IRONAS

Did You Know...

iRONASS is immune to this article? LOL.
iRONAS wants you to come closer. Closer.
When used correctly, pennies become the ultimate weapon?
The year 3047 A.C. (After Crisis) is the year space furries will come to rape you?
The only thing more embarrassing than naming "Fred Gallegher" as your favorite artist is spelling his name wrong?

iRONAS is an internet tough guy, emotard, gaiafag, sick fuck and all around lulzcow who made it his life duty to "protect" all the weeaboos and furfags on DeviantART from all of teh evil channers after witnessing a picture of a dead fetus on neopets. When he's not screaming out the semen in his lungs to the tune of "MODZ HALP!!!1", he writes and draws shitty manga-styled sci-fi comics -- all of which he believes will one day come true. Srsly.

Origins

Emo-denial

iRONASS being "immune", lol.

iRONAS is clearly a super genius.

Even this guy is less emo than iRONAS.

Below is the story of iRONASS, and how his life got flipped-turned upside down which transformed him into the hero he is today (and if all goes well, an hero too).

*CUTCUTCUTCUTCUTCUTCUT*

“

Come here. Come closer. Closer. Cock goes where again?

Anyway, I've seen the worst things imaginable on my time on time on the intarwebs. Things that would make your skin crawl, and heart jump. I would like to share this experience with all of you, so you don't have to get as scarred as I did.

It all happened when I was innocently browsing my favorite forum (at beastycocks.net) when my youth was stolen from me (I was ten at the time, I'm eleven now); out of no where an evil channer, the sum of all of the filth contained on the internet, made a thread titled "HUGE HORSE DONGS! PLZ CLICK HERE". Naively, I clicked on the link.

What followed could only be described as absolute carnage. The thread was littered with images of dead fetuses, maggoty dongs, defecation, along with other assorted acts of extreme deviancy.

And that wasn't even the worst part. The most gruesome thing about it was that I was furiously masturbating (and at such an amazing pace)! My hand was firmly clenched around my 2 inch penis, and it pumped it like it'd never had before. I was simply compelled and frightened at the same time at the speed and ferocity which it tugged, pain surging through my nethers like never before.

Then it happened: I tore off my own penis.

I howled with pain; the tears flowing freely. Not long after my outburst, my mom rushed through my door.

My mom got scared, she said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day. But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way. She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it!'.

First class, yo this is bad! Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass! Is this what the people of Bel-Air live like? Hmmmmm, this might be alright.

But wait I hear the pricey booze, wine all that. Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat? I don't think so, I'll see when I get there, I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air!

Well, the plane landed and when I came out, There was a dude who looked like a cop and yelled my name out. I ain't trying to get arrested, I just got here! I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared.

I whistled for a cab and when it came near, The license plate said 'FRESH' and it had dice in the mirror! If anything I can say this cab is rare, But I thought 'Nawww, forget it' - 'Yo, homes! To Bel Air!'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes, smell ya later!' I looked at my kingdom. I was finally there! To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

„

—iRONASS

Tough Guy Methods

This was posted on fatferaligatr's DA page. FEAR THE WRATH OF IRONAS!

"I HAVE A HANDFUL OF PENNIES AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM!"

These are just some of the unintentionally hilarious tactics he uses on trolls:

1. Various scare tactics:

Tells them to "come closer" (most likely to assrape them like the faggot he is), then proceeds to unleash a literal smack-down that anyone with Asperger's would be proud of.
Threatens them with pennies.
Informs them that something bad (but completely unrelated to their trolling) is going to happen to them in the future if they don't stop the lulz.
Asks how would they like it if he showed their imaginary son pictures of his inflamed anus.
Tells them that aliens from his gay webcomic will eat their brains (and actually fucking habeebs it).

2. Proclaims his immunity to trolling during his attempts to dissuade further e-attacks (yet he hides every comment that offends him on his DevianTART page, and cries every time lulz is made from him).

