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Christopher Columbus

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Christopher Columbus is a celebrated badass that cleansed the New World of its pesky Native American problem. Each year, Americans celebrate Columbus Day, a propaganda campaign about the progress of Western civilization.

About half a millennia ago, the Catholic church sent Columbus on a voyage in search of gold to fund its terrorism activities. In 1492 he arrived at what is now an endless concrete jungle, though at one point it was a peaceful land where tribes never went to war with each other and slavery didn't exists. As a token of his gratitude, the Taíno people greeted Columbus were systematically enslaved, raped and killed. Within half a century, the outdated Taíno's were replaced by the new and improved white man.

Thanksgiving

His perseverance and faith has made him a manifested destiny in which our American (or American-styled for all you Canadian, European, and so on readers of this article who celebrate Christopher's Holiday) Government decided that God wanted White Christians to take over the continent. Their God clearly didn't like the 100 million Native Americans who lived in harmony with nature as 99% of them were systematically murdered. So every year we celebrate this fact with a national Holiday known as Thanks Giving Day, fuck even Canadians and Europeans are forced to celebrate this Holiday. We all go out and buy something in the store, heat it, and say we cooked it ourselves or even dare I say made it at home.

Nobody is to speak of those Native Americans who were murdered that day, the obesity crisis of the First World, or the animal abuse that's x2 worse in the factories who sell the poisoned food to the fatties. Especially are you not to speak of land theft, genocide, or destruction of culture. If you do you will be hunted down by the Illuminati and hung for all to see in the middle of town as a reminder to never use REAL TRUTH or your FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

And most importantly nobody is to discuss the tax dollars pushed to make propaganda films depicting the Indians as violent savages, trying to stop God's settlers from making a home.

Because we'll all be too busy eating and so called Celebrating unaware that the few remaining Native Americans hold a national day of mourning on the same day as a protest against this invasion.

Quotes

   
 
Christopher Columbus not only opened the door to a New World but also set an example for us all, by showing what monumental feats can be accomplished through perseverance and faith.
 

 
 

— George H.W. Bush

See also

Christopher Columbus

is part of a series on

The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People]