Suzi Olsen

Note: this is an article about a former Encyclopedia Dramatica user.

THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.

BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.

Warning!
Drama has started as she found this article and had it removed from a Google search.
She joined us and started attempted baleetions

Olsen believes this article is defamatory. It's true, dammit! It's all true, dammit!

Suzanne "Suzi" Olsen (AKA Sooz) is a thin-skinned paranoid self proclaimed bi-sexual feminist fat Jewish crackhead dwarf from Australia who has gained all the attention she wants through intentionally causing flame wars by thoughtless "pranks" that she blames on everyone but herself. She is a compulsive liar, a closet transwoman and has been banned from numerous forums for trolling, drama, racism and general faggotry causing her to create her own forums. She claims to be autistic but this is a dishonest self diagnosis based on an e-psychiatrist who was leading her on and letting her muff dive on her due to her having the hots for Ellen Degeneres. She could well be suffering from undiagnosed Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or paranoid schizophrenia and as of August 2018 there is an ongoing boycott of her forums due to excessive abuse. She has a collection of dildos for secks, has debts in excess of $11,000 and is into pissing and farting and supports the use of domestic violence.

She follows the North Melbourne Aussie rules football club, who keep her as member despite kissing the then President's personal assistant on the lips in 2011. She was a member at the Hawthorn club until she was caught trying to molest the mascot before the 2008 Grand Final. She believes that anyone famous in Australian rules is her cousin. The list includes;

Brad Scott but not Chris Scott
Corin Rowe
Peter Schwab
Luke Toia
Aaron Lord
Anthony Stevens
You

She eats family pets, in particular cats and dogs, and is a known racist having abused an Asian and never fully apologising for it, and opposing the addition of support for Aboriginals in the Australian Constitution. She also defends kiddie fiddlers like Robert Hughes and George Pell, thugs like Andrew Gaff who punched out an opponent on the sporting field and racists like Peter Dutton who believes all gangs in Victoria are from South Sudan. She has also attacked the women of the MeToo movement and approves of domestic violence, and has never held down a job in her life.

Habitual lying troll

I'm such an attention whore!

She constantly lies about her life and when anyone challenges her she threatens to report the person to Victoria Police, Consumer Affairs, Telstra, the AFP, Elon Musk and even the Party Van. She has also issued death threats. Her beliefs include;

Respect is automatic - it is not earned
Hawaii is part of Japan
The West Indies is part of the United States of America
Croatia and Bosnia are part of Russia
The Welsh are Scottish
Guns cause global warming
Farts are needed to recover from a colonoscopy
Melbourne Airport and Tullamarine Airport are two separate airports
To get from Melbourne to Geelong it is quicker to go via Ballarat
Believes that pissing relieves a man's boner
Captain Cook sailed into Botany Bay in 1788 meaning that his death in Hawaii in 1779 was fake news
Australian is a race, not a nationality
Indigenous Americans are African Americans, not Native Americans
Lake Geneva is a state of the United States of America
Autism is caused by the DSM-5 gene
Donald Trump is the President of Canada
A man named Graham Groves died in a bus accident (he actually fled to New York City)
Mark Latham used to be the Premier of Victoria
Perth, Australia has the exact same weather as Manila, Philippines
Anyone who looks at her forums is a stalker
Any sports reporter who prints a rumour should be fired
A hole in the heart stunts your growth
Denies any death threats
Believes that the influenza vaccine contains penicillin
Hates renting anything - wants to buy even when one can't afford it
Putting restrictions on out of control teenagers is discrimination
A doughnut is really a bagel
A muffin/biscuit is really a scone

Aussie Footy Forums

Logo for forum designed by a toddler

Olsen's own forum has been a treasure trove of drama. Her original forum was at aussiefootyforums.com but Amazon closed the site when she refused to pay her bill for their ads. More recent thread titles included "Jade's has dicks on his mind", "shitterfooty are actually full of narcisstic wankers" and "Kingy and his abusive comments on shoutboxes". She posted a warning note from Pro Boards and ignored it persisting in her drama faggotry. She constantly changes the location through multiple domains and providers to try and hide her lies, drama and faggotry, but she always advertises it somewhere. Membership numbers vary like a revolving door with Olsen banning people and then letting them back in anyway.