3. Recites his sob story on how the internets raeped his poor mind, and how he had to go into therapy (because he's a little bitch). This tactic is used in an attempt to cause the troll to commit suicide from Troll's Remorse after badgering this utterly pathetic faggot.

4. BAWWWWWWWWWW's to the mods until they give in and delete the offending accounts (which actually doesn't do shit, since trolls will just make moar)

IRL Tough Guy

Warning!
iRONAS may yell directly in your face and won't care if you cry!

Once you see this face, it's already too late.

Besides being an internet badass, iRonas is such a rebel of epic proportions that even a Che Guevara patch is too conformist to pin on his leather jacket.

Mere mortals risk spontaneous combustion upon witnessing his "FURY!11" first hand, so here is a demonstration of his almighty power to be viewed from the safety of your monitor without fear of harmful repercussions. (But don't sit too close to the screen -- even in text, his wrath may still be too much for your mind to cope with):

OH SHI-

	“	But man, my parents are starting to really tick me off. I swear to God one of these days I'm just going to yell directly in their face, I won't care if they cry even. I mean I'm in fucking fourth year and yet still tired from school come home lay on the couch and, no can't play games on any days except Wednesday and the weekend, cause games are BAD THINGS in their eyes. Anyways I come home to day and then head out to go pick up some pens for inking a little project and then I forgot about my Geography project so quickly did that in two hours... then my Dad comes home and instantly it's "Why are there dishes in the sink!" not "Hello son, how was your day? I swear and what pisses me off even more is how they think we just laze around and play video games when we get home. They're so... just... ARGH! Sometimes I just want to scream at them just two little words: "FUCK YOU!"	„
	—iRONAS, on being a tough guy

If you ever happen to encounter this specimen of destruction, just remember one thing: around ASS, never relax!

Sick Fuck

iRONASS desperately trying to gain attention.

Hide your kids.

iRONASS and his fuckbuddy LinktheWolf engaging in their favorite sexual activity.

Like all DeviantARTs, only the worst fetishes possible can get iRONAS hard. His Achilles Heel? Macrophilia, and voraphilia. And if it couldn't get any worse then that, he only likes to fantasize about being eaten by and/or inserted into toddlers (with a preference for incest).

Not only does he like to fap in the dark to this shit, but he likes to use his mind to vomit forth interactive stories of his deep-seated fantasies of being farted on by 90-foot tall 5-year-old onto the internet (under the guise of Bozohobo).

Although we present to you only a few of his "works", it is not difficult to find these literary masterpieces; a dive into the cesspool known as writing.com may be able unearth some lulz (caution: prolonged exposure to the site ~~may~~ will kill your sex drive permanently).

Of course, no one would have known all this if he wasn't such an attention whore, screaming to the intarwebs that he's "faggy and proud"; to be such a complete and utter subhuman. So if you ever see him, be sure to thank him for all the lulz he has provided you with.

Warning!
EYE AIDS INFECTION IMMINENT!

ENJOY YOUR EYE AIDS
ENJOY YOUR EYE AIDS
ENJOY YOUR EYE AIDS
ENJOY YOUR EYE AIDS
ENJOY YOUR EYE AIDS
ENJOY YOUR EYE AIDS

Songs of Innocence and Experience

Around the time of his account switching, iRONAS admitted to the inappropriate touching of his cousin...

	“	When I was a young kid I did things to my cousin, now these things if Ihad been older would've been key signs of something being wrong, hell I wouldn't doen them in the first place. So basically I was... experimenting to be honest, I well, did things with soem panties that I'm not proud of. THere I said it, well part of it. My cousin was.. wearing the panties at the time and the scary part is I'm still not sure about certain things that had happened that day...	„
	—iRONAS - On being a "self reformed pedophile"

I HERD U LIEK XENU

iRONASS being delusional, again.

iRONAS, like Ron Hubbard, has rewritten history -- even the future. But unlike Hubbard, he actually believes in the bullshit he spouts off about (and doesn't even make an attempt to scam gullible idiots out of their Jew golds).

