Mac OS

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Mac OS, (also known as System Software, Macintosh Operating System, BSD 2: Electric Boogaloo, or Crap OS) is Apple's abomination of an operating system that was created for the sole purpose of making the first OS with a GUI. Originally shipping with Apple's crappy computers known as "Crapintosh", the Macintosh OS is technically a bait-and-switch scheme to promote overpriced Mac hardware. Unlike Windows, Macintosh OS will refuse to install on a non-Apple machine. You can only install it on "Mac" hardware. (Ironically, Windows can be installed on an Intel-based Mac.)

Classic Mac OS

In 1985, Macintosh System Software 1 was introduced with the Macintosh 128k, which to this day still rapes people with the "This program has unexpectedly quit for no fucking reason. All information was lost. Haha." message. The machine that it was installed in was overpriced, had no color, had no hard drive, and its only appeal was that it made everyone want to join an Orwellian totalitarian regime. No one bought it. Jobs therefore blamed the Pepsi salesmen for not doing their jobs. Subsequently, Jobs was kicked out of Apple.

The Mac OS was also just as useless as the Macintosh. The interface was only in black and white, only ran one application at a time, and often crashed for no reason. A Mac OS user was prone to getting a "Sad Mac" screen within a few months weeks, proving how useless the Mac OS was. The Mac OS, whenever there is a new release, requires more resources and specs per release, and therefore, a person's mac would become obsolete within 3 years. As a result, a macfag is forced to buy at least 100 macs in their lifetime.

After years of ignoring all the bitching and whining from their faithful Macfags, Apple decided to fix all the problems that the System Software had. System 4 introduced multitasking, but was still useless because Apple's crappy low-spec machines could not handle multitasking well. Mac OS was finally in color starting with System 6, and the crappy machines that were also introduced upon its release.

To milk their macfags out of more money, Apple decided to make the transition from 68K chips to PowerPC chips, thus rendering all existing Mac OS apps useless and forcing all macfags to buy new software one of Apple's overpriced $2000 PowerPC-based computers with less specs than that of a PC. Despite these "improvements", The Mac OS still had no protective memory and was still prone to crashing during startup.

Apple's failed attempt at adding protective memory and preemptive multitasking to the Mac OS was started with Project Copland, which was a completely rewritten version of the Mac OS. It was never completed due to over 9000 drawbacks and delays. Apple's last resort for creating a new and improved Mac OS was buying NeXT, rehiring Steve Jobs, and using NeXTSTEP to create Darwin and Mac OS X.

Mac OS X

Mac OS X is ripped off from the BSD and Mach kernels (both of which are free and open-sourced). Mac software consists entirely of stolen Windows software from the 1970s, redesigned to be even moar homosexual and retarded, and about 50 times as expensive. Somehow, this poorly-coded, rehashed software takes up as much hard drive space as one hundred installations of WoW (also the reason your 120Gb iPod Classic can only hold roughly 110Gb from the day you get it). For this, you can thank Steve Jobs for his landmark contribution to the world of computers and digital technology.

Public Beta

To address all of the Problems that the original Mac OS had, Apple accidentally Mac OS 9 and replaced it with a new, twice as worthless, and completely rebuilt Mac OS, which was constructed from stolen BSD code and coding from NeXTSTEP. Apple decided to let their fellow macfags give it a try and released the beta to macfags for $30 a pop. The beta turned out to be very shitastic and unstable. Despite intended to never crash, to have better visuals than the classic Mac OS, and to have protective memory, the Public Beta constantly suffered from thousands of bugs and Kernel Panics (the OS X equivalent of the BSoD) for every time it booted, was extremely slow, did not support any printers, Carbon was incomplete and was incapable of running Classic apps. All these problems caused massive bawww among the beta testers, and the problems were ignored by Apple upon the release of Mac OS X 10.0.

Mac OS X included a "great feature" that stores all your passwords in a nifty program to let you organize and view them all. This of course means that anybody you let use your computer can see you have logins for biggayassfuckings.com, oldmensuck.org and hotpreteensluts.net, thus confirming their suspicions that you're a sick fuck. Also enjoy having your facebook raped in the ass every week and having your name officially changed to Dick McSuckerton.

10.0 Cheetah

Despite the name "cheetah", it was a very laggy and slow OS, printers were still unsupported, was incapable of playing DVD movies, still suffered from kernel panics, and could not sync to iPods. Only 3 people bought it and anyone who bought Cheetah was entitled to a free upgrade to Puma.

10.1 Puma

Puma was made to milk even more money from macfags and was labeled as "an improvement to Cheetah". It included more printer drivers and a DVD player, but in reality, it was only a minor improvement, still had bugs, and was just as slow as Cheetah.

10.4 Tiger

Massive rage ensued from Apple when news of Mac OS X Tiger was leaked on the internets, including screenshots of Tiger. Apple tried to sue everyone in an attempt to cover up the leak.

Apple later announced that it would port its OS to the x86 architecture, thus causing macfags who previously bought a new PowerPC system to slit their own wrists.

