Casey Serin
Casey Serin lives out the American Dream to starve to death on a park bench while squirrels eat his eyes as advertised on those "zero-down" home-loan get-rich-quick infomercials. At 24 years old, he, a hot-shot Californian Web 2.0 developer, quit his day-job and bought eight houses within eight months with what he called "non-traditional loans" (lying on loan applications and then blogging about his mortgage fraud like a dumbass).
His success ended thereafter as he failed to successfully "flip" any of the properties. Apparently, lending institutions are not doing it for the lulz and expected Casey to pay the mortgages. Subsequently, the respective lending companies started foreclosure proceedings on all of his properties and, in the authentic Web 2.0 Californian douche-bag style, Casey started a blog to chronicle the process.
The latest get-rich-quick scam
Casey, consistently three years behind the curve, has started a social networking site. But this one has a difference! Actually many differences! It's a profit-sharing social networking site that costs ten dollars a month for membership, but you get access to all the content created by the members and can profit from it, somehow . . . anyway, the price will rise after the first hundred members sign up, so don't delay to get in on the ground floor of his latest pyramid scheme! For a mere $120/year, you can generate content for him to sell!
The sysop, no longer welcome at his parents' and unable to come up with sufficient money for rent, is living in his broken-down van mired somewhere in the woods of NoCal, using his last drops of gasoline to charge his laptop batteries and boiling creek water to drink. He is foolishly subsisting on wild berries, while he could be profiting from eating bugs, which most haterz™ would gladly pay to see him do. The lack of protein will catch up with him sooner or later; haterz™ are content to wait.
It has been remarked that he is now a homeless guy with a computer, just as his brother said two years ago.
He is on his second colon cleanse since arriving in the woods in late July. This is clearly an excuse for not being able to procure food, but at least his anus shines like a chrome trailer hitch.
HALP ME INTERNETZ!!!
I Am Facing Foreclosure turned out to be an exemplar of how financially and generally immature a 24-year-old male can be, rather than a reference for anyone else going through foreclosure. From how he managed to rack-up $200,000 in credit-card debt traveling from property to property, to a squatter living in one of "his" houses and to his eternal love for Jamba Juice smoothies with shots of wheat-grass, Casey and his blog represent the wider cognitive dissonance between actual wealth and entitlement that will make America bankrupt by 2015.
Through his actions, Casey is the lolcow of the west-coast house flippers. For years he dealt with his problems by sleeping past noon, throwing away his mail unopened, and making grandiose plans to get "sweet passive income" from his blog, investments, fake corporation, MOAR real estate, and his lame DaVinci Code ripoff book. At one point he ran off to Australia to "pursue business opportunities" (read: suck cock for airfare) while his finances disintegrated and his bitch wife (now ex-wife) contemplated murder. Meanwhile, "haterz" and "supporterz" tore each other apart in the comments, trying to determine whether Casey is a con artist or just the dumbest man alive. About the only people for whom Casey doesn't provide massive lulz are those who are losing their houses because of actual problems, not because they thought they could be 1337 real-estate moguls like all those guys on HGTV and TLC.
At present, Casey's wife has divorced him, he is over six hundred fifty thousand dollars in debt, under investigation by the FBI, hasn't paid his 2006, 2007, or 2008 taxes, is in danger of being fired from his "job", is unemployable (thanks, Google!), broke, and eager to help people in need by dispensing his formula for success to the highest bidder. Some haterz™ have proposed to help him out of his financial difficulties by paying him to eat live bugs on webcam, ranging from a dime per ant to fifty dollars for a tarantula or really gross beetle.
