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Dani Faulk

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Wiccanseries is part of a series of Wiccan Drama. ▲▼

Dani Faulk (That's short for Danielle, the name he used for the two years he pretended to be a woman online) is the gay boy who was single-handedly responsible for the invention of the cock-flavored lollipop.

Dani Faulk, the whiniest little gay bitch on teh internets, reacts in pain and shock when he bends his own penis out of shape, while beating off to an old photograph of his mother.

Dani, a.k.a James Faulk, is a miserable young white trash gay boy/girl who lives with his grandparents and with his anxiety disorder, and has been living with both since he was abandoned by his mother, who totally forgot he existed in one of the wisest moves of her life. It is thought that when his mother heard his trademark whiny, high-pitched little bitch voice, (which is the real reason he avoids phone conversations to this day) she realized that she couldn't bear to hear him make another sound. The discarded Dildo she used to pacify him may be one of the reasons Dani is a cocksucking faggot now.

Candy and Cocksuckery

Dani's life of closet cocksuckery and out-and-out stupidity began early on, when he made his first and only attempt at mock heterosexuality with the woman he would go on to stalk and troll across the internet to this very day: Miss "Sweet Tits" Candy, whom he met through the "Paganism:1" Yahoo! chat group. (In his ongoing burnt gay obsession with her, he even took the time to create an Encyclopedia Dramatica page on her).

 
"Sweet Tits" Candy, Dani's first and only Female Love

Dani now spends his days and nights online reacting like an immature, spoiled little faggot about everything anyone says about him on the internet, and making internet websites against anyone who dares to remove him from their Livejournal friends list. Living with your grandma for as long has Dani has can turn a young man into a pathetic little pussy who does shit like that.

He spends 21 hours of his usual day at the "Paganism:1" chat at Yahoo! entering the room under about 55 different chat ID's, and mocking people he hates there, which is nearly everyone. He especially hates Candy, his first love, and Drug-addled Yenta, both of whom he wishes to be straight for, everyday. He has said in chatlogs that he intended on donating sperm so that Candy can have his child. He often goes by the name "Begamot the Red Faery" on Yahoo! Chat.

 
An X-ray of Dani's Pen0r Injury

Danielle The Naughty Girl from A. Lane

Dani spent the formative years of his sexual life acting like a woman online, named "Danielle". he frequented the Yahoo! Chatroom "Paganism:1" as well as several dating forums where young straight men went looking for easy, faceless vaginas online. It didn't help that he had to be repeatedly raped by his uncle after his mother abandoned him to his grandmother; his sexual confusion had set in much earlier, during his faggoty obsession with the Sailor Moon Anime. Dani's love/hate relationship with his abusive Grandmother is well known, as he spent most of his time bitching about her on teh internets, in keeping with his modus operandi.

His grandmother actually had a cameo appearance in the movie "Red Dragon"- the "You are a bad boy and I'll cut off your penis if you wet the bed again" routine that she used so many times on Dani was featured in the painful flashbacks of the serial killer, when he recalled the torture his own grandmother subjected him to. Unlike Dani, however, Dollarhyde began killing attractive women; Dani simply sat around pretending to be one, and living in his grandparents basement.

 
Dani, now awakened to the truth, goes to battle killer Gaygents throughout the system of the Gaytrix

Dani Takes on the Gaytrix

Dani fell asleep at his computer one night, only to wake up to a blinking message on the screen, telling him to "follow the wascally wabbit". At a party later that night, a recently released convict from the minimum security prison near Port Arthur, Texas, saw Dani's great resemblence to the prags and punks that he had been ass-gouging in prison, and tried to pick him up. Luckily for him, he had a Bugs Bunny tattoo in his crotch, and Dani, while going down on him, saw the famous wabbit and decided to go home with him.

Back at the man's halfway house, he revealed the truth to Dani: that the entire world was in chains, and that Dani's life was not his own- he and everyone else were prisoners in The Gaytrix, a neural-interactive simulation that everyone was unknowingly subjected to, and which everyone thought was the "real world" of their everyday lives.

 
Two powerful gaygents prepare to hunt down and destroy Dani

The truth was far darker- powerful homosexual aliens had conquered the planet earth long ago, and enslaved the entire populace, disposing of all females, and genetically breeding generations of girlish-figured gay men, whom they kept asleep in big canisters, while jacking them off for sperm and stimulating them for their own pleasure.

