obvious since there is no external ejaculation. No, not really. In reality, women do not have orgasms at all. If your girlfriend, wife, or rape victim tells you that she had an orgasm, she is lying. In the entire history of the human race, not a single woman has ever had an orgasm. Female orgasms are a myth and a lie created to make men feel better about their "sexual skills" in hopes that feeding a man's ego will result in him buying more stuff for them and rubbing their feet more often.

Gallery

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Videos

See Also

Semen, Paris Hilton's favorite drink

External Links

Cum is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

 Cum
is part of a series on
Food and Drink

[BleurghOm Nom Nom]
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