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User:Hipcrime/kr rewrite
| Hey! | 
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This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us! |
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| Kyle Rittenhouse | |
| Born | January 3, 2003 |
| Nationality: | Amerimutt 
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| Highscore | No |
| An Hero? | No |
Kyle Rittenhouse, a.k.a. The Kenosha Kid is an awesomesauce humanitarian, Boy Scout, street medic, former junior police cadet, expert marksman, Grand Master-level shitlord, rosy-cheeked young man, all around good guy, Second Amendment fanboy, acquitted murder defendant, and epic slayer of Antifa-affiliated shithead felons and sex offenders in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Like many a strapping, idealistic young American male, Kyle Rittenhouse was raised to be a helper. Unlike you, he actually got off his ass and did something about the destruction of his country by leftist faggots and welfare recipients.
At least that's how the right would want you to see Kyle. In reality, Kyle H. Rittenhouse is an Amerimutt attention whore who got popular cause of the fact that he shot some antifags at a riot that he had no legit reason to be at. No one knows what he did before this, cause the main steamer media hasn't dug up that shit yet (plus no one really gives a fuck, lol), but we can probably assume it was gun and police stuff.
Anyway, soon some black guy would get killed by the police, in their insatiable lust for black blood, and soon a protest would start. But as with any protest, it got out of hand because of a couple retards who wanted to destroy shit. This is where Kyle comes in; he decides to leave the comfort of his home in Antioch Illinois, and decides to go into a fucking warzone just so he can shoot some antifags and become a hero. He ends up doing it, and COINCIDENTALLY kills a pedo, and shoots a wife beater in the arm. He then get's arrested because he killed people (Kyle at this point totally surprised that the police aren't just kissing his ass) and is put in prison, where people stop giving a shit about him for many months...
But eventually, his trial comes to fruition. Thanks to the (((Left and Right Wing Media))) and possibly the (((NRA))) too, the trial got blown up as the trial of the decade year, and people actually started to give a shit about just another crazy kid with a gun. Strangely enough, the cunt that was taking on Kyle's case was able to craft the brilliant defense that this was all just "self-defense", and the court actually excepted that excuse...
Eventually, after a long trial, Shittenhouse was declared not guilty of murder, and every politifagggot in America proceeded to just be a pain in the ass for normal human beings who just couldn't give less of a shit if they tried.
Gallery
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Fan art -
Anthony Huber -
Joseph Rosenbaum -
Fan art -
Gaige Grosskreutz -
Binger BTFO'd -
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One thing’s for sure—the Ritt don’t quit -
Please don't cry, LeBron -
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Burn baby burn
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Kenosha Kid
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One of many tributes to Rittenhouse -
Good riddance to these guys. -
Cry more Antifa—our boy was acquitted. -
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Kyle exits the courthouse after being fully acquitted -
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Rittenhouse was a brony -
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The proper response to "he crossed state lines!"
See also