The GNAA trolled over 9000 macfags and OSX86-fags when they "released" a "leaked copy of Tiger for x86" via torrents. However, that "leaked copy" turned out to be an ISO containing the word GNAA in ASCII and repeated over 9000 times. The ISO, when booted, showed Hello.jpg rather than an installation screen, thus crushing the dreams of those who wanted to run OSX on their PCs (thus causing many to become An heroes.

10.5 Leopard and 10.6 Snow Leopard

Leopard and Snow Leopard included over 9000 shitastic and useless features. For example:

• Leopard/Snow Leopard have redesigned aesthetics, but people have stillfailed to give a shit.

• Leopard/Snow Leopard magically (and intuitively) turns all your Bluetooth devices like wireless keyboards and mice into useless intuitive paperweights. It does this by intuitively ignoring the built-in Bluetooth modules and intuitively pretending you don't have Bluetooth installed. It also negates any hopes you had of syncronicity with your iPhone.

• Leopard/Snow Leopard will intuitively deactivate all your USB peripherals like digital cameras and intuitively restore their factory setting to whatever year you bought it. Alternately, Snow Leopard will intuitively fail to recognise anything you plug in.

• Leopard/Snow Leopard will intuitively reset all of your system preferences every time a minor patch comes down the tubes. Anything you customised or changed on your machine after installing the intuitive original, 10.6.0, will revert to the factory settings. As a bonus, 10.6.2 will intuitively randomly change your settings and preferences to the defaults on any of the (now deactivated) peripherals .

• Leopard/Snow Leopard's radical Time Machine intuitively backs-up all your stuff, (factory) settings and applications automatically so that you don't have to worry about it. However, since Snow Leopard will either intuitively ignore or reconfigure the external disc you've chosen for backup, you'll have to use your intuition and back your shit up elsewhere too.

• Leopard/Snow Leopard's Rosetta intuitively 'translates' all your PowerPC and pre-OSX 10.6 applications for seamless integration with the Intel/10.6 environment. As an optional installation that comes with your Snow Leopard software, it eliminates migration hassles since you can't actually install it.

• Snow Leopard cannot be installed on PowerPC machines, thus causing many PowerPC users who cannot afford the new Intel machines to rage. As a result, PowerPC users are forced to make many cuts in their budgets to afford the newer intel machines. Or they cna just buld a fucking Hacintosh like every other smart person.

• Snow Leopard comes with the brand-spanking-new QuickTime 10 -whether you want it or not. And since QuickTime 10 doesn't come with a browser plugin, you'll have to use your imagination when trying to view instructional vidyas on Apple's website.

Things that Mac OS X is incapable of doing

Avoid the debates. This sums up everything in one picture.

Wikipedia on the iPhone 4

• Run Games - To date not even Battletoads, one of the most profound and popular games ever invented, is available to play on an Apple computer, because each and every NES emulator for the Mac is shareware, that happens to cost $30 bucks, just to play in fullscreen and/or with a gamepad. In order to play any game besides BOLO, Glider Pro or Marathon 2: Durandal, you would have to simply forget about it, and buy a new computer that isn't a Mac.For those who still wish to be elitist douchebags, you can use the commercial program CrossOver Mac to try and run Windows games on a Mac, though the only game proven to work through this method is Furcadia. (Only $69.95 for all the pixellated yiffing you can stroke your dick at!)Aside from emulation, or buying a new computer, the second-most effective last resort Macfags have discovered is to install Windows itself on their overpriced toys through a utility called Bootcamp developed by Apple themselves. The result more or less resembles a functional Windows PC (but with a gay, white case), but if you're going to do all that, why not just buy a real computer? For the same price as the only low end, bottom of the barrel iMac one can afford, a standard PC with some decent hardware can easily be purchased for much less, and thus you will not be doomed to game on a pathetic 128mb video card that you can't remove or replace, because Macs aren't upgradable.
• Be inexpensive.
• Have ads that aren't annoying or insulting.
• Have users who aren't uptight douchebags.
• Have programs that "Just Work."
• Play any game besides BOLO.
• Last for even a week without requiring extensive repair.
• Update existing software (because there never was any to begin with).
• Load accounts.
• Load websites.
• Take less than 100 years to get online.
• Stay online for more than .0003 nanoseconds.
• Load files.
• Compute.
• Run for a minute without overheating.
• Be plugged in without blowing every fuse in your house.
• Do anything even remotely resembling the normal functions of a computer.
• Be able to function as anything except a clunky, hideously ugly, $3,000 paperweight.
• Think of something you want it to do, then substitute here.
• Become heterosexual, there's no chance of this happening.
• Have repairs that cost under $100
• Have owners who know how to turn it on and off without being told how to do so
• Close a program with one button

Things that Mac OS is capable of doing:

Exactly

See Also

• Apple
• Steve Jobs
• BSD
• Lunix
• Windows
• P-p-p-powerbook
• iPod
• iPad

Mac OS is part of a series on Softwarez Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.