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Handegg: Difference between revisions
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Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>|Accurate analysis}} | Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.</small>|Accurate analysis}} | ||
'''Handegg''', or "'''American Football'''" (AKA Rugby for faggots) is a sporting activity played only by [[Americans]] because of a cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the [[United Kingdom|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally [[Retard|unskilled]], Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the [[list of sex moves|QB Snap]] routine where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as football is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than your [[micropenis]]. | '''Handegg''', or "'''American Football'''" (AKA Rugby for faggots) is a sporting activity played only by [[Americans]] because of a cultural OBLIGATION for having <s>invented it</s> stolen it from the [[United Kingdom|British]]. Since [[Americunts]] are [[fat]] (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), [[stupid]] (need to be told what to do every play), and generally [[Retard|unskilled]], Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the [[list of sex moves|QB Snap]] routine where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as football is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than your [[micropenis]]. | ||
==Rules of the Game== | ==Rules of the Game== | ||
Revision as of 12:01, 3 March 2012
Not to be confused with Soccer.
Nor to be messed with.
—Accurate analysis | ||
Handegg, or "American Football" (AKA Rugby for faggots) is a sporting activity played only by Americans because of a cultural OBLIGATION for having invented it stolen it from the British. Since Americunts are fat (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the QB Snap routine where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as football is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than your micropenis.
Rules of the Game
American "Handegg" Football (AKA: THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.
- In Handegg, each team consists of 1 fast guy, 1 guy who can throw the egg, and a wall of fat niggers whose job is to run at the other team's wall of fat niggers.
- Every "Football" team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom puts his foot on the ball. His name is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player after which the sport is named. His job is to kick the ball away so that the other team can score.
- Everyone gets told what to do after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch.
- And most importantly, every player who scores a Touchdown for his team is required to do a celebratory dance, after which he is fined tens of thousands of dollars by the National Handegg League for "excessive celebration".
How Amurika views Handegg
How the rest of the world views Handegg
Handegg vs Football
In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:
Gallery
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No. 28 Thomas Goatse hopes to play for the Rams some day LOL -
Goatse employs an unusual method for snapping the ball -
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Two East High players show how many fingers they got in the frosh's butthole.
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Not always forced. -
You are so damn cute! -
A similar routine at VTech -
East High School team member striking a pose -
Team spirit! -
How Americans see it. -
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Typical Handegg
See Also
- /sp/
- 18-1
- Bob Griese
- DONT MESS WITH FOOTBALL
- Not Gay
- Rax Grissman
- Superbowl XXX
- Touchdown Thurman Thomas
 Handegg is part of a series on the ED Special Olympics |
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| Featured article January 12th and 13th, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by Sethisto |
Handegg | Succeeded by Asperger's Syndrome |