Gorean

Goreans are sexual perverts who base their paraphilia around a series of sic-fi/fantasy books by John Norman. Despite the fact Norman's prose makes L. Ron Hubbard read like Shakespeare, Goreans treat his pap like sacred writ. They do their best to live a lifestyle true to the Gorean ideal: doing fierce battle, flying around on winged lizards, and reducing women to a level of subservience impossible in actual slavery. All this while living in their parent's basement.

Just tell me I'm not gay. Go on, woman. I dare you!

Unlike LARPers or simple BDSM nuts, Goreans are so deeply immersed in their fantasy lives that they no longer believe they live on Earth. Gamers go out to Gamestop once in a while. Comic Book nerds go to the comic store. Tabletop RPer's eventually run out of Mountain Dew and chips. Hell, even furries take the suit off once in a while. But Goreans never leave their sacred homeworld to wash the dishes or see a movie.

The level of fantasy identification Goreans exhibit is truly stunning. The typical protagonist of a Gor novel is a six foot four, heavily muscled, well-endowed barbarian. Imagine the exact opposite of that and you have the typical Gorean: a short, pale, emaciated dweeb with serious mommy issues. The reality of their lives is so miserable that their escape into fantasy is total, and speaking to a Gorean is akin to communicating with a delusional schizophrenic. Unfortunately there are no pills to fix them.

Goreans usually come in pairs. For every skinny, agoraphobic lunatic there is a fat, psychotic fangirl desperate for a boyfriend. The existence of these couples makes a great argument for forced eugenics.

After writing 23 or so Gor books and two shitty movies that ended up on MST3K, John Norman has announced he's quitting. This was probably after meeting his first Gorean at a con.

Goreans are generally considered to be unintelligent, unfunny and old members of BDSM. Though generally adamant against being associated to their lesser cousins, one should still call them a trekkie anyways if only to watch old fat fucks complain over it. The Gorean society is composed mainly of two things: Men are definitely better than women and women are definitely below men. In many ways, this can be considered win and therefore an effective tool when trolling feminazis.

Overall Goreans believe in a twin planet existing on the far side of the sun and galaxy. Unfortunately due to science and reality, this obviously doesn’t flow very well with them and therefore is rendered irrelevant. On Gor, one must think only of the well being of their society – and therefore, must capture women for the rest of the hive. FUCK YOU, THERE IS A GOR. HURR DURR.

When confronted by the facts, Goreans tend to throw the banhammer and ignite accusations against your manhood. If you are a woman, this argument usually results in your character being enslaved and therefore renders all facts unimportant.

Planet Gor

In planet Gor, where rainbows and unicorns exist happily amidst the flowing bodies of the enslaved women, people tend to wrestle together in order to share their ideas of honor and the natural place for women, barbarians rule the planet. From Gay Vikings of the North to the Pirates of the Circle-Jerk, Goreans side themselves with cliques in different port cities.. If you’re from another city or a total stranger, chances are Goreans will shake their dicks and jerk off at your direction. As a female, ask for sex and call everyone ‘Master’ and simply shut up and make sammiches for everyone.

At the heart of every major city is an ordinary rock called a homestone. These are generally rocks of important value, which makes absolutely no sense at all because rocks are used for stoning Muslims and drowning babies. In Gor, however, even rocks have values, like the trees filled with squirrels.

Gor is fucking dangerous though and is no place for hippies. The rivers run red with abortions because babies are uncool and giant walking bears from the Big Blue House invade the planet every so often to steal their women. Because nobody wants to be banned, these giant bears known as Kur exist only in the book saga. The English have devoted a club to hunting bears and by default are generally Gorean. That’s right, tart, make me tea and biscuits. Now.

Slaves number over 9000 in ratio to the men and do everything because REAL men tend to sit down and capture more women to add to their collection, teach slavery by means of shitty ranting, followed by enforcing the rules with their fist. When bitches complain, Gorean law permits that the Master to draw out the power of Greyskull and beat them back into the kitchen. Once this is done, said bitch must toss salad and cook dinner. Then bend the fuck over and get pissed in the ass. In reality, Gor is located in Southern America, where everyone enjoys a good dose of belt and shit-piss.