Next stop: volcanoes.

He ~~believes~~ KNOWS that in the year 2021, his "studio" releases a tool that will show the world how to create worlds (preferably one inhabited by horny giant 6 year olds), and that in the year 3047 A.C.(After Crisis) a race of furry aliens called the "Seraphanta" will invade earth and forcibly yiff all of it's inhabitants into submission with the flagships that he has constructed himself (yet look oddly like the spaceships used by the Zentradi race from the weeaboo anime "Macross").

I KNOW SERAPHANTANS!!!1

Beam me up, Tom Cruise.

Yup, you read it right. iRONASS has singlehandedly made first contact with intelligent, intergalactic life forms, and is such a fine specimen of human genius that they have commissioned him to build them the means to travel to our planet. How they'll receive these transports, and why they didn't just make them themselves in the first place; only iRONAS knows for sure.

This leads to only raise moar questions, such as: "Why the fuck is he free to walk the streets?" (I meant that figuratively, since he never leaves his basement) Or: "If he's such a technological genius, why didn't he build himself a sex life yet?"

To find out the answer to these questions and more, we're just going to have to wait until the year 2021: the year he shows us all that we were stupid to laugh and doubt his outstanding abilities. That is, if he doesn't become an hero/die of AIDS by then.

Quotes

	“	Then what Mr. Anonymous, I'll tell you what will happen if your a good parent, you will give up raiding for the sake of your children. For the sake of their innocence.	„
	—iRONASS, who really "cares" about children a bit too much, I think.

	“	Hmm, you insulted my penis size. Like I give two fucks what you say. Not to mention you took something traumatizing from my life and, made fun of it. Then mixed it with Bel Air, the most stupid show with the most stupid actor ever. Congratulations, you are officially a god among men, no really bravo mr. anonymous. Bra-fucking-vo.	„
	—iRONASS, who thinks Will Smith sucks.

	“	My whatever you believe in grant you peace, for I will not mr. insurgent. In reality I couldn't give two fucks if you decide to turn around and go 'lol! I should turn around my ways and not be a /b/tard!' I would still hate you and now knowing you're in part of the military and that the '4th world nations' are really cultures, which you fail to see, makes me all the more resented towards you.	„
	—iRONASS HAET AMERIKKA!!11

	“	ALthough, despite the fact that I hope to rally support for somehting I may design to wipe them off the face of the internet. I call it the B.S.A.D. or /b/ secure assimilation device, I will make it someday, but that is a long time off.	„
	—iRONASS, who has spaceships to build and planet generators to construct first. Then it's on to the "/b/-Away". Also note that the dreaded device is pronounced "Be sad!", proving iRONASS as an emo cunt once again.

	“	$kids, the company that butchered OnePice, Doremi and, now coming soon .Hack//SIGN! Oh joy! The greatest story ever told will be ruined so I say stand up to them! Take them down by any means necessary!	„
	—iRONASS, who- wait, $kids?

Lulzy Journal Entries

The following journal entry from his DA page is indeed incredibly lulzy. Not only does he attempt to be smart and smug, but he mentions planning to bankrupt moot, Aubrey Cottle, and the 7chan admins. How he will achieve this, noone knows. iRONAS totally knows how the economy works. If you say otherwise, you shall feel his wrath!

“

To all /b/tards out there, how are you doing?

As for me I'm fine, I know half of you won't see this but don't worry this will go directly to /i/, twenty seven thousand times. Am I afraid of what you can do? No, not in the slightest. You spammed my page, good for you... but it does and means nothing.

You mayh come with your spammers and, your very mentally annoying art. You may poke fun at me and I may get angry but remembere this, it means nothing. All I have on here is a link to me email which you haven't spammed yet strangely, not to mention a single liknk to my other account on DA or on any other net site. YOu want truth?