Dani, on account of the "accident" that gave him a crooked penis, was marked by fate to be "The One", the savior of all gay men stuck in the Gaytrix. The vicious alien overlords created a fake society where gay people were persecuted, to stop the full strength of their sexual power from coming out. To make matters worse, powerful sentient programs stalked through the Gaytrix, appearing as sunglass-wearing faggots called Gaygents, and killed any gay man who became too aware of the truth.

Dani was sodomized repeatedly by the man who revealed the truth of the Gaytrix to him with a special dildo that has the power to awaken Gay men trapped by the aliens, and Dani found himself targeted by the Gaygents, and being forced to flee through a nightmare world of deadly homosexual erotica, for the Gaygents could appear as any gay man they chose.

 
Dani's performance in "The Gaytrix" wins him a special honor, commemorated on stamps in the US postal service

Dani managed to escape the Gaygents with the help of The Orifice, who was the last woman alive, and a famous Faghag. She told Dani that the last place the Gay Aliens couldn't reach was the Special Olympics, so Dani (who can easily be mistaken for mentally handicapped) signed up to compete.

Dani is a Very Special Boy

Dani didn't have to pretend very hard to join the Special Olympics; his own dismorphia, coupled with his anxiety disorder, his crooked penis, his nonstop online trolling and whiny flamewars, and his disgusting need to beat off to autopsy pictures of Jon-Benet Ramsey qualified him for the stupid little faggot sicko category.

 
Dani is a winner!

Dani did very well for himself; he was able to jump higher than any of the other mentally handicapped kids over the miniature couch set up in the backyard of the local christian minister on account of his already bent penis- a nerve-ending that he destroyed in his penis caused his calf muscles to grow stronger, a fact that also helped him escape the Gaygents. Those calves won Dani the Gold Medal. Having strong calves also aided Dani greatly in squatting over the man-pole of the chief photographer of the Special Olympics, whom Dani fucked and convinced to submit his picture for the comemorative stamp that Dani subsequently was featured on. With his victory in the Special Olympics, the Gaygents and the Gay Aliens made a truce of peace with Dani and five gay, mentally handicapped men he had awakened (and anally raped).


Dani Nearly Meets His Doom In The Night of the Xombie Penis Biters

Things nearly returned to normal for Dani, giving him plenty of free time to troll after people in the Paganism:1 chatroom, then whine about how they posted his home address and asked people to go kill him, and spend all of his life on the internet while grandma screamed at him from upstairs.

Dani was hard at work one night, making fun of no less than 200 different people online for having no life, when penis-biting Xombies, themselves created when a local nuclear power plant had had a partial meltdown, invaded his hometown of Port Arthur. Armed with only a flyswatter and a collection of sex toys, James had to run down the road screaming helplessly for his grandma to stop as she drove away to safety.

 
This police photo shows Dani and one other victim of the Penis-biting Xombie plague that invaded his home of Port Arthur, TX

Then, left alone in the dark, the hordes of the walking dead descended on him. A rotting mexican xombie (the remains of an illegal immigrant who mopped the floor at the power station) tried to get his teeth around Dani's crooked penis, but failed. Alas, before he could escape, a Xombie with a mutated mouth was able to bite into Dani's crotch and turn him into a Xombie, as well.

It was only because of the brave efforts of scientists from the Department of Homeland Security that Dani was returned to normal, but not before he was able to terrorize several local bath-houses as a cock-chewing Xombie. Many of his victims (who knew Dani well from before) fell victim to him without even realizing that he had become a Xombie.


The Crooked Penis Goes Limp

Dani created a website called "The Crooked Heath" (demonstrating his Freudian obsession with crooked things) to kiss the ass of his first male crush and first internet mentor- none other than Encyclopedia Dramatica's famous Son of Art. Son of Art taught Dani 1337 Witchcraft and was his friend for several years, with Dani making countless hate sites, Yahoo! identities, and Live Journal sockpuppets to carry out Son of Art's evil commands. The fun all came to an end when Dani's jealousy at Son of Art's close friendship with females became too much for him to bear. Dani found a new man-love, Gilly Gilmer, (a well known closeted homosexual who once moved across the country to be with his "internet girlfriend", and who, upon discovering his latent homosexuality, threw him out of her house one week later) and began attacking every person with a pussy that Son of Art was friends with, leading Son of Art to remove Dani from his friends list at Live Journal.

