Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue

This, sadly, has nothing to do with the main topic.

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue truly is the best cartoon ever because it's amazingly gay. It premiered on television in 1990, much to the anticipation of over 9000 shit eating children who wanted to see their favorite cartoon characters fight the ultimate foe or just to chill and hang out. What could have been an epic half hour battle of the icons was nothing more than a thirty minute public service announcement against drugs.

The absolute best part of the cartoon is that after the credits it ends with a bunch of retarded kids singing about love and McDonald's and how drugs are bad. After a half-hour of dumb ass cartoon characters stumbling over each others' dicks to stop some little snot from puffing on weed, singing 'tards coming out of nowhere provided the biggest laugh of all time.

Premise

One symptom of drug use is no pulse, body temperature is down to room temp, craving for human flesh and pink puffy eyes. Yes it's all about Michael Jackson

Despite such an ambitious idea, the resulting cartoon is about as entertaining as a typical fanfic written by a 12 year old. It is quite apparent the writers were either on drugs themselves or were just shit faced stupid.

This cartoon actually begins with a "special" message from President Old-Bush, who informs us that drugs and alcohol are bad and that you'll never get anywhere if you use them. As he was being filmed for this show, his son, dubya, was stumbling around Tijuana with a tequila bottle shoved deep in his ass. Talk about irony.

The "Plot"

Some teenage fag finds out about drugs and ends up turning into a pig slaughtering stoner thanks to some living puff of smoke. A wide array of family friendly cartoon characters from all the big '80s cartoons of the time try to stop the guy from doing pretty much what every cool teenager does by traumatizing the shit out of him. After finding out the truth about drugs (that they turn you into a really ugly zombie of course), the moron quits smoking and lives happily ever after and gets closer to his sister. The real lesson, however, is taking too many drugs will make your favorite cartoon characters appear to take you on a magical adventure.

Featured Characters

• Michael
• Sally

Characters Borrowed From Other Works

• Winnie the Pooh
• Ducktales
• Alf (Yes, there was an Alf Cartoon)
• Garfield (Jim Davis got anal pains at the sight of his own character in this wreck of a cartoon)
• Muppet Babies (Where else would you hear a babby Miss Piggy talk about crack rocks?)
• Alvin and the Chipmunks
• Smurfs (Smurfette's cooch is now stretched out beyond belief DISREGARD THAT SHE WASN'T IN THE CARTOON)
• Slimer from The Ghostbusters cartoon. Not the Ghostbusters themselves, just their stupid comic relief.
• The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Related Arcticles

• Weed
• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Zombies
• 90s
• lame

External Links

• Now if only they'd reintroduce prayer into our public schools.
• Full Half-Hour TV Special, brought to you by McDonald's and scary retarded kids
• Edited full episode
• Unedited episode part 1
• Unedited episode part 2
• Unedited episode part 3
• Unedited episode part 4
• Cartoon all stars to the rescue gets it's shit ruined.

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.