Gorean Society

Don't fuck with Goreans (Translates to MUST) because if anything, they would throw a bitch-fest bigger than anything ever seen on the internets. When rallied together, one can easily mistake a Gorean war party as a neighborhood barbeque of elderly overweight men and rejected Vikings who imagine themselves as Conan-esque barbarians. FUCK YOU, I’m GOREAN so shut up and make my dinner. Bitches.

On Gor, age is of no particular importance and therefore lolis are considered to be fair game. However, the Goreans are clever wiley rascals and therefore will ban anyone for such implications. In reality, when the doors are closed, their slaves remove their guises and become the twin-sided jaded empress of furry child slaves. Gorean slaves are committed individuals and have feelings and are often busy with making dinner ready and cleaning out their pee filled butts.

Goreans believe in Honor, spelled with a capital H, and use this to justify their abuse of women. Honor above all, stranger, so make my dinner and don’t complain. As part of a barbarian tribe, you must further capture, eat, and fuck. Shut up and stop talking Newbies to Gor are generally considered the equivalent of the real world Mexican – smelly, obscene and cheap. Strangers aren’t allowed to do anything on Gor. However, after an indefinite amount of time, Goreans tend to ignore the Mexcian presence and provide them jobs. Therefore in general the planet Gor is composed primarily of Mexicans because the first Gorean was, in fact, a black person.

Goreans on Religion

Religion does not exist on Gor except for giant insectoid furries called the Sardar, like the Scientology villain Xenu, but only worse. Technology is at a standstill because the Sardar do not enjoy the presence of people discovering the power of the wheel. Who needs wheels when eight women can carry you on their shoulders? Most Goreans tend to have the power of Gaston, being the manifestation of manliness, and therefore can fly if necessary. They hide this, of course because their dicks are bigger than yours.

Cities are ruled by Communists. Every man is equal and permitted to shape their own destinies – so that they can find a house and fuck in it, continuing the cycle for all eternity. In order to progress, every man must fight another man in a single united circlejerk known as war. Because each man is a walking version of King Leonidas mixed with a touch of Legolas, this doesn’t really end up anywhere because everyone survives. Only when a Gorean suffers a fatal heart attack on their desktop, when their roleplaying ceases, do they tend to time out their connections and die.

Goreans are the personification of every basement dweller’s fantasy, a world where sandwiches and pussy exist freely, represented by their own personal identity – usually wrestlers and people from West Coast Choppers. The women are usually akin to their superior male counterpart and respond with pictures of Jessica Alba and typing without the use of the shift key.

TLDR

FUCK YOU, SUCK MY COCK AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH.

Because of their lack of a real one many Goreans can be found in Second Life.

Goreans on Second Life

Being the unlimited world of faggotry it is, Goreans have followed furfaggots into the game to pursue that which they will never accomplish. As previously said, Goreans try their hardest to live in their fantasy world, straining their muscles to resemble a constipated homosexual. As with furries, the internets allowed Goreans to interact with each other, waving their 12" monster dongs at slave women.

Gorean sims are well-built, it's no joke that their schizophrenic imaginations allow them to create such huge structures. Most of the textures are stolen, and shooped to fit the buildings. In Second Life, a simulator (fun-to-crash pieces of land) may be purchased via Linden Labs' Jew gold. A sim costs a whopping 1,675 1,000 JEW S dollars, and a monthly upkeep fee of 295 Jew S dollars. Considering that Goreans are basement trolls, it is a baffling idea to understand where they get this money.

Sims that belong to Goreans are often inhabited by users that are away, which means they are free to rape as desired. The sims at least have one admin online at all times, and they most likely are shopping for bondage equipment in another location which means these faggot sims are easily trolled and crashed. FYI: "The First Sword" often describing the penis of the sim's token Jew, is an admin. PN should take note to this to avoid being B&.

Goreans on IMVU

Next to housing sluts and anything rapeable, Goreans also moved their fat worthless asses to IMVU. Much fun is to be had for the pedophiles and they can just get away with it because it's RP, amirite? As is known with IMVU, they don't care about the fact that 45 year-old, fat, greasy-haired basement-dwellers have pixel-sex with 18 year-old girls, because it's all for the roleplaying.

External Links

• A introductory video to the subculture It's dead jim.
• Houseplants of Gor
• Gay, Bejeweled, Nazi Bikers of Gor

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