Doom 4

Doom 4 (official title: DOOM), is a shitty reboot of the Doom series, developed by id Software and published by the fags at Bethesda Softworks. After 12 years in development hell (much like Duke Nukem Forever) it was finally released, and as everyone found out (once again), it was a complete pile of shit.

Background

Development on the game started as early as 2004, going through countless different designs until being restarted in 2011. Todd Hollenshead, the CEO of id Software, lied and said the gameplay would be akin to the original games, instead of the shitty horror-styled gameplay found in Doom 3.

Eventually, a beta was offered that ran from March 31st to April 3rd, 2016. A public beta was launched on Steam, running from April 15~17; critical reception was universally negative;

Gameplay

Gameplay is complete garbage, as the enemies tend to stand around with their thumb up their ass, waiting for you to pwn them; unlike in the original games, where you could have at least 100 extremely deadly enemies fly around and attempt gang-rape you at any time. The Graphics are decent enough though, but that doesn't excuse the fact that the game is an abomination compared to the originals.

Doom 4 is Doom designed for little kiddies.

Plot

1. Demons invade human territory
2. Roidmonkey douchebag commits mass genocide against them
3. ?????
4. Profit

Weapons

• Pistol: A weak, infinite-ammo piece of shit that sounds as strong as it is (that is, not). You literally find this gun lying next to your starting tomb. id Software understands how worthless this thing is, and you only really have to use it to kill a few zombies before you get the Shotgun. It comes with a weapon modification that lets it charge up shots, though why the hell you'd wait five seconds for this thing to ready is beyond human comprehension.
• Shotgun: Pump-action combat shotgun. Shoots nine pellets and is your first gun that doesn't reek of Down's Syndrome in its design. Can get two weapon mods: Charged Burst, letting it shoot three shells in rapid succession without having to pump, and Explosive Shot, letting it fire an explosive-loaded shell in a parabolic trajectory. If you don't get Explosive Shot first, you are mentally challenged.
• Heavy Assault Rifle: Big-ass belt-fed machine gun that fires .50 caliber rounds, yet still takes 3-4 shots to kill an unarmored zombie. Can get Tactical Scope and Micro-Missiles: former is a scope, letting you live out your retarded sniper fantasies. Latter is a rack of missiles on the side of your gun that can rape groups of tightly-packed weak enemies. As with the Shotgun, not getting this first is retarded.
• Plasma Rifle: Exactly what it sounds like. Faster cyclic rate than the Heavy Assault Rifle, but shoots projectiles instead of bullets. It is essentially the same kind of gun as the Heavy Assault Rifle, but can't snipe for shit unless you're aiming at a slow-moving retard such as a Possessed, in which case you should just be using the Pistol and not wasting cells. Can equip Stun Bomb (e.g. stunning version of Explosive Shot) or Heat Blast (allowing Doomguy to summon tard rage and unleash it in a wave of energy around him, stunning all nearby enemies). The latter does actual damage, and as such as again the better modification.
• Rocket Launcher: A penis that shoots smaller penises on fire. Pointless unless you want to waste slow-moving rockets on big enemies where the Plasma Rifle could do it better. Comes with either Remote Detonation (allowing you to selectively abort your rockets as they fly, earning you the ire of liberals) or Lock-on Burst (a blatant ripoff of Charged Burst, proving id Software can't even resist plagiarizing their own games).
• Chaingun: Big-ass gatling gun that effectively supersedes the Heavy Assault Rifle. Said to shoot 15mm tungsten slugs, but it uses the Heavy Assault Rifle's ammo pool, and even drops .50 caliber casings. Can get Gatling Rotator (letting you spin-up the minigun instead of waiting 12 years for its agonizingly slow ramp-up) or Mobile Turret (letting you split the Minigun into 3 miniguns at once until it overheats.
• Gauss Cannon: A railgun, because id Software needs to ape Quake. Uses Cells despite shooting physical slugs. It comes with either Siege Mode (letting you sacrifice your high mobility to gain incredible, high-accuracy firepower) or Precision Bolt Mod (letting you do the exact same thing as the Tactical Scope, just slightly more powerful).
• Super Shotgun: Better than the basic Shotgun in every way, just taking longer to reload, being a double-barrel instead of a pump-action. Proves that even in the future, humanity still can't make superior guns to what they could in 1890. Just comes with "Improvements", letting you increase rate of fire, damage, and other minor tweaks.
• BFG-9000: Rapes the demons, but you never get more than about 3 shots for it in any given level. You will waste this on two Hell Knights just to be skullfucked by a sudden influx of Summoners and Cyber-Mancubi.

Reception

After the game was finally released, it gained even more backlash. However, Bethesda, like 90% of other AAA gaming companies, hired thousands of shills to upvote the game. The steam page its self has 10k positive reviews and only 700 negative ones.

Game reviewers rated the game mostly 8/10, except IGN, who (for once) actually gave a reasonable (and non-shilled) review of 7.1/10, the lowest given.

See Also

• Wolfenstein - Doom's older brother.
• Doom - the original game; didn't suck.
• Doom 3 - shitty reboot (round 1), epic fail.
• Duke Nukem - another good series that got anally raped by a shitty reboot.

External Links

• Doom open beta gets hellish reviews on Steam

• DOOM Is Now Bethesda's Second Most Hated Game On Steam

• The new Doom is having a tough time with Steam user reviews

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