Boobquake

It's a well-known fact that Muslims hate: women, boobs, and the West. It's a lesser known fact that, much like homophobes, they hate the things that they desire most. In this case, pert, bouncy, white, unclothed bosoms.

Last Thursday, some Iranian cleric that was called~~Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi~~ something nobody can pronounce decreed sluts cause earthquakes.

The world lolled, and some uppity feminist bitch called Jen McCreight decided to prove a man wrong. She got on facebook and proceeded to organize "Boobquake." Her premise, ask a bunch of her facebook friends to wear revealing clothing on a specific day and see if there's an earthquake. Which basically means she asked a bunch of slutty western girls to wear what they were going to wear anyway. Proving once again that women don't understand science.

	“	Many women who do not dress modestly...lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity, and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes.	„
	—Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, stirring up shit

DD-day

April 26, 2010

An eerie silence descends over the internet as thousands of upper middle class facebook feminists march out of their dorm rooms and storm the Perdue campus with their unrestrained "guns of Normandy."

Three times as many overweight male geeks turn up in the hope of seeing actual breasts IRL. (That they aren't related to and don't have to pay to look at.)

18 earthquakes occurred that day. The largest at magnitude 6.5 off the coast of Taiwan, but that means nothing next to the religious insanity of Muslims, who can't comprehend the fact that 2,600+ earthquakes occur each day.

PROTIP: Google Translate may actually mistranslate the Iranian word for "erections" as "earthquakes"--Praise Allah that the Boobquake girls never caught on!

Boobquake exposed!

8.5 on the Richter Scale

After her single blog post successfully convinced insecure feminists around the globe to risk rape, humiliation, and getting fired (or worse - and more likely - "promoted") by wearing excessively revealing clothing, Jen McCreight turns around and says "I was only kidding!"

	“	To be honest, it started as silly joke that I hurriedly fired off since I was about to miss the beginning of House.	„
	—Jen

Of course, she only said that because she realized that people realized she was fugly.

...But, she gets the Troll-of-the-week award anyways, because she looks the part, and for causing a worldwide wave, both on the internet and IRL, just by posting a snarky response to some ragtop on the other side of the world. And of course, the colossal comments pages are a goldmine of drama.

Among the usual gaggle of yes-people, pussy-whipped White Knights, grammar nazis, and religious crusaders, there are these:

	“	think I know why this bitch is a feminist, cuz she's so goddamn fucking ugly she can't get a boyfriend to save her pathetic, worthless life	„
	—SPEZZA19

	“	women like you are sooo stupid... what next do you plan to do after dressing provocatively? Become topless to prove your point? hahaha women like you are sooooo stupid	„
	—yoursoostupid

	“	Because you are making a joke of your self. i actually came to see you thinking "at-least" the boobs would be great if not the story, anyways. Thanks for the low Richter-scale earth-quake in Taiwan as it was Proportional to your Boob size.	„
	—Russell

	“	Except for you're ugly? Don't know if it counts if you can't lead any men astray.	„
	—hacwind

	“	This is proof that women are easily duped. This was all a ploy by the cleric to get women to show their breasts. GO IRAN!	„
	—Rob Lindman

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Feminist Mud Wrestling

Feminists as a group suffer from cock-deprivation induced bitchery which means that any activity representing itself as "feminist" or pro-woman will automatically attract the derision of other (mostly small-breasted) feminists. Primarily this is because other feminists are the only people that haven't long ago written them off as the castrating harpies they are.

As overprivileged, mouthy women, this hatred manifests primarily as online commentary:

	“	Of course, by "worldwide," what she really means is upper middle class America. And by "immodest," she means sexy and man-friendly. And her definition of "move the earth" is to start a Facebook group with over 100 members.	„
	—Federov, implying the whole Boobquake thing is stupid

	“	Wow, you mean that we get to crow about how much more enlightened we are than a fundamentalist Iranian cleric to whom the tits and opinions of a bunch of non-Muslim, non-Iranian women could not be more irrelevant, AND have our sexiness validated by internet creepers while still draping ourselves in the righteous cloak of feminism? SIGN ME UP!	„
	—Verbosity, who accurately sums up the entire event

“

So by flashing my tits at as many people as possible, I'll be telling the world that I shouldn't be judged by my tits?

Is this the Drunk on Bourbon Street at Mardi Gras school of feminism?

„

—BeckySharper, same Becky Sharp from the Christian Spanking Blogs? Y/N

“

This sounds very empowerful. I'm going to do this, and afterwards my gal pals and I will get mani/pedis and Brazillian waxes and complain about how all of the good men are taken. We'll also try on a bunch of clothes to "I'm Every Woman" and then go home and eat an entire tube of cookie dough while eyeing each other devilishly. Ohhhh eating food! So naughty!

FEMINISM!

„

—morninggloria, mocking the hygienic feminists

	“	All parties must be on board and in celebration of the cause in a way that doesn't include lasciviousness, latent female hatred or sexual over-saturation. If not, then all we've got is "Girls Gone Wild" with a cause slapped on it.	„
	—Beth Mann, who obviously had no idea how sexually unattractive the actual participants would be

	“	Golbarg Bashi and I are saddened that Jen McCreight (a blogger at Blag Hag), and her so-called feminist response has been “showing off some cleavage for ‘Boobquake’ this Monday”. This campaign has aroused the evidently insatiable enthusiasm of the web community, male supporters in particular who can’t wait to see “regular” girls and women, many their direct friends to “showing off their tits”.	„
	—Negar Mottahedeh, who apparently does not realize The Internet Is For Porn

	“	Big news: materialistic and self-absorbed Feminists use Iranian women as an excuse to upstage each other and go shopping.	„
	—From the appropriately named "Fail"

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And this is why we can't have nice things.

The Science of Boobquake Explained

Of course, where there is attention whoring via mock scientific experiment, there are real scientists writing papers. Because writing papers is what scientists do best. (Well, that and trying to destroy the earth.)

	“	I know of no evidence that correlates human dress or individual behavior with earthquakes. However, some human activities do cause earthquakes. These activities include very large explosions, fluid injection or pumping in deep wells	„
	—Seismologist Larry Braile, explaining how sluts cause earthquakes

Larry Braile, a professor of Earth and Atmospheric Sciences at Perdue University (yes, the same Perdue University that was beset by scantily clad hirsute feminists as part of the so-called "Boobquake" experiment), wrote a TL;DR paper on the statistical relationship of cleavage to earthquakes or something. We at ED read it and culled the choice bits so you don't have to.