Pwned by family
In what must be a new low for humanity (but lulzy for the rest of us), Casey's younger brother Steve called Casey's "talkcast" show and let him have it to the delight of Haterz everywhere:
Quitting the internets
Unfortunately, Casey announced that on August 3rd, 2007, he was going to LOL QUIT THE INTERNET FOREVER LOL QUIT THE INTERNET FOREVER on 29 July 2007 LOL RETURNED TO THE INTERNET on 6 October 2007 LOL was fired by his partner and LEFT THE INTERNET FOREVER on 06 November 2007 LOL RETURNED with a new blog on 09 November 2007 LOL LEFT THE INTERNET FOREVER on 17 November 2007 LOL RETURNED with a new blog on 29 January 2008 LOL LEFT THE INTERNET FOREVER on 30 January 2008 LOL RETURNED with a new site and a new scam on 22 July 2008 LOL took it down again a week later LOL returned with a new blog on 8 August 2008 LOL LEFT THE INTERNET FOREVER on 29 October 2008 LOL RETURNED TO THE INTARTOOBZ IN MAY 2009 WITH THREE NEW BLOGS was fired by his employer on 4 June 2009 and vanished.LOL returned with his new "Profit-Sharing Social Network" on August 11, 2009. Once the kid makes a decision, he really sticks with it!
Breaking news: after months in the woods, as of Aug 17, 2010, he's back! With I am Fighting Foreclosure, a new (surprise) blog.
Not quitting the internets
Wormsign was observed on July 22nd, 2008, when Casey resurrected his site Escape My House to herald a new get-rich-quick scam. On a Haterz™ talkcast the previous week, Casey had called in and mentioned his plans to sell the ebook for $80. Since a) ebooks are usually much cheaper than the printed kind, b) nobody buys ebooks anyway, c) writing a book requires "work," an alien concept to Casey, and d) he doesn't have the slightest idea what he's talking about in the first place, this, too, will be short-lived and take its place in his legendary collection of Fail.
On the talkcast, he mentioned that he had abandoned his job search because he realized that he really didn't want a job. Most of us equate "job" with "income," but he is clearly beyond that.
Casey took Escape My House down shortly thereafter, but came back with his new blog TrueCasey a couple weeks later on August 8th. His stated plan is to produce an Escape My House e-book (probably retitled Escape My Mortgage) and sell it online. Casey tends to get sidetracked easily, and in the first weeks of the project progress has been, at best, sporadic. Somewhere, Casey has acquired a new video camera, still camera, and laptop; he soon figured out it was easier to just videotape a days' blog entry rather than write it. Within days, this led to an entry over 35 minutes long.
Casey collects domain names like some people collect stamps; in September, 2008 he made some ventures into video streaming, mistakenly thinking that the public would want to see him sit at his computer surfing the Web all day. He leased the domain casey.tv for a mere $500 and put up a page, but took the site down a few days later. The domain is now parked.
Casey released his long-awaited e-book on avoiding foreclosure in October, 2008, for the low, low price of $49.95. Originally, the site carried a disclaimer stating that the book was a rough draft (misspelled by Serin as "rought"), and persons purchasing the download would be eligible for the finished version when it was ready, at no charge. The e-book was promptly leaked by Haterz™ and reposted in several places about the Internet. It was 19 pages long, including the cover, two pages of copyright, two pages of disclaimer, four pages of the first IAFF post reproduced verbatim, and at least a couple blank pages. He resorted to the high-school trick of large fonts and big margins to pad it out. The actual text, maybe four pages' worth, had nothing to do with foreclosure or anything else; it was basically a sales pitch looking for sponsors for a new venture. Serin, smarting from the hoots of derision, soon changed "rough draft" to "placeholder" to "pre-order," but the damage was done and he admitted to only one sale. Haterz™ wondered who would be dumb enough to buy it, but it will remain a mystery as he announced he was abandoning all plans to produce the e-book at all, and would refund the purchaser's money.
In the final month of TrueCasey (beginning around the first week in October, 2008), Casey became more and more involved and passionate about every crackpot conspiracy theory and Alternative Medicine scam known to man. Simultaneously, he "got religion" in a big way and started constantly spouting about Christ, ending in a three-day church conference that very nearly took the last of his money.
Shortly afterward, on October 29, he announced in a long, tearful, schizophrenic post that he was taking TrueCasey.com offline, partially as an attempt to win back his long-divorced wife, who has herself moved on to other relationships and wants nothing to do with him. His credit card debt is estimated at $70,000, and he owes roughly half a million dollars to banks from his abortive real-estate get-rich-quick scheme. His chief concern is coming up with more credit (which he equates to income), but it's not likely that will happen. All we know is we're sure to continue to see great things from him in the future!