Here is the truth, you have spammed me over nine thousand plus times, I must really be a thorn in your side. That makes me quite happy actually, in the fact that I hate you and will try and destroy your sites even if it means bankrupting Aubrey Cottle, moot and, the new admins of 7chan.

So bring your trolls and everything you can throw, hell I can swtich over art and everything to another account and ditch this one in the blink of an eye? Why would I do that though when this is so much more entertaining for me. So... I know you are going to call mea fag, edit this journal and post it somewhere else, draw pictures, make fun of my art, etc. but, you know what? I know in my ind that I'm better than you in more ways than you could shake a stick at. Congrats, by the way, at spamming my page while I was asleep. Truly you are the greatest ever (Mmm Mm! Taste that sarcasm!).

„

—iRONAS, doing it wrong. Who does something OVER 9000 times, amirite?

He also mentions it in his Gaia journal:

	“	I don't know how put for some reason I'm immune to /b/. They can throw all the slags they want and I don't care they can post crap that would make a man vomit and I don't. If your wondering what to high heaven I'm talking about it's that I have been privately investigating /b/ and 7chan's invasion board for some time. I plan to try and put a stop to invasions of their kind perhaps even dare I say, establish a truce or peace of some sort. No, no I'm not like myg0t who are self righteous assholes I am as described sometimes an angry man at one point and a gentleman the next.	„
	—iRONASS, private detective

Little does ASS know is that /b/ is made up of thousands of people, lol.

Reaction to This Article

Returning home, exhausted from the many sexual adventures (see: "un"deserved anal rape) he's had with children in the past few days while on vacation in Neverland Ranch; iRONASS has "stumbled" across this article.

Panicking at the fact that now anyone can witness what a faggot he's made out of himself over the years, and fearing the possibility of losing the only minuscule of respect he has ever gained in his sad life; he's now made a last ditch effort in trying to justify why he is such a failure on his DevianTART page. Of course like anything iRONAS does, there is much lulz to be gained!

The voices in his head even went as far as to tell him to create an ED account (which is here BTW; plz send him a warm welcome) for the purpose of copypasting his entire journal entry in this very article (and being the comedic genius he is, titled it "And Now a word from our sponsors"):

	“	Hello ED and whoever is viewing this article, I wanted to be clear cut with this and made some ahem explanations in this post about what I've seen on the article here. This is the journal entry I have recently posted on DA and would like to post it here so you can get some explanation from me before you decide to raid:	„
	—iRONASS

The summary of his TL;DR copypasta:

UPDATE: His new reaction is as follows:

Sysop response

LOL MAINPAGED!

Fan Art

BEST FRIENDS

A Lolcow Less?

Some time last Thursday, iRONAS was reading his ED article, and when confronted with the evidence of his own faggotry, he saw the light and took matters into his own hands. He posted a journal about his reformation (the whole thing can be found here) which, in typical iRONASS fashion, reads like a train wreck. Hidden in the walls of text and constant typos, however, are some lulzy insights such as...

	“	Now when I was 13 I found out [my uncle] was a pedophile after my cousin came out about him touching her. So the nice helper of a lady told me one thing, that what I had done as Bozohobo was probably because before hand I looked up to the man as a good guy...	„
	—iRONAS - on his role model

Afterwards, he pulled a Snapesnogger and switched accounts. ~~Attempts to find this new account have been nonexistent as of yet.~~

iRONASSworks Now including pictures of iRONASS!

IRONAS is part of a series on

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Featured article January 21, 2008
Preceded by PROJECT CHANOLOGY	IRONAS	Succeeded by Heath Ledger

Featured article December 12, 2008
Preceded by Deviantart Nazis	IRONAS	Succeeded by Blagogate

IRONAS

Contents

Origins

Tough Guy Methods

IRL Tough Guy

Sick Fuck

Songs of Innocence and Experience

I HERD U LIEK XENU

Quotes

Lulzy Journal Entries

Reaction to This Article

Sysop response

Fan Art

BEST FRIENDS

A Lolcow Less?

External Links

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