Identity theft

Identity theft is what happens when you are such an unbelievable moron that you let someone steal your name, credit card, and Social Security number. An identity thief can open up new credit cards and buy whatever shit he wants with your money, cashing out your credit rating like winning the Vegas Jackpot in the process. God gives every newborn retard free money, except the banks call it "credit rating". Jesus wants you to liberate it from teh JewBank.

Naturally, old media has seized upon identity theft as the newest Danger On Teh Internets, right up there with pedophiles, the Y2K bug, and the Internet Hate Machine. Most police agree that identity thieves get most of their info by going through your garbage, not by hacking your internets computer, but that doesn't stop the anti-internet paranoia.

The worst thing about having your identity stolen is that the government forces all identity-theft victims to tell their story on Dateline, 60 Minutes, or Nightline.

Another form of identity theft involves stealing someone's passwords and gaining access to his/her various internet accounts. Though it receives less publicity, this insidious crime is actually far more damaging -- after all, you can close out your credit cards and petition the government for a new SSN, but there is absolutely nothing you can do once somebody starts leaving nasty comments with your LiveJournal account, except maybe buy a dog.