The fallout was intense; Dani changed "The Crooked Heath" to a "Son of Art got Owned" site, and began trolling friends of Son of Art all over Live Journal and Yahoo!. He did a legendary job whining, a job that was excessive, even for a crusty little man-vagina like him. He managed to make a massive fool of himself to everyone in the world with internet access.


The Painful Truth is Posted

  taoalphac decided to go public and let the world know what kind of backstabbing little asspounder Dani really was, so she posted many once-private chat logs, in which we see some of the inner workings of Dani's diseased little mind. They can be found here: Rachel's Total Ass Bust of Dani


Dani's Make Believe Life, and the Future

Dani cannot drive further than 5 miles from his home, on account of his anxiety disorder. But this doesn't stop him from claiming to attend a university, where he takes super advanced biochemistry classes, in preparation for his career as a famous geneticist and biologist.

He also claims to be in the "upper middle class", and has threatened to "Get a lawyer" against anyone who accuses him of doing mean things on the Internets. We suggest that you copy and paste this article as soon as you can, as Encyclopedia Dramatica itself will certainly be in danger as soon as Dani's lawyer gets the Supreme Court to come shut them down over what you are currently reading.

In reality, there is no threat; Dani is a white trash idiot who still lives with his Grandparents, and steals their food stamps to pay off poor mexicans from Port Arthur, Texas to give him blowjobs. Unless he lucks up and finds a desperate gay wetback who happened to be a lawyer in Mexico, he won't be suing anyone.

The main problem standing in the way of his plans to be a super 1337 geneticist and biologist is the fact that he can't seem to pass simple math classes, and he won't open his mouth to ask questions in class on account of the high-pitched, bitchy little squeal that is his voice. His only friends are a 30-something golddigger who has a rotting liver from her alcoholism named "Cindy" and his current boy-love and crush, the white trash closeted gay man "Gilly Gilmer" (not to be mistaken for Elmer Fudd despite his cartoon character name). All three will end up in the same YMCA homeless shelter one day, sharing needles and talking about what a whiny little troll son of art was on the internet, all those years ago, and how badly they owned him.

Dani is Immortalized in Poetry

An anonymous poster at the Son_of_Art Yahoo! Group posted the following poem, to commemorate Dani's life. It was entitled: Ode to a Little Gay Fake British Traditionalist Pagan Who Screams and Whines when People Remove Him From Their Friends List And Makes Up Websites Against Them And Thinks That He Really Got Something Over On Them While Only Making Himself Look Like A Whiny Little Bitch". Here's the Sonnet:

A gayer boi you'll never meet than one named James F.
A waspy fake witch and a whiny bitch with two friends left;
But just below the pants of our homebound gay boi chum,
Is a crooked little penis he injured beating off to his mum.
For Jamie isn't the rich, clever boy she so poorly represents,
But an underprivledged anxiety-ridden she-boi living on grandma's dollars and cents.
She'll dish out hateful websites full of lies and cry out a lung,
But her knack for taking what she serves is FAR below the bottom rung.
She runs and cries when Isobel tells everyone the truth about her;
Her only friends a rotting-livered golddigger and a white trash Gilmer.
With crappy sites and funny threats she'll fail to bully you-
Wacking her crooked penis and screaming "everything I say is true!"



 
Dani reacts as he realizes how badly he's been fucking owned at Encyclopedia Dramatica

Dani's Dirty Laundry gets Aired

Though credited to Son of Art, Dani actually created and used the following accounts, while he was friends with the infamous troll master:

At Live Journal:

Known LJ Usernames and Sockpuppets

On Yahoo!

  • alethea_marius
  • dharmaflux
  • flesh_eating_robin
  • g_agorius_taurinus
  • greencoatpath
  • greghalton001
  • hazeldeep
  • howlet_dark
  • hylde_moer_witch
  • jonaswitcher
  • lucius_veritas
  • moraine_sedai (interesting, can't even come up with an original name, but borrows from Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time series. Currently plaguing many Celtic Reconstructionist lists)
  • mothercuveen
  • redde_robin
  • scarespite
  • scarespyte
  • shagatopia
  • son_of_art
  • sophiathyone
  • taurmarbec

His Old Website, back when he tried to imitate his Master

On Blogspot

On Wikipedia

  • Crowshifter
  • Kitchwitch7
  • Lupinespirit
  • Moonflwr
  • Ravenflight
  • Rivethead28
  • Tezcatlipocasgirl
  • Unrulywitch
  • 66.157.188.176

On ED

External Links

See Also

 

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