Alabaster

Alabaster, or Alabaster Mushroom, is an internet troll who has been using the internets for at least eight years. He is frequently found suffering from verbal diarrhoea in Paganism:1.

It's amazing what Photoshop can do

He is completely batshit and claims to keep detailed logs of years of internet dialogue which he calls the 'archive'. Whether this is true, or whether the archive is merely another name of his kiddy porn dungeon, remains a mystery.

Sources from the gay ads he puts on websites confirm that he is 37 years old and living in Miami and Virginia. Despite being a middle aged man soon to kick the bucket, he still uses the Internet for gay hook-ups to pass on HIV to unsuspecting victims.

He is insipidly terrified of Son of Art.

Religious beliefs

Alabaster is obsessed with Satanism and the Left Hand Path, genuinely believing that Star Wars is an accurate depiction of reality. Since Alabaster has no job, being on disability allowance for AIDS, bitching and moaning about Satanism on the Internets is all that he has left.

The death of his mother

Alabaster rarely talks about his mother. What has been revealed is that she was a real slut and was apparently killed in front of him, thus leaving scarring in the mind of young Alabaster which would only be rivalled by his torn, bloody sphincter later in life.

From the writings scrawled on bathroom doors, we can piece together a scant picture of what Alabaster's mother was like. Apparently her glossy back pubes were a forest which you could bury your face in and never know hunger, and her puffy inflamed cunt-lips were generous, doughy pillows which turned no man away. With such a brazen whore for a role-model, it is little wonder that Alabaster is the way he is today.

The gay ads

Some snooping on Google revealed this startling message written by Alabaster on a very cold and lonely night, on the Yahoo group "Blackmenofsouthflorida":

From: alabastermushroom

Date: Tue Nov 2, 1999 11:30 pm

Subject: White Miami Bottom Seeking Black Tops alabastermushroom

31 year old, slim, smooth, shaved, white Miami bottom seeks hung black tops who are into outdoor sex, gangbangs, and having their cum eaten.Not interested in socializing or chit-chat, just getting fucked by hot, hard, horny black men who want to shoot their load outside in the open breeze. Write with serious inquiries. Send your photo for mine.

Psychosis

Alabaster believes that he is doing divine work by sitting in a chat room 37 hours a day telling people that they are Satanists and deserve to die. He has no social life or friends. When proven wrong, he tends to show his deeply insane side, accompanied by emo-like pissing about everything.

He is also in favor of the use of Chinese traditional medicine as opposed to things which actually work and have a grounding in reality. Jamming some sage stalks up his urethra may have helped his gonorrhea, but this does not prove the efficacy of Chinese medicine, which is grounded in bullshit. Experts agree that no amount of sage or incense will ever reduce Alabaster's anus to normal size.

See also

• Alabaster's profile.
• His website dedicated to his fear of Jews.
• His dull myspace profile.

Paganism:1