Casey Raps
Shortly after TrueCasey came online, Casey recorded this rap video. He claims it was supposed to be private, but it was found and copied instantly. (Casey has never understood the bit about "if you don't want it seen, you might think about not putting it on the Internet," which is bad for him but has provided many lulz for the rest of us.) The accompaniment isn't audible to anyone but him, so it's an a capella experience. In the video, Casey shows how white he really is and how white he will remain. The pantomimed burrito-eating and joint-smoking are worth the price of admission.
except sometimes
IT'S NOT A FART!!
In the IAFF days, Casey claimed to be following a "modified vegan" diet. This resembles the regular kind of vegan diet, where you develop osteoporosis in your 20s and have to chew tinfoil to get your daily minerals, only it allows you to have In-N-Out burgers and Chipotle pork burritos when you feel like it.
His fondness for any crackpot scheme that promises SECRETS THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW (for "they," substitute The Government/The Jews/The Scientists/The Doctors/The Catholics/The Dentists/The Real Estate Tycoons/The Military/The Bankers or any other group of your choice, and charge $49.95 for it) led him to believe that his colon needed cleansing of all those nasty imaginary toxins. When TrueCasey popped up, he claimed to be full-on vegan, and was embarking on a Master Cleanse, a crackpot colon-cleansing regimen that any M.D. will tell you is absolute bullshit. It involves subsisting on nothing but a morning glass of salt water, then meals consisting only of of lemonade made with maple syrup and cayenne pepper (the occasional cup of tea is OK, as long as it's organic tea). The diet lasts from ten days to two weeks. Casey was famously trolled by a poster who claimed to be starting on a Master Cleanse of his own, and dispensed this piece of sage advice:
Further details, such as what happened to his underwear and what the non-fart feels like, are omitted in the interest of taste. This is a historic event: it marks the first time anything, ever, has been left out of Encyclopædia Dramatica for this reason.
Shortly thereafter, Casey blogged about starting an initiative he called his "30 Day Sink-or-Swim Plan." One of the comments (posted by a Haterz™ from onboard the ship where he worked) read:
To which another Haterz™ instantly replied:
and a new catchphrase was born.
It surprised no one when the 30 Day Sink-or-Swim Plan ended with him thousands of dollars farther in debt than when it began.
When Casey resurfaced with Angel Lynn's blog (see below) one of the first pictures he posted (reproduced below right) shows him enjoying what was revealed to be Cajun Beef Tips at a Sacramento restaurant. When interrogated about the questionable veganality of beef tips, he admitted he had abandoned the vegan lifestyle. Casey was weak, and the lure of meat was strong.
Casey at work?!
Casey lived in an RV for a month in late 2008 and spent the first night in a Wal-Mart parking lot. He had fantasies of living in the woods and prospecting for gold, but after that first night he parked it in his parents' driveway and lived there until he sold the thing. He then bought a van, thinking it'd be easier to conceal from the cops who take a dim view of people camping on city streets, but the job came along and he moved into a studio apartment. Since he could not survive a credit check, it is theorized that the apartment is a perk of the job, but this isn't known for sure.
In early May, 2009, Casey resurfaced with two (count 'em -- two) new blogs. One was a personal site, BloggerCasey.com, (since made private), the other was also a personal site, MyShortSaleAngel.com, which purported to be for Sacramento realtor Angel Lynn but was indistinguishable from his personal blogs because it, too, was all about Casey. Angel Lynn hired him solely to create and maintain a blog for her business and claimed to know his history when he was brought on board, but she wasn't prepared for the Haterz™. She got a huge spike in traffic; the blog went from around half a dozen hits per day to well over two hundred, but it was all from people unlikely to be in the market for Sacramento real estate Anytime Soon.
It should be remarked that Angel works with two other realtors, and everyone in the office but Casey is amazingly stacked. While he was there, it was hypothesized that there is not an XY chromosone in the bunch, as Casey pegs the needle on everyone's gaydar.
Both Casey and Angel were lured into participating in a talkcast on May 18th, '09: Angel because she still had no idea what she had gotten herself into, and Casey because he's an attention whore. Angel stated that the increased site hits from the Haterz™ was a good thing, because it could be "converted" by some strange and baffling process (unknown to mere mortals) into useful traffic.