In December 2018 and into January 2019, even HipForums banned her - four times using screen names like "thethinkingcat" and "peewatcher". Her host suspended her own forum in late December and this was fixed through pimping. She also charges $500 for anyone who thinks they can live rent free in her head.

The "Idiot File"

Since the interwebz started Olsen has run an "Idiot File", used as an excuse for shitting herself over little things like a bit of fun, snarking and so on. It has been called the "Imbecile File" as well. She attacks randoms under their screen names of "Da Psych", "DVB", "Melty", "North attack", "Childishfooty", "Kingy" and "Jade's" but never real faggots like Bruce Jenner, Chris-chan and Jodie Foster.

Some of the more recent reasons have been (these are all true by the way);

Looking at her forum
Talking about a court case she was involved in
Pointing out her threats
Pointing out she hasn't passed her photography course
Pointing out an angry emoticon reaction
Stating the "haters" are right about her
Answering an advert on Twitter to rub the belly of her cat

War against Big Footy

Olsen has been banned 30 times from the forum at Big Footy. She has rejoined multiple times thinking no one will notice and she is allowed to stay as a game for regular members to enjoy until she inevitably has a meltdown annoying others and is banned again. She claims this is for no good reason and believes Big Footy should allow anyone to join, when they do - except for paranoid self proclaimed bi-sexual feminist fat dwarves, racists and serial abusers like Olsen. She thinks her forum is better because she will let anyone in no matter what and her forum doesn't have double standards when it does. Her forum has never had many members whereas Big Footy has over 100,000. As early as 2005, Big Footy inaugurated the Suzi Olsen Award for the stupidest person of the year. Butthurt, Olsen sued the site for defamation and won a recording session with the Futuristic Sex Robotz that never happened.

Rumour file

Time to hunt the whore!

Promoted as "Breaking news", the rumours about Olsen are hot and heavy;

Suzanne Olsen had a threesome with the 2 drag queens from AAMI's Broken Heel ad last night at Mildura West
Hearing Magda has taken out a restraining order against Sooz. Seems after breaking up with the Hippo, Sooz hasn't handled it well, and has thrown poisonous snakes inside Magda's house
Suzanne Olsen arrested for sucking George Pell off publicly in Main Street, Ballarat
Suzanne Olsen caught rolling around in horse manure and eating it
Suzanne Olsen arrested for trying to steal dogs from the Ballarat pound so she can have sex with then then cook them.
Suzanne Olsen arrested for lighting her own farts inside Ballarat Best and Less in a revenge attempt to kill the manager who sacked her for spitting on a customer
Suzanne Olsen has been evicted from her unit in Mt Clear after leaving feces all over the carpet and walls, in protest of not getting what she wants for Christmas from Daddy John
Suzanne Olsen arrested with sodomizing 8 gorillas both male and female at both Melbourne and Werribee zoos.
Suzanne Olsen arrested for trying to stalk and kill a 'VLine Troll' by sitting on his face and doing non stop farts.
Suzanne Olsen charged with allegedly trying to kill Desmond Tutu by emailing shit selfies of herself. Tutu suffered cardiac arrest upon seeing Sooz's ugly hairy, hippo bits.

Legal threats

The apology

	“	If you guys want me to apologise then cease and desist from making stupid abusive comments about me on your shoutbox. I can read that shoutbox and i’m getting called some abusive names on it. Now beat it before i get your forum taken down along with the morons who keep on abusing me. Because all the comments that i’m getting aren’t all positive. Most of them are negative and are defamatory. Do you idiots want to be sued? Because if that is the case you are going to be all up on defamation charges and be up on criminal charges due to your ongoing behaviour	„
	—Sue away, faggot!

Olsen was allegedly being sued for $64,000 for defamation. Shit got real. Proceeding was struck out with right of reinstatement to the Supreme Court as long as Olsen gave the judge a blowjob while muff diving Monica Lewinsky. She was forced to apologise. Also said we'll stop doing what we're doing here when we won't as it is news. Later she denied ever being sued.

Famous quotes

Olsen is infamous for pwning herself in suffering from clear USI.

