The Onion

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The Onion is a satirical newspaper with a presence OTI, and formerly, IRL. It is who all EDiots dream to work for, if they can first escape their basement. Not to be confused with onions.

While The Onion can be entertaining, essentially it's the product of frat boys from Madison, Wisconsin who are somewhat aware of the world around them, but who are still fucks who'd never make it in New York if they hadn't started their own newspaper. Within its chosen sphere, The Onion succeeds, but when folks there want to get beyond that range, it fails. See the scene in The Aristocrats where the folks at The Onion get a chance at writing their own version of the epic joke for documentation of these incontrovertible facts. See Madison, Wisconsin to see how basement dwelling they actually are. You have to be pretty pathetic to go from frat boy to basement dweller.

As with old media comedy show Saturday Night Live, everyone reminiscess about a time "when The Onion was funny." The Onion was proven not funny five years ago, or when you were a junior in high school, whichever was longer ago.

Internets use

Even though The Onion is desperately old meme, there are still people on the internets who don't know that it's not a real newspaper. These people can be effectively trolled by sending them Onion articles. For slightly smarter people, copy-pasting an Onion article into an email or blog post while leaving out identifying information works well.

The canonical example of Onion-trolling occurred when Christian pro-life blogger "Pete", of March Together for Life, ran across an article called "I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!" and mistook it for reality. He wrote a ridiculous post about how awful young women are these days and how abortion has created a culture of murder in our country and other serious business.

When people called him on it, he got butthurt and claimed that women really do think that way, and then he tried to claim he did it for the lulz, but eventually he gave up and went back to harassing people about baby-killing.

YouTube channel

As of March 2006 The Onion also has a YouTube channel, which uploads satirical news videos regularly. The actors communicate the news in a really straight-faced manner and in a professional environment, trying to make the viewer believe that they are being serious. The videos uploaded are divided into different shows, all satirizing the shows on regular news channels.

The shows

The different shows on The Onion:

Today Now - Parody of a typical morning talk-show that submissive soccer moms watch while ironing clothes.
Onion Sports -Furiously sucking off the Green Bay Packers while making repetitive jokes about Hockey being unpopular and Tim Tebow being shitty.
O-Span - Exposing the incompetence of real life politicians by acting just as retarded as them.
Newsroom - The most important news of the day!
In The Know - Political debate about important topics, such as whether baby-skull jewelry is ok or not.

Even though a fair share - maybe even the majority - of the videos uploaded by The Onion are really boring, there are definitely some gems in there, containing lulz. Hilarity is absolutely sure to ensue, as there is always that retard who believes that the show is for real, and spouts "HURR it is teh politically incorrect!" in the comment section.

Videos

A selection of the better The Onion videos.

Previous Video | Next Video

“	This is awful. Homophobic bastards.	„
—Some youtube fag not getting the joke

AV Club

The Onion's lesbian sister site, which contains todally seriouse reviews of music, television, movies, and books, where sad, depressed wannabe hipsters and fan boys lurk below in the putrid sewers of the comment sections. It's basically Pitchfork except no one evar gets laid, evar (some of them may have wives, but the point still stands).

At least half of the comments contain lucid, thoughtful cultural discourse, and drama is minimal (except one user's trolling of several other users with puppets, and the composition this article). Trolling is easy, and often appears in the form of:

Saying the American Office is better than the British Office
Mentioning Animal Collective or any other successful band
Nitpicking the letter grade in a review
Examining an interviewee's smugness (if it's a guy) or fuckableness (if it's a laday)
and making a statement about it
A Falcon
Also, they still use "For the Win" and firsties and all that other gay faggot crap

There are four notable types of users on the boards:

The Condescender: a fat gay registered user who posts dissertations on shit no one cares about, like why the upcoming Hollywood remake of Bravestar is going to be terrible. His bachelor's in English/Creative Writing gives him the right to compare everything to what he was forced to read, but didn't finish, in his British Literature to 1800 class. He may claim to have a girlfriend or wife. He is probably you.
The Ill-of-the-Dead Speaker: a ravenous troll who posts tasteless jokes in RIP blog postings under an unregistered name, usually it's the captcha code or a clever pun, because he's an anonymous pussy.
Diarrhea of the Fingers: a sad, sad member who must make 100 posts in every article he reads, pushing his total post count to over 9000, literally. He suffers from either severe ronery or profound mental retardation, nobody can figure out which. Seriously, this guy needs help.
Chicks: there are also some guys who post as chicks under various user names, none of them clever.

Forced Memes

A number of enterprising users make use of the anonymity of the internet to force their own memes via puppet accounts. All memes on AV Club are unwelcomed, and thus forced, and include the following:

Caruso: someone posts something with a clever pun or something under the name "David Caruso". "[puts on sunglasses]" is in the middle somewhere and a way, waaaay forced "YYYEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" is at the end. Other users post as international versions of David Caruso, with foreign equivalents of said "YYYEEEAAHHH!!!!"
Canceraids: when someone posts a "firsties", other users wish him death by cancer, aids, cancer/aids, canceraids, aidscancer, acid rain, leukemia, or SIDS.
Celebrities: users often register names of obscure or nostalgic celebrities, and sometimes post in character (David Caruso, Hulk Hogan, Bill Cosby, etc).
Corky: a retard.
Black Bolt: "..."
Pretty Pretty Princess girl: based on an oft-appearing ad from the Onion Personals, wherein some slut professes to be "a nerd, a girl nerd" who likes guys that "can make me laugh and call me a pretty, pretty princess."
Ratatouille: we pretend to like this children's cartoon on AV Club. Yep. We pretend it was good.

External Links

The Onion

Contents

Internets use