The fuckedcompany.com forum relics on CampIdiot soon got wind of the news, and things got raucous. Angel got disgusted with the blog -- virtually all the traffic was coming from the links on CaseyPedia -- and threatened to kill it, which would leave Casey out of work. In a panic, he deleted all comments except hers, took his name off everything, made his personal blog private, and made the next posts on her blog strictly business, i.e. terminally dull. He may be unemployed again very soon which should strike fear into the hearts of responsible people anywhere, because he'll find some way to pull credit out of his ass which he will default on, as he always does, and we will end up paying for it.
In a move probably calculated to grease the wheels with the parents if he gets fired and has to move back in, he redirected serin.us to a "family blog" which he made private hours later as soon as he figured out the Haterz™ had found it. It's OK though, the whole thing was copied.
The end of all employment
On Thursday, June 4 '09, Angel Lynn said in email that Casey is no longer associated with her firm. She had been been growing steadily dissatisfied with the Mursed One over the previous few weeks, to the point that he's now funemployed!
— some poet | ||
Unfortunately, this means he has no income and will be forced to find some credit so he can spend money. Credit is better than income because you don't have to pay for anything. Or rather, Casey doesn't have to pay for anything: you do.
INTO THE DUMB
In late July, 2009, Casey drove his sole remaining vehicle, a broken-down white van, into the woods somewhere between Mabel and Portola, CA, to live off the land. He plans to get rich by panning for gold. Unfortunately, he did not think things out in advance, and didn't realize the creeks would be dry by August, that there are bugs in the forest, and fires are not allowed. The nearest water (for sale) is five miles by mountain bike, a cruel change to his plans for boiling creek water to drink. Rather than attempt to procure food when his stores ran low, he decided to embark on another Master Cleanse and live entirely on a mixture of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. This is his third known colon cleanse in the last year.
Casey and a friend saw the movie "Into the Wild" shortly before he left, and he expressed a longing to become like the movie's protagonist, forsaking all worldly wealth and escaping into the wilderness to become one with Nature. He must not have stayed for the end of the movie, where the protagonist dies of starvation and exposure after becoming too weak to hike out for help.
At last report, he was down to ten dollars in his pocket, his laptop batteries were nearly exhausted, the van was almost out of gasoline and was in dubious condition to make it back up the jeep trail he took getting in anyway. This was in the first few days of August, and nothing was heard from him until Monday, August 10, when his serin.us site started to show evidence of ongoing tweaking, a clear sign of his presence. In his blogging days, Casey spent nearly as much time tweaking his sidebars as he did with the actual blog.
And now ... the punchline
In January 2014, Casey became a licensed real estate vendor.
Links
- Currently active blog as of August 2010
- his PROFIT-SHARING SOCIAL NETWORKING
pyramid schemesite - his really, really, REALLY new (family) blog, also made private
- his really, really new blog, since made private
- Angel Lynn's blog, formerly administered by Casey
- False Casey, blog of Casey satire and criticism
- Bloggy Casey, parody of Blogger Casey
- Team Casey Serin, parody of a notorious pro-Casey blog
- archived copy of IAFF, pics are broken but still good for plenty laffs
- his even newer new blog (defunct)
- his Twitter page
- his podcast page
- his latest scam (defunct)
- new new new blog (defunct within hours of creation)
- new new blog (defunct)
- old new blog (defunct)
- old blog (sold and repurposed, but the archives are still here)
- CaseyHaterz, Haterz™ central (forum requires registration)
- real estate blog frequented by Haterz™
- Casey at FFC
- Caseypedia
- Fucked Company
| Casey Serin is part of a series on serious business |
Serious Concepts
Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Vandalism • World Wide Web Consortium People & Organizations
2cash • Alan Turing • Casey Serin • David Hockey • Dear Cis People • Doxbin • Fast Eddie • Grace Saunders • Hallcats Squadron • Jessi Slaughter • Mary Bell • Meek Mill • Kittens • Maja Schmidt • Missy • Niggest Crook Force • Psychopath • Vloggerheads • WEB SHERIFF |
|---|