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Labyrinth
Labrinth is probably the greatest thing to happen in the 1980s other than Big hair Our future god emperor appearing in the WWF, rumours that George Michael was straight and the Japanese invasion of cheap steel, electronics and Animu.
More fanfics exist, containing Mary Sues and David Bowie's character of Jareth than there are fanfics of Jesus and Mary Magdaline from the early days of Christianity to the present.
Surprisingly, the movie still holds up well being 30 or more years old and it is probably the second best thing David Bowie is known for to trendy fuckers right after Space Oddity or Major Tom to the Trendy Fucker currently reading this.
Plot
As with most Lucas films, the plot is quite simple, having cute characters and a goal to chase after for 120 minutes.
Sarah, the main character of the movie, is a Midlevel Cosplayer. Because she is like you and has no friends or hope of friends in the near future her Father and Evil Step Mother expect her to watch her half-brother for free.
During one of her half-brother, Toby's crying fits Sarah tells him a story about wishing him away to the Goblin King. It's when the goblins hiding in the wall repeat the proper spell of, "I wish the Goblin King would come take you away," that she hears it and repeats it.
Being a 14-year-old girl Sarah instantly regrets what she did and begs the Goblin King, who has been wanting to toilet cam shots of her, to return Toby.
Stuck with the misfortune of being in the room with a loli and having Bowie Bulge, Jareth relents but he will only give Toby back only if Sarah can navigate his labrinth in 13 hours, thus beginning the 2 hour chase to the credits.
Characters
| Name | Description | Picture |
|---|---|---|
| Sarah | A real cunt of a loli that aoends the first 90 minutes of the movie running around screaming how [[Emo|Life isn't fair, Rose's have thorns and apples sometimes have worms in them. A solo midevel cosplayer because no one can put up with her bitchy attitude for longer than five minutes. It really says something about her, when at the end of the movie the only friends she has made are imiganary ones. Through mistake she wishes her half-brother away to the goblin king. Many Feminazis like to argue Sarah as a strong feminist because she made it through the labrinth and refused Jareth's advances but all she was doing was reading a book to her half brother while she smothered him with his pillow for a few moments respite. | |
| Jareth | Is he gay, a pedophile or an hebephile? No one knows. Jareth kidnaps Sarah's half-brother as a favor to her because he wants to get all jiggy with Sarah and make her half-brother a goblin. Like most viewers under the age of 12, as a maiden and being pure of body, Sarah is frightened by the Bowie bulge and chooses to make friends with the loser brigade rather than someone who could grant all her dreams and wishes. Not a true villain, more like an anti-villain because if the point of view were changed 180 degrees he would be seen as a dark hero or the Yoda Figure that aids the hero in maturing. |
