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Grand 16 Shooting
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BREAKING NEWS!! Another mass shooting! Time to report on it as fast as possible and muddy up the facts! |
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| John Houser | |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | Killed 2, injured 9 |
| Top 25? | No, not even Top 50. #54 |
| Style | Single player |
| An Hero? | Yes |
July 24th, 2015 was a typical day in America. An innocent, hard working middle aged white man living in Lafayette, Louisiana went to the local theater to kick back, relax and enjoy the hilarious new Amy Schumer flick he's been meaning to watch. Like with Dylann Roof, a group of savages begun to provoke and attack him. With no way to calm the horde, our hero, John Russel Houser, reluctantly had no choice but to free himself using the liberating power provided by a firearm. When the fierce standoff was finished, our hero slayed two feminazi aggressors before taking a swig of pistol mouthwash to avoid being lynched and eaten alive by these horrific uncivilized brutes.
Background
John was a 59 year old mentally ill redneck who's illness was so severe, that his wife hid his guns and his family had him forcibly locked up by the men in white coats; they even got a restraining order. In the 1990s, Mr. Houser often went on local TV shows, advocating for violence against filthy feminist cunts involved with abortion. If you don't know, abortion is responsible for the collective mass murder of over 60 million innocent Americans. Mr. Houser, is nothing short of a hero. He also wanted to keep women out of the workplace, which shows that he wanted women to be safe and for families to remain strong. He also supported Adolf Hitler, and anti-government positions at the same time. His "extremist" views were used to fight against bleeding heart liberals for the lulz.
Sometime in 2014, John bought a shitty hi-point (the same manufacturers of the shit-tier rifle Eric Harris used) .40 caliber pistol at a pawn shop in Alabama, despite having a very detailed rapsheet of violence and mental illness. As you see, all these pussy laws like the Brady Bill do not prevent any massacres but encourage innocent Americans to be nothing more than defenseless fleshbags.
John was blacklisted from his traitorous degenerate family, and like many unfortunate Americans, found it difficult to survive in the workforce crushed by hyper-capitalistic nose niggers. With little options for survival, he turned to his mother and asked for help; he received 5,000 shekels and set out on an adventure, eventually finding himself Louisiana living in a cheap motel while trying to recollect himself. He was very active on the internet, and often posted wise words of wisdom such as these;
John's Posts
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
The Last Day
After driving to the theater, John watched Trainwreck for half an hour before being forced up by his sapient firearm, and forced against his will to attempt mass murder. Police have arrested the suspect and are working on selling it to Mexican drug cartels for a quick buck. Unsurprisingly, shooting up a romantic comedy flick resulted in primarily female injuries and deaths. John has proven himself as a valuable asset to the MRA cause everywhere, but he will never be anywhere near as good as Marc Lepine.
Graded Score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kills: | 2/20 |
| Accuracy: | 18/20 2 kills and 9 injuries with 13 shots |
| Style: | 12/20 Showing justified frustration to a shitty "Train Wreck" of a chick flick. |
| Butthurt: | 12/20 near-perfect timing to the 3rd aniv. of the Aurora shooting |
| Bonus: | 15/20 An hero bonus and for targeting feminazis. |
| Total score: 59/100 (F+) | |
See Also
- James Holmes – put in a similar situation against many more aggressors. Made it out alive after achieving a 12-0 KDR with 58 injured.
- High Score – sadly, our hero couldn't make the list.
- Dylann Roof – another trailer trash psychopath hellbent on destruction armed with a similar handgun
- The South
External link
Our hero's Twitter account 
(archive)
His Facebook (archive)- John Houser electronic memorial
- 2015 Lafayette shooting – John Russel Houser on Wikipedia .
- Five Fast Facts
