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Loser

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Whoops! Were you looking for You?

Ouch
The first loser in the history of the world, caught in her act of lose. In contrast, notice Adam copping a feel, which is win.

Losers don't win. This is why they were dubbed losers at the beginning of time. Losers are composed primarily of lose and fail with a dash of gay for flavoring. Losers are luser's IRL counterpart. Generally when someone loses they try to make it look like they didn't lose. This is usually done in the form of denying it entirely, changing what they said, playing dumb, etc. Losers were originally put on earth by Raptor Jesus to test the cool people but they grew beyond his control. After the Tower of Babel he put them into separate folders for easier management.

The origin and history of losing

In America, the government subsidizes losers.

Losing began last thursday when that fucktard Eve plucked the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil from the tree of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. This was the most monumental act of lose of all time. In her defense, however, Raptor Jesus did put it in the middle of the garden. The next act of lose was committed in Sodom & Gomorrah where everyone was so gay that they tried to molest one of God’s angels. This infuriated God so much that he burned all the residences of these two cities, except Lot, alive. Skipping ahead a couple years lets look at Abraham Lincoln. A man made of so much lose that he thought niggers feelings were more important than money. John W. Booth put this fallacy as right as could be, by popping a cap in Lincoln's ass. Doing this put Booth amongst the WinRars.

How to avoid an loser

Totals may exceed 100% as many losers hit the GRAND SLAM.

This is a little harder than the OL version of these pricks. Losers IRL tend to be dressed in a manner outside the stipulation of known cliques. Their favorite way of doing this is mixing the wardrobes in ways that offend the eyes. Like a handle, however, if a not-loser dressed or buys the clothes for the loser then it will be harder to spot them. Just hang around them for a while, around, mind you. Don't get too close. A loser tends to make its presence known within seconds of being around another human. Once the loser has revealed himself, throw the bucket of coral, razors and salt, which you should have on you at all times, at his head. This is the losers' natural deterrent and should dispense of him post-haste.

How to become an not-loser

The average social acceptance of all losers.
Loser pointing to his donate button.
The only breasts a loser will ever touch.
No fake news annoucement here. He is a reputable source and knows what he's talking about

Impossible. You can't. You can't even win The Game.

How To Remember How To Use Loser And Looser

  • Like with Loser there's only one "O" in You and like "LOOSER" there's two "O"s in Your Mom.

An EDitor actually had a Jr. High School English teacher write this on an essay that was handed back when they misused loser and looser. After a nice settlement from the school board to keep this quiet, it was heard that that same teacher was last seen working as a driver for Pizza Hut.

How to tell if you're an loser

  • If you are a woman.
  • If you are a hermaphrodite.
  • If you are a man.
  • If you are transgender.
  • If you are You.
  • If you have cooties.
  • If you eat cheese competitively.
  • If you are a teen mom.
  • If you do porn for a living.
  • If you work at McDonalds.
  • If you fap and watch porn all day.
  • If you are a feminist.
  • If you smell like cheese.
  • If you exist.
  • If you voted for Hillary Clinton.
  • If you lose.
  • If you win.
  • If you are Brett Keane.
  • If you are Shoe0nhead.
  • If you are Charlie Brown.
  • If you are Jenny McDermott.
  • If you are a nice guy.
  • If you are a nice girl.
  • If you are a neckbeard.
  • You are "un perdedor".
  • If you vomit when you look at yourself in the mirror.
  • If you are a loser OL.
  • If you author or draw an online comic.
  • If you're 34 or older and your only experiance with a woman is a prostitute your mom bought you.
  • If you've ever slept in the same bed with your mom as an adult.
  • If you get called a loser by a non-loser.
  • If you play guitar.
  • If you don't play guitar.
  • If you play Guitar Hero.
  • If you don't play Guitar Hero.
  • If you're Asian.
  • If you're White.
  • If you're Black.
  • If you visit Germany with the intentions of becoming a pimp.
  • If a girl ever got out of phone sex with you by saying she can't cuz her phone's a virginmobile.
  • If you find uncyclopedia funny
  • If you're a parent of either Chris Chan or Nick Simmons.
  • If you're a furry...or if you yiff.
  • If you're a brony and have clopped.
  • If you find yourself rationalizing for the gang of 3rd graders that beat you up everyday when you get off the bus from your Jr. High.
  • If you're a telemarketer.
  • If you're a nerd.
  • If you notice no-one will be your friend no matter how much effort you put into it.
  • If you ever made a post telling everyone what a great voice actress Tara Strong is and how her characters changed your life.
  • If you're a pedo.
  • If you're a metalhead.
  • If you're an otherkin.
  • If you have a page on Xpeeps.
  • If you're Dorian Thorn.
  • If you're a 16 year old girl
  • If you did it (your life) for the anti-lulz, which, ironically, causes much lulz
  • If you're on Social Security.
  • If you think the definition of White Power is 4 rednecks pushing a pick-up truck loaded with gravel and cinder blocks up a hill.
  • If you're a retard.
  • If you have ever fapped just to pass the time.
  • If you think that anything Seth Macfarlane does is funny.
  • If you're one of those fags who say Neil Degrasse Tyson did it better than Carl Sagan.
  • If you point to a donate button on your YouTube channel.
  • If you don't know the difference between a white jew and a black jew
  • If you are an E-Beggar.
  • If your power level isn't over 9000
  • If you think milhouse is a meme
  • If you can't follow rules 1, 2, and 34
  • If you lose The Game
  • If you are a Love Shy
  • If you voted for Obama
  • If you have an unhealthy obsession with game shows
  • If you film yourself playing with toys in a store.
  • If you record yourself eating junk or fast food.

Losers.org

An organization for losers.

Losers.org is a Web 1.0 website founded at least 100 years ago. Hell, it is believed it dates back from the 1990s. The 1990s! Its main purpose, as its name suggests, is to document the losers, freaks and weirdos of the internets, although it hasn't been updated since fuck knows when. In this sense, it is like a prototype for an early Encyclopedia Dramatica, seeking out the most lulzworthy strange people that they could find, and also being an early form of user-generated content as the site relied on user submissions to find these people.

Most of the people featured had their own Geocities or Angelfire pages, or their ISP's web service free hosting. As a result, many of the links have suffered from link rot, and fail to deliver lulz. Having said that, it's still a good early attempt at lulz archiving, and still contains a small number of losers whose sites have not gone offline (although these are in the minority), such as that Peter Pan guy, who is classed as a five-star loser. Losers.org is separated into several different categories, and as such is neatly organized so that you do not have to wade through a load of TL;DR shit.

See Also

Featured Article April 1 & 2, 2024
Preceded by
Easter 		Loser Succeeded by
Asperger's Syndrome
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