	“	Pranking arseholes that just lurk on here. Either sign up or fuck off from my forum.	„
	—Way to scare people away from you, stupid

	“	How about you learning to show respect to those of us who have been here longer than you have. You don't like getting pm's from me. You fail at listening to the most senior mod here when he merged your thread with mine. Now you're calling me a troublemaker. Show some respect.	„
	—Olsen demanding respect first

	“	Melbz and junior banned again for abusing me. when i go out somewhere i'm not providing food. so how about you mind your own fucking business. the same could be said when you fucking idiots lecture me. Not my fucking fault you dumb cunts. You get banned because you abuse admin. go start your own forums you stupid pieces of shit	„
	—Epic meltdown

	“	Fuck off cunt. Maybe you should apologise for making a fucking shithouse hate blog about me you fucking bully.	„
	—Somebody call a WAHHmbulance!

	“	I'm not going to be apologising for anything. Not even if you complain about whatever it is i do on my forum.	„
	—Call me irresponsible...

	“	You are a stalker who needs to actually have your dick and nuts cut off to pull you into line.	„
	—Wanting improved flavour!

	“	You need to concentrate hard on everything so that you don't fuck it up	„
	—Oh it hurts! It hurts!

	“	Thanks for harming my reputation you flog. See you in court	„
	—Attorney at lol

	“	I love watching men and women pee.	„
	—Piss fetish!!

	“	Farting so much that it stinks out my unit.	„
	—Eproctophilia at work

	“	What a joke of a person you really are. Get a life you muppet	„
	—Typical dramatic abuse

	“	He’s watching your every move	„
	—Big Brother is watching you!

	“	Shut up whingers	„
	—Anti free speech!

	“	You are fucking cyber stalking you fucked up piece of shit	„
	—LEL u mad?

	“	Kind of sick of the fickle shithouse negative tweets that i am reading.	„
	—So ignore them!

	“	Hope @GoDaddy suspends their abusive forum	„
	—Go Daddy don't host that forum!

	“	I wonder if @JDESTOOP80_FOX is in the mens loo when broadcasting from the tribunal?	„
	—More Piss fetish!!

	“	Maybe you need to educate yourself on AFL Coaching Accreditation instead of being such a fickle disgusting fan.	„
	—Dictator at work

	“	Go and follow somebody else you imbecile.	„
	—More dictatorial bull

	“	Tweets now protected due to some dickhead cyberstalking me on social media.	„
	—Protection didn't last long

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Reaction to this article

Not giving a shit

Severely butthurt Olsen hit the autistic tantrum like Donny Long. She started by having this page removed from a Google search on her name.

She then announced on one of her many forums;

	“	Just had a bit of fun with editing that page that honest taxpayer has tried to make of me	„
	—He didn't make it, fun killer

She had vandalised this page blaming others for her words. She called on one member to "grow up" and launched into name calling like a little fuck needing one, failing to notice that she was blaming the wrong user for the article's creation. Baleeting the section on her forum Aussie Footy Forums she replaced it with this;

	“	This has been written up by a fuckwit called honest taxpayer who thinks that he can get away with being a wanker online. All he does is effectively piss people off by abusing them senseless. This will just get him pissed off when he sees what is going on in here.	„
	—LAWL!!!

She also removed the Famous Quotes section and put this;

	“	Honest taxpayer needs to do something about his stalking. He has a habit of being an online stalker. Hence why i protect my tweets often.	„
	—More legal threats?

And she replaced the Gallery with;

	“	Nothing to see here.	„
	—LAWL!!!

When her vandalism was reverted, she came back and removed all the sub sections and wrote this;

	“	Everything in here is fake news. https://www.afp.gov.au/what-we-do/crime-types/fraud/identity-crime perhaps read this instead dickhead. Honest taxpayer posted all this when he had a boner to relieve. He is nothing but an obsessive dickhead that needs to get a life. Take note of the writing in bold you idiots.	„
	—Butthurt Attorney at lol and psycho LAWL!!

The banhammer soon followed, ending this act of faggotry. She said on her forum in response;

	“	Don't care if i've been banned on that fucked up shit of a page. The sad thing about it is that they are so homophobic that it's not funny. Pull your fucking heads in dickhead	„
	—Baby want your dummy?